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#1 Old 08-05-2011, 12:28 PM
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I've been giving this alot of thought and it is quite hard to make a decision with the question, "Is it wrong to date a meat eater or be with a non-Vegan?" I know it's not flat out wrong, and it may seem on the surface that you're choosing not to be with someone because of their dietary choices, but the point is, if you care about someone ,your boyfriend/girlfriend, and you asked them to change to show that they care about you enough to not do something you're so against, but they say they can't or that they won't, then how do you deal with that? Do you break up with them because they don't care about you enough to make the change and aren't compassionate about animals? I'm saying this because when I started dating my now ex-boyfriend, I really was conflicted with this, and that's why it's eventually ended because I saw that he didn't really care. So give me your opinions on this. Sorry if this thread seems all over the place.

There are drawbacks of course. My church will not ressurect your dead hamster.
I am not Jesus Christ, but I can turn water into Koolaid.My church is like Jimmy Jones and totally cult and EVERYONE drinks the Koolaid and EVERYBODY dies, but for some people it doesn't kick in until they're 105 and...
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#2 Old 08-05-2011, 12:46 PM
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Being vegan isn't just a dietary choice, it's a lifestyle. If my husband was not vegan I believe we would have some major issues.
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#3 Old 08-05-2011, 01:00 PM
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To me, its a must.
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#4 Old 08-05-2011, 01:02 PM
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My husband was a total a** when I met him BUT I knew I wanted to be with him and he was a pretty open guy so I knew I had a shot at showing him whats what. Little by little, mainly through example he realized and changed without any harping or nagging. I just let him come to me. It totally worked and now he helps me with my vegan blog and we have 3 vegan kids. I think sometimes its worth the effort. He wasnt one of the "hopeless" types so I gave him a chance and now he is vegan (it took a long time) and quite happy about it Now we are about to celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary! You never know.
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#5 Old 08-05-2011, 01:04 PM
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I know it's not just a dietary choice, but I said on the surface it appears that way. I've been called shallow by a supposed "friend" of mine, she said that "I can't believe you don't want to date someone just because of what they eat." But I agree completely that it's a lifestyle.
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There are drawbacks of course. My church will not ressurect your dead hamster.
I am not Jesus Christ, but I can turn water into Koolaid.My church is like Jimmy Jones and totally cult and EVERYONE drinks the Koolaid and EVERYBODY dies, but for some people it doesn't kick in until they're 105 and...
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#6 Old 08-05-2011, 01:06 PM
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My husband was a total a** when I met him BUT I knew I wanted to be with him and he was a pretty open guy so I knew I had a shot at showing him whats what. Little by little, mainly through example he realized and changed without any harping or nagging. I just let him come to me. It totally worked and now he helps me with my vegan blog and we have 3 vegan kids. I think sometimes its worth the effort. He wasnt one of the "hopeless" types so I gave him a chance and now he is vegan (it took a long time) and quite happy about it Now we are about to celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary! You never know.

WEWT!!!! Congradulations!!!!
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There are drawbacks of course. My church will not ressurect your dead hamster.
I am not Jesus Christ, but I can turn water into Koolaid.My church is like Jimmy Jones and totally cult and EVERYONE drinks the Koolaid and EVERYBODY dies, but for some people it doesn't kick in until they're 105 and...
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#7 Old 08-05-2011, 01:13 PM
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Depends on one's attitude towards others. I have a vegan family, but my wife was a lifelong vegetarian until recently. Nothing i did made up her mind at all. She did it out of knowledge from a book. I wasn't a fan of her being vegetarian, but I loved her and knew she had to make the decision for herself. If she had remained vegetarian, that would not affect our life as a couple.
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#8 Old 08-05-2011, 01:16 PM
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My boyfriend is a vegetarian like me (neither of us is vegan). It's really awesome not to have any conflict when it comes to food. My last boyfriend was an omnivore, and we didn't have much conflict. Still, I had a really horrible time watching him eat a fish once. And it's true that if your veganism is very important to you, you want to find someone compatible to you in that regard.
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#9 Old 08-05-2011, 01:16 PM
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WEWT!!!! Congradulations!!!!

Thanks I got a husband and helped someone become vegan. Thats the way I look at it!
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#10 Old 08-05-2011, 01:25 PM
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Originally Posted by JadisTheVeganZombie View Post

I know it's not just a dietary choice, but I said on the surface it appears that way. I've been called shallow by a supposed "friend" of mine, she said that "I can't believe you don't want to date someone just because of what they eat." But I agree completely that it's a lifestyle.

You're not shallow for wanting to be with someone who shares your values. That's what anyone would want. But a lot of times omnis don't see it as our values, they see it as "oh so and so is being crazy again". They cannot understand because they don't want to. Would you want to marry a person who wants kids when you don't, or vice versa? It matters to you, so it's important.
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#11 Old 08-05-2011, 01:29 PM
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I should mention my husband wasn't vegan when I met him. I was veg*n he was omni. I made the choice to go vegan, and he decided for himself to go vegan a month or so later, once he saw how easy it was. But if he was still omni, or against my choices, I don't know if it would work out. My veganism is a MAJOR part of my life and I'm not sure I could share my life with someone who didn't feel the same way about such an important issue.
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#12 Old 08-05-2011, 04:39 PM
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My boyfriend is an omnivore, but since dating me he's mostly stopped eating meat and dairy. He's close to being vegan

I actually did break up with a guy because of his opinion on animal rights and veg*nism. I told him about the horrors of factory farming, and he told me he just didn't care. That was the end of that.

For most veg*ns, our diet/lifestyle is a HUGE part of who we are. How can you date someone who doesn't care about the thing that you (I assume) care about very deeply and passionately? Unless there's a chance that I'll convert them (as I am doing with my boyfriend), I wouldn't touch an omni guy with a ten-foot pole. Meat-mouth...shudder.

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#13 Old 08-05-2011, 05:03 PM
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I've dated meat eaters in the past and it hasn't really worked. Sometimes for reasons other than me being veg, but most of the time it plays a pretty big factor in the breakup or why the relationship doesn't go to long term.

My boyfriend is veggie (not vegan), and I'm okay with that since I'm not fully vegan myself (I have eggs in something on a rare occasion if someone has made it or small amounts of dairy that I can tolerate). If for some reason we were to break up (which I hope not!), I'd be very reluctant to date someone who ate meat and would want to know how they felt about vegetarians/vegans before I started dating them seriously.

Usually (at least what I've seen) when there isn't exactly a positive review of vegetarians or vegans in the beginning ... it means it usually doesn't work out in the long term.
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#14 Old 08-05-2011, 05:05 PM
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Excellent first date icebreaker:

"So how do you feel about the needless torture and slaughter of animals?"
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#15 Old 08-05-2011, 05:20 PM
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Excellent first date icebreaker:

"So how do you feel about the needless torture and slaughter of animals?"

I like it, I like it.

Quote:
"You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.”
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#16 Old 08-05-2011, 05:23 PM
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I like it, I like it.

LOL me too!

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#17 Old 08-05-2011, 06:09 PM
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I've only been veg*n for four months or so, and I've been with my husband for eight years. I have no intentions of leaving him. He's still an omnivore, and while it bothers me sometimes, he is very considerate of me and shares a lot of my beliefs. I only cook vegetarian at home, and he will always eat it and never ask for anything else. He never even said anything when I threw out all the meat in our house. He tried also being veg*n for a couple days but he didn't have the right motivations so it didn't stick. He only eats meat when he goes out and that might be as far as we get, and I'm happy with that.

He does call me crazy for wanting to be vegan though. And I agree! I am craaaaazy!

If I were not with my husband, I would definitely be looking in the veg*n community for a partner.
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#18 Old 08-05-2011, 07:00 PM
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I've only been veg*n for four months or so, and I've been with my husband for eight years. I have no intentions of leaving him. He's still an omnivore, and while it bothers me sometimes, he is very considerate of me and shares a lot of my beliefs. I only cook vegetarian at home, and he will always eat it and never ask for anything else. He never even said anything when I threw out all the meat in our house. He tried also being veg*n for a couple days but he didn't have the right motivations so it didn't stick. He only eats meat when he goes out and that might be as far as we get, and I'm happy with that.

He does call me crazy for wanting to be vegan though. And I agree! I am craaaaazy!

If I were not with my husband, I would definitely be looking in the veg*n community for a partner.

right, in a situation like that it's much different. and your husband supports you and doesn't complain or belittle you, which is excellent. dating is totally different and if i weren't with my husband i would do the same.
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#19 Old 08-05-2011, 09:24 PM
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Pretty much a must for me, yeah.

Just before and after I went vegan, AR was of course all I could talk about with everyone, including the bf. I asked him to watch Earthlings, and he did. He ended up deciding to go vegan, too. If he hadn't, it would have been a problem. I don't think I could be with, stay with someone who felt comfortable contributing to animal exploitation.

I can be friends with non-vegans, although issues do come up from time to time. It's definitely easier with other vegans. But with dating, relationships... Ideally the person would already be vegan, but if not, I wouldn't want them to be changing for me. Of course it's okay if they're inspired to change by me, but I want them doing it for the right reasons...

Direct action is always the clamorer, the initiator, through which the great sum of indifferentists become aware that oppression is getting intolerable. - Voltairine de Cleyre
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#20 Old 08-05-2011, 09:43 PM
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I think sharing the same values and interests is important. I'd want a husband that was at least vegetarian. I think it'd also be easier to bond, trying out different veg*n foods together or doing things like visiting animal sanctuaries. Sure an omni can do all that, but they won't have the same enthusiasm for it as a veg*n would. Maybe it's just because I don't know any veg*ns in real life right now, but I don't want to feel left out and alone again for the rest of my life like I do in my current omni family and I think I'd feel that way having an omni husband. Just like I want someone who loves Disney to go to Disneyland with me and appreciates all the little details and history like I do, I want someone who also has the same enthusiasm for interesting veg*n dishes and loving animals. I don't know if that really effectively describes what I mean, but basically I'd imagine my significant other as a veg*n, I don't even consider ever dating an omni once I'm old enough to date.
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#21 Old 08-06-2011, 03:28 AM
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I've been married for 37 years...gave up the meat/dairy/eggs for the last 6-7. My husband is an omnivore. We have no issues with our difference in food choices.
If I were suddenly out there in the dating field, (after freaking out, just a bit), I think it would be totally awesome to try and find someone who shared my interest in being vegetarian/vegan.
I see nothing wrong in you looking for a like-minded SO. If it is that important, you should try.
But sometimes, we can't choose who we fall in love with. You could meet someone you really hit it off with who is omni, but who would still be supportive of your choices.
I guess when it comes down to actual dating, I think your options would be limited if you were to only date someone who is vegetarian or vegan.
I am reading this back, and if you think your post is all over the place, mine is ten times worse! lol Guess I haven't been very helpful!
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#22 Old 08-06-2011, 05:12 AM
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Would a meat eater with a strong objection to any form of child abuse have a relationship with an openly practising paedophile?

Point being simply this: Our abhorence, or acceptance, of practicing meat eaters is directly proportional to our abhorence, or acceptance, of the abuses that eating meat entails.
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#23 Old 08-06-2011, 05:47 AM
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I see nothing wrong in you looking for a like-minded SO. If it is that important, you should try.
But sometimes, we can't choose who we fall in love with.

I agree. I'd be chuffed to bits if I found and fell in love with another vegan but the likelihood of that happening is slim and I'm not going to force it. Maybe I'm setting my sights too low but I'm not expecting to find someone who is a perfect match for me in every way - just someone who's respectful of our differences and clicks with me.

I was in a relationship with a meat eater for five years and the only thing that regularly bothered me was that he didn't seem to care for animal welfare much at all. He was appropriately shocked and appalled when he learnt about the issues but it never affected his shopping or eating habits, which got frustrating.
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#24 Old 08-06-2011, 06:12 AM
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I agree. I'd be chuffed to bits if I found and fell in love with another vegan but the likelihood of that happening is slim and I'm not going to force it. Maybe I'm setting my sights too low but I'm not expecting to find someone who is a perfect match for me in every way - just someone who's respectful of our differences and clicks with me.

I'm not sure it's setting your sights too low, I think that often having a list of "musts" for what we want in a partner is very limiting.

Lots of the things I would have thought of as being very important in a partner (including being vegan) are not things my current partner possesses, and yet I love him to bits and wouldn't have him any other way. I realise now what is really important is that he accepts me for who I am and respects my beliefs, and that I do the same for him, not that he belives in the same things as me. Honestly if he were vegan, I wouldn't love him any more, and I wouldn't be any happier with him, because it really doesn't have anything to do with our relationship.
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#25 Old 08-06-2011, 07:24 AM
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I agree. I'd be chuffed to bits if I found and fell in love with another vegan but the likelihood of that happening is slim and I'm not going to force it. Maybe I'm setting my sights too low but I'm not expecting to find someone who is a perfect match for me in every way - just someone who's respectful of our differences and clicks with me.

I was in a relationship with a meat eater for five years and the only thing that regularly bothered me was that he didn't seem to care for animal welfare much at all. He was appropriately shocked and appalled when he learnt about the issues but it never affected his shopping or eating habits, which got frustrating.

Wouldn't it bother you more if they did care for animals, and then ate them?

And, standards are always a good thing.

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#26 Old 08-06-2011, 09:53 AM
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I think it is great I'd you meet someone Vegan, but that should not be criteria It is so hard to fi d the right person and there is no reason why you can't live tour life with out judging theirs.
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#27 Old 08-06-2011, 10:21 AM
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I think it is great I'd you meet someone Vegan, but that should not be criteria It is so hard to fi d the right person and there is no reason why you can't live tour life with out judging theirs.

Well for me it's not just about ethics, but also interests. I'd like to be with someone who shares my interests in animals and the veg*n lifestyle. An omni may have the same interest in cats and dogs as I do, but they wouldn't be able to have the same interest in seeing rescued cows, chickens, and pigs at an animal sanctuary. Either they don't care about the farm animals they eat so they won't care about them like I do, or they won't admit to caring about them because they feel guilty about eating them. As an omni, I did like farm animals a lot, but when I became vegan there was a sort of invisible guilt that lifted and I have a whole new level of love and respect for them now, and I'd like to someday get a home big enough to take care of rescued chickens or pigs or other similar animals. It's just little things associated with being veg*n that I want someone to share with me. I'm not sure if you have veg*ns in your family, but I don't, and that's why I would want to bring someone into my family that shares the same interest in animals and veg*nism as me. Again, I feel like I can't really put what I mean into words, but basically I'm looking at the bigger picture of veg*nism. Not just the food but the lifestyle.
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#28 Old 08-06-2011, 10:30 AM
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I think I would find it incredibly hard to date a meat-eater. I mean, all my friends/family are omni and I'm starting to find even that difficult sometimes. I don't know any veggie people at all, let alone date-able men so I think I'm probably going to be forever alone.

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#29 Old 08-06-2011, 11:24 AM
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I eat mostly vegan (beegan), and my husband is lacto-ovo vegetarian. He was an omnivore when we met several years ago, and I was lacto-ovo vegetarian. About 6 months to 1 year ago I decided to stop eating dairy and eggs. I'm thrilled that he is a vegetarian, and it doesn't bother me that he eats dairy and eggs. He shares my love of animals, but hasn't come to the same conclusion as I have, and I can respect that. I don't expect him to become vegan "for me" and I certainly didn't ask him to become vegetarian for me either -- it was a decision he made on his own.

Trying to control another person's beliefs and choices isn't really the best way to approach a relationship. It is certainly fair to lay out your reasons and opinions to make an effort to convince them, but if they don't agree, I don't think there's anything you can do. I can understand that some people can't stand to be around meat, but people need to make their own decisions in their own time. Just be fair to whoever you are with -- if eating meat is a dealbreaker for you, it is best to be upfront about it from the beginning.

Keep in mind that just because someone is a vegan doesn't mean they will share your values when it comes to animals. Also, there are plenty of omnivore animal lovers out there who might just need a catalyst to become vegetarian.
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#30 Old 08-06-2011, 03:17 PM
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I guess since I am not entrenched with this stuff that I did not identify. I guess if you are vegan it would make sense to date a vegan. I guess it would be hard to date someone with different beliefs.
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