Can YOU spot a narcissist? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 06-25-2015, 08:23 AM
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Can YOU spot a narcissist?

I do not typically like to bring up negative personal experiences, but I have become aware, as a victim of an narcissist in my own life, it may be helpful for those who may not already be aware to learn more about NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder).

Narcissists are extremely good at what they do, and often times, leave one questioning themselves, their personal beliefs, even their value as a human being... Narcissists are skilled at making you question everything but the narcissist him or herself. As technology offers a greater ability for like-personalities to connect, it becomes ever more important to know the traits narcissists posses and be able to spot one. It is imperative to avoid getting sucked in by their lies, manipulation and/or avoid a confrontation with one.

The NIH defines NPD as:

"An enduring pattern of grandiose beliefs and arrogant behavior together with an overwhelming need for admiration and a lack of empathy for (and even exploitation of) others."
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMHT0024871/


The American Psychiatric Association’s manual (DSM-5) lists the following characteristics, when occurring together, as possible diagnostic criteria of individuals with NPD:

  • Has a grandiose sense of self-importance
  • Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, Brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
  • Believes he or she is “special” and unique
  • Requires excessive admiration
  • Has a sense of entitlement
  • Takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
  • Lacks empathy toward the feelings and needs of others
  • Shows arrogant or haughty behaviors and attitudes
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-c...s/con-20025568

Of course, many people exhibit one or more of these traits who do not have NPD, after all, we are all narcissistic to an extent. However, when someone is displaying numerous traits, is really "getting under your skin", has you questioning your worth/values/beliefs and/or is making YOU act in ways you normally do not.... well, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck it probably is a duck.

In life, we all encounter narcissists. It has been said, NPD is the only mental condition where the patient is left alone while everyone around them is treated. This is very accurate. Very few people with NPD ever seek treatment because they find themselves to be without fault. Narcissists are EXTREMELY damaging to their victims, and come in all races, genders, religious backgrounds, sexual orientations ect... It is of the upmost importance to learn to recognize a narcissist BEFORE unintentionally allowing one into your life.
http://www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwa...k-study-finds/

Unfortunately, for those of us who were a child of a narcissistic parent or who have been manipulated into allowing a narcissist into their life via a romantic, business or plutonic relationship, it's a long and difficult road ahead. Even a brief confrontation with an narcissist can be damaging. The internet brings even more people then ever into contact with narcissists and gives them not just a platform but an ever-growing 'narcissistic supply'.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_supply

There is virtually no support for victims of narcissistic abuse and because narcissists are typically very 'friendly' on the surface, so their victims are often met with disbelief or 'outrage' by others who do not see the narcissist in question as such. Many people do not grasp how damaging they can be and assume the victim is "making a big deal out of nothing".
https://afternarcissisticabuse.wordp...sistic-abuser/
http://narcissisticbehavior.net/narc...-heck-is-that/

Many victims, after escaping the narcissist, are too fearful to speak to anyone about it for fear it will get back to the narcissist. The *worst* possible outcome for the victim would be to expose the narcissist as such. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcis...ssistic_injury http://thenarcissisticlife.com/what-...issistic-rage/ http://www.decision-making-confidenc...c-injury.html;
Many of us fly under the radar and keep in the shadows when it comes to revealing too much about our past interactions with the narcissist because we still fear him/her, and many of us feel shame of the resulting inadequate coping mechanisms we used (and resulting events, some traumatic) while under control of the narcissist. It is very difficult to even reach a state of normalcy after dealing long term with a malignant narcissist. They systematically destroy you and no matter how many years go by, they leave lifelong damage in their wake. It is best not to ever allow them into your life in the first place, or to engage them in any way (avoid at all costs).
http://narcissism-support.blogspot.com

"The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself"
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#2 Old 06-25-2015, 08:40 AM
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I have a narcissist in my life. It really sucks for her children, who are props in her "all about me" show.
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#3 Old 06-25-2015, 09:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by melimomTARDIS View Post
I have a narcissist in my life. It really sucks for her children, who are props in her "all about me" show.
I am very sorry to hear there are children involved and that they are being used as props I know how that feels, and it erodes your self worth because your accomplishments and positive attributes are never yours, but all the bad and negative is. I hope they have support and unconditional love from other family members and eventually learn to think, act and feel for themselves.
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"The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself"

Last edited by Kiwibird08; 06-25-2015 at 09:31 AM.
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#4 Old 06-25-2015, 10:18 AM
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My sister and I grew up with a narcissistic mother. We're still dealing with the after effects, late in life.

Oddly, it was not until I was in almost daily contact with a narcissist (a professional relationship) in my forties and fifties that I started trying to figure out what made that individual tick and started realizing that my mother also fit the profile exactly.

I've also encountered other narcissists, but that was the experience that made me recognize them, in some cases retrospectively.

My mother and the one in the professional relationship had a great deal of personal charisma, the others also had a degree of charisma.

A valuable thread, Kiwibird. Thank you for posting it.
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#5 Old 06-25-2015, 10:57 AM
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Yes, my mother was a very physically and mentally abusive narcissist. It took me 18 years to fully understand that. I still love her, but I will not live around her anymore.
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#6 Old 06-25-2015, 11:12 AM
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Interesting..I did not have the chance to read all the links yet but I actually have a mom who has a few narcissist traits. Her biggest narcissist trait is never admitting fault...she also loves to argue and pick fights ( I am not sure if that is a narcissist trait) but it feels like it should be.

She has some very nice traits but the narcissistic ones make it really tough to deal with her. She has kind of cornered me into confronting her about all of this so it looks like I will have to communicate my feelings on some of this to her. I am not looking forward to it.

Anyway, thanks for the post. It is very interesting.=)
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#7 Old 06-25-2015, 03:05 PM
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I like that you stated that "we are all narcissistic to an extent".
Also noted by others, these traits are probably most common in the (unfortunate authoritative) aspect of parent relationships. Parents are rarely willing to be notably humble in appearance in the eyes of their children.
Like maybe narcissist behavior is presented to others from someone trying to overcome their own feelings of lack of self worth? Something that is provoked from self-conscious established ego image issues imposed by family or society - schooling?
... A problem most people have an amount of but some are taking to an extreme?
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#8 Old 06-25-2015, 06:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Enthios View Post
I like that you stated that "we are all narcissistic to an extent".
Also noted by others, these traits are probably most common in the (unfortunate authoritative) aspect of parent relationships. Parents are rarely willing to be notably humble in appearance in the eyes of their children.
Like maybe narcissist behavior is presented to others from someone trying to overcome their own feelings of lack of self worth? Something that is provoked from self-conscious established ego image issues imposed by family or society - schooling?
... A problem most people have an amount of but some are taking to an extreme?
I agree that most parents may come across as somewhat narcissistic by the inherent fact they are the child's parent. They still love their children, still try to protect their children and care about their children's well being. But there is a different between slightly exaggerated narcissistic tendencies (or perception of) and a parent who is a true malignant narcissist. Some examples of things a parent with NPD may do:

-Uses their child, often at the expense of the child, as a prop to increase {the parent's} status, reputation, or position within a social group with blatant disregard for the well being of the child.

-Isolates the child from peers and/or sympathetic family members to prevent the child from recognizing the parent is in the wrong and to gain further control of the child.

-Is often friendly and personably to other adults who may interact with the child (teachers, coaches, unaware family members, other parent/current partner, parents of child's friends [if child has any] ect...) so if the child ever does speak out, they are met with resistance, disbelief and possibly even further disciplinary action for "lying". This tactic prevents the child from being able to seek help from anyone.

-Insults, berates, belittles or otherwise systematically erodes the child's confidence, self esteem and/or sense of security in order to gain complete control of the child (such as calling the child stupid, fat, a slut ect...).

-Makes no effort to protect the child or help the child UNLESS there is something to be gained for the narcissist by doing so.

-Places or subjects the child knowingly to dangerous, age-inappropriate and/or damaging situations/scenarios for the parent's own gain, amusement or gratification.

-Subjects the child to physical, sexual, psychological or emotional abuse in addition to the above. Abuse method(s) of choice become even more pronounced when the child questions the parent, calls them out or (inevitably) becomes old enough to comprehend what is happening and removes themselves from the parents home and control.

-Whether a parent, partner, boss or friend, a TRUE narcissist has a blatant disregard for others and lacks empathy. They may feign caring, but at the end of the day, they are unable to. Therein lies the difference between a person (even a bad one) and a person with NPD. Narcissists, similar to psychopaths and sociopaths, lack empathy for others (which allows them "free reign" to turn into monsters because they have a diminished conscience that would stop you or I from doing such acts).

"The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself"

Last edited by Kiwibird08; 06-25-2015 at 06:55 PM.
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#9 Old 06-27-2015, 03:08 PM
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I have been studying this (narcissism) with interest. I am defensive and sensitive of human nature and personality afflictions but haven't ever bothered to assign or learn to recognize by name many (I can recognize neurotic behavior) clinical definitions.
This youtube video helped and amazed me (shows a self-aware - malignant NPD who is also an expert on the subject)
I think that it is habitual behavior and we all get involved with to some extent and also go through phases where we experiment with egocentric (egomania). We sometimes may even get involved in a relationship with one for reasons such as the, or a challenge involved. And sometimes wish not to be in any ego games at all. Unfortunate relationships would be ones of job related subjection (where we haven't too much chance at movement). But immediate family relations we are born into for a reason, if not to learn need for defensive non-attachment in such family situations.
We (mostly if not all) all have dangerous false ego flaws to one (small or large) extent or another. Isn't learning to safely traverse the dangers of nature a necessary expected fact of life? Just when we get sunk, stuck or hurt do we distinguish difference between our own problems and others?
I can recall a few destructive relationships involving (of course) (ego) narcissist behavior (and even some minor present ones) but hardships, as dis-likable as they are at the time make us stronger (or is that in itself a narcissistic ritual behavior)?

Caring about our health is caring about our very state of being and future which is a very good thing to be seriously concerned about making the most of.

 

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#10 Old 06-28-2015, 04:50 AM
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My wife and I dealt with a narcissist in our life where we finally had to extricate ourselves from her life of self-importance.

When we were discovering her narcissistic traits, we found one that builds on one in the original list above; REQUIRES EXCESSIVE ADMIRATION. The clinician stated it like this:

"Anything less than worship and admiration is taken as REJECTION by the clinical narcissist."
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#11 Old 06-30-2015, 12:57 PM
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There is someone I. The fringes of my life that I always wondered why they acted the way the did. Maybe I know a narcisist and didn't realize it. I often to ignore those who have such smtraits as described in the previous post. This topic got me thinking.

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#12 Old 06-30-2015, 07:35 PM
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"An enduring pattern of grandiose beliefs and arrogant behavior together with an overwhelming need for admiration and a lack of empathy for (and even exploitation of) others."

Hmmm...Apart from the last 1.5 lines that could be me
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