Women changing the name when married? - Page 2 - VeggieBoards
View Poll Results: women changing their names when married
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#31 Old 06-24-2005, 04:39 PM
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My bf was just asking me if I was going to change my name when we got married. I won't. My name is important to me -- not many people have our last name, for one thing, and I want my old students to be able to find me, all my degrees to look like they're actually mine, etc...



But even more important, my bf's last name is something he made up because he didn't want any connection to his father. If there were some history to his name that he wanted to pass along, then maybe I'd consider it for a minute or two before I rejected it, but his situation makes it all the easier to say no.



If we had children (which we don't plan to) I think we'd pick the last name that sounded better with the first name.



I do like how Spain does it, though. Ex: if the woman's last names were Smith Jones and the man's last names were Black Green, the childrens' last names would be Jones Green. It's still patriarchal because the maternal and paternal grandfathers' names are the ones being passed on, but at least you have that name for your whole life, and you get to represent both sides of your family at least a little.
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#32 Old 06-24-2005, 04:43 PM
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I marked that I'm anti-name changing, but really, all I wish is that it wouldn't automatically be considered the thing a woman does when she gets married.



Just to remind people that it's not my obligation nor is it necessarily the best choice to change my name, I generally tell people I won't be changing my name. However, I'd change my last name if and only if his last name is cooler than my maiden name. Which will be difficult (mine's easy to spell, easy to pronounce, not very common, and sounds good with my first name [which is unusual]), so we'll see...



If it were routine for a couple, when considering their marriage, to determine which of their last names they liked better, or if they concocted a blended name, and then both took it I'd be all happy. But, when it's assumed that it's the female's job to change her name, it makes me want to make a statement by NOT changing my name when I get married. I mean, why aren't little boys told that, maybe someday they'll have a different name because they get married??



Still, I do like the idea of a blended name (or a totally new name) if you're going to have kids; makes it easier to identify the family unit.
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#33 Old 06-24-2005, 04:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coop View Post

I already had 3 middle names given to me at birth, so what was one more? So now I have six names instead of five...not really much of a difference there, LOL.



When I got married, I just plunked my DH's last name to the end of my full name so that I have 4 names. But the woman at the SS office insisted that I HAD to have three names. I couldn't have four. I argued, she insisted, I argued, she insisted, I got impatient, so I said fine and changed my middle name to two initials. Looking back I wish I had talked to her supervisor but oh well. So my middle name is CS instead of a full name. heh.
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#34 Old 06-24-2005, 05:00 PM
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I would never change my name.... I would never change my name just because it's what people do. Even if I didn't like my name, the sexist implications (that I would be my husband's property or lose my old identity) do bother me too. However, I have no problem with other women changing their names for whatever reasons they have. ... Anyway, people have their own personal reasons for changing their names and I would never presume to say they shouldn't do it, but personally I'd never do it.



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#35 Old 06-24-2005, 05:04 PM
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uhm, one doesn't have to hyphenate anything.



my mother's last name is HerLastName HisLastName. My last name is HisLastName. My middle name is my mother's familial middle name for first daughters. my sister's middle name is familial middle name for second daughters. So, we got both histories in our names, without having to have a hyphenate.



ryan and i are considering having children and giving them a name without a hyphenate. There names would be ChildFirstName MiddleName MyLasName HisLastName. Probably fill out the SATS with HisLAst Name, ChildFirstName with middle initials of MiddleName and MyLastName. But, i don't care much.



Also, we're considering the scandenavian practice of girlchildren taking my name and boy children taking his name. we think this one is particularly fun.



personally, i think that the 'what will you name your children' question is a silly one when considering a name change. My MIL argued "how will your kids know who their mother is if you and their father don't share the same name?" And i told her "i'll be the woman who is living with them whom they call Mother." LOL
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#36 Old 06-24-2005, 05:08 PM
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Sometimes I think it is weird for a woman to use both last names but the child only gets the mans last name. This is common but it shows a clear preference for the mans last name. I can understand this if the woman is well known in her career (say a published academic for example) and a name change would make things confusing. Barring that, if you are going to prefer the man's name in naming the children why not go all the way?
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#37 Old 06-24-2005, 05:09 PM
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oh, and we're also considering giving them entirely new last names based on very old "family" names. Example:



Aud the Deepminded was a prechristian scandenavian mystic (female). So, we may name a daughter "Elle May Aud."



Thorbold Butter was known as a great exaggerator who said, of iceland, 'that even the grass drips with butter' (male). So, we may name a son Cirdan Eric Thorbold.



See? you can get seriously creative with this stuff. Or just do this: Cher, Madonna, Sting, Prince. Yeah, one name, yo.
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#38 Old 06-24-2005, 05:11 PM
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I don't care. I changed mine and even had my married name on my high school diploma. It's very similar to my maiden name, anyway. I kind of wish I'd have kept my maiden name, just for the family connection. But as Leigh said, it connects my husband and I. (Though really, it's his adoptive/stepfather's name, so not exactly the same.)



The hyphenation gets out of hand sometimes, though. On an award I got during my senior year, the teacher mistakenly hyphenated mine. Remember how I said it was similar? It sounded like trying to cough up a hairball. And I knew a lady at a former job who hyphenated Fry and Spray. I don't know, it just sounded weird to me.
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#39 Old 06-24-2005, 05:11 PM
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i don't think that we have a preference either way. my husband said that he would be very uncomfortable having me change my name. similarly, he would be very uncomfortable excluding my name from the names of our children. So, since there is no prefernce (only what people would assume), then the 'all the way' stance doesn't seem to work. we are going all the way--in our own way.



but, i think it would be difficult for a strange to address an envelope:



the herlastname, hislastname, aud, and thorbold family

1567 Strange Names Street

Anyplace, NV 68362
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#40 Old 06-24-2005, 05:24 PM
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My mother took my fathers name when they got married but they have been divorced for 20 years now. She remarried five years ago but still uses my fathers name and my dad's wife hates that lol and then my younger 1/2 brother didn't get along with my father so he changed his name to his mother's maiden name or er something like that.
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#41 Old 06-24-2005, 06:09 PM
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I took my husband's last name. To me, it represented part following tradition and part taking a new identity that seperates from the old one I had in my single years.



Besides, my maiden name is really hard to pronounce and I never really liked it that much, anyway.



I think if I had liked my maiden name and wanted to keep it, I would have just added it on to my other middle names. I already have 3 middle names, so what's one more, right?
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#42 Old 06-24-2005, 06:35 PM
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when i got married i didnt change my last name. but it was mostly because i just didnt feel like it then. i actually like my husbands last name a lot better. i dont have a strong connection to my maiden name either. im sure when i feel like ive completed my main priorities ill get around to changing it, but until then, ahh i think ill live.

all in all i dont see anything wrong with adjusting your name to your likeing. i know i wasnt there when my parents decided what i was going to be called all my life.
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#43 Old 06-24-2005, 06:47 PM
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i haven't made up my mind about that yet ....

one part of me agrees with it because it's an old tradition and i have respect for things like that

the other (feminist) part of me goes " why is it the woman who has to change her name"

i'm not really sure about what i'm gonna do when i get married .... i do like my bf's last name (that is if he's the one i marry) ... but also feel like i would want to leave mine - i'm my father's only daughter, and my mother changed her name after she got married for the second time, so i want the name to stay.

Maybe i'll have a double last name
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#44 Old 06-24-2005, 06:56 PM
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It's not sexist to me to change your name when you marry. I did b/c I do like that tradition. I hyphenated though, for the first couple of months while I was getting everything switched over. But, that's just me, if someone doesn't want to do that, don't! I have a friend who got married in her 40s and hyphenated her name b/c she was well known by her maiden name. She figured if she completely switched, people wouldn't realize it was her if they just saw her name.
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#45 Old 06-24-2005, 07:00 PM
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I changed my name when I got married so I voted "I am female and I agree" - but I don't see a problem if a woman wants to keep her maiden name, either. It's a matter of personal preference.



I did it because I personally like the unity of having everybody in the family have the same last name. I also think it's convenient when filling out paperwork, etc. so I went with the tradition. (Besides, I wasn't fond of my maiden name anyway )
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#46 Old 06-24-2005, 09:01 PM
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What happens when two double-last-named people want to get married and keep their names? Then you get kids with last names like Anderson-Perez-Young-Popadopoulous. Nobody wants to see that.



LOL....I guess because I'm not really a marriage and kids kind of person I'd actually never thought about that problem before! I guess if I had kids that'd be the only time I'd consider changing my name to my hubbie's, just to make it easier on them. I wouldn't want to put my kids through a whole lot of teasing at school just so I could make a feminist statement.
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#47 Old 06-24-2005, 09:07 PM
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If my boyfriend and I got married, I would still have the same name I do now regardless.

(I sware we are not related!)If I hyphenated it would be redundant!

Our mom's also have the same b-day. They are obviously not the same person.

trippy, huh?



We live together, so alot of out mail is combined now, like we get all these animal address labels with both of our names on them. It is kinda cute.

(you know-the free ones)
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#48 Old 06-24-2005, 09:42 PM
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I think its 'easier' for married folk/families to have the same last name. I don't care whose name they take, or if they combine them, but when addressing one or the other member of a married couple with different last names, it gets confusing.

I'd take my husbands last name if it didn't suck. If it sounded dumb with my name, or was just an awful last name (i.e. "Bimbo" -- I know someone with this name), then I probably would keep my own or come to another compromise.

http://megatarian.blogspot.com
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#49 Old 06-24-2005, 10:15 PM
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I changed mine at marriage, I wanted us to have the same name, DH's last name mattered to him, mine didn't (not such a hot relationship with dad), so I changed it. Sometimes I regret not having made a political statement, but then again, it seems silly not to do what I really wanted, just to make a statement.



But I definitly feel that people of both gender's should be encouraged to make their own decisions, free of coercion.
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#50 Old 06-24-2005, 11:03 PM
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If a woman told me she wouldn't switch to her husband's name, I would call her a dirty whore.

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Well, not really. Just wanted get some Hanes Her Way in a bunch.
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#51 Old 06-24-2005, 11:09 PM
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Fruit of the loom stretch cotton thanks
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#52 Old 06-24-2005, 11:09 PM
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Tame



I hypenated my name when I got married b/c 1) to shut my mother up and 2) it sounded hilarious.



If I got married again, I wouldn't bother. I like my last name.
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#53 Old 06-24-2005, 11:19 PM
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"Fruit of the loom stretch cotton thanks "

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Wow they do really stretch don't they
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#54 Old 06-24-2005, 11:24 PM
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Caroline and I are hyphenating when we get married in October.
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#55 Old 06-25-2005, 12:44 AM
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I checked that I disagree with it, but that really only applies to myself. Others are welcome to choose whatever name they like. I like my name and I'd prefer to keep it when I get married. If my husband's name isn't overly long, my preference would be for both of us to do a hyphenation, but if it's something that's going to take five minutes to sign, I'll just keep mine and he can keep his.
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#56 Old 06-25-2005, 01:07 AM
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I didnt change my last name when i got hitched. His name was way too hard to pronounce, spell, and it was just an ugly name. If i ever become drunk enough to marry again, I may take on the name and add a hyphen or somethin.
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#57 Old 06-25-2005, 01:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coop View Post

Partly because his last name plus my first name makes a hilarious pun.



Oooh I'm curious now!!
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#58 Old 06-25-2005, 02:56 AM
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I won't ever give up my last name as I personally see the tradition as fairly sexist and outdated, but I could care less if another woman does it--it is her choice.
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#59 Old 06-25-2005, 06:24 AM
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Overall, we had a very traditional wedding. We were married at my church. (Well, I hardly attended there anymore, but my father was still the pastor there.) At 24 I was still living at home (but hardly home) and moved out on my wedding day. Therefore, when my father handed me over to my husband it truly was the passing of the old life into the new. (Not my father handing me over to my husband's "property". The closest thing to a dowery my husband got was MY 1993 Ford Escort that my father was kind enough to pay off for my wedding present. I still have it, four years later because it's paid for and runs.) Anyway, we even had Holy Communion at our wedding, which was not common at that church.



My husband wanted me to take his name. I wasn't crazy about that as closer to the wedding I had been going through a mini-identity crisis. All of the stuff about moving out, becoming more of a full fleged grown up and all of the other changes that come after the wedding were hitting me upside the head. Keeping my name, it seemed was one of the few things I could still hold on to. Also, my husband's last name is very common. Outside of Western NY, my name isn't. Keeping my name was part of keeping me, my identity (as somebody else mentioned.) Also, there is heritage in that name as well.



I compromised and I officially hyphenate. "Oficially" as in I use it for things like tax forms, jobs, etc. because that's what's on file government wise. Overall, I use my last name. I think it's more fun.



Last week I started a three week summer school class at my husband's seminary. One of my classmates said that she is from a town in Western NY, about 20 miles from where my grandparents live. In that part of the state, 20 miles isn't much. After she said where she was from I deliberately introduced myself with my last name (and not the hyphen), in part, to see if she would recognize it, and because I'm used to doing so. (Our professor, though, has me down as Laura Maiden-Married, as that's the what I used when I registered.)



Yesterday I was at the plasma center where I go for my play money since it doesn't look as though I'll be getting a job anytime soon. (In part because of my husband. ) My name was called as Laura Marriedname, which kinda bugged me because it's plain on my chart. Well, I got up and a guy (barely looked legal, but cute, probably from OSU) also got up. The employee asked (a bit rudely, I thought) what he was doing and he said that he heard his last name (which is the same as my husband's). She said, no, she called me. He said oh. I said, pointedly to the guy, but meaning it for the employee (who has called me Laura Marriedname every time she calls me), "This is why I use my maiden name. To avoid confusion." Blah. (I thought it interesting that when the guy and I first saw each other he smiled at me, shy and friendly. I mention that I'm married and he doesn't smile at me any more. )



Okay. I've babbled enough. I hope I haven't bored anybody.



Laura









Legally, I hyphenate.



My husband wanted me to take his name. I wasn't
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#60 Old 06-25-2005, 08:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dk_art View Post

"Fruit of the loom stretch cotton thanks "

---------------------------





Wow they do really stretch don't they





Wow...what was the point of that mean little remark? Do you just not have any experience with women?



B
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