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#1 Old 05-26-2017, 07:41 PM
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Food Others Make

How do I deal with turning down food other people make? For example, my sister made cookies for the family tonight and they had eggs in them but it's difficult to not only turn down delicious cookies but to disappoint my sister at the same time. This happens all the time and it's super hard for me to say no to this food. What do I do?
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#2 Old 05-26-2017, 07:54 PM
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You stop being scared of disappointing others and say "No, but thanks for offering". Sorry if it sounds harsh, but it's the truth.
What animals go through is worse than someone getting their feelings hurt because you turned down their food, especially if they already knew you don't eat animal products.

"We have enslaved the rest of the animal creation, and have treated our distant cousins in fur and feathers so badly that beyond doubt, if they were able to formulate a religion, they would depict the Devil in human form." - William Ralphe Inge


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#3 Old 05-26-2017, 08:10 PM
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Originally Posted by jessandreia View Post
You stop being scared of disappointing others and say "No, but thanks for offering". Sorry if it sounds harsh, but it's the truth.
What animals go through is worse than someone getting their feelings hurt because you turned down their food, especially if they already knew you don't eat animal products.
Just what I was going to say. "Thank you but no thank you" is really the only way to go.

Then maybe remind her that you don't eat animal products at a time when there are no cookies involved.
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#4 Old 05-27-2017, 12:31 AM
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If you tell people no firmly but kindly, some of them will go out of their way to learn a vegan recipe for you or to pick you up a vegan cookie from the bakery.

There are people who hate or like to annoy vegans, but some people are actually awed or feel guilty around vegans and will start eating more vegan or vegetarian food in your presence or at least buy you a vegan option for yourself, which is a really great ploy to get them to eat less animal products as well.

So don't think of it as being rude in the moment, but ultimately serving a greater or long term good for you and for the animals.

As long as you're nice about it, people who actually care about you should at the very least not take it personally.

People develop eating disorders because of being guilted into eating food they don't want, so saying no food should be a simple human right, whether you're vegan or not.

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Last edited by Thalassa; 05-27-2017 at 12:34 AM.
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#5 Old 05-27-2017, 03:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Thalassa View Post
If you tell people no firmly but kindly, some of them will go out of their way to learn a vegan recipe for you or to pick you up a vegan cookie from the bakery.

There are people who hate or like to annoy vegans, but some people are actually awed or feel guilty around vegans and will start eating more vegan or vegetarian food in your presence or at least buy you a vegan option for yourself, which is a really great ploy to get them to eat less animal products as well.

So don't think of it as being rude in the moment, but ultimately serving a greater or long term good for you and for the animals.

As long as you're nice about it, people who actually care about you should at the very least not take it personally.

People develop eating disorders because of being guilted into eating food they don't want, so saying no food should be a simple human right, whether you're vegan or not.
This is so true.

When my brother would invite us for a B-B-Q my SIL would look up vegan and veg burger recipes. My nephew would help her make them and my brother would cook them first before any meat was cooked on the grill Ididn't even have to ask). They would try them and end up eating more.

Another SIL would bring my mother (who lived with us) cookies and muffins and she made up recipes and cooked vegan versions for us - still does when we visit each other.

My MIL not only cooks vegan food for us when we go to stay with them and eats vegan when she and FIL stay with us, she has even started to cook vegan dishes for them to eat themselves. Tonight she was cooking pumpkin and lentil soup with broccoli.

No one has ever reacted negatively to our being veg'n. and it tends to be contagious if you handle it properly.

One step at a time.
A bit of casual talk about how cute baby lambs are or how horrible dairy farming is - never at meal times and never preaching, but still letting people know how strongly you feel about it.
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#6 Old 05-28-2017, 01:27 AM
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This is so true.

When my brother would invite us for a B-B-Q my SIL would look up vegan and veg burger recipes. My nephew would help her make them and my brother would cook them first before any meat was cooked on the grill Ididn't even have to ask). They would try them and end up eating more.

Another SIL would bring my mother (who lived with us) cookies and muffins and she made up recipes and cooked vegan versions for us - still does when we visit each other.

My MIL not only cooks vegan food for us when we go to stay with them and eats vegan when she and FIL stay with us, she has even started to cook vegan dishes for them to eat themselves. Tonight she was cooking pumpkin and lentil soup with broccoli.

No one has ever reacted negatively to our being veg'n. and it tends to be contagious if you handle it properly.

One step at a time.
A bit of casual talk about how cute baby lambs are or how horrible dairy farming is - never at meal times and never preaching, but still letting people know how strongly you feel about it.
That's great!


The pumpkin and lentil soup with broccoli sounds interesting, how was it?
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#7 Old 05-28-2017, 05:12 AM
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That's great!


The pumpkin and lentil soup with broccoli sounds interesting, how was it?

Oh, I wasn't there. They live in a different city. We talk each day on the phone She told me she was making it. She has started making veggie meals just for them. I just casually include bits and pieces of vegan info in our conversations. Cruelty to animal stories and how angry they make me. How nice the meal DH made the night before was. How I wish they would stop putting pork ads on TV and she has started agreeing with me.

Slowly, slowly let people have a chance to think about it and they start to change but she has always been supportive.

I'm sure the soup was bland though she is a bland cook but I don't care. I love that she makes the effort and is happy too do so and now she is changing their eating habits
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"The time will come when men such as I will look upon the murder of animals as they now look upon the murder of men." - Leonardo Da Vinci, Italian Painter, Sculptor, Architect, Musician, Engineer, and Scientist

When it comes to having a central nervous system, and the ability to feel pain, hunger, and thirst, a rat is a pig is a dog is a boy. ~Ingrid Newkirk
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#8 Old 05-28-2017, 09:04 AM
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Kindly, but firmly, thank them for the offer and remind them you choose not to ingest animal products for both ethical reasons and for the health of it. Offer to share more info later if they're truly interested in knowing why in more depth. Don't allow yourself to think you've failed in teaching or haven't done things properly if they continue to not wish to participate in veganism.

In the meantime, perhaps share a story of a yummy vegan option you learned how to fix using an egg replacement like flax meal and water, or maybe make some and share next time. None of my family attempts to cook or prepare or buy anything vegan, except the hubby. I still hold out hope, but not holding my breath.

My mom says she's too old to change and no longer does her own shopping and very little cooking due to mobility and pain issues, my sister was never taught how to cook, lives on a very limited disability income, and has little interest in learning how, so she often eats highly processed "convenient" items. Both are also on several heavy duty medications further depleting nutrients and such.

Both remain morbidly obese and miserable with many diagnosed dis-eases more often than not and it breaks my heart daily. If I cook vegan for them, they'll eat it. If I buy vegan for them and deliver it, they'll eat it. However, that can quickly drain my energy as they both live in other towns and some days it's all I can do to shop for and prepare my own meals, but I also want to help them realize how much healthier and kinder consumption can improve our overall quality of our life.

My husband's side of the family are avid meat and dairy eaters, hunters, dairy farmers, etc. and it goes without saying that they have absolutely no interest in learning how to cook otherwise, regardless of my or anyone else's approach. Their taste buds still run the show. If I go, I know I need to be prepared, in more ways than one.

I also no longer smoke, no longer drink caffeine or alcohol, and can't handle perfumes and other artificial scents that disrupt the olfactory and endocrine system, etc., so my time spent with family and in society as a whole is few and very carefully navigated. Grateful to have serene home and garden space with the hubby and land to roam and wildlife to visit with.

I have learned to arrive everywhere I go that I already know isn't vegan friendly prepared with my own vegan vittles (and enough to share) to offset cravings and triggers whether I visit friends, family, workshops, business meetings, certain restaurants, celebrations, etc.

I also call ahead and verify vegan options being offered at events and restaurants every chance I get, if for nothing else, in hopes of heightening their awareness to meet the needs of vegan consumers wishing to patronize and support them. I always do online reviews for the ones who offer vegan stuff on purpose, too, so other vegans can find them.

I have become much more comfortable in being kindly assertive in asking for what I know my body healthily recognizes and processes vs. simply accepting something in hopes of not hurting feelings. Especially the feelings of folks who don't seem to be able to connect the dots for whatever reasons and appear not to give a damn about the feelings of other living things, even after becoming very aware of how things go down behind all the scenes.
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#9 Old 05-29-2017, 03:04 PM
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Originally Posted by sawyer_lei View Post
How do I deal with turning down food other people make? For example, my sister made cookies for the family tonight and they had eggs in them but it's difficult to not only turn down delicious cookies but to disappoint my sister at the same time. This happens all the time and it's super hard for me to say no to this food. What do I do?
Go all-out Pavlov: display rejection and disappointment as you turn it down, and she'll rapidly accommodate to your requirements.
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#10 Old 05-29-2017, 04:34 PM
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Originally Posted by acephale View Post
Go all-out Pavlov: display rejection and disappointment as you turn it down, and she'll rapidly accommodate to your requirements.
Or you won't be invited anymore! Problem solved.

Yes, this is sarcasm

Food is a very cultural thing. When folks have been making the same 'traditional' foods it's not natural for them to cater to others.
I suggest very polite, easy discussion, on how you decided you wouldn't eat meat anymore. No judgement.

Talk about food you eat. take extra care in what you present to others. Remind people how much 'traditional' food is easily vegan.
I don't run across many people who aren't interested in discovering different foods.

Bring food- the kind others are accustomed to, like potatoe, and pasta salads, baked beans, bean burgers or a box of pre made burgers like Gardein (my favorite!). Corn, portobella and veggie skewers, pineapple-all very 'normal' for summer BBQ's!
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#11 Old 05-29-2017, 04:57 PM
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Or you won't be invited anymore! Problem solved.

Yes, this is sarcasm

Food is a very cultural thing. When folks have been making the same 'traditional' foods it's not natural for them to cater to others.
I suggest very polite, easy discussion, on how you decided you wouldn't eat meat anymore. No judgement.
The Pavlovian comment was tongue-in-cheek, aloof, exalted. Besides, I struggle to see a defooing proposal baked into it.

Quote:
Bring food- the kind others are accustomed to, like potatoe, and pasta salads, baked beans, bean burgers or a box of pre made burgers like Gardein (my favorite!). Corn, portobella and veggie skewers, pineapple-all very 'normal' for summer BBQ's!
Those are all great. For burgers, my own favorite would be red lentils, cumin and cilantro stick-blended with carrots and yams.
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#12 Old 06-01-2017, 09:35 PM
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Originally Posted by BlueMts View Post
Oh, I wasn't there. They live in a different city. We talk each day on the phone She told me she was making it. She has started making veggie meals just for them. I just casually include bits and pieces of vegan info in our conversations. Cruelty to animal stories and how angry they make me. How nice the meal DH made the night before was. How I wish they would stop putting pork ads on TV and she has started agreeing with me.

Slowly, slowly let people have a chance to think about it and they start to change but she has always been supportive.

I'm sure the soup was bland though she is a bland cook but I don't care. I love that she makes the effort and is happy too do so and now she is changing their eating habits
Well in a way that's actually better she's listening from afar and incorporating into their daily lives!

You have managed a success. I hope they keep progressing.
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#13 Old 06-01-2017, 09:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Knowtions In Motion View Post
Kindly, but firmly, thank them for the offer and remind them you choose not to ingest animal products for both ethical reasons and for the health of it. Offer to share more info later if they're truly interested in knowing why in more depth. Don't allow yourself to think you've failed in teaching or haven't done things properly if they continue to not wish to participate in veganism.

In the meantime, perhaps share a story of a yummy vegan option you learned how to fix using an egg replacement like flax meal and water, or maybe make some and share next time. None of my family attempts to cook or prepare or buy anything vegan, except the hubby. I still hold out hope, but not holding my breath.

My mom says she's too old to change and no longer does her own shopping and very little cooking due to mobility and pain issues, my sister was never taught how to cook, lives on a very limited disability income, and has little interest in learning how, so she often eats highly processed "convenient" items. Both are also on several heavy duty medications further depleting nutrients and such.

Both remain morbidly obese and miserable with many diagnosed dis-eases more often than not and it breaks my heart daily. If I cook vegan for them, they'll eat it. If I buy vegan for them and deliver it, they'll eat it. However, that can quickly drain my energy as they both live in other towns and some days it's all I can do to shop for and prepare my own meals, but I also want to help them realize how much healthier and kinder consumption can improve our overall quality of our life.

My husband's side of the family are avid meat and dairy eaters, hunters, dairy farmers, etc. and it goes without saying that they have absolutely no interest in learning how to cook otherwise, regardless of my or anyone else's approach. Their taste buds still run the show. If I go, I know I need to be prepared, in more ways than one.

I also no longer smoke, no longer drink caffeine or alcohol, and can't handle perfumes and other artificial scents that disrupt the olfactory and endocrine system, etc., so my time spent with family and in society as a whole is few and very carefully navigated. Grateful to have serene home and garden space with the hubby and land to roam and wildlife to visit with.

I have learned to arrive everywhere I go that I already know isn't vegan friendly prepared with my own vegan vittles (and enough to share) to offset cravings and triggers whether I visit friends, family, workshops, business meetings, certain restaurants, celebrations, etc.

I also call ahead and verify vegan options being offered at events and restaurants every chance I get, if for nothing else, in hopes of heightening their awareness to meet the needs of vegan consumers wishing to patronize and support them. I always do online reviews for the ones who offer vegan stuff on purpose, too, so other vegans can find them.

I have become much more comfortable in being kindly assertive in asking for what I know my body healthily recognizes and processes vs. simply accepting something in hopes of not hurting feelings. Especially the feelings of folks who don't seem to be able to connect the dots for whatever reasons and appear not to give a damn about the feelings of other living things, even after becoming very aware of how things go down behind all the scenes.

My mom went out of her way to buy black bean burgers when I had a friendly talk with her, and we are originally from Appalachia, so she frequently does things like eat beans and cornbread once or twice a week as I did growing up, as well as eating fruit or vegetables or nuts, for snacks, and peanut butter sandwiches for lunch or soup.. .I actually owe a ton to my family for raising me very old fashioned, like what modern Americans call flexitarian, and I respect them for that. My mom also drinks soy or almond coconut milk because she's lactose intolerant and breast cancer runs in our family. She taught me to cook with olive oil and disapproved of my grandparents style of forcing meat on me, and forcing food in general on children (she struggled with full blown anorexia in her twenties because of what I also experienced). All that being said she's terrified to stop eating fish, because I guess she doesn't know how else to get Omega 3, so I need to work on that with her. ...but also because Jesus ate fish (according to most Xians, but some Jews disagree, which is a separate conversation I also need to have with her).

My closest sister is health/anti-GMO freak and has her B.S. in Biology, so drinks raw milk, avoids junk food etc. But she got her degree in WV and living and studying science in CA is a bit different and I wish I could pass it on to her.

My other sister only eats meat once per day, mostly chicken or fish, but she's extremely wired to be traditional even more than my mom or other sister. ...she dropped out of college after one semester of being an art major, married, two kids, Catholic, virgin Mary on her lawn, nicest person in the world, but she's most likely to follow the lead of others, not be an outsider.

In a way I'm lucky with my remaining family of "flexitarians" and GMO-haters and traditional Catholics, but on the other, it makes it even more difficult to use the abrasive tactics on them I would use on greedy unapologetic meat eaters.
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#14 Old 06-02-2017, 07:07 AM
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If your sister knows you're vegan but still offers them to you, that's malice on her part and at that point, I wouldn't worry too much about being rude in telling her you can't eat them. But that's just my thought process.
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#15 Old 06-02-2017, 11:54 PM
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Go to the library and borrow books on Vegan desserts (Trust me, they are there). Fran Costigan's Vegan Chocolate, Philip Hochuli's Vegan Chocoloholic, Colleen Patrick-Goodreau's The Joy of Vegan Baking, Isa Moskowitz's and Terry Hope Romaro's Vegan Pie in the Sky, Vegan Cookies Take Over The Jar, and Vegan Cupcakes Take Over The World, Kelly Peloza's The Vegan Cookie Connoisseur, Chloe Coscarelli's Chloe's Vegan Desserts...I'm sure others will be happy to add to this list. Oh, and Enjoy Life Chocolate Chips are vegan as well. WHAT??!! My interest in veganism started when my then 5-year-old grandniece developed allergies, and couldn't have eggs or dairy products. I wasn't going to tell a 5-year-old she couldn't have dessert because of allergies.

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#16 Old 06-03-2017, 05:19 PM
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Originally Posted by sawyer_lei View Post
How do I deal with turning down food other people make? For example, my sister made cookies for the family tonight and they had eggs in them but it's difficult to not only turn down delicious cookies but to disappoint my sister at the same time. This happens all the time and it's super hard for me to say no to this food. What do I do?
She must not have known you've gone vegan. You should tell her, and the rest of your family. It will make things easier in the long run. Also, if they were traditional cookies, like chocolate chip or oatmeal, they really don't need eggs, they will bake fine without them. They will, however, need a substitute for butter. Buy some Earth Balance sticks to have in the fridge for everyone to use, and then you make the cookies!
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#17 Old 06-04-2017, 12:03 AM
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Or do what I do.

Ridiculously Easy Butterscotch Sauce
Adapted loosely from The Washington Post, who adapted it from The Perfect Cake

Yield: About 2/3 to 3/4 cup sauce

1/4 cup (4 tablespoons, 2 ounces or 1/2 stick) unsalted butter
1/2 cup (about 109 grams) packed dark or light brown sugar (I used dark)
1/2 cup heavy cream
1/2 teaspoon (2 grams) flaky sea salt (or 1/4 teaspoon regular salt), plus more to taste
1 1/2 teaspoons (8 ml) vanilla* extract, plus more to taste

Purp's Note* I have been known to use lemon extract and almond extract in place of vanilla extract.

Melt butter in a medium heavy-bottomed saucepan over medium heat. Add the sugar, cream and salt and whisk until well blended. [A flat whisk works great here.] Bring to a very gentle boil and cook for about five minutes, whisking occasionally.

Remove from heat and add one teaspoon of the vanilla extract, stirring to combine and this is where, despite the simplicity of the recipe, you get to feel all “chef-y”. Dip a spoon in the sauce and carefully taste the sauce (without burning your tongue!) to see if you want to add additional pinches or salt or splashes of vanilla. Tweak it to your taste, whisking well after each addition. I ended up using a full teaspoon of flaky salt and the listed amount of vanilla to get a butterscotch sauce with a very loud, impressive butterscotch flavor but the strength of your vanilla and intensity of your salt may vary.

Serve cold or warm over vanilla ice cream, roasted pears or pound cake. The sauce will thicken as it cools. It can be refrigerated in an airtight container and reheated in a microwave or small saucepan.

To do ahead: This sauce will keep at least two weeks in an airtight container in the fridge.

Where did I get the idea to use butterscotch sauce as a cookie binder? From here. *
Purp's Note* You all were probably sleeping soundly at night not know what a weirdo I am.

To gift this up: I’d go the canning route in small jars. (You’ll want to scale the recipe a bit, as it makes less than a cup.) I am not practiced enough in canning to give advice but you should most definitely check out the awesome Food in Jars blog for tips. Whoops! A few readers have warned that butter-and-cream-type confections are not safe to can. A big thank you for keeping the Smitten Kitchen botulism-free! (You can still put these in small jars, but warn that they are, indeed, perishable and should be kept in the fridge.)

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#18 Old 06-06-2017, 01:26 AM
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I often turn down my roomates' offering, they blame me and say their won't offer me food anymore. Anyway, "kindly but firmly" to insist vegan.
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#19 Old 06-06-2017, 01:34 PM
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At first you might feel awkward but it's really no big deal; lots of people turn down food others have made due to allergies, or special diets... simply say, "no thank you, I don't eat eggs or dairy" if they don't already know, or simply "not for me, thanks!" if they do. If you want to make light of it, say something like, "dad can have my share" or something like that - lol - if you can keep it lighthearted other people will too. It's probably not intentional; I have a coworker that I've known for years has a tree nut allergy and I still occasionally (accidentally) offer him something I've made, forgetting he can't have them. It's not malicious, just forgetful ^_^
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