I hate [inconsiderate] men!!! - VeggieBoards
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 Old 02-05-2011, 12:38 AM
Newbie
 
Carmen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 85
no, i'm not coming out. i'm not a lesbian. but sometimes i wish i was.
early in the morning i started washing dishes..a lot of them...and all covered with some animal grease my boyfriend ate and left it for me to wash. so generous...so inconsiderate...so stupid....
and then i started thinking(while finishing all the dish detergent i had) all the crap that [inconsiderate people] give us.
[some people] can't ****ing live with someone else. they are pigs, they don't respect a thing and they are 100 % ignorant when it comes to cleaning a house(even if they are very clean people).
you have to clean after them, cook them, wash their clothes, iron their shirts..do ****ing everything...while trying to keep clean a house, bring some money home and sometimes even raise some children. And what for??? so they can reproach you don't want to have sex with them?...well excuse me..after working all day coming home to a ****ing mess made mostly by you, having to cook for your lazy ass you expect me to have sex, and good one too?? i'm ****ing tired and then they dare to say we are frigid. and when i'm tired of that and i finally say ok...let's have sex...it's crap..CRAP
why do we take that from them? it makes us unhappy, miserable and there we are....i just wait the day when he'll come to me and say ...you are mean, you nag me, you got fat so i'm dumping you. YES. I nag you because you a lazy messy pig who doesn't want to do a thing, i got fat because i'm frustrated and stressed because i have to pay the bills, think about what food i can afford, clean, cook, etc. while you still need your ****ing money for your ****ing stupid ****. i'm frustrated because i haven't bought myself some new clothes for a ****ing year because i think of money and the future...unlike you dumbass.
and still, we get married to those idiots, maybe hoping that one day they will mature. no way, they will leave you when you are 50, fat , with a crushed spirit, with some kids to support ...
i'm sorry about this. i have no one else to talk. please feel free to share ...
Carmen is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 Old 02-05-2011, 12:43 AM
Ira
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,385
its not really "men" but your bf. my bf is much cleaner than me and even tries to wash his dish when he visits me,lol

so tell him what annoys you! not in a nagging way but so that he sees that you are actually upset and he should do something
Ira is offline  
#3 Old 02-05-2011, 01:01 AM
Veggie Regular
 
nogardsram's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,032


I don't think one man is necessarily representative of all men. Some men can be this way, this is true, but the same can be said for any person, regardless.

I understand that it can be frustrating, to an extreme extent, and for that I am sorry. However, stereotypes just kind of make me sad too.

I believe everything.
nogardsram is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#4 Old 02-05-2011, 01:06 AM
Veggie Regular
 
Freesia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,075
I know where you are coming from, and I am sorry. ((((((hugs)))))) . I have to believe there are good men out there, and I am sure there are. I think you are with someone who is not deserving of you, and I think you could do better.
Freesia is offline  
#5 Old 02-05-2011, 01:17 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,529
Sorry to hear that human being was a douche to you.
KrisMTL is offline  
#6 Old 02-05-2011, 01:34 AM
Veggie Regular
 
*AHIMSA*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 10,728
Quote:
Originally Posted by KrisMTL View Post

Sorry to hear that human being was a douche to you.

Actually, he doesn't sound suitable for vaginal rinsing.

"Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" Auntie Mame
*AHIMSA* is offline  
#7 Old 02-05-2011, 01:41 AM
Veggie Regular
 
DarkwingDuckie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 679
I am sorry your bf is being this way but I know that women can be the same way too so being a lesbian doesn't help. Maybe this is a time where you should evaluate your relationship and where you are in life. Are you generally happy and this is just a moment of anger or are you really unhappy with this person and/or your life? No one but you can figure out where this anger is coming from and what to do to fix this situation (and waiting and hoping people will change is never the answer).

ÂNothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
DarkwingDuckie is offline  
#8 Old 02-05-2011, 01:46 AM
Veggie Regular
 
WonderRandy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Posts: 8,591
WonderRandy is offline  
#9 Old 02-05-2011, 03:20 AM
Veggie Regular
 
Her Jazz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 602
Quote:
Originally Posted by WonderRandy View Post

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmekN39mnFY

You stole my post! Although I would have used the movie version.
Her Jazz is offline  
#10 Old 02-05-2011, 03:42 AM
Veggie Regular
 
smob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,846
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carmen View Post

no, i'm not coming out. i'm not a lesbian. but sometimes i wish i was.
early in the morning i started washing dishes..a lot of them...and all covered with some animal grease my boyfriend ate and left it for me to wash. so generous...so inconsiderate...so stupid....
and then i started thinking(while finishing all the dish detergent i had) all the crap that [inconsiderate people] give us.
[some people] can't ****ing live with someone else. they are pigs, they don't respect a thing and they are 100 % ignorant when it comes to cleaning a house(even if they are very clean people).
you have to clean after them, cook them, wash their clothes, iron their shirts..do ****ing everything...while trying to keep clean a house, bring some money home and sometimes even raise some children. And what for??? so they can reproach you don't want to have sex with them?...well excuse me..after working all day coming home to a ****ing mess made mostly by you, having to cook for your lazy ass you expect me to have sex, and good one too?? i'm ****ing tired and then they dare to say we are frigid. and when i'm tired of that and i finally say ok...let's have sex...it's crap..CRAP
why do we take that from them? it makes us unhappy, miserable and there we are....i just wait the day when he'll come to me and say ...you are mean, you nag me, you got fat so i'm dumping you. YES. I nag you because you a lazy messy pig who doesn't want to do a thing, i got fat because i'm frustrated and stressed because i have to pay the bills, think about what food i can afford, clean, cook, etc. while you still need your ****ing money for your ****ing stupid ****. i'm frustrated because i haven't bought myself some new clothes for a ****ing year because i think of money and the future...unlike you dumbass.
and still, we get married to those idiots, maybe hoping that one day they will mature. no way, they will leave you when you are 50, fat , with a crushed spirit, with some kids to support ...
i'm sorry about this. i have no one else to talk. please feel free to share ...

You sound like me a couple of weeks ago...then the BF up and left, saving me an extremely awkward conversation. Best day in a long time!

Maybe you need to just ditch this guy. Kick him to the curb. Be single for a while. I am THRILLED to be single again, and living by myself.
smob is offline  
#11 Old 02-05-2011, 03:56 AM
Veggie Regular
 
Sevenseas's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 25,067
Do you hate me?

"and I stand

upon a mountain

made of weak and useless men"

Sevenseas is offline  
#12 Old 02-05-2011, 04:38 AM
Beginner
 
Rainbows's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 168
Anyone can be a not-nice person. We tend to focus more on the people that we care about and how they disappoint us. It also happens that the people that we care about and want to be cared for are often of the opposite sex, thus a "gender war" is created. Don't focus on "men" but the individual that disappoints you and you will still feel joy for the rest of the world. (...and you can work out the issues within your relationship.)
Rainbows is offline  
#13 Old 02-05-2011, 07:40 AM
Ankle Biter
 
Poppy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Central Virginia, USA
Posts: 9,333
It sounds like you live with a self-absorbed juvenile, not a man.

If the other person in your relationship isn't making you feel better about life and about yourself, then why be in such a relationship? We need people who build us up and who are positive influences to our lives, not people who make us question our self-worth. Everyone goes through bad times, needless to say, but generally speaking, being with someone who makes you miserable is a huge waste of time.

It is our choices that show what we truly are far more than our abilities. ~A. Dumbledore
Poppy is offline  
#14 Old 02-05-2011, 07:52 AM
Veggie Regular
 
sallyomally's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,483
Quote:
Originally Posted by Poppy View Post

It sounds like you live with a self-absorbed juvenile, not a man.

If the other person in your relationship isn't making you feel better about life and about yourself, then why be in such a relationship? We need people who build us up and who are positive influences to our lives, not people who make us question our self-worth. Everyone goes through bad times, needless to say, but generally speaking, being with someone who makes you miserable is a huge waste of time.

Beautifully stated. Amen and amen!
sallyomally is offline  
#15 Old 02-05-2011, 08:12 AM
Veggie Regular
 
smob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,846
Quote:
Originally Posted by Poppy View Post

It sounds like you live with a self-absorbed juvenile, not a man.

If the other person in your relationship isn't making you feel better about life and about yourself, then why be in such a relationship? We need people who build us up and who are positive influences to our lives, not people who make us question our self-worth. Everyone goes through bad times, needless to say, but generally speaking, being with someone who makes you miserable is a huge waste of time.

Amen to that. This is why I'm glad my relationship is now over.
smob is offline  
#16 Old 02-05-2011, 08:20 AM
Veggie Regular
 
AspireToInspire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,929
It made me sad when you said you have no one else to talk to

You should have poured yourself a glass of wine, shut off that kitchen light and drawn a bath instead of getting yourself all worked up Carmen

At times yes, it can feel like you're stretched to your limits and about to hit that breaking point but you are staying for a reason, right?

In my case, I think the lack of consideration was because my husbands mother and grandmother waited on him hand and foot by the time I came into the picture and we were still young. He hadn't been made to wash a dish, do laundry, take out trash, you get the picture.
After years of working on patience and communication (both are still a work in progress some days and probably for the rest of our lives), he is finally beginning to understand why I almost began speaking in tongues when he scratched the non stick frying pan with a fork because he couldn't find the turner or got the cast iron pan wet, or dumped dirty dishes in the sink without rinsing them or letting them soak in hot water. I explained it makes more work for me, takes time from us and I felt in a sense, disrespected as well as overwhelmed. Just generally drove myself nuts staring at these abused replaceable objects wondering: "why would he do this to me?" LOL It also helped to remind him it was wasting good money

He's not perfect, neither am I. I'm sure I do some things that get on his nerves as much as the things I listed bugged me... but I had to accept his brain wasn't working like mine and he wasn't motivated to believe those things were a priority because he didn't know or care much about them. I agree with Ira, it's all in the tone you express how you feel. As corny as it sounds, take a deep breath and start with "I feel like..." you should definitely be able to talk to him. It does no one any good holding frustration or hurt in and the same can be said for raging.

Just a couple days ago he made oatmeal for us, he really makes perfect oatmeal and he rinsed out the pan/bowls he takes out the trash- he'll even pick up the bag he notices as he's walking by, he's learning about our car from my dad, he'll clear the dishes after meals and rinse them out... these things haven't gone unnoticed. Just remind yourself of areas he has strength in or is improving on or remind yourself where your personality or habits could use some improvement. Ie. passive aggression

Men approach things differently. It goes kinda like "Who did it? Do you have proof? (jk lol kinda), Where was it done?, Why was it done (warning-not always necessary to story plots)?, How can we fix it (This is key. Sometimes they skip right to this in an effort to save time and dodge an argument)?" Men respond best to reason and they are problem solvers. Present the problem in a respectful, logical way and see what happens.
Women on the other hand... we can be emotional take way too long getting to the point, alienate other people and go back 10-15 years in history.

I still walk around and pick things up as I come across them but that's just my personality. I can't expect him to act as I do. Clutter irritates me and if I left it there, the world would not end. He would get to it when he got to it. It doesn't immediately need picking up, especially when it's the two of us. In all honesty it could wait a half hour or an hour until he takes care of it and I'm sure it can be irritating living with someone who can't just sit down, relax and watch a movie sometimes or feeling like someone is going around cleaning up after a grown man. But just as he didn't intend to set out annoying me and destroy my culinary happiness, I am not implying he is a slob with my actions.

The crazy thing about relationships (I know, "only one???" you ask...), the way to set you free from all this stress is the cause of your stress lol but in order to feel in the mood, you have to be relaxed so it would also help to point out to your guy know if he makes more of an effort to help you out and take some of the load off you, he would benefit you just have to reconnect and remember how to be on the same team instead of keeping score, holding onto resentments, exhausting and stressing yourself out and depriving yourself of sex!

But, if your guy is doing these things purposefully or maliciously, that is a different story altogether.
AspireToInspire is offline  
#17 Old 02-05-2011, 05:24 PM
Veggie Regular
 
smob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,846
I discovered earlier today that when the BF moved out, he took my half-empty spray bottle of Armor All from the garage with him. Along with half my cookware, bakeware, and kitchen tools (which I already knew about).

Ugh. He's such a sticky-fingered JACKASS.
smob is offline  
#18 Old 02-05-2011, 09:58 PM
Veggie Regular
 
WonderRandy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Posts: 8,591
Quote:
Originally Posted by Her Jazz View Post

You stole my post! Although I would have used the movie version.

I like this version SO much more than the movie. I find the movie to be terribly annoying. This entire production is stunning!

Nec Aspera Terrent
WonderRandy is offline  
#19 Old 02-05-2011, 10:11 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Freesia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,075
Quote:
Originally Posted by smob View Post

I discovered earlier today that when the BF moved out, he took my half-empty spray bottle of Armor All from the garage with him. Along with half my cookware, bakeware, and kitchen tools (which I already knew about).

Ugh. He's such a sticky-fingered JACKASS.

A thief. I hope you manage to get those things back.
Freesia is offline  
#20 Old 02-06-2011, 12:43 AM
Newbie
 
Carmen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 85
First of all, i want to say i am sorry. not all men are bad and need to be hated. but some of them are, so are some women.
i was very angry and started describing the relationship of my mother and father, one i do not wish to have.
he doesn't wash the dishes not because he is some sort of dr. evil, but because he has some serious skin problems. the skin of his hands gets red and chops when in contact with detergent, cold weather and things like this. so, i cannot tell him to wash dishes, actually i tell him not to because he will suffer after doing that. sometimes when i'm not there he does the dishes because he knows i hate this so much. i have to say he helps me around the house, not as much as i would wish, sometimes when i cook. when i'm on my period he massages my feet up to 10 times a day because it makes me feel better, 2 days ago he went to buy me something to eat and he had a really bad cold. he's pretty much a very nice guy, but of course he does thing that drive me insane.
i really don't know what my problem is. i guess i don't want to end up like my mom, i'm a bit afraid of commitment, and this house doesn't really give me the privacy i need(very small). or maybe instead of being angry at myself for the stupid things i've done lately i just find someone else to be mad at.
Carmen is offline  
#21 Old 02-06-2011, 01:04 AM
Veggie Regular
 
Nishani's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 7,577
Funny rant. I loathe guys like that so I can relate to how pissed-off you must be.

However, athough I find it amusing, it's hard to continue having all that much sympathy for women like yourself, because you CHOOSE to date and marry guys like him and then you whinge about it afterwards!

I'm not sure if you've realised, but it's the 21st century now and you have SO much choice available to you regarding the kind of partner you can have and yet you STILL pick a sexist pig because there was something in YOU that found him attractive. So all I can say is suck it up, it was your choice, no-one forced you to marry Mr Caveman.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Carmen View Post

he doesn't wash the dishes not because he is some sort of dr. evil, but because he has some serious skin problems. the skin of his hands gets red and chops when in contact with detergent, cold weather and things like this. so, i cannot tell him to wash dishes, actually i tell him not to because he will suffer after doing that.

Has this dude never heard of washing-up gloves? - he probably has, but wearing them might be a threat to his masculinity.

m8itcanw8.com
Nishani is offline  
#22 Old 02-06-2011, 03:06 AM
Beginner
 
Rainbows's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 168
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nishani View Post

Funny rant. I loathe guys like that so I can relate to how pissed-off you must be.

However, athough I find it amusing, it's hard to continue having all that much sympathy for women like yourself, because you CHOOSE to date and marry guys like him and then you whinge about it afterwards!

I'm not sure if you've realised, but it's the 21st century now and you have SO much choice available to you regarding the kind of partner you can have and yet you STILL pick a sexist pig because there was something in YOU that found him attractive. So all I can say is suck it up, it was your choice, no-one forced you to marry Mr Caveman.





Has this dude never heard of washing-up gloves? - he probably has, but wearing them might be a threat to his masculinity.

You definitely sound like an Australian!
Rainbows is offline  
#23 Old 02-06-2011, 06:05 AM
Newbie
 
Carmen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nishani View Post

Funny rant. I loathe guys like that so I can relate to how pissed-off you must be.

However, athough I find it amusing, it's hard to continue having all that much sympathy for women like yourself, because you CHOOSE to date and marry guys like him and then you whinge about it afterwards!

I'm not sure if you've realised, but it's the 21st century now and you have SO much choice available to you regarding the kind of partner you can have and yet you STILL pick a sexist pig because there was something in YOU that found him attractive. So all I can say is suck it up, it was your choice, no-one forced you to marry Mr Caveman.





Has this dude never heard of washing-up gloves? - he probably has, but wearing them might be a threat to his masculinity.

i do not want to sound like one of those women who always finds an excuse for her agressive partner. i chose to wash the dishes because of his problem, as i said before he washes the dishes sometimes when i'm not there to see what he is doing because he wants to help. it's a choice i made because i care about him. also it is my choice never to wash the toilet because i hate it and he does that. the vacuums because i dislike it, he makes the bed because i hate doing that too and a lot of stuff i dislike. he even ties my shoe laces if i'm too lazy to bend. so if he can do that without complaining simply because i don't like doing those things i think it's only fair that i do the things that he has a serious motive for not doing.
as i said he is very nice, but he has his flaws too, like i have mine. he is not the kind that sits on the sofa drinking beer and watching sports.
but i'm so afraid not to end up like my mother...i don't know why...he is not like my father, but i don't want him to become like my father. also, in like a month it's our 3 year anniversary. everybody expect us to get married or something.... and i do not want to think about that. i'm not ready for marriage and i really dislike the idea of marriage. maybe it's just the pressure of being in a long term serious relationship.
Carmen is offline  
#24 Old 02-06-2011, 06:38 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 62
Haters gon' hate. You are so afraid NOT to end up like your mother? So you want to end up like her? You probably will. At best you are a reflection of your parents along with all the different impressions you have taken from the outside world.
Elizar is offline  
#25 Old 02-06-2011, 07:31 AM
Newbie
 
Carmen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elizar View Post

Haters gon' hate. You are so afraid NOT to end up like your mother? So you want to end up like her? You probably will. At best you are a reflection of your parents along with all the different impressions you have taken from the outside world.

oh thank you for that. i feel so much better now. and how do you know that. what you are some kind of psychology student at some mediocre college? or you made your assumption based on all the cheap movies you've seen that have the idea...what are you afraid of it's going to happen to you?
in all my posts where does it say that i am like my mother in any way or he is like my father in any way. i am not at all like her... and it doesn't mean that i will unconciously try to have the same life. being messed up by my parents doesn't mean i'm a masochist, or that i am unable to tell a good man from a bad man.
so...your father just tells people things about them without knowing a single fact about them...you are a reflexion of him?
Carmen is offline  
#26 Old 02-06-2011, 07:45 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carmen View Post

oh thank you for that. i feel so much better now. and how do you know that. what you are some kind of psychology student at some mediocre college? or you made your assumption based on all the cheap movies you've seen that have the idea...what are you afraid of it's going to happen to you?
in all my posts where does it say that i am like my mother in any way or he is like my father in any way. i am not at all like her... and it doesn't mean that i will unconciously try to have the same life. being messed up by my parents doesn't mean i'm a masochist, or that i am unable to tell a good man from a bad man.
so...your father just tells people things about them without knowing a single fact about them...you are a reflexion of him?

You don't have to be a psychology student to know that you are a product of your parents and your environment. Am I afraid to become like my father? NO! I love my dad! I think you might not be on good terms with your mother from what I am reading although I am not sure because you said you are afraid not to end up like your mother but I think you might have meant you are afraid to end up like her, please do clarify. Sorry if I hurt your feelings but I am not telling you things without knowing anything about you, as the things you have written in your posts give me enough information to know something about you.
Elizar is offline  
#27 Old 02-06-2011, 08:29 AM
Newbie
 
Carmen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 85
yes...you are right...i made a mistake...those romance languages with their messed up grammar.....i wrote it as i would say it in my language.
sorry...i do tend to get very defensive.
i'm not on bad terms with my mom, the only thing i can reproach her is that she didn't divorce my father(of course her reason for not leaving him was not love...). i'm on bad terms with my father. when i saw the way he treated her i said i don't want to be in that situation. but not wanting to be in my mothers situation somehow made me act like my father does. something like hurt before you get hurt.
of course i'm a "product" of my parents but i do not wish to be. i don't want to stay with someone just because i have kids and no money to raise them on my own and i don't want to be the person that makes life miserable for her partner and children. but sometimes the middle way is very hard to reach.
Carmen is offline  
#28 Old 02-06-2011, 08:52 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 62
Ahh ok I see. I wish you well and may you live happily! Health, Wealth and Peace ^_^.
Elizar is offline  
#29 Old 02-06-2011, 08:55 AM
Veggie Regular
 
Pixie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 5,658
Quote:
Originally Posted by *AHIMSA* View Post

Actually, he doesn't sound suitable for vaginal rinsing.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Sevenseas View Post

Do you hate me?

Pixie is offline  
#30 Old 02-06-2011, 09:09 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 3,641
All this drama reminds me why I'm content with being single.

Carmen, I wish you the best. Sorry that I don't have any advice to give.
sleepydvdr is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the VeggieBoards forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in


Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off