Can a Straight be changed to Gay - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 05-13-2015, 07:57 AM
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Can a Straight be changed to Gay

On another site Im a member on, someone that is doing a paper on human sexuality asked this question. ( its a site for the LBGT crowd )
Im curious to the answers from here too, mostly because on the other site, most answers are coming from a somewhat biased group of responders, where here, I think the responses would be a bit more spread out.

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I am a college student in a human sexuality class.
I am supposed to write a page about the idea of people choosing homosexuality
because they were seduced by another homosexual.
however the book I am reading is oddly heavy handed about this topic calling it a complete
myth.
it seems biased so i thought I would ask actual people.
does this happen?
do gay men and women try to seduce "straight" men and women?
if so, is it a defining moment for a sexuality choice for the "straight" person
please, any commentary would be much appreciated.
All responses to him so far are no, it can never be a choice. I tend to not agree with that. My response to him was this

Quote:
Interesting question and as a Bi individual its one I have wondered about often.
everyone likes to feel they are among the norm when it comes to the human experience.
I have recently come to terms that I am a Pansexual, meaning I can fall in love ( real love ) with either a male or female, I dont fall in love with their body (although that helps) but more who they are as a person, are they careing? compassionate? fun to be around etc...
Sex then becomes an extension of love, a way to join together and express in an intimate way those feelings you have.
Based on my own personal experience and feelings, I have always thought it to be a choice, I dont think it is now. I am married to a woman, but I could just as easily have been married to a man.
through my life I have loved men, I have loved women, I have been with both.
at times I think it would be much easier to have been either 100% gay, or 100% straight. Being Bisexual is a somewhat confusing way to be until you understand that you actually love who they are regardless of their gender.
as far as turning someone gay? I dont think so. Its not like a virus you can catch. I believe that those suspected of being turned to the dark side, have been Pansexual in nature all of their life but had just never met the right person to bring it out. I suppose its possible for everyone to be that way without realizing it.
Society dictates that if I have a penis, I can only fall in love with someone that has a vagina, and the other way around. I find this sad because I think that in reality, there are many people out there that will never find their true love because they are appeasing society instead of their own heart.
Keeping it civil, what are your thoughts.
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#2 Old 05-13-2015, 08:05 AM
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Consenting adults have the right to enjoy being together sexually. Gender makes no difference. Sexual identity makes no difference. Only enjoyment, responsibility, and respect matter.


However, this post is way off-topic. It might be better to post your question on a Relationships or Sociology forum.

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#3 Old 05-13-2015, 08:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by David3 View Post
Consenting adults have the right to enjoy being together sexually. Gender makes no difference. Sexual identity makes no difference. Only enjoyment, responsibility, and respect matter.


However, this post is way off-topic. It might be better to post your question on a Relationships or Sociology forum.
I actually dont think it is off topic, it is a subject that can and usually does bring about some rather opinionated arguments.. from both sides.
It also poses the question in a place that is less likely to be swayed by educational theories and more by life experience.
I could certainly be wrong, but that is the reason I put it here.
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#4 Old 05-13-2015, 08:15 AM
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I tend to believe that people fall somewhere on a spectrum from 100% heterosexual with no romantic or sexual inclinations toward the same sex to 100% homosexual with no romantic or sexual inclinations toward the opposite sex, with a great many variations in the middle, including people who are capable of feeling romantic affection but not lust, lust but not physical attraction, both, neither...

I don't believe that anyone can "turn" from one to another, and the idea that homosexuals are actively seeking to seduce heterosexuals in some predatory manner is utterly ridiculous-- but sexuality is a sort of nebulous thing that can change throughout one's lifetime, so it's entirely possible to meet a certain person and discover previously unknown feelings within oneself.
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#5 Old 05-13-2015, 08:16 AM
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Consenting adults have the right to enjoy being together sexually. Gender makes no difference. Sexual identity makes no difference. Only enjoyment, responsibility, and respect matter.
I agree.

I think the notion that anyone can be turned into any sexuality is absolute rubbish. Sexual attraction is something very personal, it can be suppressed but never created.

I've never heard of anyone who "became" straight/gay. However, I know of a person who discovered the fact that she's bi (as in being sexually attracted to both men and women) only after flirting with another woman.
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#6 Old 05-13-2015, 08:29 AM
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I think different experiences can awaken or enlighten parts of ourselves we didn't expect or anticipate. I have been in sexual and romantic relationships with men since I was 15 or 16, yet when I was 20 or 21 a woman hit on me at a drag queen bingo night (seriously) and we had an intense and entirely unexpected sexual and later romantic relationship until we ended as explosively as we began. Up to that point, I had generally considered myself straight because I hadn't experienced or sought out the alternative. Would I have a romantic and/or sexual relationship with another female? I don't see why not.

I don't think sexuality necessarily changes, maybe it can, but I think a lot of people walk around not yet knowing how far their sexuality extends. I mean, how many people don't explore their kinks and interests sexually for fear of rejection. If you never explore sexuality to the fullest, how could you ever really know your boundaries?
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#7 Old 05-13-2015, 01:58 PM
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ide like to say i am male attracted to females and am pretty shut thats not gonna change
keep blurring them lines tho
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#8 Old 05-13-2015, 02:08 PM
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I think you are born with a predisposition to which gender you will be attracted to later in life, though I do feel most are born with a heterosexual predisposition since we are biological beings with a innate drive to reproduce. I think with our advanced intelligence though, life events have a big impact on which gender you feel most attracted to or if you feel attraction to both later in life since reproduction is no longer the only goal of our existence. Kind of the nature vs. nurture debacle.
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#9 Old 05-13-2015, 02:10 PM
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ide like to say i am male attracted to females and am pretty shut thats not gonna change
keep blurring them lines tho
aint nobody blurring no lines.
You are who you are. Don't mean we cant play pool or something.
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#10 Old 05-13-2015, 02:40 PM
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I'm going to reply what ever you were trying to say there doing a vote to allow gays to adopt children where i am now so two guys could raise kids i doint think its naturally possible so i think its blurring lines of what a family is
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#11 Old 05-13-2015, 02:42 PM
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I'm going to reply what ever you were trying to say there doing a vote to allow gays to adopt children where i am now so two guys could raise kids i doint think its naturally possible so i think its blurring lines of what a family is
http://www.livescience.com/28079-why...e-awesome.html

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#12 Old 05-13-2015, 02:59 PM
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I'm going to reply what ever you were trying to say there doing a vote to allow gays to adopt children where i am now so two guys could raise kids i doint think its naturally possible so i think its blurring lines of what a family is
I think its possible but I do have to say that right now in the current times Im not sure its the best thing for the child considering the abuse he/she will go through in school.
Not so much if its a lesbian couple, but a gay male couple is not as accepted in the role. Sad but true.
Im the odd homo, I tell it like it is, not how I want it to be.

on the other hand, would it be better for that child to be raised in a state home or get bounced around foster homes for 18 years than it would be to have a stable home that he will be welcome in for the rest of his or his parents lives.

I don't really have the answers. I just think that bullying is a certain outcome in school.
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#13 Old 05-13-2015, 03:52 PM
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Quote:
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I think its possible but I do have to say that right now in the current times Im not sure its the best thing for the child considering the abuse he/she will go through in school.
Not so much if its a lesbian couple, but a gay male couple is not as accepted in the role. Sad but true.
Im the odd homo, I tell it like it is, not how I want it to be.

on the other hand, would it be better for that child to be raised in a state home or get bounced around foster homes for 18 years than it would be to have a stable home that he will be welcome in for the rest of his or his parents lives.

I don't really have the answers. I just think that bullying is a certain outcome in school.
I can understand your hesitation, but nothing changes if people don't have the courage to live their values. You know, like vegans .
Seriously, I remember the harassment mixed race couple with kids would get. The kids were alright though. Tougher than most. Kids get harassed for all kinds of stupid reasons anyway. The main point is that they learn from how they're raised. If they grow with love and respect most likely they learn to love and respect.

Straight parents don't have the greatest track record whether they're married or single
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#14 Old 05-13-2015, 07:40 PM
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I think it is just part of who you are. I am a bisexual woman who has been in a monogamous relationship with a man for 17 years. We are happily married and have every intention of staying that way. If my life continues as planned I will never have another sexual relationship with a woman and that is fine. Being bisexual does not mean I need sex with both genders on a regular basis, it just widened my pool of potential mates.

As a side note my mother is also bisexual but all of her long term relationships have been with men. My oldest son is bisexual as well. He tends to have romantic relationships with women but hooks up with men when he is single.

My family history makes it look pretty genetic!
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#15 Old 05-13-2015, 08:28 PM
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i think it's mostly genetic. in the formative years there can be some malleability but maybe not that much.

i am straight as an arrow. many times i wished that i were not but wishing will not make it so. i can't control who i am attracted to, i can only control whether i act on it or not.
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#16 Old 05-13-2015, 09:44 PM
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Wish I were bi. That'd be great to have both genders open for business as it were. But yeah, no luck and I am stuck with just women :P

Anyways personally I don't think I could be converted to bi/gay. I just don't fancy men despite the fact that I think it would be great.
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#17 Old 05-14-2015, 02:49 AM
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My aunt was a lesbian (she passed away in 2003), Mom was married but divorced when I was little and after that dated exclusively women until she gave all that up and joined a monastery and took her final vows as a nun in 1997. Sister was also married to a man for 8 years, divorced, and has dated exclusively women since.

When I was in my early twenties, I thought I was a lesbian because I had no desire, attraction to, or interest in men. I talked to other lesbians but learned that I was not a lesbian either. No desire for women either. Only later did I learn there was a name for my situation. I am an asexual. I have been in relationships with the opposite gender and am currently in one and have been with my significant other for 17 years. But it is more of a friendship attraction, not sexual. I have no desire for that part of it and well, I won't discuss that part or lack of in my life too much. It works for the two of us for various reasons. I used to think there was something wrong with me for not having the same physical attraction to others or desire for sex that other people have. But there are actually forums full of people just like me.

I did have a very bad experience with my first "boyfriend" who was abusive, but even before that my lack of sexual desire was there and he couldn't deal with that.

Like others, I think realization of who you are unfolds as you experience life over the years. Some people pretend to be one way because society expects it, but all along they might be another. I don't think someone else can change that.

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#18 Old 05-14-2015, 04:36 AM
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My aunt was a lesbian (she passed away in 2003), Mom was married but divorced when I was little and after that dated exclusively women until she gave all that up and joined a monastery and took her final vows as a nun in 1997. Sister was also married to a man for 8 years, divorced, and has dated exclusively women since.

When I was in my early twenties, I thought I was a lesbian because I had no desire, attraction to, or interest in men. I talked to other lesbians but learned that I was not a lesbian either. No desire for women either. Only later did I learn there was a name for my situation. I am an asexual. I have been in relationships with the opposite gender and am currently in one and have been with my significant other for 17 years. But it is more of a friendship attraction, not sexual. I have no desire for that part of it and well, I won't discuss that part or lack of in my life too much. It works for the two of us for various reasons. I used to think there was something wrong with me for not having the same physical attraction to others or desire for sex that other people have. But there are actually forums full of people just like me.

I did have a very bad experience with my first "boyfriend" who was abusive, but even before that my lack of sexual desire was there and he couldn't deal with that.

Like others, I think realization of who you are unfolds as you experience life over the years. Some people pretend to be one way because society expects it, but all along they might be another. I don't think someone else can change that.
Your experiences sound a lot like mine, although I have definite romantic (not sexual) inclinations toward both men and women. I'm also in a monogamous relationship with a (mostly) heterosexual man. The asexual part of my identity is something that I'm only just beginning to explore, and have been perhaps hesitant to dwell on very much because of the effect it might have on my husband's quality of life. It's encouraging to hear that you're making your marriage work as an asexual person. Thank you for sharing!
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#19 Old 05-14-2015, 07:21 AM
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in reply to rivers comment what i mean is i would not like to be raised by two guys it would just seem weird and a child can't choos
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#20 Old 05-14-2015, 07:45 AM
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in reply to rivers comment what i mean is i would not like to be raised by two guys it would just seem weird and a child can't choos
Luckily, adoption law isn't based on what you, personally, think is weird. That said, if you'd been raised by two men, it wouldn't seem weird to you because it would just be your normal life. A child raised by a loving and attentive same-sex couple is in much better shape than a child bounced from foster home to foster home or left to grow up in a group shelter.
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#21 Old 05-14-2015, 08:13 AM
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To come back to the first post : yes, LGBT can try to seduce people, wether or not they're homo. That's how it works, you toss a coin and see what happens.
It's not like trying to convert people. Just seducing. Then the "seduced" persons can find out that they're also attracted by another kind of relationship than the ones they had before.

Weird question.


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#22 Old 05-14-2015, 08:23 AM
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its a tricky question because of course i have no right to influence any one else's life but when a child comes into the equation its a bit different do you not think a child learns from both dady and mamy
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#23 Old 05-14-2015, 08:59 AM
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its a tricky question because of course i have no right to influence any one else's life but when a child comes into the equation its a bit different do you not think a child learns from both dady and mamy
So what is your take on single parent households? Weird? How about children raised by extended family -aunts, uncles or grandparents? Does it matter if two members of the same sex raise a child if they are not romantically involved?

Just because you are not familiar with a concept does not make it wrong.

Op- I think people's sexual preferences evolve over time. Personal experiences, societal pressure, religious indoctrination, etc.. can all affect how a person identifies sexually.
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#24 Old 05-14-2015, 09:48 AM
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again I'm just referring to me id prefer have a mother and a farther
in re to op i think gay publicity in the media can influence young people its almost like a click cool kids dorks gays
for instance there was a radio interview with a mother of a 6 year old who know he was gay how can a 6 yo have any sexual preferences
pleas doing take offence i should have know the weird word was going to cause problems
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#25 Old 05-14-2015, 09:50 AM
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again I'm just referring to me id prefer have a mother and a farther
in re to op i think gay publicity in the media can influence young people its almost like a click cool kids dorks gays
for instance there was a radio interview with a mother of a 6 year old who know he was gay how can a 6 yo have any sexual preferences
pleas doing take offence i should have know the weird word was going to cause problems
You never met my mother.

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#26 Old 05-14-2015, 09:59 AM
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your right i have not
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#27 Old 05-14-2015, 10:04 AM
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Another thing that is interesting about being bisexual is that you become much more aware of sexual and emotional energy as a primary driving force in attraction. Despite being attracted to women on a sexual level I have never had a successful long term relationship with another woman because I am sexually attracted to very feminine women but on an emotional level I require a dominant and masculine sexual energy. I never found that in a woman who I also found physically attractive.

Sexual and emotional energy is much more important to me than gender or genitals.
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#28 Old 05-14-2015, 10:08 AM
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again I'm just referring to me id prefer have a mother and a farther
in re to op i think gay publicity in the media can influence young people its almost like a click cool kids dorks gays
for instance there was a radio interview with a mother of a 6 year old who know he was gay how can a 6 yo have any sexual preferences
pleas doing take offence i should have know the weird word was going to cause problems
*clique

Of course if it's what you understand and identify with it's what you'd prefer. However, your personal preferences are not a yardstick with which to measure the rest of humanity.

If being gay is more socially acceptable, more people will "come out." Same thing with vegans in a carnist society, or atheists in a theist society. If there is a threat of ostracism or violence, people are more likely to keep it hidden. Now that the LBGT community is more "mainstream", fewer people are shamed into repressing sexual tendencies that differ from the traditional ones.

Does one interview with a (possibly) attention seeking mother condemn the entire gay rights movement?
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#29 Old 05-14-2015, 10:28 AM
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*clique

Of course if it's what you understand and identify with it's what you'd prefer. However, your personal preferences are not a yardstick with which to measure the rest of humanity.

If being gay is more socially acceptable, more people will "come out." Same thing with vegans in a carnist society, or atheists in a theist society. If there is a threat of ostracism or violence, people are more likely to keep it hidden. Now that the LBGT community is more "mainstream", fewer people are shamed into repressing sexual tendencies that differ from the traditional ones.

Does one interview with a (possibly) attention seeking mother condemn the entire gay rights movement?
Its funny that you say this, Gay, or lesbian seems to be more acceptable amoung the gay and lesbian crowd than Bi is. Not sure why that is but if lets say you are in a club and talking to someone, when you mention you are Bi it can often end a conversation on the spot. Or maybe Im just really ugly and this is a good way out for them. could be that.
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#30 Old 05-14-2015, 10:30 AM
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no but i think kids should be left alone and not boxed off into straight gay bi in school be for they have evan got passed puberty
and i really doint think any one ostracise gays any more so i really don't get what the howl gay right thing is about if you want to be treated equally then stop marching up and down the streets and just count with your life like every one else
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