There is some confusion on the board over whether or not having sex with someone who has explicitly expressed her or his desire not to have sex with you is rape. Actually, only one member of the board that I know of is confused; apparently if you begin having sex with someone, you are obligated to finish, and if you want to stop, for any reason, you are a "barbary ape."
Originally Posted by Clueless Git
Personaly I cant see a single instance so far that isn't just a case of people needing to be a bit more carefull in selecting the type of people they sleep with.
We are NOT barbary apes and anyone who wants to act like a barbary ape, be they male or female, doesnt really deserve to be treated better than one.
I can think of several instances when I or my partner wanted to stop in the middle of a sex act. Reasons included: the particular position we were in was really uncomfortable for me; my partner realized that I had suddenly had my period; "it just wasn't working"; I was drunk at the beginning but had begun to sober up and realized that this was probably not a good idea. There are probably lots more that I don't remember because they weren't particularly dramatic. In all of these instances, my partner immediately stopped, or I immediately stopped at his request.
See, I don't believe that anyone is obligated
to have sex with me, even if they wanted to have sex with me at a particular point, whether that was last year or several days ago or several minutes ago. I believe that sex is fun and joyful and intimate, but only if all parties are consenting and enthusiastic at every single point.
I will submit to the group that not only is it rape to continue to perpetuate a sex act on someone who has asked you (or otherwise indicated that she or he wanted you) to stop, but also that people who believe that it's not rape are probably really, really bad in bed.