when talking to someone are you supposed to make eye contact the ENTIRE time? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 01-16-2010, 10:55 PM
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like when talking to just anyone or people you want to have relationships with. are supposed to look into their eyes the entire time you talk or only sometimes? and if youre supposed to the entire time is it OK if you look only some times? i'm going to be meeting a lot of people i dont really know and i want to make a good impression or something. i'm kind of shy.

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#2 Old 01-16-2010, 11:59 PM
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Haha, you might want to read this, then again you might not

If nothing else, the context sensitive ads make for a chuckle or two.
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#3 Old 01-17-2010, 12:26 AM
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Yeh, look the whole time and burn a hole through that dude's retina! Seriously though Lex, try to make an effort to look at the person you are talking to for most of the time, but it's ok and perfectly natural to look away occasionally - just don't do it while they are talking, otherwise, it looks like you're bored.

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#4 Old 01-17-2010, 12:34 AM
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Originally Posted by sosoy View Post

Haha, you might want to read this, then again you might not

If nothing else, the context sensitive ads make for a chuckle or two.



wait what? i dont know what you mean. if its something insulting please keep it to yourself!

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#5 Old 01-17-2010, 12:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Pixelle View Post

Yeh, look the whole time and burn a hole through that dude's retina! Seriously though Lex, try to make an effort to look at the person you are talking to for most of the time, but it's ok and perfectly natural to look away occasionally - just don't do it while they are talking, otherwise, it looks like you're bored.



oh alright, kay .

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#6 Old 01-17-2010, 12:39 AM
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Originally Posted by lexluvzanimalz View Post

wait what? i dont know what you mean. if its something insulting please keep it to yourself!



Not insulting, just a pretty explicit discussion of eye contact - which I thought was what you were looking for. The ads that google put up were funny given their name for eye contact.
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#7 Old 01-17-2010, 12:43 AM
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Not insulting, just a pretty explicit discussion of eye contact - which I thought was what you were looking for. The ads that google put up were funny given their name for eye contact.



oh i didnt know there was a link. i didnt see the link haha. im too scared to open it right now, i might later.

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#8 Old 01-17-2010, 06:14 AM
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I don't, but that's just how I am. I think it's creepy if people are staring me in the eye the whole time, but that's just me. Different body language and subtle differences can't be easily defined over the internet, since we can't exactly see *how* you'd be looking at someone.

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#9 Old 01-17-2010, 07:15 AM
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Personally I get nervous when people keep eye contact the entire time but I'm shy. I keep eye contact a while then glance ahead or to the side then eye contact again. But don't turn your head just your eye so they know your still into the conversation.

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#10 Old 01-17-2010, 08:12 AM
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I used to maintain eye contact the whole time. It made people very uncomfortable - which was not my intention, but it can be funny now that I'm aware of it.

If there's going to be drinks or food, that gives you a natural point to break eye contact if they are talking to you.

If you are talking to them, it's fine not to have any eye contact for quite awhile, but you should "check in" with them periodically by making eye contact, or when you're asking a question (even if it's rhetorical), or when it looks like they want to say something.

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#11 Old 01-17-2010, 09:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lexluvzanimalz View Post

like when talking to just anyone or people you want to have relationships with. are supposed to look into their eyes the entire time you talk or only sometimes? and if youre supposed to the entire time is it OK if you look only some times? i'm going to be meeting a lot of people i dont really know and i want to make a good impression or something. i'm kind of shy.



Always look at people when you are talking with them. It just the polite thing to do. It's Ok to look away occasionally (e.g. to eat the potato chip in you hand or to take a drink, etc)



If you don't like people making eye contact with you, just wear a low cut sweater...



Just kidding. Really. I'm sorry, but I couldn't resist

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#12 Old 01-17-2010, 09:38 AM
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Yeah like everyone said, you should try to make eye contact while talking to someone or when they're talking to you. It's normal to glance away and then back again every once in a while during conversation otherwise you're staring, which makes people very uncomfortable.

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#13 Old 01-17-2010, 10:08 AM
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What everyone else has said... Mostly yes but don't stare them down. And don't cross your arms. As a shy person I tend to do this but it's actually a huge 'don't if you're actually interested in the person you're speaking to.
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#14 Old 01-17-2010, 10:28 AM
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being able to keep eye contact with someone is a pretty important social skill when you think about it, one we use a fair bit. i can remember finding it a bit hard to do when i was first a teenager but its just practice like anything else. the more you do it, the more confident you feel & the easier it becomes



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Originally Posted by Beancounter View Post


If you don't like people making eye contact with you, just wear a low cut sweater...



Just kidding. Really. I'm sorry, but I couldn't resist



take it easy with jokes like that dude, lex is only like 14 or something
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#15 Old 01-17-2010, 02:17 PM
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another sneaky trick if looking right into someones eyes weirds you out- if you're a few feet away, you can often get away with looking just past them, or at their hair, their nose, their earrings, etc- without them realising that your eyes aren't focused on their eyes. just keep your head and eyes pointed the right way, but focus on something else thats near their eyes.
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#16 Old 01-17-2010, 02:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hoodedclawjen View Post

another sneaky trick if looking right into someones eyes weirds you out- if you're a few feet away, you can often get away with looking just past them, or at their hair, their nose, their earrings, etc- without them realising that your eyes aren't focused on their eyes. just keep your head and eyes pointed the right way, but focus on something else thats near their eyes.



thank you!!!!!!!! thats a great idea. ill be looking at a lot of orange and brunette hair xD. lol. and one blonde.

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#17 Old 01-17-2010, 07:09 PM
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I try to always make eye contact...its the polite and right thing to do imo....I have had to politely remind people where my eyes are and they are not located on my chest.
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#18 Old 01-17-2010, 07:15 PM
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It's insulting to not look someone in the eyes when you talk to them. I wouldn't bother talking to people if they don't look me in the eyes.



Also, when you shake someone's hand, look at them in the eyes at the same time.
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#19 Old 01-18-2010, 02:26 AM
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I'm not hearing properly so I'm usually reading on their mouth to complete my hearing. This makes people think I'm really concerned. Well, I have to if I want to understand what they are telling!
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#20 Old 01-18-2010, 07:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Zoé View Post

I'm not hearing properly so I'm usually reading on their mouth to complete my hearing. This makes people think I'm really concerned. Well, I have to if I want to understand what they are telling!



This is me too. Sometimes they think I'm mad because I'm concentrating so hard.

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#21 Old 01-18-2010, 07:21 AM
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Yeh, look the whole time and burn a hole through that dude's retina!

lol i never knew cyclops from X men was a veggie. this thread tickle me because just the other day me and my freind were talking about this the other day and he cant look girls in the eye for more than 2 secs without creeping his self out then he commits the age old mistake of letting hes eyes drift down to their chest but not coz he is a sex fiend, just out of awkwardness lol i would say YES keep eye contact but if its a boy/girl (No offense intended) that you fancy don't do that thing where people arch their eyebrows to prove your interested it always looks strange. Does any body know what I mean?
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#22 Old 01-18-2010, 07:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tofusion View Post


Also, when you shake someone's hand, look at them in the eyes at the same time.



Yes! And when you shake hands, make sure it's a firm grip (not overpowering , not hard, just firm).



If there's one thing I hate more than someone who won't look at me, it's someone who gives me a flimsy, "dead fish" handshake.

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#23 Old 01-18-2010, 10:53 AM
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Man, I hate a flimsy handshake too! I know it's horrible but I judge people by their handshake. I'm not usually in a position to shake a lot of hands, thankfully.
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#24 Old 01-18-2010, 01:28 PM
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I've heard a good "trick" is to maintain eye contact while they're talking, so you seem more interested, but then you can look around while you're the one talking.



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#25 Old 01-18-2010, 01:30 PM
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Odd - double posted.
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#26 Old 01-18-2010, 01:36 PM
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eye contact is good as long as it's not like, constant staring. lol make sure you blink and don't get all bug-eyed. if you look TOO interested in what they're saying, you'll look really creepy lol
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#27 Old 01-18-2010, 04:16 PM
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Only serial killers maintain constant eye contact.

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i hear in my mind all of these words
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#28 Old 01-18-2010, 05:13 PM
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I think it's more important to relax, and meet his eyes on occasion.





You could challenge him to a staring contest.



Quote:
Originally Posted by lorenzo View Post

lol i never knew cyclops from X men was a veggie. this thread tickle me because just the other day me and my freind were talking about this the other day and he cant look girls in the eye for more than 2 secs without creeping his self out then he commits the age old mistake of letting hes eyes drift down to their chest but not coz he is a sex fiend, just out of awkwardness lol i would say YES keep eye contact but if its a boy/girl (No offense intended) that you fancy don't do that thing where people arch their eyebrows to prove your interested it always looks strange. Does any body know what I mean?



(*Arches his eyebrows at you*) Wow, that's really interesting!
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#29 Old 01-19-2010, 09:57 AM
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Make eye contact, fairly consistently throughout conversation. That being said, the natural length of time for constant eye contact is 6(yes SIX) seconds. Every six seconds you should blink, glance quickly at another part of their face, but at least blink and let your eyes become unfocused. NOT doing this will make you seem creepy, and will make you feel particularly awkward. Remember to blink. If you are uncomfortable with making direct eye contact is looking at the persons nose, between their eyes, it appears as though you are making eye contact but you are not and it can be easier. Remember to blink, glance away, ect every six seconds even if you don't feel like you need to(this will make it seem less awkward looking at the nose) but they don't know thats what you are doing so it will make them feel uncomfortable if you don't.



Other things to keep in mind:



Body language is key. looking someone in the eyes is respectful and strong, but looking for too long is dominant and aggressive. Not looking someone in the eyes at all or minimally is submissive, shy and displays a lack of interest. Looking away more frequently than every 6 or for a longer period of time then about a half to quarter second will make it clear you wish to end conversation. Your chest, secondly is also an important part of your body people often overlook when it comes to social etiquette, and can be a real tell tale sign that you can use to judge peoples interest levels and they wont even know it. Simply put, position your chest in the direction of the person you are talking to. Its kind of hard to describe but you want your shoulders and heart to point to the thing you wish to show interest in. Its subliminal but it matters. For example if you are making eye contact but your chest and upper body is pointing towards someone else that is a clear sign that you find that person/situation more interesting or desirable. Body pointed towards speaker shows interest, Body pointed elsewhere shows disinterest or multiple points of interest. You never want your muscles tensed- this shows a fight or flight response and people will automatically back down and avoid in an attempt to stop this response, which may make you feel more uncomfortable in the long run.



Um, hope this helps some. Don't concentrate on doing all ofthis all the time, it will make you seem awkward, just every once and a while quick check the signals you and others are giving off.
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#30 Old 01-19-2010, 10:19 AM
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I was talking to the person I like and I was wondering why he wasn't making much eye contact... he was telling me a long story and for most of it he was looking at the ground or in mid air. Then I realised I'd been staring right into his eyes (they are amazing eyes) without looking away for like 5 minutes. And realised I was probably making him extremely nervous and he didn't want to meet the stare . Since then I have been careful to not stare at him for too long... though it is hard because I don't do it on purpose!
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