Rather have broken glass rubbed in to her eyes! (hurtful Facebook comments) - VeggieBoards
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 Old 06-04-2010, 12:39 PM
Newbie
 
Macdoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 92
I went to a friends 19th birthday party the other day. It was great, we had a good laugh sitting round chatting having a drink etc. I got talking this girl, we had a good conversation about politics and my vegetarianism and how she's often considered it but "never got round to it". We even talked about music and i taught her a few chords on guitar. I thought i'd made a friend, i don't fancy her and wasn't flirting or anything like that it just felt good to have a new friend.



Last night whilst on facebook there were some pictures of the party i'd been tagged in that showed up in my news feed There was a conversation, in the comments underneath a picture, between my friend who's birthday it was, and the girl i was talking too, part of it read like this:



Friend

"well you and Dan seemed to be getting along?"



Girl

"he was getting along with me more like lol" Whats that supposed to mean?



Friend

"Ha ha yeah i think he likes you!"



Girl

"Ewww, i think i'd prefer to rub broken glass in my eye's" !!



What the HELL!!!??? Where did they both get that impression from and why did they have a conversation that they must have know i would see?!! Is this the way i come across to all women? What should i do, just ignore it like i don't know about it or confront my friend about it?



I've seen other threads like this before and everyone give's great advice, i feel like i need some!
Macdoo is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 Old 06-04-2010, 12:43 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Kellye's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 3,814
Call the girl out on it. Confront her. That's the only way this passive-aggressive, demeaning, abusive, sneaky Facebook bull**** is going to stop.



I hate Facebook SO MUCH for situations like this.
Kellye is offline  
#3 Old 06-04-2010, 12:44 PM
Newbie
 
GhostUser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 0
I'm not on FB so I don't know but did she definitely realise that you could see these comments?
GhostUser is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#4 Old 06-04-2010, 12:50 PM
Newbie
 
GhostUser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 0
Thats just mean even if she didn't know you'd see the comment. I agree with Kellye I'd confront her.
GhostUser is offline  
#5 Old 06-04-2010, 12:59 PM
Newbie
 
Macdoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by Toast View Post

I'm not on FB so I don't know but did she definitely realise that you could see these comments?



They must have known. Once you "tag" someone in photos it shows up on that persons profile.



@Kellye, yes i've often thought of deleting my profile, its just i've got tons of friends in loads of different countries i don't want to loose contact with. Nothing like this has happened before, its very upsetting seeing how people talk about you when your not there.
Macdoo is offline  
#6 Old 06-04-2010, 01:01 PM
Newbie
 
Macdoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 92
Would there be any point in confronting her about it, and further more what would i say?!
Macdoo is offline  
#7 Old 06-04-2010, 01:08 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Kellye's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 3,814
Quote:
Would there be any point in confronting her about it, and further more what would i say?!



I do think there's a point in confronting her - it's to humiliate her and call her out on this kind of cowardly mean-spirited behavior, which has become rampant on Facebook and the Internet in general.



Well, if it was me...



I would leave a message under the same conversation that says: "I thought we were having a good time the other night, but I guess I was mistaken. I think it's really two-faced of you to act nice to my face and talk **** about me behind my back to my friends, so I guess that just goes to show what kind of girl you are. Thanks for letting me know in advance so I know better than to waste my time trying to be your friend." And leave it at that.
Kellye is offline  
#8 Old 06-04-2010, 01:11 PM
Newbie
 
GhostUser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 0
Quote:
Originally Posted by Macdoo View Post

They must have known. Once you "tag" someone in photos it shows up on that persons profile.



Oh right. I thought maybe it was just a case of people being *****y behind your back and them not realising.



The friend didn't really seem like she was being horrible? If it was me I would probably ignore them ( but in your case it probably would be better to confront them.) It was nasty and unneccessary.
GhostUser is offline  
#9 Old 06-04-2010, 01:13 PM
Newbie
 
Macdoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 92
Thank you i will.



I surprised at my friend for not defending me, that feels like the kick after the punch.
Macdoo is offline  
#10 Old 06-04-2010, 01:14 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Kellye's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 3,814
Quote:
I surprised at my friend for not defending me, that feels like the kick after the punch.



^ This would hurt me a lot worse than what some random b**** said...
Kellye is offline  
#11 Old 06-04-2010, 01:25 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Kellye's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 3,814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annette Parkes View Post

Maybe your friend doesn't know how to respond to that. Perhaps they don't want to take sides?



Yeah, maybe...but if someone made a crack about how they'd rather have broken glass rubbed into their eyes than date one of my friends, I'd say something. That's just uncalled for and a ****ty thing to say about anyone, regardless of the reason. (And it doesn't sound like there was any reason at all, this girl just sounds catty and poisonous in personality.)
Kellye is offline  
#12 Old 06-04-2010, 01:43 PM
mlp
Banned
 
mlp's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 8,995
Pretty much everything Kellye said.



Not all girls are like this, so don't let it color your view of girls/women. Be grateful that you learned what a nasty piece of work she is before you invested any time into a friendship.
mlp is offline  
#13 Old 06-04-2010, 01:51 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Jessss2008's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,166
Quote:
Originally Posted by Macdoo View Post

Thank you i will.



I surprised at my friend for not defending me, that feels like the kick after the punch.



Sounds like you need new friends too. Guess you never know who your friends are.

ÂBecause the heart beats under a covering of hair, of fur, feathers, or wings, it is, for that reason, to be of no account? - Jean Paul Richter
Jessss2008 is offline  
#14 Old 06-04-2010, 02:00 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Chrysalis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 3,101
I would say something to the girl. You'll feel better after you stand up for yourself.



I would say something to the friend, too, about him not standing up for you. It is possible that he doesn't know how to stand up to other people, and did not mean to be a bad friend. The only way to know for sure is to talk to him/her about it.

It's not in what you say, it's in what you do (Oasis)

Feeling bored? Why don't you wander over to my blog sometime. http://thebohemiankitchen.wordpress.com
Chrysalis is offline  
#15 Old 06-04-2010, 02:58 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Irizary's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,743
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kellye View Post

"I thought we were having a good time the other night, but I guess I was mistaken. I think it's really two-faced of you to act nice to my face and talk **** about me behind my back to my friends, so I guess that just goes to show what kind of girl you are. Thanks for letting me know in advance so I know better than to waste my time trying to be your friend."



I would leave off the admonishment part, that just makes people self-righteous.



I think it would be better to say something like:



"I thought we were having a good time the other night, but I guess I was mistaken. Just so you know, I wasn't coming on to you."



Then she can wallow in it and look at her meanness herself, rather than being pissed because you've told her "what kind of girl she is."



Also, try not to generalize to what "all women" might think. She was probably just showing off to her friend, as sometimes putting other people down makes the person doing it feel superior - as though she's so fantastic she wouldn't possibly be interested in some guy who must be falling all over her...

"If you want to know where you would have stood on slavery before the civil war, don't look at where you stand on slavery today, look at where you stand on animal rights." - Paul Watson.

 

Every animal you eat
was running for her life

Irizary is offline  
#16 Old 06-04-2010, 03:51 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Farmrush's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 375
I don't see the point in going on about how she was two-faced, or anything like that. If she really is a mean person, it's unlikely she'll care and you'd more or less just be instigating the inevitable cascade of bull****. This isn't Facebook's fault either; Facebook is just a permitting medium. My response would range from not replying, to saying something along the lines of, "I thought we were getting along, but I guess I misunderstood." and leaving it at that.



It depends why you are responding. Are you trying to make her feel bad? Are you trying to make her like you? Et cetera. None of these motivations really seem to lead anywhere positive in my opinion.
Farmrush is offline  
#17 Old 06-04-2010, 05:40 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Irizary's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,743
My other suggestion would be to just write, "I have some glass if you need any."

"If you want to know where you would have stood on slavery before the civil war, don't look at where you stand on slavery today, look at where you stand on animal rights." - Paul Watson.

 

Every animal you eat
was running for her life

Irizary is offline  
#18 Old 06-04-2010, 05:46 PM
Arrrg! Me mateys.
 
Puppet Master's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 5,591
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irizary View Post

My other suggestion would be to just write, "I have some glass if you need any."





"Your eyes might look better that way."



Anyways, you should say something like, "Haha! That's no problem! I wasn't interested in anything other than a conversation. Even if I was, I'm glad you showed your true colors, so now I know better!"

korrakorrakorrakorrakorra
Puppet Master is offline  
#19 Old 06-04-2010, 06:13 PM
Veggie Regular
 
penny79's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 4,946
I would say something, but not directly to her, since she didn't say somethign directly to you. I'd join in the conversation and say, "I wasn't interested in anything more than a friendship with X, so everyone now knows....."



Because as it stands now, as far as I can see, she's being pompous, assuming you like her sexually, and trying to insult you.
penny79 is offline  
#20 Old 06-04-2010, 06:22 PM
Veggie Regular
 
penny79's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 4,946
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irizary View Post

"I thought we were having a good time the other night, but I guess I was mistaken. Just so you know, I wasn't coming on to you."



I like this idea, too.



I mean, you feel bad right now and you know how it feels to feel bad. The last thing you want is to say something that might cause a reaction in someone else to feel what you're feeling - what's the point of that? No eye for an eye, please! but I'd at least clarify your position.....
penny79 is offline  
#21 Old 06-04-2010, 08:05 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,529
Macdoo, that's brutal. You don't want people like that in your life anyways. Do like me, brother, delete FB. F that worthless site. It's USELESS. Unless you have like "family" or "old friends" that some people claim they need FB for. It's called get their E-MAIL and PHONE NUMBER. We are losing that human connection, FB is SO FAIL.
KrisMTL is offline  
#22 Old 06-04-2010, 08:22 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Semicharmed's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 3,801
Status Update?
Semicharmed is offline  
#23 Old 06-04-2010, 08:25 PM
Veggie Regular
 
dormouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,609
You have to respond somehow. I like Irizary's suggestions. Or write "you're too kind" or something like that. Don't write anything that makes it sound like you're really hurt by this or taking it personally. Just enough to let her know what a dumb-butt she is.



I don't think Facebook is to blame for human behavior. For some reason, people do tend to think that they have more privacy on the Internet than they actually do, but the medium is hardly to blame for that.
dormouse is offline  
#24 Old 06-04-2010, 08:57 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Arilark's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 224
That's not cool at all. Even if you were interested and she wasn't that isn't the way to treat people. I'm sure that not responding is the right thing to do, but I'm not sure I could do it. I like the your too kind. I think it calls her & her friend out while being appropriately blase.
Arilark is offline  
#25 Old 06-04-2010, 09:15 PM
Beginner
 
psychem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 118
I agree that you shouldn't let her know she upset you. But you should still let her know you read her remarks so she can feel stupid. "You're too kind" or some other sarcastic remark is the way to go, I think. You shouldn't have to give her some long explanation or sound all sensitive about it. Maybe give the impression that you find it all funny.
psychem is offline  
#26 Old 06-04-2010, 11:16 PM
Newbie
 
IsoDope's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 68
I would respond with, "Funny you mentioned that! I was thinking the same thing!" Although "I have some glass" was pretty funny too.
IsoDope is offline  
#27 Old 06-04-2010, 11:39 PM
Veggie Regular
 
draconian's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,082
Quote:
Originally Posted by Farmrush View Post

I don't see the point in going on about how she was two-faced, or anything like that. If she really is a mean person, it's unlikely she'll care and you'd more or less just be instigating the inevitable cascade of bull****. This isn't Facebook's fault either; Facebook is just a permitting medium. My response would range from not replying, to saying something along the lines of, "I thought we were getting along, but I guess I misunderstood." and leaving it at that.



It depends why you are responding. Are you trying to make her feel bad? Are you trying to make her like you? Et cetera. None of these motivations really seem to lead anywhere positive in my opinion.



This is pretty solid advice. Evidently, she's not that into you. If you are going to confront her about it, what do you expect to gain from the confrontation?

--
The Twilight Is My Robe
draconian is offline  
#28 Old 06-05-2010, 01:36 AM
Newbie
 
Macdoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 92
Thank you so much every one!



I tend to get pretty down about this sort of stuff, my self esteem is not exactly a strong point for me. Since posting this thread i've just finished a night shift and had time to mull this over and feel a little better about it now. Seen as though i'm moving away to work at a monkey sanctuary on the 26th June i'm thinking that i will say something to them both and then forget about them.



Irizary i think your suggestions are great, and yes i think maybe if i make it out as though i've not been all that bothered about it and reply with a suitably cutting yet witty riposte i will save a little face, he he.



When i saw what she wrote it kind of jolted me in to thinking, oh God is this how i come across all the time?! Therefore it would probably go much of the way towards explaining why i've been single nearly a year, ha ha.



Thank you all, again!
Macdoo is offline  
#29 Old 06-05-2010, 07:32 AM
Veggie Regular
 
Treehugger267's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,795
Quote:
Originally Posted by Macdoo View Post

Thank you so much every one!



I tend to get pretty down about this sort of stuff, my self esteem is not exactly a strong point for me. Since posting this thread i've just finished a night shift and had time to mull this over and feel a little better about it now. Seen as though i'm moving away to work at a monkey sanctuary on the 26th June i'm thinking that i will say something to them both and then forget about them.



Irizary i think your suggestions are great, and yes i think maybe if i make it out as though i've not been all that bothered about it and reply with a suitably cutting yet witty riposte i will save a little face, he he.



When i saw what she wrote it kind of jolted me in to thinking, oh God is this how i come across all the time?! Therefore it would probably go much of the way towards explaining why i've been single nearly a year, ha ha.



Thank you all, again!



((hugs)) You sound like a wonderful person. Try not to let those mean feelings ring through your mind, replace them with positive thoughts (it helps the self esteme, believe me, I know). Feel fortunate that you found out that these people were mean spirited before you wasted too much time on them. Life's too short to have mean people in it. Good luck on your new adventure, it sounds so rewarding and I hope you meet some nice people there.
Treehugger267 is offline  
#30 Old 06-05-2010, 11:46 AM
Veggie Regular
 
penny79's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 4,946
Easier said than done, I know, but just love yourself and make your actions towards others and your body ones that you are proud of. Your love for yourself should not come from other people's opinions of you.
penny79 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the VeggieBoards forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in


Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off