Renewing your wedding vows - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 06-02-2005, 01:27 PM
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This is my debut starting a post here so I thought - subject lite. Further, I'm not sure VB members are interested as not a lot are at this stage. Lastly, I do believe in live and let live, but this one just riles me.



Why renew your wedding vows? Why I ask you?



1) Most important point: You said them once. Didn't you mean them!



2) OK, you want to add new stuff or rephrase. C'mon, you may slide into purple prose that is just annoying. Again, the first vows, whether you went tradional or phrased your own, should have been sufficient to carry you through.



3) Aren't you just drawing attention to yourself when you come down to it?



4) How are you making your divorced friends feel?



5) Renewing at 10 years? Why? Lots of people can do 10 years. It's no big whoop. Wait until your 25th silver anniversary and everybody can party. I'm not even sure my husband and I will have one of those.



In short, I just don't get this new school renewing vows stuff. It seems pretentious. I'll go to these things if they offer something I can eat, and I will be polite, but I think they are bogus.



Forgive me if you have renewed: this is just a subjective view from the mind of Cymbeline.



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#2 Old 06-02-2005, 01:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cymbeline View Post


1) Most important point: You said them once. Didn't you mean them!



My mother said that once!
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#3 Old 06-02-2005, 01:32 PM
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Why renew your wedding vows? Why I ask you?



Why is it your concern.



Quote:
Originally Posted by cymbeline View Post

1) Most important point: You said them once. Didn't you mean them!



2) OK, you want to add new stuff or rephrase. C'mon, you may slide into purple prose that is just annoying. Again, the first vows, whether you went tradional or phrased your own, should have been sufficient to carry you through.



3) Aren't you just drawing attention to yourself when you come down to it?



So? So? So?



Quote:
Originally Posted by cymbeline View Post

4) How are you making your divorced friends feel?



Should we also not celebrate anniversaries.



Quote:
Originally Posted by cymbeline View Post

5) Renewing at 10 years? Why? Lots of people can do 10 years. It's no big whoop. Wait until your 25th silver anniversary and everybody can party.



The world needs more excuses to party.



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#4 Old 06-02-2005, 01:34 PM
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The world needs more excuses to party.






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#5 Old 06-02-2005, 01:34 PM
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Maybe as a spark to try and renew what has (inevitably) become a tedious and monotonous partnership?



Is it a little bit of quiet resistance to monogamy? A kind of second wedding without breaking any of society's rules?
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#6 Old 06-02-2005, 01:56 PM
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Wedding receptions are the best parties in the world. I think, if you've been good, you deserve to have more than one if you want.







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#7 Old 06-02-2005, 02:42 PM
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Yuk. I feel bad. I knew I shouldn't have posted here.
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#8 Old 06-02-2005, 02:43 PM
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Yuk. I feel bad. I knew I shouldn't have posted here.



You think you have problems? I created a thread in the Product Reviews forum and nobody has posted in it yet!

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#9 Old 06-02-2005, 02:47 PM
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I doubt I'll renew mine, although my husband and I repeat them to each other now and then, but if other people want to, why not? Sometimes it's a way of renewing the committment after the marriage has gone through a tough time (death of a child, adultery,...), sometimes it's at a big anniversary (personally, I think it's really sweet to see this when a couple's been married 50 years), but ultimately, as long as it's not a gift grab, what's it hurt you?
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#10 Old 06-02-2005, 03:05 PM
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I think it's great. I think too many people do slip into a sort of rut and are not conscious about their relationship and renewing vows is just an expression of renewed commmitment, like ^^^said.



I think it's a cool thing to do, when someone means it.
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#11 Old 06-02-2005, 03:06 PM
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I think it's just people drawing attention to themselves in a big way, a trait which seems to run rampant in our society lately. Now is that a good thing? Look at how wonderful we are. Look how we dote on each other. It just seems in bad taste to me.



I'm entitled to my opinion on a societal trend.
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#12 Old 06-02-2005, 03:09 PM
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No! You don't get to have your own opinions! We need to renew a spanking for you!



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#13 Old 06-02-2005, 04:25 PM
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You get ALLL the fun of a wedding without the fear of being jilted!

Plus, you get to do the "wedding night" all over again - without the possible first time jitters?

um...

Drink!
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#14 Old 06-02-2005, 04:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cymbeline View Post

I think it's just people drawing attention to themselves in a big way, a trait which seems to run rampant in our society lately. Now is that a good thing? Look at how wonderful we are. Look how we dote on each other. It just seems in bad taste to me.



I'm entitled to my opinion on a societal trend.



I think maybe you miss the point ... for many people it isn't a "look at how great we are" thing. It is a personal thing between two people who want to find a meaningful way to tell the other person, "In spite of all of the things we have been through AND because of all of the things we have been through I want you to know that I still love you enough to celebrate it all over again."



And if two people want to do that ... so what?



It isn't any more about drawing attention to one's self than a birthday party, anniversary party, engagement party or the first wedding.



And of course your entitledy to your opinion on a societal trend. You just aren't necessarily entitled to have everyone agree with it.

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#15 Old 06-02-2005, 04:29 PM
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I think it's lovely and romantic to see couples renewing their vows, especially when they've been married for a long time. I agree it's ridiculous if they've only been married, say, five years, but considering how high the divorce rate in the US is, 10 years of marriage is pretty good these days!

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#16 Old 06-02-2005, 04:31 PM
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Also.. great for couples whose wedding was dominated by overbearing mother-in-laws.

Or maybe..if it didn't go as planned/was rushed/tractor crashed into the church/partner had to go of to....Iraq the next day..



I'm all for it!!!!
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#17 Old 06-02-2005, 04:37 PM
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Also.. great for couples whose wedding was dominated by overbearing mother-in-laws.

Or maybe..if it didn't go as planned/was rushed/tractor crashed into the church/partner had to go of to....Iraq the next day..



I'm all for it!!!!



Or if you wanted something nice but had to pay for it yourself ... but now you can afford the party you wanted to have then!

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#18 Old 06-02-2005, 04:43 PM
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My husband and I renewed our vows. After three years of marriage, we decided to get a divorce....then after much soul searching, we reconciled. Though we never actually got divorved, we were divorced emotionally. After we reconciled, we renewed our vows at the Graceland Chapel in Las Vegas. It was great...we got remarried by a fat Elvis impersonater.
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#19 Old 06-02-2005, 04:53 PM
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Umm, because it's romantic as hell.



The union between two people is tricky business. Anything that can strengthen or add romance to a marriage is just good stuff!
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#20 Old 06-02-2005, 05:33 PM
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My hubby & I are thinking of doing a renewal next year, for our 10th.



Quote:
Originally Posted by cymbeline View Post

1) Most important point: You said them once. Didn't you mean them!



Sure! Does repeating them somehow negate that?



Quote:
2) OK, you want to add new stuff or rephrase. C'mon, you may slide into purple prose that is just annoying. Again, the first vows, whether you went tradional or phrased your own, should have been sufficient to carry you through.



As if people don't change after a decade or longer? As if relationships don't change? Purple prose is just as annoying in a wedding as it is in a renewal - best avoid it entirely.



Quote:
3) Aren't you just drawing attention to yourself when you come down to it?



I suppose that does end up happening most of the time, but that's not what it's about. My wedding had 14 people there, total (including my hubby, myself, the reverend, and all the guests). My renewal will probably only have about 5 or 6 people there.



Quote:
4) How are you making your divorced friends feel?



If they're real friends, they will be happy for me.



Quote:
5) Renewing at 10 years? Why? Lots of people can do 10 years. It's no big whoop. Wait until your 25th silver anniversary and everybody can party. I'm not even sure my husband and I will have one of those.



Why not at 10 years? It's a nice round number.



I think it's good to consciously and ritualistically re-dedicate yourself to things you care about. Of course, I'm a pagan, so that possibly explains things. My renewal will look and feel a lot more like a spell being cast than anything else...and in essence that's what it is.



Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks.
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#21 Old 06-02-2005, 06:33 PM
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I think renewing of vows is adorable. First of all....



1. Any excuse for a party is a good thing.

My hubbie and I throw lots of parties. Our friends soon got the bug and now there are tons of parties! Its fun. Lots of food, lots of laughing, its great and it makes you feel so happy (even when you don't drink, as I do not.)



2. Bring the family and friends together

What a great excuse to bring family and friends together for a bash! Sometimes its hard to come up with an excuse to drive that 200 miles, or to take that extra long weekend, but with a family party of significance planned, people make the time. It not only strengthens the bond between the people renewing the vows, but also helps keep a nice healthy extended family!



3. People don't bring presents to vow renewals, so I don't think its really all that "gimme gimme" (I feel that way about bridal showers... what, do you need to get gifts twice for the same thing?!? hehe)



In short - romance, party, fun! :-) Two thumbs way up ;-)
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#22 Old 06-02-2005, 09:01 PM
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Can I renew my vows with someone elses' husband?? - or is that a whole different thread....
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#23 Old 06-02-2005, 09:05 PM
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Noelson -- lol.



Ok, I'll try again with my point of view -- and sure, you can do it anyway you want to and blessings on your little head. But please listen to this.



Whether or not your marriage ceremony was religious, I'm sure you took your vows as sacred. They were very serious. To say them again nullifies the first. To me this is clear. It's like it invalidates the first vows. Like you didn't mean the first vows, like they were not complete.



Why take a second mortage out on your marriage? If you want romance or are in a rut, go to Hawaii.



You want people driving 200 miles to this ceremony? Are you sure they really want to do this? Are you an environmentalist?



There's lots of reasons to have parties.



Lastly, it is just drawing attention to yourself imo. My husband and I are shy: we shook and shivered at the first wedding, which consisted of around 12 people. We don't want to stand up in front of adoring fans and recite love poems.



All in fun -- you guys do what you want. It's not the most serious thing going on the planet -- though my feelings were hurt that no one agreed with me.



Also, I've been married 23 years and my husband tells me at least once a day I'm beautiful and that he loves me. That's what counts: not one day huge weddings and sentimental renewal vow ceremonies.
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#24 Old 06-02-2005, 09:30 PM
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I never got to have the wedding I wanted but hope to one day when Im finally out of school and then I want a banging wedding. Im Italian and I have a huge extended family and all of our weddings are tradition. The entire family parties together all night long. My cousin had a huge wedding a few months ago and she and her husband ended up having the lot of us in the honeymoon sweet till 7amso much for romance lol. We have such a good time together and a wedding is a celebration of love shared with those who mean the most.
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#25 Old 06-02-2005, 09:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cymbeline View Post




Whether or not your marriage ceremony was religious, I'm sure you took your vows as sacred. They were very serious. To say them again nullifies the first. To me this is clear. It's like it invalidates the first vows. Like you didn't mean the first vows, like they were not complete.





Why take a second mortage out on your marriage? If you want romance or are in a rut, go to Hawaii.



You want people driving 200 miles to this ceremony? Are you sure they really want to do this? Are you an environmentalist?



There's lots of reasons to have parties.



Lastly, it is just drawing attention to yourself imo. My husband and I are shy: we shook and shivered at the first wedding, which consisted of around 12 people. We don't want to stand up in front of adoring fans and recite love poems.



All in fun -- you guys do what you want. It's not the most serious thing going on the planet -- though my feelings were hurt that no one agreed with me.



Also, I've been married 23 years and my husband tells me at least once a day I'm beautiful and that he loves me. That's what counts: not one day huge weddings and sentimental renewal vow ceremonies.



If you feel that way, nobody is asking you to renew your vows (are they?) but not everyone sees it the same way. My husband and I would probably benefit from doing this some day and it would be an appropriate thing for us to to, all things considered, and would not expect anyone to drive any distance if they did not want to 100%. I have not ever actually been to, or heard of a renewal that was a big, expensive thing.



I don't get the "saying it again nullifies it" thing at all. Going by that logic, it is not good for your husband to say those nice things to you every day because it nullifies them, right?





I can't help wondering what put this particular bee in your bonnet. Is someone expecting you to drive to their renewal?
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#26 Old 06-02-2005, 09:51 PM
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I dunno, Cymbeline, I guess we are alone in this. The whole extravagant celebration of weddings (the actual ceremony and party and whatnot, not the legal stuff) has always seemed silly and cheesy to me. To do it all over again with the same person is even sillier and cheesier.



But that's just me. Not that I think it's wrong if other people want to do it, I just could never see myself doing it. When/if I ever get married, I want to pay my fee, sign the paper, order some Chinese and watch a good movie, say Goodnight and have it done and over with.
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#27 Old 06-03-2005, 12:10 AM
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The whole extravagant celebration of weddings (the actual ceremony and party and whatnot, not the legal stuff) has always seemed silly and cheesy to me.



Mine was anything but extravagant. We got married by Robert's aunt and uncle (both Church of Christ ministers) in his other aunt's living room, after Thanksgiving Dinner. Our gifts were a small wedding cake, a washing machine (used) from my parents, my wedding and engagment rings that had been in his family fron a great-aunt that died and some money from Robert's siblings and parents (about 500 bucks in total). Most of the people there did not even know they were going to a wedding. They just showed up for the food! I actually regret not at least setting aside a special day for it. It was all so fast, I don't even remember what my vows were! There must have been something in there about me washing a lot of dishes.



I get that you think it is silly and cheesy and I can see why, especially when people put tons of money into the wedding and think it is going to make thier marriage better, but I also can see why people do it. Silly and cheesy is not all bad, after all. People in general are a little silly and cheesy. I mean, have you ever watched "average" people have sex? Or anyone have it, for that matter. Looks silly and cheesy to me!
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#28 Old 06-03-2005, 01:15 AM
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Lastly, it is just drawing attention to yourself imo. My husband and I are shy: we shook and shivered at the first wedding, which consisted of around 12 people. We don't want to stand up in front of adoring fans and recite love poems.



My husband stuttered a little during ours, since he's not good at public speaking. We just had a small justice of the peace deal, and there were only 5 other people in the room (family and two friends). I don't think we'd want to renew our vows, though we are planning on having a party this summer for our wedding (we didn't get to at the time of our wedding in Jan, not enough money) and sometime next year or the year after, we'll have one where my parents live (they couldn't make it to the wedding.)



I think whether or not you renew your vows depends on how you view marriage. I personally beleive that you can commit yourself to someone without being married. I did get married anyway, but I feel that I was commited to my husband before saying the vows.



I still think it's sweet if some people want to renew their vows. It's just not something everyone wants to do.
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#29 Old 06-03-2005, 05:56 AM
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Why take a second mortage out on your marriage? If you want romance or are in a rut, go to Hawaii.



Who says a renewal of vows has to be expensive? My grandparents did it for 200 bucks - renting a hall and everyone brought food pot luck. It was adorable and in fact it showed the children of the family how nice and important it is that they are still together.



Quote:
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You want people driving 200 miles to this ceremony? Are you sure they really want to do this? Are you an environmentalist?



LOL. Are you joking? Yes, I am an environmentalist. I live in the city so my husband can use public transportation to get to work. My hubbie and I are electricity nazis - we turn off everything we can and our electricity bill rarely tops 25 dollars. I use recycled toilet paper for crying out loud. My family however is spread out all over the country and if they want to drive their little fuel efficient cars to visit me, I'm happy as can be and I don't let my undies get all tied in a knot over something like that for which nothing can be done. I do my best and that's all my planet asks of me. ;-)



Obviously not everyone needs to renew their vows. But I do not think that people who chose to do so are attention hogs or wasting money OR, now that its being brought up, are doing undo harm to the ecosystem ;-)
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#30 Old 06-03-2005, 08:47 AM
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So do environmentalists not travel to see thier loved ones? That argument really seems like a stretch to me too.
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