My oldest son is 18. Ever since he was in the 3rd grade, he has had trouble with school. Every teacher pretty much said the same thing - he is smart, but lazy. When he was little, we couldn't even figure out what his homework WAS to help him do it. His teachers would say, "he is supposed to have it written in his planner" The trouble was, he didn't have it written. Some teachers gave us SOME assignments, but it was never consistent and we finally quit asking. We were frustrated with our son AND the school.
He tests quite high on CATs etc. (80 - 90%)
Yet, he does not test well on his weekly math, history, English tests etc.
I really do believe that he has a problem. I don't think it is just laziness, yet I believe laziness is part of it.
He has a busy social & internet life. He has lots of friends and a girl friend.
Yet, he is literally flunking out of school. His last reports cards grades were mostly Fs.
So, I told him, "It's time to grow up, buckle down etc..."
I took away many perks (computer time) and cut his social life down to one day on the weekend.
He is to let me know ahead of time if he chooses Saturday or Sunday to socialize. Last night (Friday) our dogs began to bark. (He lives next door in a house provided by my husband's company.) Later, we asked him on the intercom if he had company...he said after a few seconds of hesitation, "Sam (my other son) and Laney (his gf) are over here. She just showed up." (Like it was out of his hands) then he said, "I will ask her to go, if you want me to." (Like "If you think it's important and want me to be rude" sort of thing) He is a bit of a game player
I told him, "No need for her to go, but I hope you know that this IS your social day." I later told him not to touch the computer, phone, tv all weekend, due to his sneakiness. He became angry about this and said, "Laney isn't really company...and your punishments aren't going to help me feel motivated..."
Yet, he is a nice guy. I love him dearly. I just can't stand to see him flunking out of school, no job etc. (He has done very well in school for a quarter here or there - A's and B's and was in the gifted classes for a year - so I know that he should be able to pass the classes he is currently taking.
But, he does have organizational problems. When he was a little boy he rarely knew what day of the week it was. In the second grade he had a hard time remembering to grab his lunch off the kitchen table as he went out the door (while his Kindergarten brother had no trouble remembering his)
As they were growing up, I noticed little brother was ahead of big brother in many ways such as this.
I took my son to a psychologist (at his request) when he was 15. He went for a while, nothing improved. I would hate to see him medicated.
He just seems like he has almost no ability to do that which he doesn't want to do, yet he has a lot of energy for fun activities.
When he does chores at home, he is friendly about it, but does everything halfway or "forgets" to do them altogether.
Today I told him, "live by the rules or find another place to live" and I do not feel good about that AT ALL. I don't even think he is capable of living on his own now. I don't want to be mean to him, I want to light a fire under him.