Gay (support?) Club, w00t! - VeggieBoards
View Poll Results: Your Orientation?
I'm gay and everyone knows it, yeah! 0 0%
I'm gay and most people know! 0 0%
I'm gay and one, two, or fewer people know! 0 0%
I'm bisexual! 0 0%
I'm straight, you lucky wieners you! 0 0%
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#1 Old 12-12-2003, 03:35 AM
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Seeing that the thread I recently posted has the vibes of a fun gay club I figured I might as well just start one!



People on the board who want or need to talk about their sexuality can view my pm box as the teacher's door at your last school with the pink triangle on it. If there's anyone else on the board who'd like to be added to the list of VB outee's who are willing to talk to people you can put your name in this thread and I'll update this post once and awhile, for now the list contains:



Gracie

Hummus!

Mikie

peacecat

siudhain

SunnyK

VegLes

Verbivore




Let's discuss how we came out to ourselves, to our friends, and to our families!
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#2 Old 12-12-2003, 05:05 AM
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hehe ; ) cool, I getted to vote for the Vebo. He is kinda cute.



no coincidence that you would open this club on the same day as Matt Damon's new movie opens in theatres. ; )



Ummm, i think most people know that I'm gay. I don't really hide it.

But I do subscribe to Maxim, so I guess that makes me bisexual.



I came out in College... bible college. yeah.
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#3 Old 12-12-2003, 06:24 AM
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Great idea Mikie!
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#4 Old 12-12-2003, 07:57 AM
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the title made me come running, anyway
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#5 Old 12-12-2003, 09:16 AM
 
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Great big queer, here!



Mikie, I'd be glad to be available to talk to people who have questions or need support.
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#6 Old 12-12-2003, 10:32 AM
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Gay and everyone knows it! I also would be happy to be on the list of people to PM. Great idea.
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#7 Old 12-12-2003, 10:43 AM
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Oh, and coming-out stories .... Jennifer and I dated "secretly" for 2-3 weeks, not because of the gay thing, but because we were both nervous about a fragile new relationship. She was at my house out in the country at around 1 a.m. one night, watching movies, when our two best friends called from a cell phone. They left a message: "We know you guys are down there, and we're coming!" And they did. They kept the news to themselves for a few more weeks. Then, another friend's ex-boyfriend came to see me at work. While he was waiting for me, he said to my colleague, "I can't believe I'm the last person to know ...." Ooops. So that's how everyone at work found out. I got nothing but lots of from everyone.



My Dad wanted to meet me for drinks, but Jennifer and I had also planned to hang out, so I asked her to come meet us after an hour. Before she got there I told Dad, "By the way, this person who's coming to meet us -- I'm dating-slash-sleeping-with her." Dad took about a 2-second pause, then said, "Well that doesn't bother me." And then we just went on talking about other things. He and Jennifer get along really well.



I had an easy time of it, overall. Lucky, I guess.
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#8 Old 12-12-2003, 10:48 AM
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I gotta run, but I'll add how I came out to myself: Jennifer started hitting on me, and I liked it! Since I've always been around lots of gay people, it didn't disturb me. Woo-hoo!
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#9 Old 12-12-2003, 11:06 AM
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I'm not strictly gay, but I am bisexual. I am only half out of the closet so to speak as my family really doesnt know. They suspect that I enjoy girls, but I am pretty sure they don't realize I have experience in the area. My friends all know. I am currently dating a guy, and he knows. I have had some very frustrating times. I once started seeing this girl and we were sleeping together and then she all of a sudden pulled back and told me that she didn't want to get to involved because I wasnt "totally" gay.



I have sort of always looked at it from the perspective that it didnt matter to me whether the person I fell in love with was male or female, since I am attracted to both it didn't matter to me which one it was/is/will be. Granted, it is easier for me to "be" straight, especially where I live, but I really don't ever rule anything out. It just happens that I am now dating a guy.
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#10 Old 12-12-2003, 12:12 PM
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I messed up. *thwaps self with tofu*



When Verbi comes back, she can retype her post. I was trying to quote her in a reply, and I hit edit instead. Ceryna no baka.
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#11 Old 12-12-2003, 04:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gracie View Post

Mikie, I'd be glad to be available to talk to people who have questions or need support.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnyK View Post

I also would be happy to be on the list of people to PM. Great idea.

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#12 Old 12-12-2003, 04:53 PM
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Here's my story: I wouldn't necessarily say that I always knew that I was more attracted to males, but I was always more interested in male parts. When I was younger, I'd much rather look up penis in my parents encyclopedia than any female part. I grew up in a rural town of 300 people, surrounded by family (Québecois Catholic farmers), and going to a Catholic school. Let's just say that it's not very fashionable to be gay where I come from.



I grew up in a household where gay people come in "pairs" and "Isn't a shame that the LeBlanc's son went gay?" (I'll come out now and tell you that none of my family knows except one progressive cousin.)



I was in college for my Freshman year and I was struggling with my belief in the Catholic church. At this point in my life I hadn't missed mass once in 2 or 3 years. I found a website in which you could email priests questions and they'd respond and I sent an email asking if my beliefs were ok and the email I received basically came down to "all of those beliefs are wrong, and you must believe in these things to be Catholic: x, y, z." Well, I didn't believe in any of them, so I decided that day that religion was not for me.



Once that was out of the way it didn't make any sense to allow myself to believe that homosexuality was dirty or sinful anymore. I went for a walk one day on campus and it was a really nice night and no one was out. The full moon was in the sky and I just started crying and admitted to myself that I'm gay. I was 18.



Since then I tell anyone who asks, and I tell any friends who are close to me if the subject comes up, but I don't parade it around at all. In Boston people would come out and ask all the time so it wasn't any big deal, but here in New Orleans it seems people just assume you're not unless you're wearing a rainbow scarf around your head and so half of the people I know here don't know and the other half I go to Southern Decadence with all weekend.



I had one boyfriend last year for a few months (Xaphan on the boards.)
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#13 Old 12-12-2003, 04:54 PM
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LOL, Ceryna!!!



I have to go now but I will touch on two more topics - how comfortable I am with myself and coming out to my family.
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#14 Old 12-12-2003, 07:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceryna View Post

I messed up. *thwaps self with tofu*



When Verbi comes back, she can retype her post. I was trying to quote her in a reply, and I hit edit instead. Ceryna no baka.



I'm re-typing my old post because someone abused her mod privileges the first time around.



To sum up, Mikie can add me to his list because I too have The Gay. My immediate family knows. The other relatives don't, but I won't deny it if asked. People think I'm straight because of how I look. A lot of people don't understand how a woman can live without the Power of Wang.
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#15 Old 12-12-2003, 07:14 PM
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It was an accident. ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

We see the world as "we" are, not as "it" is; because it is the "I" behind the "eye" that does the seeing.
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#16 Old 12-12-2003, 08:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SystmDwnGrl View Post

I have had some very frustrating times. I once started seeing this girl and we were sleeping together and then she all of a sudden pulled back and told me that she didn't want to get to involved because I wasnt "totally" gay.





Something similar happened to me. My girlfriend kept saying she was going to "turn me into a lesbian." At first it was a cute funny joke, but then she got serious about it. She was really uncomfortable with the fact that I was bi. She haranged me about it all the time, demanding that I admit that I was actually a lesbian. Which I couldn't in all honesty do.



What really hurt was that she didn't trust me. I loved her, I was totally committed to her. We were going to be handfasted. I wasn't going to cheat on her with a man, any more than I would have cheated on her with a woman. But she didn't believe me. The final blow came when she came to my apartment really drunk, late one night, and got right in my face, yelling that she knew I was seeing my ex-boyfriend behind her back. No amount of effort in the days after that were able to heal the rift (or even convince her of my innocence) so I reluctantly broke it off.



*whew* Didn't mean to go on. I guess it still bugs me a bit, even though it's all ancient history. The point is I understand the pain of being rejected or suspected because of being bi, 'cause I've been there.



I might have to turn in my bi membership card, though... I've had several boyfriends but only the one girlfriend, and have been in a committed opposite sex relationship for over ten years now. No girlie nookie for me
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#17 Old 12-12-2003, 08:33 PM
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Can I at least pop in and say "hi" ?? You know, like straight people have that gay neighbor... I can be the pop-in straight neighbor!! Besides, I work in the service industry. That's LIKE being gay
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#18 Old 12-13-2003, 09:01 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SystmDwnGrl View Post


I have sort of always looked at it from the perspective that it didnt matter to me whether the person I fell in love with was male or female, since I am attracted to both it didn't matter to me which one it was/is/will be. Granted, it is easier for me to "be" straight, especially where I live, but I really don't ever rule anything out. It just happens that I am now dating a guy.



SystmDwnGrl - I can so totally relate to this !
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#19 Old 12-13-2003, 10:27 AM
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WonderRandy tapdances into the room

OUT AND PROUD !



WonderRandy tapdances out of the room


Nec Aspera Terrent
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#20 Old 12-13-2003, 01:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Max Power View Post

Can I at least pop in and say "hi" ?? You know, like straight people have that gay neighbor... I can be the pop-in straight neighbor!! Besides, I work in the service industry. That's LIKE being gay



Can we give you a Queer Eye makeover?



On the subject of bisexuality, it certainly exists, no question. I would date a bisexual woman, as long as she treated me the way she would treat a male partner. I would not want a long term relationship with a closet case, because it's disrespectful to call your wife your "roommate."
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#21 Old 12-13-2003, 02:14 PM
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WonderRandy, that was gorgeous!





Quote:
Originally Posted by Verbivore View Post

I would date a bisexual woman, as long as she treated me the way she would treat a male partner.



Yes, I'm sure Jennifer would agree with this!



I was in too much of a hurry to write as much as I should have at first (even in three posts ).



But a lot of you will recall me posting in other threads that I used to consider myself "straight," discovered in-the-event that I'm "bi," and that now I am happy to label myself "gay" because I'm in a committed gay relationship. I guess I'm the bisexual woman of which Verbivore speaks. It works for me!



I will add that for some time Jennifer feared that I was just having some sort of "experimental fling" with her. It took her a while to realize that I truly didn't miss, er, the male anatomy.



She also was afraid that I'd react very badly to people finding out about me (all our friends certainly already knew about her). She was pretty amazed that it didn't upset me in the least, that I was delighted to attend a Pride march with her, etc., etc. After that, she decided that she wanted to finally come out to her mother. She isn't nearly as supportive as my family, unfortunately, but was accepting and Jen felt good about telling her.





Another coming-out episode: The first person I took the initiative to tell was my little sister, then 17; I didn't want to risk her finding out second-hand. I was pretty sure that she'd be cool with it, but the reaction I got was: "That's GREAT! I'm SO relieved! I've been wondering if I'm bi, and ...." Last thing I was expecting!
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#22 Old 12-14-2003, 12:34 AM
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So is your sister gay too?? That would be so weird.
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#23 Old 12-14-2003, 01:30 AM
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What's weird about it? Is that rare?



Hi, all. Another neighbor just dropping in.
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#24 Old 12-14-2003, 01:49 AM
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I posted my whole coming out story HERE. It's extremely long but it helped my mom understand me better. She now sends me clippings of gay-related news items. She's pretty cool now.



ETA: "Gay-related" sounds like gang-related. Like, it was a gay-related shooting.
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#25 Old 12-14-2003, 04:18 AM
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Verby, I really really enjoyed reading your story. That's what I wanted this thread to be and look, it's happening.



*wipes tear*







I should write one of those...
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#26 Old 12-14-2003, 04:20 AM
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What's weird about it? Is that rare?



Hi, all. Another neighbor just dropping in.



I never took a statistics class, so I can't be for certain, but if 10% of the population is gay, and there are two kids who are gay, isn't that only like a 1% probability in 2-child families?
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#27 Old 12-14-2003, 09:16 AM
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Verby, that was really great! I identified with a lot of it.





Quote:
Originally Posted by mikie View Post

So is your sister gay too?? That would be so weird.



It would be unusual, I believe. I should point out that we're actually half-sisters, since genes are under discussion. And, I'm not sure yet how she's going settle the question for herself. That conversation took place just under a year ago; now she's 18, a freshman in college, and still questioning. She has yet to have a same-sex relationship. What I get from our conversations so far is that she's relieved that it's okay to ask the question, and to know that it will be okay if the answer turns out to be, "Yes I am!"
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#28 Old 12-14-2003, 11:41 AM
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It is always a comfort to have someone you can be totally honest and open with, no matter what the situation.
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#29 Old 12-15-2003, 01:58 AM
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I'm bisexual, but I've never been involved with a female romantically or sexually. I came to terms with my orientation when I was 20, and came out to all of my college friends, all but one of my friends from home, my mom, and my brother. So at this point the only important people that don't know are my dad and my best friend from high school. I'm in grad school now, and I've only told two people down here. I feel guilty about that, too, because there's been a good bit of anti-bi sentiment amongst my friends here. It seems most of them think bisexuals are all homosexuals that just can't come to terms with it, or the occasional female that's just trying to be cool and different. One of my friends from home insisted that I'm really a lesbian.My theory is that she thinks that of me merely because she's a deeply closeted lesbian who is now married to the guy she's dated since she was 14. I have numerous reasons for thinking that.



Questions and comments (regarding myself) are welcome
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#30 Old 12-15-2003, 03:33 AM
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I don't have much to say, April, but I can sympathize!



It's sad that we live in a society that pressures children to go into the closet rather than be themselves as they grow up. I think most of our problems come down to parents not teaching kids to have respect and parents not being open-minded (and religion, of course. )
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