My kitty has died..(long) - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 07-30-2003, 06:56 PM
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Late yesterday evening, my 15 year old cat had to be "put down". He was in the end stage of renal failure, and could no longer be on dialysis. My mom and I sat with him, and he died so very peacefully in his sleep. We have had the worst time with this............ other than my mom, I have never known anyone else as long as I knew Ted. He came to live with us when I was in the 5th grade.... back in 1987. He knows all my secrets. He was such a good friend to me. I feel so sad and just tired, and for days (as soon as we found out he would have to be put down or die a horrible painful death, basically) all I have been doing is crying and drinking tea. I really thought..... that last night, after it was all over, that I would just bow over and lose it, just really cry and wail and lose my mind, but it seems like after he died... something dried up in me, and I can't cry very much about it anymore. I want to, but the tears just won't come.



Everything seems strange now. Even though we have 8 other cats, they each have their own roles in our house.... they all have their own little routines. Ted always got a can of food (due to the dialysis he could only eat certain things, and to keep the other cats out of it, I let Ted eat his meals in our guestroom with the door shut) in the morning and evening. Last night, when we got home.... I started to walk down the hallway, and everything just seemed so empty. He used to sit next to me on the couch on this one pillow. Sitting there now.... seems so.... damp, so odd. I keep expecting to see him there, to hear his broken-pitched cry. Today I was putting away some groceries.. and I thought I saw him sitting next to our kitchen table. I really thought he was there, and for a minute I forgot that he was gone... it didn't seem odd to see him there. Of course, he wasn't there, and as soon as I came to my senses I felt terrible.



Ted got to have a nice day at home yesterday before the end, though. He got to sit and look out both doors (we have glass storm doors) and sit in the sun, and he got to watch a new huge squirrel come and take over one of my bird feeders. He got to lay in bed with me most of the day, and he got to sit with his dad and granma the rest of the time.



Everyone feels sad. Everyone feels numb. I remember when my Grandfather died in March, I didn't believe it. Even though I was there and watched him die at home in his rocker chair... I didn't believe it until the casket was in the ground. But with Ted, I do believe it... and I feel it way deep inside of me. And I hate it.



Thanks for letting me "talk" about this, and thanks for putting up with such a long message.



Ruth
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#2 Old 07-30-2003, 07:01 PM
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I'm so sorry, rosment! It sounds like Ted was a really great kitty, and I'm sure he loved you just as much as you love him.



I know that nothing I can say will make the hurt stop, but please take comfort in the fact that he was with the people he loved, and had a great life.



((((HUGS))))
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#3 Old 07-30-2003, 07:05 PM
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I'm so sorry, rosment. What a horrible thing for you to have to be going through.



I know the loss of someone that's a part of you is very painful, and the pain never completely goes away. Just remember that you gave him the best life that he could have had and he left this world very loved.



Maybe you've read this before. Either way, I find this comforting when losing a companion animal-



Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.



When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.



All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.



They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.



You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.





Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
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#4 Old 07-30-2003, 07:09 PM
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I'm so sorry...I know what it feels like to lose a pet that you've had for so long. One of my cats died 4 years ago and I had her for 7 years and I felt horrible...I hope you feel better soon
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#5 Old 07-30-2003, 07:18 PM
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I'm sorry. I know how it hurts to lose a loved one.
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#6 Old 07-30-2003, 07:58 PM
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Ruth,



I know how you feel, and it's awful to live through. It will take time for the pain to become less sharp. Eventually, the great memories you have of Ted will be something you will cherish for the rest of your life, and that will be his legacy.



For now, try to take care of yourself.



*hug*
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#7 Old 07-30-2003, 08:55 PM
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I'm so sorry I know how sad it is to put an animal to sleep. I had to put my Max to sleep in October, and I still have nightmares about it. I see it happen almost every day and its still sad when a loved animal is lost. As difficult as it is, its the best thing you can do for your pet that you love it so much you can take away all his pain.

Maybe you can get a nice garden stone in his honor? I wanted to do that for Max but couldn't really find a nice one I could afford. I will one day tho!

http://megatarian.blogspot.com
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#8 Old 07-30-2003, 09:02 PM
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The garden stone is a wonderful idea. Here are some affordable ones-



https://www.bestfriends.com/shopping/



They're about halfway down the page. Best Friends also has a page of memorials where you can write a dedication to your loved one. You can also ask for them to put a wind chime in Angel's Rest.
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#9 Old 07-30-2003, 09:02 PM
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Sorry to hear about your kitty
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#10 Old 07-30-2003, 09:13 PM
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I'm so sorry for your loss! It's obvious how much you loved Ted- what a special gift that is. I think Ted will always be in your heart and someday you will be together again.



Hugs!
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#11 Old 07-31-2003, 12:40 AM
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I've lost one cat to old age in my adult life, and it was surprisingly devastating. I'd never felt loss at another being's death in my entire life, even for extended family members. Granted, I've never been close to great-great-grandparents, and the like, but I found it interesting.



Point is, I understand, and I empathize. My deepest felt condolences.
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#12 Old 07-31-2003, 01:31 AM
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I'm so sorry I lost my puppy Zeus to parvo last year - even though he was only 6 months old, it still hurt, especially since I knew him from day 1. We've also had to have our dog Scout put to sleep - she was so sick and bleeding internally. But it sounds as if it was for the best - even though it hurts, your kitty's not in pain anymore. Remember all of the happy times you had together, and don't forget him.
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#13 Old 07-31-2003, 08:58 AM
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Thanks, everybody..... for the sweet responses and heartfelt emails. I appreciate it very much.



It seems like some of our cats are reacting to him being gone, as well. It's hard to know how to act about it with them, I just pet them lots.



Thanks again, to all of you.
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#14 Old 07-31-2003, 09:26 AM
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I'm so sorry. I'm glad you were able to cut Ted's suffering short, though. It's a very unselfish thing to do for such a good friend.



I have a 12 year old friend like that, Baby. I hope I can make the right decision for her if/when the time comes, as you did. I'm not a hugger, but I'll make an exception...





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#15 Old 07-31-2003, 09:57 AM
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I'm so sorry for your loss, rosment. You're in my thoughts.
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#16 Old 07-31-2003, 01:04 PM
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I am so sorry. Your post made me cry...I know all about that empty feeling, having lost one of my girls last week. I keep expecting to see her in certain places.....it's gonna take a long time to get used to her being gone. You did all you could for your little boy, and take comfort in knowing he died knowing he was loved .
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#17 Old 07-31-2003, 02:07 PM
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I'm very sorry to hear about Ted. It sounds like he was a very lucky kitty to have you to take such good care of him. And it's a real blessing that you & your mom could be with him at the end.



Just remember, you'll never forget him, but it will get easier. It won't hurt this much forever.



I'll keep you in my thoughts & prayers.
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#18 Old 07-31-2003, 02:08 PM
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So now the floodgates have opened up again and the crying has started up all over because I just got a flower delievery-- from our vet. I have never.... had a vet do something like this before. Always before, vets have sent cards..... I am totally speechless.
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#19 Old 07-31-2003, 02:56 PM
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He will be in kitty heaven. I'm glad you got to spend his last moments with him though and I'm sure he appreciated it too.
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#20 Old 07-31-2003, 04:14 PM
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i'm sorry.
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#21 Old 07-31-2003, 04:57 PM
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I'm so sorry to hear about Ted. *BIG HUG*
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#22 Old 08-04-2003, 11:17 PM
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Rosment-

I lost my kitty in April to a quick and sudden death. I had her 5 years and she has a heart condition. One day while playing an embolism lodged in her back legs. She was writhing around in terrible pain, couldnt move her back legs, and went into heart and lung failure soon after.



She was my child. She lived and breathed to be with me. When I got her, it was just her and me in an efficiency apt. She slept on my chest every night, spent every minute I was home near me. Coming home to my house without her felt like I was dying. like I couldnt breathe.



I didnt stop crying for 4 days. had to take narcotics to sleep. It was the worst hell I have ever experienced.



Your message has me crying. These little ones touch our lives so deeply. My heart aches for you. My only words of comfort are that it gets better. I have a little kitten now and while he's not Tyla, he's pretty special. There are days when I get really sad about Tyla, but more and more I'm remembering her life.



my thoughts are with you.

XOXO

Beth
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#23 Old 08-04-2003, 11:31 PM
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one more thing....(jeez sorry, Im not leaving ya alone here).



I just wanted to urge you not to second guess the events of the days leading up to her passing. I drove myself NUTS doing this. when Tyla was writhing around I rushed her to the vet (whom I didnt like but was kind of dependent on because they were experts on heart conditions). They took her away from me and put her in a plastic box in the back. she was howling and crying so loud, I could hear her from the waiting room. They wouldnt let me be with her (that vet office SUCKED and treated you like a hyperactive mom for being concerned too much) and they said we had to wait for the other patients to be seen who had appointments. Had I known that she was dying, I would have put my foot down and told those doctors to do something (i.e. see us first so we could decide to euthanize faster and not leave her back there suffering, or at least let me be with her).



I know Tyla could not have possibly lived (her condition was incurable), but I was so angry and tormented by replaying that over and over after she was gone. I didn't know that she was dying at the time. I thought I was doing the best I could, etc. When she was put down, I was with her and telling her mantras. And I was thankful that we had been through some tough health issues in the months prior (she had this weird unexplainable sickness before that and I nursed her back to health). I felt like those helped her to trust me when she was in pain. It was THE worst day of my life, but I loved that cat with all my heart and I did the best I could do for her. and they know this! I really think they do.



so do whatever you can to not question your actions about those days. she did not feel abandoned, etc. she felt your love.



I am SO sorry for you. just thinking about this stuff brings the tears for me. during that time, I just couldnt turn them off. just remember it will get better.

XOXOX

beth
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#24 Old 08-04-2003, 11:32 PM
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jeez, I posted that on the wrong post. sorry
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#25 Old 08-05-2003, 12:26 AM
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I'm sorry about your kitty...I know how hard that can be.

hang in there
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