Newly Vegan Wedding Dilemma - Please Help! - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 05-11-2016, 10:35 AM
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Newly Vegan Wedding Dilemma - Please Help!

I am a fairly new vegan, I transitioned a couple months ago and my fiancé is following the plant-based diet with me, as is my five year old daughter.

One big dilemma I am having is our wedding coming up in October. We have been engaged for over a year, so most of the planning is already done. We have our venue, which is a hotel that requires that you cater through them. We have also already sent out save-the-dates and invested *lots* of money into the event.

However one thing we haven't finalized is food choices. We went to a food tasting before we were vegan and decided on a bacon wrapped steak and salmon as our two choices. There is also a vegetarian choice we will be offering that is a stuffed mushroom, that can also be made vegan. But I didn't get to try that one.

We are really needing to order our invitations soon (like yesterday) but we need to finalize our food choices for the rsvp cards.

Anyways, my dilemma is that I am really not comfortable paying for my guests to consume animals products, especially meat! The death and suffering of animals, as well as the amount of water it takes to produce one pound of beef... I just feel really guilty serving it at my wedding.

My fiancé feels differently. He doesn't want to force people to eat a certain way, he wants to give them options. He even told his friends at work that we were considering doing vegetarian or vegan for the wedding and they said "so we should eat before we come?" So I think he feels a lot of pressure from his friends to keep them happy. I of course want everyone to be happy too.

The other issue is that I don't even know if the venue has multiple vegan options. The only option I know of is the stuffed mushroom, which is normally made with dairy so I don't even know if it would be good. And I would be really disappointed if the food at my wedding sucked. I mean, one of the biggest parts of a wedding is the food. If our food sucks, I feel like its a reflection on us as poor planning.

My fiancé and I both agreed that it would be perfect if we could have hired a professional vegan caterer and had really good vegan food. But since this venue does not specialize in vegan food, we really don't know how it would turn out.

The venue does have three vegetarian options, the stuffed mushroom and two others that are heavy on cheese. I just don't know what to do! Its been bothering so much that I have stopped planning my wedding and have been just ignoring the problem.

Because we are on such a short timeline, I really don't know how many options we have at this point.

Any advice or ideas are greatly appreciated!!!!
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#2 Old 05-11-2016, 12:35 PM
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[QUOTE=wildflowerliz;3965137]
Anyways, my dilemma is that I am really not comfortable paying for my guests to consume animals products, especially meat! The death and suffering of animals, as well as the amount of water it takes to produce one pound of beef... I just feel really guilty serving it at my wedding.

My fiancé feels differently. He doesn't want to force people to eat a certain way, he wants to give them options. He even told his friends at work that we were considering doing vegetarian or vegan for the wedding and they said "so we should eat before we come?" So I think he feels a lot of pressure from his friends to keep them happy. I of course want everyone to be happy too.

[QUOTE]


Do you think the hotel would be willing to make some "off the menu" dishes? Even if it cost you more, maybe it would be worth it.

I think you can have a vegan wedding without people even noticing much. There are many popular, "accidentally vegan" dishes, such as fancy pasta dishes (with marinated Portobello mushrooms, braised greens, etc.), hearty & spicy Indian lentil stews, pita bread and hummus, Mexican vegan nachos, well-dressed salads, things like that. If the hotel has a full kitchen, I think they'd be able to make these relatively simple dishes.


.

_________

Specific recommendations for a healthy diet include: eating more fruit, vegetables, legumes, nuts and grains; cutting down on salt, sugar and fats. It is also advisable to choose unsaturated fats, instead of saturated fats and towards the elimination of trans-fatty acids."
- United Nations' World Health Organization
http://www.who.int/topics/diet/en/

Last edited by David3; 05-11-2016 at 12:40 PM.
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#3 Old 05-11-2016, 04:13 PM
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My veg*n daughter had the same situation a few years ago.

She offered a vegetarian, as well as meat option for the guests.

I had the veggie option, while the lady next to me said "I love eating a steak at weddings."

No harm, no foul.

If I did my wedding today, it would be 100% veg*n.

Find what works for you, and what you feel comfy with.....otherwise, you'll be miserable.
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#4 Old 05-11-2016, 08:21 PM
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Tell the coordinator exactly what you said there and ask if there is a way they can accommodate you. If not, I'd let it go. You are probably right that they may not do a good job. It's still a transition period and it's only one meal. There will be a lifetime of family meals and dinner parties where you can do exactly what you want.

But on the rsvp, I would make sure the veg plates are listed first so they appear to be the most prominent choice, and the meat is last. The meat is an option for those who don't want the veg plate, rather than the other way around, which is the way it usually is.
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#5 Old 05-12-2016, 07:19 AM
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Do you think the hotel would be willing to make some "off the menu" dishes? Even if it cost you more, maybe it would be worth it.

I think you can have a vegan wedding without people even noticing much. There are many popular, "accidentally vegan" dishes, such as fancy pasta dishes (with marinated Portobello mushrooms, braised greens, etc.), hearty & spicy Indian lentil stews, pita bread and hummus, Mexican vegan nachos, well-dressed salads, things like that. If the hotel has a full kitchen, I think they'd be able to make these relatively simple dishes.


.[/QUOTE]

Thank you so much for your suggestion! I love your idea about trying to find dishes that are accidentally vegan, that people might not even notice that it's vegan! I am definitely going to consider that. And yes they do have a full kitchen so I think they will be able to accommodate us!!
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#6 Old 05-12-2016, 07:21 AM
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Yeah I thought about offering meat dishes, but I'm really not comfortable with it! If it didn't involve death/violence, I wouldn't mind, but I just can't be ok with it anymore. Thank you so much for your response! And you are totally right, if I don't do what I am comfortable with I will not be happy... and its supposed to be the happiest day of my life!! lol.
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#7 Old 05-12-2016, 07:23 AM
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Tell the coordinator exactly what you said there and ask if there is a way they can accommodate you. If not, I'd let it go. You are probably right that they may not do a good job. It's still a transition period and it's only one meal. There will be a lifetime of family meals and dinner parties where you can do exactly what you want.

But on the rsvp, I would make sure the veg plates are listed first so they appear to be the most prominent choice, and the meat is last. The meat is an option for those who don't want the veg plate, rather than the other way around, which is the way it usually is.

You are totally right, if it doesn't work out, I will have to learn to let it go. I did reach out to the venue and things are looking good so far. Also, great idea to list and veggie options first, thank you so much!!!!
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#8 Old 05-12-2016, 11:03 AM
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We had a vegetarian wedding and only one person complained (out of 80) and only a handful were already veg at the time (now, more are veg). I would definitely press for the wedding meal YOU WANT rather than the one that will make a few guests happy. It's your wedding and it's something you will remember.

Here's what I would do. I would talk to the venue about the fact that you and fiance are now eating plant-based and ask if they can make a vegan menu for you. Just see what they say and THEN talk to fiance about it.

If meat on the menu is really important to fiance then perhaps compromise but find something you feel more OK about than "bacon wrapped steak" - I mean, seriously wtf is that? a heart attack waiting to happen? Like, at least get rid of the bacon part you know?
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#9 Old 05-12-2016, 11:09 AM
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If you're in the US, October should be a wonderful time to offer veggie options - you'll have all kinds of fresh produce available. If I were you, I'd start the convo about changing the menu caterers asap. Another option would be to offer a buffet instead of making people pick an entree prior to the event. With a buffet, you could serve a variety of dishes without making it seem like a vegan big deal. And your caterers could easily incorporate premade items that might make their transition to vegan easier - there are wonderful vegan meatballs that they could use in pasta dishes, vegan chick*n and beef substitutes that would be delicious in casseroles, and vegetable stock instead of chicken in soups and stews.
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#10 Old 05-12-2016, 01:06 PM
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Yes everyone has gave you a sound advice, yes i agree you can have Autumn Vegan type dinners for an October Wedding and I would stick too plant based menu since its your ethnics and values.
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#11 Old 05-12-2016, 03:49 PM
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We had a vegetarian wedding and only one person complained (out of 80) and only a handful were already veg at the time (now, more are veg). I would definitely press for the wedding meal YOU WANT rather than the one that will make a few guests happy. It's your wedding and it's something you will remember.

Here's what I would do. I would talk to the venue about the fact that you and fiance are now eating plant-based and ask if they can make a vegan menu for you. Just see what they say and THEN talk to fiance about it.

If meat on the menu is really important to fiance then perhaps compromise but find something you feel more OK about than "bacon wrapped steak" - I mean, seriously wtf is that? a heart attack waiting to happen? Like, at least get rid of the bacon part you know?
Haha yes you are so right, its a total heart attack on a plate. Not to mention so much death... I guess some people might complain, but people might complain about anything, right? So I might as well pick what makes me happy!!

Quote:
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If you're in the US, October should be a wonderful time to offer veggie options - you'll have all kinds of fresh produce available. If I were you, I'd start the convo about changing the menu caterers asap. Another option would be to offer a buffet instead of making people pick an entree prior to the event. With a buffet, you could serve a variety of dishes without making it seem like a vegan big deal. And your caterers could easily incorporate premade items that might make their transition to vegan easier - there are wonderful vegan meatballs that they could use in pasta dishes, vegan chick*n and beef substitutes that would be delicious in casseroles, and vegetable stock instead of chicken in soups and stews.
That's a great idea to do a fall vegetable dish! And I was thinking the same thing about a buffet! Like you said that way people can pick what looks good and they don't have to guess what they might like by reading it. I will definitely ask about vegan substitutes! I love the meatball idea!!!

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Yes everyone has gave you a sound advice, yes i agree you can have Autumn Vegan type dinners for an October Wedding and I would stick too plant based menu since its your ethnics and values.
Thank you everyone for your much appreciated advice and ideas!!!
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#12 Old 05-12-2016, 04:50 PM
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Great news!!!!

I emailed the wedding coordinator, and she got back to me and said that they would be totally happy to accommodate our new lifestyle!!! And I talked to my fiancé about all the anxiety I have been experiencing lately related to this situation, and he got on board with going all vegan as well!!! So its official, we will be having a vegan wedding!!!

Thank you all so much for your support and advice, I appreciate it so much!!!!! Now I just have to figure out what food we want them to make for us!!

Thanks again, everyone!
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#13 Old 05-12-2016, 05:04 PM
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Great work, and great wedding coordinator! Be sure to let us know how everything turns out!



_________

Specific recommendations for a healthy diet include: eating more fruit, vegetables, legumes, nuts and grains; cutting down on salt, sugar and fats. It is also advisable to choose unsaturated fats, instead of saturated fats and towards the elimination of trans-fatty acids."
- United Nations' World Health Organization
http://www.who.int/topics/diet/en/
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#14 Old 05-12-2016, 06:32 PM
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Great news!!!!

I emailed the wedding coordinator, and she got back to me and said that they would be totally happy to accommodate our new lifestyle!!! And I talked to my fiancé about all the anxiety I have been experiencing lately related to this situation, and he got on board with going all vegan as well!!! So its official, we will be having a vegan wedding!!!

Thank you all so much for your support and advice, I appreciate it so much!!!!! Now I just have to figure out what food we want them to make for us!!

Thanks again, everyone!
I'm really glad that this worked out for you! I've been lurking because I don't have much experience with wedding planning, my hubby and I are super introverted, so we kinda had a quiet private thing with a couple of friends and relatives. But I was hoping you would be able to find a solution. Good to know that you did, and let us know how it goes!
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#15 Old 05-12-2016, 07:01 PM
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Great news!!!!

I emailed the wedding coordinator, and she got back to me and said that they would be totally happy to accommodate our new lifestyle!!! And I talked to my fiancé about all the anxiety I have been experiencing lately related to this situation, and he got on board with going all vegan as well!!! So its official, we will be having a vegan wedding!!!

Thank you all so much for your support and advice, I appreciate it so much!!!!! Now I just have to figure out what food we want them to make for us!!

Thanks again, everyone!
I am so excited for you!
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#16 Old 05-13-2016, 09:55 AM
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I am so excited for you!
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Originally Posted by Aliakai View Post
I'm really glad that this worked out for you! I've been lurking because I don't have much experience with wedding planning, my hubby and I are super introverted, so we kinda had a quiet private thing with a couple of friends and relatives. But I was hoping you would be able to find a solution. Good to know that you did, and let us know how it goes!
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Great work, and great wedding coordinator! Be sure to let us know how everything turns out!



Thanks so much everyone!!! Now the fun part - picking the food! I posted a new thread in the vegan support forum asking for ideas for my wedding menu!
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#17 Old 05-15-2016, 04:57 PM
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Originally Posted by wildflowerliz View Post
Great news!!!!

I emailed the wedding coordinator, and she got back to me and said that they would be totally happy to accommodate our new lifestyle!!! And I talked to my fiancé about all the anxiety I have been experiencing lately related to this situation, and he got on board with going all vegan as well!!! So its official, we will be having a vegan wedding!!!

Thank you all so much for your support and advice, I appreciate it so much!!!!! Now I just have to figure out what food we want them to make for us!!

Thanks again, everyone!
That's great news!!! congrats too you
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#18 Old 05-18-2016, 08:18 PM
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My sister had a vegan wedding reception and everyone loved the food. It's one meal. They can suck it up and deal.

My first wedding we had vegetarian lasagna and neither me nor my ex were even vegetarian at the time. It will be fine. Glad they are happy to accommodate!
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#19 Old 08-15-2016, 11:58 AM
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It's your day and a celebration of your lo ve! I can understand the pressure to please , but if you both are veg at this point, your guests should understand. I might look  up what non-vegan options they already have and maybe b ring in some recipes that can work as alte rnatives. I'm sure if you're nice but firm about it, they will accommodate you.
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#20 Old 08-16-2016, 02:30 PM
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Imho, food is definitely NOT one of the most important parts of a wedding!!! It's not the food, the presents, the dresses or the flowers. The important thing is that you have invited people you love to celebrate your new life together.

And I'm sorry to say, but you cannot possibly have such a perfect wedding that every single person is going to be 100% happy with his/her plate - no matter what you serve. The steaks could be charred, the salmon overcooked - there's absolutely no guarantee that your present choices will please everyone.

And who says guests "should" have the expected and standard food choices? If you were to go to a Japanese wedding, an Italian wedding, a Jewish wedding, you would hope there would be interesting and maybe even *gasp* new food to try.

So here you are 2 months before your date. If you are unhappy with the the menu you ordered, it shouldn't be too hard to make changes. Talk to your venue, talk to anyone who may be helping you with the cost of your wedding and have an open and honest discussion. Which options can you make vegan? Which options can you make vegetarian, and will you be happy with that? Many chefs like a challenge, and this could be a chance for your venue to add to it's repertoire "We can accommodate vegan weddings!"

Whatever changes you make, I hope you enjoy your wedding and your reception!

It is our choices that show what we truly are far more than our abilities. ~A. Dumbledore
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#21 Old 08-16-2016, 09:39 PM
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I'm super happy that things are working out for you with this situation! If you need any strange internet acquaintances to crash your wedding and talk loudly about how amazing vegan food is, I'm totally game.

I suspect that when my (omni) man and I get married, the menu will largely be determined by who is paying for the wedding. If things continue as they are, I will end up paying for everything. If that happens, we're having an all-vegan wedding and he can pick his favorite dishes from the zillions of vegan options.

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb? A: 1001...one to change the bulb, 1000 to say it's already been done.
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