I can't tell you much about your story. I couldn't make it through the first paragraph. The spelling and grammar made it difficult to follow.
I would definitely find a friend who can proof-read for you. But I think you should also work on sentence and paragraph structure. A well structured paragraph (logical thought processes; beginning, middle and end) makes a WORLD of difference to the reader, whether they recognize it consciously or not. I highly recommend a writing textbook called "Writers, Inc."
I don't mean to sound harsh, but if you are serious about writing, then you should take the mechanics of it seriously as well.