Women changing the name when married? - VeggieBoards
View Poll Results: women changing their names when married
I am female and agree with it 0 0%
I am female and disagree with it 0 0%
I am male and agree with it 0 0%
I am male and disagree with it 0 0%
I don't care 0 0%
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#1 Old 06-24-2005, 01:17 PM
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I thought I'd post a poll for an issue I think of now and then. I always wonder what people think about women changing their last name to the male's last name when married. Who believes this is ok and why.



Personally I just don't understand it and I feel if I was a women I wouldn't want to change it. I find it a bit disagreeable philosophically.



I also feel (as a male) and I got married I would feel 'wrong' for my partner to change her name. It feels a bit male chauvinist to me



In my theoretical world I think everyone would keep their name , children would get the last name of the parent of the same gender. Or they can flip a coin or something.
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#2 Old 06-24-2005, 01:34 PM
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I chose "I am female and I agree" only in that I don't have a problem with it if a woman chooses to do so, but she shouldn't feel like it's best if she takes her husband's name. I mean, when it comes down to it, I guess it does stem from our society's patriarchal roots, but I'm still taking The_Gazumper's last name when we're married. I just want to. If it sounded bad, I would choose to keep my own, but for aesthetic purposes and not because I feel like that's the way to fight the Patriarchy or anything.
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#3 Old 06-24-2005, 01:35 PM
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I changed my name when I got married. It was pure selfishness on my part. His last name is easier to pronounce than mine.



For me, it's just a name. A pronounceable name!



Edit...I doesn't matter to me either way whether a woman (or man) chooses to change her last name. My sister kept her maiden name, and her hubby's last name is easier to pronounce than my husband's. Go figure!
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#4 Old 06-24-2005, 01:43 PM
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i don't think it matters at all. what's in a name?
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#5 Old 06-24-2005, 01:44 PM
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I think it's fine to take the husband's name. I am going to keep mine or hyphenate though. My name is very Irish and it's a big part of who I am, my nickname is derived from it, etc. My bf's last name is very plain. Meh. lol
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#6 Old 06-24-2005, 01:45 PM
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I don't care. I changed my name.
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#7 Old 06-24-2005, 01:55 PM
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Originally Posted by kirkjobsluder View Post

I don't care. I changed my name.



i thought you were a guy .
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#8 Old 06-24-2005, 01:57 PM
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I legally changed my name when I got married, but if I ever publish anything during my career, I plan to publish under both names (maiden name, then legal last name - no hyphens though). My mother-in-law changed her middle name to her maiden name when she got married. I like my middle name too much to do that though.



I think it's kinda cool when both the husband and the wife change their names, whether they are hyphenating or coming up with a new name completely. But hey, to each his or her own, right?
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#9 Old 06-24-2005, 01:58 PM
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i thought you were a guy .



I am.
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#10 Old 06-24-2005, 02:00 PM
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I am.





Well then you can't have possibly changed your name kirk, as it's the woman's place to do so





*looks around at what century it is, sneaks out
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#11 Old 06-24-2005, 02:30 PM
 
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I changed my last name to my husband's when we got married for several reasons. For one, I'm not very close to my family and don't feel a strong connection to my father's last name. He has a deeper connection to his family name than I do. Two, my husband and I keeping the same last name is nice (to me) as it ties us together as a family, especially if we have children. And three, his last name is really cool, and my former last name was bland.

But I'm all for husbands taking on their wife's name if they want to, the wife keeping her name, or any other possible combination. Whatever suits the couple best.
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#12 Old 06-24-2005, 02:34 PM
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If I were to get married one day (I don't think that's likely), I'd keep my last name. I could combine it with my husband's last name, or leave it as it is. I'd leave it up to him whether he'd take mine, combine it with his, or simply keep his own and make no changes. My family name is Danish, and I know for sure that only 5 persons (my family and I) in Norway share it. It is a little more common in Denmar, though.
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#13 Old 06-24-2005, 02:36 PM
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I am not a lawyer. But it is my understanding of the law in the US that when a woman is married, she is then legally entitled to use her husband's last name. But she has no obligation to do so. And she is still entitled to use her unmarried name if she so wishes. So, in effect, she has the option of using either or both.



This is not the same as going to court to get your name changed. As I understand it, if you do this, you must use your new name and cannot use your old name.



So it is a little misleading (or can be) to talk about a woman "changing her name" when married, unless this is clearly understood to be different from what goes on in a change-of-name proceeding in court that is unconnected with marriage.



My sister is a lawyer, and she typically signs her name:



[First Name] [Unmarried Last Name] [Married Last Name] (no hyphens)



but she also feels free to sign her name as



[First Name] [Unmarried Last Name]



whenever appropriate.
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#14 Old 06-24-2005, 02:49 PM
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I hyphenated my last name when I got married - at the time it was important to me - I was naieve and idealistic - I wanted my kids to have the same last name as their father and me - and yet I didn't want to totally lose my identity...

So - now that I'm divorced, I haven't gone back to just my maiden name, but kept it hyphenated - I'm still on his medical insurance and health club membership and a couple other things, so haven't bothered to change it back - guess I'm not sure what I'd choose if I ever get married again...
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#15 Old 06-24-2005, 02:58 PM
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It's only practical for one of the parties to take the other's name. It gets all confusing when families combine two last names with a hyphen, like Anderson-Perez. What happens when two double-last-named people want to get married and keep their names? Then you get kids with last names like Anderson-Perez-Young-Popadopoulous. Nobody wants to see that.



I guess the other option would be, the parents keep their names and the children take either one of the last names. But then you have a family that doesn't share a last name. You can't be the Andersons, or the Perez's, or the Popadopoulous's. Instead you get The Popadopoulous's featuring Mr. Anderson.



But ya, obviously the traditional method where the woman takes the man's last name is chauvanistic, it's an old tradition. I personally wouldn't have a problem with taking the last name of my soon to be wife, if i had a soon-to-be wife, or anything close to that.
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#16 Old 06-24-2005, 03:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newstars View Post

It's only practical for one of the parties to take the other's name. It gets all confusing when families combine two last names with a hyphen, like Anderson-Perez. What happens when two double-last-named people want to get married and keep their names? Then you get kids with last names like Anderson-Perez-Young-Popadopoulous. Nobody wants to see that.



In Spain, practically every unmarried person has two names: their father's last name and their mother's. I'm not sure how it works out when they get married. (I remember it from when I went to school there; I was the only person in my class with only one last name, I think.)
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#17 Old 06-24-2005, 03:11 PM
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man, if I was going to change my name when I got married, I would go all out for it, not just do the boring old last name thing. I would be like, Frankenstein Honeytoast.. or just copy someone else and be Zaphod Beeblebrox, or maybe just SheRa (I'd always wanted to change my name to SheRa when I was 4). Can you even do that, or does it HAVE to be the guy's last name? If not, I'll just save up the $300-or-whatever to have it done.
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#18 Old 06-24-2005, 03:13 PM
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I didn't change my name upon marriage, but after about ten years, I changed to my husband's last name, because he has a nicer sounding last name than I have.
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#19 Old 06-24-2005, 03:31 PM
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I changed mine when I got married because I hated my maiden name.
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#20 Old 06-24-2005, 03:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Katt Fink View Post

man, if I was going to change my name when I got married, I would go all out for it, not just do the boring old last name thing. I would be like, Frankenstein Honeytoast.. or just copy someone else and be Zaphod Beeblebrox, or maybe just SheRa (I'd always wanted to change my name to SheRa when I was 4). Can you even do that, or does it HAVE to be the guy's last name? If not, I'll just save up the $300-or-whatever to have it done.





Why not change it now? It's easy to do.
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#21 Old 06-24-2005, 03:42 PM
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I changed mine because i didn't particularly care for my maiden name (plus I love the confused look in peoples' eyes when they hear my spanish last name, when I am very much the blue eyed gringa in appearance, haha.)



I also changed it because I felt it was an intimate thing to do. I didn't have to - it was totally my choice. I am quite the feminist, so he was surprised when I said I was going to change my name... he didn't think it mattered before we were married, but he actually likes it now ;-)
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#22 Old 06-24-2005, 03:52 PM
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I voted "I don't care," but that doesn't really cover my thoughts on it. I would never change my name because I like my name and it's an integral part of who I am. At certain points in my life friends have called me by my last name. I would never change my name just because it's what people do. Even if I didn't like my name, the sexist implications (that I would be my husband's property or lose my old identity) do bother me too. However, I have no problem with other women changing their names for whatever reasons they have. I have had friends change their names simply because they liked their husbands' names beter than their own. I also have a friend who changed her name to her husband's because she didn't want to keep her father's name. Her father is a college professor who left my friend's mother for a student, then when the student was in her forties, he left her and my friend's half sister for another student. In that case it seems more like a feminist act to change her name... Anyway, people have their own personal reasons for changing their names and I would never presume to say they shouldn't do it, but personally I'd never do it.
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#23 Old 06-24-2005, 04:19 PM
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I'm sort of for name changing, only because if the couple has children, I don't think they should have to put up with a hyphen (my maiden name is 3 syllables long and so is my husbands last name, so that would be a mouthful.) or choose one name. But otherwise... I've technically changed my own name, but I'm still saying my maiden name and signing with my maiden name a lot. I guess I'm more attached to it than I thought I was (I've been married for 6 months).
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#24 Old 06-24-2005, 04:21 PM
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i put, generally, that i don't care. if a person wants to change his or her name, then they should feel free.



but, for myself, i didn't change my name. i do not belong to my husband. This is the name that i was given, the one i've had all of my life. I like my name and i'm happy with it. It connects me to my unique heritage. I certainly wouldn't ask my husband to change his to mine. And he and i would have had serious differences if he had asked me to change my name to his. (why some women do this, when they would rather keep their own name, is beyond me.)



but, the weirdest thing about this has recently come up (again). i was married in 2002 and i didn't change my name. no one seemed to care until 2003 when i had to get a background check for the child welfare issue if you worked at a certain facility (making sure you're not a sex offender, etc). I sent in the paperwork--filling everything out--and had it sent back to me from a governmental official.



on the letter it said that i hadn't filled out the paperwork properly. First, i didn't give 'former names, nicknames, maiden names or aliases.' and second, i didn't write down every person with whom i'd lived since 1975 and prior to 1976.



But, here is the odd thing. I do not have any former names, nick names, maiden names or aliases. Second, i was born half-way through 1976, so i didn't live with anyone before then (1975). I put this on the application and sent it back. It was rejected four more times until i called the office and explained that i was born in 1976 and that i hadn't changed my name when married.



Recently, i got a new job where i had to fill out this same paperwork. I filled it out as i did before, and ran into the same problem! It was crazy. When i finally called the administrator, he said "look, sweetheart, you just have to tell us what your maiden name is. Obviously you are married, because you listed this R---- man as your husband." And i said, 'yes, i am married to him. if you read the form carefully, you'll notice that we have two different last names. That's because i didn't change my name.' Then he asked "well, why not? i think you're trying to hide something. What are your other names and aliases?' and we went around and around for a while.



He also asked me with whom i lived prior to july 11 1976, which i had listed as my birthday. I told him that prior to that date, i did not live with anyone, unless he wants to count my mother's body as a 'place of residence' and in which case i lived in that residence alone as i was not one of a multiple birth. He continued to harass me for the names of "those who you lived with before 1976" and i finally got fed up and told him that i wasn't alive, and that if he would just read my birth date line, he would figure that out.



Finally, i asked that the form be given to anothe administrator, and finally the information has gone through.



But how weird is that?
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#25 Old 06-24-2005, 04:27 PM
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That is hilarious Zoebird
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#26 Old 06-24-2005, 04:31 PM
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I've changed my name twice. The first time I opted not to change it back because I have boys that still have their father's name. I took my husband's name this time as well. I really think though that it's too each his/her own.
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#27 Old 06-24-2005, 04:32 PM
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Originally Posted by vggiegirl View Post

Well then you can't have possibly changed your name kirk, as it's the woman's place to do so





*looks around at what century it is, sneaks out



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#28 Old 06-24-2005, 04:36 PM
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uh I don't care. It's up to the individual to decide.



I changed my name, 6 months after marrying and several disagreements. I gave up. Then a few months after I changed my name, DH asked me what I thought about changing our last name to something different.



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#29 Old 06-24-2005, 04:37 PM
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My whole problem with the hyphenation thing is that it doesn't make much sense when taking it to no end. What do you name your children in such a marriage? Give them they hyphonated name? So when they get married then their kids will have 3 to 4 last names, the next generation even more, and so on.



I took my husband's last name when we got hitched and it was a voluntary choice I made myself. This tradition makes sense to me.
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#30 Old 06-24-2005, 04:37 PM
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I don't really care.



I took my husband's last name, though.



Partly out of tradition. Partly because his last name plus my first name makes a hilarious pun. Partly because I plan to be with my husband forever and I like the idea of us sharing a name.



I kept my maiden name as a middle name. I already had 3 middle names given to me at birth, so what was one more? So now I have six names instead of five...not really much of a difference there, LOL.
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