It made me sad when you said you have no one else to talk to
You should have poured yourself a glass of wine, shut off that kitchen light and drawn a bath instead of getting yourself all worked up Carmen
At times yes, it can feel like you're stretched to your limits and about to hit that breaking point but you are staying for a reason, right?
In my case, I think the lack of consideration was because my husbands mother and grandmother waited on him hand and foot by the time I came into the picture and we were still young. He hadn't been made to wash a dish, do laundry, take out trash, you get the picture.
of working on patience and communication (both are still a work in progress some days and probably for the rest of our lives), he is finally beginning to understand why I almost began speaking in tongues when he scratched the non stick frying pan with a fork because he couldn't find the turner or got the cast iron pan wet, or dumped dirty dishes in the sink without rinsing them or letting them soak in hot water. I explained it makes more work for me, takes time from us and I felt in a sense, disrespected as well as overwhelmed. Just generally drove myself nuts staring at these abused replaceable objects wondering: "why would he do this to me?" LOL It also helped to remind him it was wasting good money
He's not perfect, neither am I. I'm sure I do some things that get on his nerves as much as the things I listed bugged me... but I had to accept his brain wasn't working like mine and he wasn't motivated to believe those things were a priority because he didn't know or care much about them. I agree with Ira, it's all in the tone you express how you feel. As corny as it sounds, take a deep breath and start with "I feel like..." you should definitely be able to talk to him. It does no one any good holding frustration or hurt in and the same can be said for raging.
Just a couple days ago he made oatmeal for us
, he really makes perfect oatmeal
and he rinsed out the pan/bowls
he takes out the trash- he'll even pick up the bag he notices as he's walking by, he's learning about our car from my dad, he'll clear the dishes after meals and rinse them out... these things haven't gone unnoticed. Just remind yourself of areas he has strength in or is improving on or remind yourself where your personality or habits could use some improvement. Ie. passive aggression
Men approach things differently. It goes kinda like "Who did it? Do you have proof? (jk lol kinda), Where was it done?, Why was it done (warning-not always necessary to story plots)?, How can we fix it (This is key. Sometimes they skip right to this in an effort to save time and dodge an argument)?" Men respond best to reason and they are problem solvers. Present the problem in a respectful, logical way and see what happens.
Women on the other hand... we can be emotional
take way too long getting to the point, alienate other people and go back 10-15 years in history.
I still walk around and pick things up as I come across them but that's just my personality. I can't expect him to act as I do. Clutter irritates me and if I left it there, the world would not end. He would get to it when he got to it. It doesn't immediately need picking up, especially when it's the two of us. In all honesty it could wait a half hour or an hour until he takes care of it and I'm sure it can be irritating living with someone who can't just sit down, relax and watch a movie sometimes or feeling like someone is going around cleaning up after a grown man. But just as he didn't intend to set out annoying me and destroy my culinary happiness, I am not implying he is a slob with my actions.
The crazy thing about relationships (I know, "only one???" you ask...), the way to set you free from all this stress is the cause of your stress lol but in order to feel in the mood, you have to be relaxed so it would also help to point out to your guy know if he makes more of an effort to help you out and take some of the load off you, he would benefit
you just have to reconnect and remember how to be on the same team instead of keeping score, holding onto resentments, exhausting and stressing yourself out and depriving yourself of sex!
But, if your guy is
doing these things purposefully
or maliciously, that is a different story altogether.