Gossip: Do you participate? - VeggieBoards
View Poll Results: Gossip: Do you participate?
I refuse to indulge in or listen to gossip of any kind. 0 0%
I love gossip! Tell me everything! 0 0%
I'll listen to gossip but won't repeat it. 0 0%
I'll listen to gossip, but if I don't tell somebody, I'll burst! 0 0%
I'll spread gossip only if it's juicy. 0 0%
Voters: 0. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 Old 01-06-2005, 01:33 PM
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We all know how damaging gossip can be. I was given a juicy bit of news by somebody at my workplace yesterday. It wasn't exactly gossip or rumor, just something unpleasant that somebody else there did to him, but spreading it around would have put that other person in a rather bad light. The person who told me didn't come out and say "Don't spread it around", but he told me very reluctantly in a way that suggested he didn't want me mentioning it to others. I understood this and haven't mentioned it to anybody else. However, due to human nature, by the end of the day, I found it very hard to keep quiet about it. I finally wrote it down in a note to a colleague of mine, a note that only she would see. I knew she's not the type of person to go telling others, plus she works the graveyard shift (the only one in our company who does so), so it's not like she'd come into contact with any other employee here. Now that it's out of my system, I feel better about having to keep it a secret (if indeed it is: I don't know how many other employees here know about it and I'm not about to ask).



Should I have mentioned it at all, even in a note? How do you other VB'ers deal with this kind of thing at work or school? There are always nasty rumors flying around here at work, I just don't choose to participate in that kind of gossip. If it was simply that kind of rumor, I certainly wouldn't have written the note, but this was a specific incident and I HAD to tell somebody. Or not?

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#2 Old 01-06-2005, 01:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amy SF View Post

We all know how damaging gossip can be. I was given a juicy bit of news by somebody at my workplace yesterday. It wasn't exactly gossip or rumor, just something unpleasant that somebody else there did to him, but spreading it around would have put that other person in a rather bad light. The person who told me didn't come out and say "Don't spread it around", but he told me very reluctantly in a way that suggested he didn't want me mentioning it to others. I understood this and haven't mentioned it to anybody else. However, due to human nature, by the end of the day, I found it very hard to keep quiet about it. I finally wrote it down in a note to a colleague of mine, a note that only she would see. I knew she's not the type of person to go telling others, plus she works the graveyard shift (the only one in our company who does so), so it's not like she'd come into contact with any other employee here. Now that it's out of my system, I feel better about having to keep it a secret (if indeed it is: I don't know how many other employees here know about it and I'm not about to ask).



Should I have mentioned it at all, even in a note? How do you other VB'ers deal with this kind of thing at work or school? There are always nasty rumors flying around here at work, I just don't choose to participate in that kind of gossip. If it was simply that kind of rumor, I certainly wouldn't have written the note, but this was a specific incident and I HAD to tell somebody. Or not?



The person who told you likely viewed you as you view the woman *oyu* told the "secret" to.



Or, maybe he knew you'd gossip, and he wanted word to get out, without having to be the "bad guy" to expose it...who knows? The human is a tricky animal...
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#3 Old 01-06-2005, 01:41 PM
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No, I do not have the time for gossip, nor care much about it.
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#4 Old 01-06-2005, 01:59 PM
 
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I try not to say anything behind your back that I won't say to your face. If something would make you look bad to your co-workers, it would be kind of mean for me to tell that to people, as hard as it can be to resist.
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#5 Old 01-06-2005, 02:19 PM
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I try not to say anything behind your back that I won't say to your face.



This is how I do my best to live. ^^ On occasion, I get caught up in things and screw up and I have to go talk to the person I talked about to apologize. That is hard and I don't like to do it, so I try not to get in that situation in the first place.



I do talk about friends, about what is going on with them, etc, within our group, but no secrets. I am not into secrets and lying and I am sure not into telling other people's PRIVATE business, unless someone is put at risk for harm if I don't tell.



My husband knows I pretty much will talk about anything about him, our lives and about myself in graphic detail with no embarassment whatever and he does not always like it, but I am honest, and I am trying to improve there. I pretty much will not do or say anything that I would not tell him I did/said.
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#6 Old 01-06-2005, 02:22 PM
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I only gossip with my sister. At work (when I use to work) people tried to gossip to me all the time and I let them know from the start that I didn't want any part of it. When I worked at a bookstore, there was this poor old woman that no one liked (except me) because she was kind of grumpy all the time and everyone said the meanest things about her, sometimes when she could hear. She really wasn't so bad once you got to know her, just old and tired. I felt so bad for her. One day someone took a little toy mouse and colored all around its neck with a red marker and put it in her cash register. She was so scared when she found it and took it as a death threat. Poor thing. I wish I would have known who did it, but no one told me cause they knew I'd tell. Gossiping is mean and hurtful.
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#7 Old 01-06-2005, 02:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by renaissancesun View Post

This is how I do my best to live. ^^ On occasion, I get caught up in things and screw up and I have to go talk to the person I talked about to apologize. That is hard and I don't like to do it, so I try not to get in that situation in the first place.



I do talk about friends, about what is going on with them, etc, within our group, but no secrets. I am not into secrets and lying and I am sure not into telling other people's PRIVATE business, unless someone is put at risk for harm if I don't tell.



My husband knows I pretty much will talk about anything about him, our lives and about myself in graphic detail with no embarassment whatever and he does not always like it, but I am honest, and I am trying to improve there. I pretty much will not do or say anything that I would not tell him I did/said.



Ditto this whole post, for me. Although, honestly I'm not really trying to improve when it comes to talking about myself, my husband, or our lives in graphic detail. Neither myself nor my husband have any embarrassment whatsoever!
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#8 Old 01-06-2005, 02:59 PM
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I never ever tell anyone's secrets. This means anything you tell me "don't tell anyone" as well as anything I think you might not want people to know. Or anything that I think you might want people to know, but the person it's about might not want people to know.



I do my best to not talk behind people's backs. I will listen if you feel the need to vent at me about somebody because I know that



a) if you thought someone else would have been better to vent to, you would have gone to them. There's a reason you're talking to me. Either you think I'll understand, you know I won't tell anyone, or I'm the only one around and you really want to get it off your chest. Telling you I don't want to hear it will not help you.

b) if it's really bothering you, you'll probably go to someone else. I don't know that that someone else will keep their mouth shut about it, and if the other person't potential big mouth causes someone else to get hurt, then it's my fault for not providing an ear when someone needed it. I know that what you tell me will never leave my lips. Beyond that, if you choose to tell someone else, that's your fault.



And yes, in a big group of friends when they start making cruel jokes about people I do start doing my whiny goody-two-shoes thing "you guys, stop it! It isn't fair to talk about him while he's not here! and plus you're being mean." And I know they talk about me, too, when I'm not there. But I don't care. I'm not going to be part of group cruelty and cowardice.
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#9 Old 01-06-2005, 03:11 PM
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No, but I heard epski does. Christy told me so.
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#10 Old 01-06-2005, 03:40 PM
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Hey!



Yes, but I mostly just listen. I stay in my office most of the time trying to fly under the radar, so I'm not privy to much dirt. I've had others tell me stuff, but who am I going to tell? They all know before I do.
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#11 Old 01-06-2005, 03:44 PM
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i try SOOOOOO hard not to and i like to believe i have nothing to do with it, but i know that's a total lie. i've definitely caught myself in the midst of what one might consider "gossip" at school. for shame... i mostly just listen and don't repeat, but i don't really think before i speak so a lot of times i'll say something that in retrospect i probably shouldn't have
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#12 Old 01-06-2005, 03:55 PM
 
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Oh, I forgot to add that I do love to hear gossip about people I don't know. I'm never tempted to tell it, and I don't feel bad for listening, as long as I never meet the people.
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#13 Old 01-06-2005, 04:03 PM
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My S/O is an inveterate gossip, so I've tended to shrink away from it. I think there are just better things to talk about than what so and so said about somebody else, or who's interested in whom, etc.







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#14 Old 01-06-2005, 08:46 PM
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My new years resolution last year was not to gossip. That lasted 3 weeks.



I usually spill all beans to my husband and he does to me. We have fun. He tells me all the gossip about the band he's in and it is priceless entertainment. Then there are his co-workers he has to let steam off about. That is funny too, half the time, though he does have an affection for most of them. I don't have much to gossip about to him but I don't miss an opportunity if one presents itself. With others I don't gossip, except to one friend (it never goes any further) and (just between you and me) we are on the verge of splitting up as friends.
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#15 Old 01-07-2005, 04:12 AM
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I think talking about people is incredibly fun and interesting and valuable and I'm proud of it.



There's this weird anti-gossip thing in our society, even though pretty much everybody does it. Fact, I've never met someone who doesn't, and I'd challenge the people who say they don't in the poll. Maybe to those people, gossip means something different, though.



I don't spread malicious rumors or lies about people, or try to cause upset or strife in their lives, but I think relationships (all, not just romantic) between people and things people do are interesting and worth discussing. Actually, now that I think of it, I've met a few people in my life who don't like to talk about other people at all. Pretty boring individuals!



Gossip is in our genes. We are a social, language-based species--gossip is inevitable, and I don't think our social habits are going to change much until we admit that. The goal shouldn't be not to gossip--it should be mindfulness about what we say and the effect our words have on others. There is a difference.
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#16 Old 01-07-2005, 05:11 AM
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I put that I'll spread gossip if it's juicy, but I'm not talking about damaging gossip. I try my best not to hurt anyone's feelings. I'm thinking more along the lines of, "Hey, did you guys here that so-and-so was fired today?"
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#17 Old 01-07-2005, 06:55 AM
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I kind of figure if my friends don't talk about me, I'm not interesting enough to talk about. Still, the ones I really consider my friends will talk TO me about something that concerns or bothers them about me, and not just to other people.
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#18 Old 01-07-2005, 05:29 PM
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I am really against gossip. Especially because people in college are always talking behind each others backs. I never know who I can trust.



There has been this rumour going round about me for a year now, it only got started because a couple of people who really hate me have "casually" mentioned this certain thing to people.

There have been people coming up to me asking if the rumour is true, which I find pathetic.



They have been saying that I am a lesbian even though I'm not and I don't understand why it would matter to them anyway if I was, why are there so many homophobic people around.

People just like to talk about other people unfortunatly.

By the way Amy SF don't feel guilty, its not like you gossip about people all the time.

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#19 Old 01-07-2005, 06:01 PM
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By the way Amy SF don't feel guilty, its not like you gossip about people all the time. I'm glad you picked up on that. I justified telling somebody by telling myself that she wouldn't tell anybody else, but the fact that I created this particular thread meant that it WAS bothering me a bit. Obviously, gossip is not in my nature, but it was such a weird occurrence, I HAD to tell somebody.



(I work for a medical imaging facility. One of the doctors physically attacked a technologist. The tech is fine, BTW.)

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