Originally Posted by veggiholic
Thanks, everyone. It helps to know that there are people out there who understand how terrible it can be to lose a furry friend. I'm still in a state of disbelief at the moment. Most of the time I can't even feel sad, and then it hits me again that he really is gone and I feel the loss for a bit, but then it goes away again. I'm struggling with this because I feel like I should feel it all of the time, which I did the last time I lost a fur baby. It almost feels like the time I had with him wasn't real. I have a lot of pictures and I have his ashes, but it still feels really surreal. I did cry a lot for the first three days and then less and less. It seems like the more time that passes, the less real everything feels.
jeneticallymodified: I'd already thought about a plaque and I've ordered one to put on the bench in the garden where he used to sit with me. I keep hoping that doing things like this will make everything more real for me because I know I need to accept it, but I just feel a bit zombie-like at the moment. The problem is that I want to cry, but I just can't at the moment. I suppose I want someone to tell me when that emptiness and emotional deadness will go away, but of course no-one can.
a plaque in a favourite spot sounds like a very fitting memorial.
you've already accepted it, just on a level thats right for you just now
. as someone gets a bit older, or becomes more and more unwell, we tend to start to get our heads around the idea of losing them a little bit, we can begin to imagine life without them around, to work out how we'd cope, start to use our support-structures like friends and family, etc. but when a loss comes right out of the blue, naturally its going to throw you for a loop- because you really couldn't be expected to see it coming. with your other losses you probably had a bit more time mentally to get yourself prepared- even if just subconciously, or in dreams- this early level of acceptance may well have already been processed had this played out in a different scenario where you had a little more time together at the end of your relationship.
very unexpected life-shaking events often take a while to sink in, and greiving is a complicated thing- you're still most likely in a pretty intense state of shock- which is absolutely natural and healthy. i always
go into autopilot following a crisis- i cook, i clean, i man the phones, i organise things, i'm really practical- everything is completely fine until a while after its all over and everything quietens down again, and then suddenly i relax- and then wham! it took me probably more than a year to cry after my dad had a random stroke, and even then it wasn't a huge torrent, just a little leak springing over a TV commercial one afternoon. don't feel bad about things progressing at their own pace, your mind is just processing things at a speed and in a manner that it can handle and deems appropriate, so that you can continue to function without falling completely
to pieces- its softening the blow and protecting you a little bit to keep you safe, its working through it.
you will cry, get angry, mourn, and feel all sorts of other things when your body and mind is ready for it- and probably it'll seem to happen right out of the blue- something really small or random will trigger it off. you're not quite there yet, but you will get there soon enough, and you'll cope with it too. promise. meanwhile just go with the flow- don't try and force it. maybe tomorrow you'll burst into tears, maybe it'll be a week, or even a month. maybe you'll remember some happy things and start to laugh instead. whatever is meant to happen will, on its own schedual.
remember: you're not gonna get a failing grade at this- how much your eyes leak and how soon they do it is not a measure of how much you loved someone. some very sad events, i may never
cry over- and thats ok- people deal with things in many different ways.