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#331 Old 01-30-2005, 07:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Morticia View Post

Umm...that's how I did it. I don't know that I went through trouble for pleasure, seeing that I got to get married to my best friend and all. I do seemed to have missed out on all that trouble where I worry about getting pregnant and being a single mom, STDs etc. Darn.



I don't care when other people have sex (well, after age 18 or so), but I liked having a totally committed, safe and very long-term relationship firmly and legally in place before sex. No scary men spreading diseases for me. I'm a microbiologist, and that prospect scares the hell out of me.



So you could say I'm firmly with krista on the whole 3 dates is not close to long enough thing.



Wow, I think you're missing the point altogether of what I said. I've been celibate for four years (which may sometimes explain my crankiness ). So Im not really interested in sleeping around these days. And I was married and in a six year committed relationship before that. I'm just saying. It isn't either no sex before marriage or be a slutty tramp who sleeps around with scary men. GOOD LORD....I do hope there's a 'somewhere in between.'



All I was trying to say is that if I found someone I really cared about and who cared about me...and who was kind and loving and well...NICE...I don't know that I'd wait for marriage. As a 35 year old woman I'd hope I'd have the sense to avoid getting pregnant or an std. Oh...I am a single Mom...because my husband left though...not because I was a 'bad girl' and got what I deserved.



Shewwwwww...I just think sometimes we should maybe not compare ourselves so much to what others are doing. We should just follow our inner compass, not expect our own personal rules to apply to everyone...and try to live happily that way without being little gods who go around judging everyone all the time.



B
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#332 Old 01-30-2005, 02:44 PM
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Wow, I think you're missing the point altogether of what I said. I've been celibate for four years (which may sometimes explain my crankiness ). So Im not really interested in sleeping around these days. And I was married and in a six year committed relationship before that. I'm just saying. It isn't either no sex before marriage or be a slutty tramp who sleeps around with scary men. GOOD LORD....I do hope there's a 'somewhere in between.'



All I was trying to say is that if I found someone I really cared about and who cared about me...and who was kind and loving and well...NICE...I don't know that I'd wait for marriage. As a 35 year old woman I'd hope I'd have the sense to avoid getting pregnant or an std. Oh...I am a single Mom...because my husband left though...not because I was a 'bad girl' and got what I deserved.



Shewwwwww...I just think sometimes we should maybe not compare ourselves so much to what others are doing. We should just follow our inner compass, not expect our own personal rules to apply to everyone...and try to live happily that way without being little gods who go around judging everyone all the time.



B





Right on!
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#333 Old 01-30-2005, 04:59 PM
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Originally Posted by bethanie View Post

Wow, I think you're missing the point altogether of what I said. I've been celibate for four years (which may sometimes explain my crankiness ). So Im not really interested in sleeping around these days. And I was married and in a six year committed relationship before that. I'm just saying. It isn't either no sex before marriage or be a slutty tramp who sleeps around with scary men. GOOD LORD....I do hope there's a 'somewhere in between.'



All I was trying to say is that if I found someone I really cared about and who cared about me...and who was kind and loving and well...NICE...I don't know that I'd wait for marriage. As a 35 year old woman I'd hope I'd have the sense to avoid getting pregnant or an std. Oh...I am a single Mom...because my husband left though...not because I was a 'bad girl' and got what I deserved.



Shewwwwww...I just think sometimes we should maybe not compare ourselves so much to what others are doing. We should just follow our inner compass, not expect our own personal rules to apply to everyone...and try to live happily that way without being little gods who go around judging everyone all the time.



B





I was not trying to offend, nor am I trying to impose my personal rules on others. I always try to avoid doing that, and I'm sorry if I came across wrong.



I have nothing but respect for single moms, whether divorced or never married. I know a girl who got pregnant at 17 or 18 and has been supporting herself and her daughter for years. I admire and respect all she has done. I just wanted to avoid having the same thing happen to me. And I know that the majority of single mom's are not, as you say "bad girls." I've had family members left by their spouses to raise their kids alone. In no way was my comment meant to denigrate single mothers.



My perspective is this: I've just seen a lot of friends really screw up their lives with "casual sex." I've seen friends get pregnant way too early, and of course that dramatically changes their life plans. Having a child at 18 is not a great way to finish (or start!) college. It is not impossibe to do both, but it is a lot harder. I've also seen friends really messed up by sexual relationships they didn't appear to be ready for. Yes, people can have sex before they're married and be happy. Certainly, some people find that "in between" space. But a lot of people I care about have not.



Not having sex is the safest way to avoid STD's and early pregnancy. There is no way to completely protect against STD's. Condom's, for example, don't protect against HPV infection. So I chose not to have sex until I was married (I didn't get married until I graduated from my undergrad). It worked for me. That's all I am trying to say, really.
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#334 Old 01-30-2005, 05:02 PM
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I support no sex until committed in a long-term relationship. What can I say? 3 months just isn't a long term relationship for me.



And Shag? You waited until you were married, so hush
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#335 Old 01-30-2005, 05:05 PM
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Yes, but I just thought you misunderstood what I meant. I'm not referring to casual sex. I'm just referring to the fact that I don't know that I want to be married again. I might like to have a monogomous and caring relationship with a person long term...without being married to them. (I haven't gotten to that place yet...or anywhere near it...so I don't know but marriage just isn't as appealing to me as it used to be for some reason)



I understand what you mean though.
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#336 Old 01-30-2005, 05:09 PM
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bethanie - that's where I'm at, too. Trying to reconcile that I plan to be with my bf until one of us croak, but still feeling ingestation coming on when I think of getting married again. Of course, my divorce was only a few years ago. And also trying to reconcile that I was always brought up to believe sex after marriage (something I indeed practiced myself).



For us, no sex is the best compromise for us. But that doesn't take away from the fact that I am in a committed, long-term relationship with a man that I love



Ugh, two romantic posts in a row today. Excuse me, I'm going to be sick



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#337 Old 01-30-2005, 05:20 PM
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So why is no sex the best compromise for you guys?



If I had a caring, attractive guy around who I cared about and was having a romantic relationship with...I'm pretty certain I'd be ALL OVER him. But then, I've always been a huge fan of sex. Just the skin on skin, hands all over me aspect of it.



Okay...crap, now I need a drink, and I don't keep liquor in the house.



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#338 Old 01-30-2005, 05:23 PM
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It's the best for now. Who knows what will happen when the weather warms up
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#339 Old 01-30-2005, 05:24 PM
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I slept with my husband on the first day I met him. I was behaving in a completely stupid, naive manner. I would not do that again, I don't think. (not sleep with my husband, sleep with someone that soon) I am definitely not as conservative as some people on here though. I am more of a "when it feels right" person, I guess. Feeling right would mean feeling safe and knowing the person pretty well, to me.
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#340 Old 01-30-2005, 05:25 PM
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See...what I'd love is to have a very freeing....very loving and intimate relationship with someone where one of us wasn't saying, "You must marry me or else." Where it might happen or it might not and where we were both open to the possibilities of all that might happen between two people. Not this is it. Here is your marriage certificate and now you can sit in front of the TV for the next fifteen years drinking beer. Not that this is what every person does, but it did seem to be within the long term goal planning of my X.



I have a good life, I travel, camp, bike, hike...etc. So I want a great guy who wants to do stuff. And maybe we can get married, if it comes up. But if he's a good guy and I love him, we will MOST DEFINITELY be having sex.



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#341 Old 01-30-2005, 05:25 PM
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Originally Posted by bethanie View Post

Yes, but I just thought you misunderstood what I meant. I'm not referring to casual sex. I'm just referring to the fact that I don't know that I want to be married again. I might like to have a monogomous and caring relationship with a person long term...without being married to them. (I haven't gotten to that place yet...or anywhere near it...so I don't know but marriage just isn't as appealing to me as it used to be for some reason)



I understand what you mean though.



Long-term partnered monogamy is a tradition that is as old as the hills. Not everyone had the means to affoard all of the bells and whistles that went with formalized marriages, so common-law marriage was both quite common and quite respectable until the Church started creating more social control.
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#342 Old 01-30-2005, 05:28 PM
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Originally Posted by renaissancesun -- well, sorta View Post

I slept with my husband... I was behaving in a completely stupid, naive manner. I would not do that again...



Creative editting
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#343 Old 01-30-2005, 05:28 PM
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Originally Posted by kristadb View Post

I support no sex until committed in a long-term relationship. What can I say? 3 months just isn't a long term relationship for me.



And Shag? You waited until you were married, so hush





Heh yeah I did, however, I'm not intending on getting married again or going without....so err.
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#344 Old 01-30-2005, 05:28 PM
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Originally Posted by kirkjobsluder View Post

Long-term partnered monogamy is a tradition that is as old as the hills. Not everyone had the means to affoard all of the bells and whistles that went with formalized marriages, so common-law marriage was both quite common and quite respectable until the Church started creating more social control.





Well, I never said I wasn't traditional.
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#345 Old 01-30-2005, 05:31 PM
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Originally Posted by shagginabit View Post

Heh yeah I did, however, I'm not intending on getting married again or going without....so err.



I wanted to come to your next wedding.
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#346 Old 01-30-2005, 05:33 PM
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I wanted to come to your next wedding.





Heh..so I guess that means you'll be invited to the next divorce too.
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#347 Old 01-30-2005, 05:37 PM
 
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Hey bethanie..your PM box is full.

The ones I pity are the ones who never stick out their neck for something they believe, never know the taste of moral struggle, and never have the thrill of victory. - Jonathan Kozol
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#348 Old 01-30-2005, 05:39 PM
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UT OH...you spying on me? Crap, I'd better go empty it.



Here I thought you were going to say something neat about sex Iamjen...



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#349 Old 01-30-2005, 05:49 PM
 
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Heh..wait till you get the PM (when I tried to send you one, VB told me your box was full)

The ones I pity are the ones who never stick out their neck for something they believe, never know the taste of moral struggle, and never have the thrill of victory. - Jonathan Kozol
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#350 Old 01-30-2005, 05:55 PM
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Well, I emptied it...can you send it again?



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#351 Old 01-30-2005, 05:58 PM
 
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On it's way.

The ones I pity are the ones who never stick out their neck for something they believe, never know the taste of moral struggle, and never have the thrill of victory. - Jonathan Kozol
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#352 Old 01-30-2005, 06:30 PM
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Originally Posted by bethanie View Post


Here I thought you were going to say something neat about sex Iamjen...





Me too.
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#353 Old 02-01-2005, 01:13 AM
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What was the question, again?
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#354 Old 02-01-2005, 05:01 AM
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How long should you know a person before you have sex with them? Is 24 hours enough?



Kristadb thinks three years, some other people say you should marry them first...Tame thinks three dates is too long.



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#355 Old 02-01-2005, 04:14 PM
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Oh. Well, I've had sex without knowing a person's name, and I've waited a year before having sex. I prefer the former over the latter, though there's something to be said for at least getting to know who you're bedding a little bit.
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#356 Old 02-01-2005, 04:19 PM
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I've had sex without know their last name... but the first? Oh, epski.
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#357 Old 02-01-2005, 04:21 PM
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Originally Posted by CharityAJO View Post

I don't really understand what a lot of people have mentioned about being "pushy." I'm not saying you're wrong or amiss about this...



It's just. I don't find sex to be so scary or earth shattering. It's really a quite simple act. It's not like, murder, skydiving, or college. Not to me, anyway. It's pretty easy.



-Anyway, that's just where I'm coming from. Sex is not a big deal to me.



Wow, I agree totally.
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