Drug Addicted Roommate - VeggieBoards
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 Old 01-20-2011, 01:31 PM
American Made, Rebel Born
 
Kenickie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: House of Gaunt
Posts: 6,473
My boyfriend and I live with another couple, 'Kevin' and 'Shelly'. Shelly is an overall bad roommate, she is irresponsible with her belongings, cleaning up after herself, not taking care of her pets, and seems to have the emotional range of a child. She can't handle serious discussions without throwing a fit and crying. Which has made it hard to deal with any issues surrounding her, since she's impossible to get to sit down and talk. She is a recovering anorexic, and has a prescription for adderall. Sure, she might seriously need it, but I think combining it with her already anorexic tendencies doesn't help. Over the past two months, she's accused my boyfriend and I of stealing three bottles of her adderall, and around 500$ in "lost" money. The more and more we talk about it, it seems like more and more that she has a drug problem. Several of her friends have come forward and said that they have caught her stealing stimulants (adderall, ritalin) from them. We had another issue like this, this morning, where her and her boyfriend accused us of taking her adderall. I've caught her stealing from me -- cigarettes, alcohol, and i've found my purse and coat pockets emptied of about 50$, and i assume it's her. How do we approach her about this? Do we talk to her mother/brother? We've tried talking to 'Kevin' and he just shut down and said it wasn't his problem and that we should talk to her. Everytime we talk to her she just freaks out.

halp

cry havoc! and let slip the dogs of war.
Kenickie is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 Old 01-20-2011, 01:53 PM
Veggie Regular
 
*AHIMSA*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 10,728
She's a train wreck. There are many approaches that *could* work, but they all are contingent upon her utilizing skills and resources she appears to not have. My suggestion is to get out. Sorry.

"Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" Auntie Mame
*AHIMSA* is offline  
#3 Old 01-20-2011, 02:23 PM
American Made, Rebel Born
 
Kenickie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: House of Gaunt
Posts: 6,473
Quote:
Originally Posted by *AHIMSA* View Post

She's a train wreck. There are many approaches that *could* work, but they all are contingent upon her utilizing skills and resources she appears to not have. My suggestion is to get out. Sorry.

Well, it's our house, so kicking them out is an option. that's a last resort though, we'd rather have them leave on our terms, instead of just chucking them out. although, we might not have much choice, if she's stealing money & such from us.

cry havoc! and let slip the dogs of war.
Kenickie is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#4 Old 01-20-2011, 02:42 PM
Veggie Regular
 
dormouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,609
I'd kick them out if you can't have a conversation with her about your concerns.
dormouse is offline  
#5 Old 01-20-2011, 03:01 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Semicharmed's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 3,801
If she truly has a drug problem, is stealing, and is unable/unwilling to sit down and have an adult conversation... I believe you will hit the point where you HAVE to go with the last resort situation of kicking them out. How much crap you put up with (and how much of your stuff/money goes missing) before you hit that point is up to you.
Semicharmed is offline  
#6 Old 01-20-2011, 03:28 PM
Newbie
 
What the what now?'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenickie View Post

My boyfriend and I live with another couple, 'Kevin' and 'Shelly'. Shelly is an overall bad roommate, she is irresponsible with her belongings, cleaning up after herself, not taking care of her pets, and seems to have the emotional range of a child. She can't handle serious discussions without throwing a fit and crying. Which has made it hard to deal with any issues surrounding her, since she's impossible to get to sit down and talk. She is a recovering anorexic, and has a prescription for adderall. Sure, she might seriously need it, but I think combining it with her already anorexic tendencies doesn't help. Over the past two months, she's accused my boyfriend and I of stealing three bottles of her adderall, and around 500$ in "lost" money. The more and more we talk about it, it seems like more and more that she has a drug problem. Several of her friends have come forward and said that they have caught her stealing stimulants (adderall, ritalin) from them. We had another issue like this, this morning, where her and her boyfriend accused us of taking her adderall. I've caught her stealing from me -- cigarettes, alcohol, and i've found my purse and coat pockets emptied of about 50$, and i assume it's her. How do we approach her about this? Do we talk to her mother/brother? We've tried talking to 'Kevin' and he just shut down and said it wasn't his problem and that we should talk to her. Everytime we talk to her she just freaks out.

halp

If she has 3 bottles of Adderall hanging around to be "stolen" she not only has an addiction, but she is getting it illegally for sure. It's a controlled substance, and you can only get 1 script a month. They keep a registry of sorts, and every pharmacy will know if she has filled a script or not. Sounds like she is into some shady stuff on top of her addiction and stealing. Just be safe, and make sure she doesn't get you wrapped up into her drama.

People that misuse Adderall make me so angry, I took it for a very long time to deal with my ADD, and you have to jump through hoops to get it because of all the people that use it as an appetite suppressant, study drug, and as a stimulant. Grrrrr.
What the what now? is offline  
#7 Old 01-20-2011, 03:35 PM
Veggie Regular
 
AddieB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 3,705
Quote:
Originally Posted by dormouse View Post

I'd kick them out if you can't have a conversation with her about your concerns.

This. If you can't sit down with her and the boyfriend isn't willing to acknowledge the problem, it seems like you have no choice...
AddieB is offline  
#8 Old 01-20-2011, 04:30 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Josh James xVx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,097
Don't just kick her out. That's rude.

Kick her ass THEN kick her out.

Tam! RUGH!
Josh James xVx is offline  
#9 Old 01-20-2011, 05:01 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Parsnip's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,672
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenickie View Post

We've tried talking to 'Kevin' and he just shut down and said it wasn't his problem and that we should talk to her.

Codependent. Sounds like someone is about to hit "rock bottom".
Parsnip is offline  
#10 Old 01-21-2011, 06:57 AM
Veggie Regular
 
smob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,846
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenickie View Post

My boyfriend and I live with another couple, 'Kevin' and 'Shelly'. Shelly is an overall bad roommate, she is irresponsible with her belongings, cleaning up after herself, not taking care of her pets, and seems to have the emotional range of a child. She can't handle serious discussions without throwing a fit and crying. Which has made it hard to deal with any issues surrounding her, since she's impossible to get to sit down and talk. She is a recovering anorexic, and has a prescription for adderall. Sure, she might seriously need it, but I think combining it with her already anorexic tendencies doesn't help. Over the past two months, she's accused my boyfriend and I of stealing three bottles of her adderall, and around 500$ in "lost" money. The more and more we talk about it, it seems like more and more that she has a drug problem. Several of her friends have come forward and said that they have caught her stealing stimulants (adderall, ritalin) from them. We had another issue like this, this morning, where her and her boyfriend accused us of taking her adderall. I've caught her stealing from me -- cigarettes, alcohol, and i've found my purse and coat pockets emptied of about 50$, and i assume it's her. How do we approach her about this? Do we talk to her mother/brother? We've tried talking to 'Kevin' and he just shut down and said it wasn't his problem and that we should talk to her. Everytime we talk to her she just freaks out.

halp

Kick her out and be done with it. She's not your responsibility but she sounds like a big liability.
smob is offline  
#11 Old 01-21-2011, 07:39 AM
Veggie Regular
 
ElaineV's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 4,026
If you care about her, try having a conversation wherein you ask if she might want to go to NA or something and that you'd come along with her if she wants.
If you're "just roomies" and you're not tight, then consider evicting her.
ElaineV is offline  
#12 Old 01-21-2011, 09:56 AM
Veggie Regular
 
AspireToInspire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,929
Finally thought of a good use for spring-loaded mouse traps... set them and put them in your pockets to catch a thief. Just don't forget you put them there.

In all honesty, addicts are a lose-lose situation unless they are ready to or have already gotten help for their addiction and even then, they live from hour to hour battling temptation. That is why so often they look to family to help them out because of the whole enabling/unconditional love aspect in most cases. She needs help beyond what you and your other roommates are qualified to give her and it sounds like she has learned and worked her method of "dealing" with confrontation so take the "nothing personal, it's business" route and just let her know you think it is a poor fit, that she needs to start looking for another place to live and that you guys will start interviewing new potential roommates.
AspireToInspire is offline  
#13 Old 01-22-2011, 05:23 AM
Newbie
 
Carmen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 85
you shouldn't take that kind of crap in your own house. just tell her nicely to take her boyfriend, her pets and her pills and get the f... out of there. even if you are a good person and you will feel the urge to help her my advice is not to do it. in most of the cases, in this situations you will end up being sorry for helping her.
Carmen is offline  
#14 Old 01-26-2011, 07:32 PM
Beginner
 
nothingtosee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 184
Kick them out.

I say that as someone who just left a house with exactly that kind of couple. They are a threat to your family(by participating in illegal activities) and safety (since you don't know what sort of people she's hanging out with or stealing from-leads to lots of trouble). Please please get them out of your house, especially if there are any children living there as well. That erratic behavior she has when confronted can and probably will become violent later on, and I've seen many people be great friends with people they are getting pills off of until one day they are jacked up and steal from the wrong people. Not trying to preach, I just have lots of personal experience in this sort of situation, please pm me and and if you would like to know how mine has gone.
nothingtosee is offline  
#15 Old 01-29-2011, 12:11 PM
Veggie Regular
 
vegan_foodie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 459
Quote:
Originally Posted by What the what now? View Post

If she has 3 bottles of Adderall hanging around to be "stolen" she not only has an addiction, but she is getting it illegally for sure. It's a controlled substance, and you can only get 1 script a month. They keep a registry of sorts, and every pharmacy will know if she has filled a script or not. Sounds like she is into some shady stuff on top of her addiction and stealing.

This, paired with what you said at the beginning of the thread Kenickie, is what you should tell her.

Explain that you do not want to judge her or make her leave...start off with that. Then say that her behavior has been questionable. Mention what What The What Now said about having that much Adderall, and explain that you feel confused/sad/whatever to be accused of stealing because you know that she has been stealing from you. Let her know that you do not approve of drug abuse of any kind, nor do you like the feeling of needing to lock everything away so she can't steal it, nor do you like being accused of stealing something that she shouldn't have in such abundance anyway.

Do not yell, do not scold, but do be calm but firm. Explain that she needs to seek help, and if you don't see improvement in her behavior then she needs to leave.

Look How EASY it is to be Vegan: http://dailyveganeats.tumblr.com (Tumblr blog); http://twitter.com/dailyveganeats (by-the-meal Tweets!)
Why Vegans Shouldn't Worry About (and how to add in more)...
Protein: http://tinyurl.com/2uquvh7, Iron: http://tinyurl.com/3anud79, Calcium:...
vegan_foodie is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the VeggieBoards forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in


Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off