rules for dealing with stray cats (joke) - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 06-02-2005, 12:21 PM
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STRICT, UNBENDING RULES FOR DEALING WITH STRAY CATS





1. Stray cats will not be fed.



2. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food.



3. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with a little milk.



4. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.



5. Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their permanent residence.



6. Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked up and cuddled unnecessarily.



7. Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name.



8. Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the house at any time.



9. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except at certain times.



10. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except on days ending in "y".



11. Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture.



12. Stray cats will not be permitted to jump up on, or sharpen claws on the really good furniture.



13. Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture but must sharpen claws on new $114.99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches.



14. Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand.



15. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece, high-impact plastic tray filled with Fresh'n'Sweet kitty litter.



16. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter pan with a three-panel privacy screen and plenty of head room.



17. Stray cats will sleep outside.



18. Stray cats will sleep in the garage.



19. Stray cats will sleep in the house.



20. Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old blanket.



21. Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-Bed with non-allergenic lambs wool pillow.



22. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.



23. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at the foot.



24. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers.



25. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers except at the foot.



26. Stray cats will not play on the desk.



27. Stray cats will not play on the desk near the computer.



28. Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on the desk when the human is asdfjjhhkl;ljfd.;oier' puyykmm4hbdm9lo9j USING IT.

I'm singin' here to get rid of fear
Hope it disappears right here with the rain
But I know life is pain, not like a fairytale
Meaningless to pray, so just goin' on my way
~Miyavi "Torture"
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#2 Old 06-02-2005, 12:43 PM
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Adorable.
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#3 Old 06-02-2005, 12:51 PM
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That's beautiful!

*this space not for sale*
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#4 Old 06-02-2005, 01:58 PM
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Awwwww!
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#5 Old 06-02-2005, 02:50 PM
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I followed a few of those rules in regards to a black kitty that lived in the alley next to my last apartment. She lives with me now.
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#6 Old 06-02-2005, 02:56 PM
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similar rules were applied to my dad and stepmom's first dog.
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