Polyamory Discussion Thread - VeggieBoards
View Poll Results: How do you feel about polyamory?
What is polyamory? 4 40.00%
I am polyamorous. 8 80.00%
I am okay with polyamory, just not for me. 45 100.00%
I think polyamory is morally (or in some other way) wrong. 5 50.00%
I think polyamory is okay but not workable. 11 100.00%
I would like to be polyamorous. 4 40.00%
I would like to be polyamorous but my partner won't allow it. 3 30.00%
I have never seen polyamory in action. 15 100.00%
I have never/seldom seen polyamory work for me. 6 60.00%
I have never/seldom seen polyamory work for others. 14 100.00%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 10. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 Old 03-20-2011, 02:15 PM
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I don't want this here in the 'Heap, but due to the somewhat conservative nature of this forum and the likelihood of this topic to stir up debate, here it is put, indeed.

What are your thoughts and feelings about polyamory, polyfodelity and related themes?

Obviously, this needs to be kept PG-13, folks.

I'm interested in discussing the concepts surrounding the workability of polyamory.

In the interest of seeing where people are on this subject, I'm making a poll.

"Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" Auntie Mame
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#2 Old 03-20-2011, 02:20 PM
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'Poly' is short for polyamory or polyfidelty, by the way.

AND it's a private poll, so please be honest and play nice here, people.

"Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" Auntie Mame
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#3 Old 03-20-2011, 02:23 PM
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The poll needs another option: I have no feelings about polyamory personally, but I don't think it's workable.
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#4 Old 03-20-2011, 02:25 PM
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I honestly don't know what I think about this subject. For me personally, it would be hard to invite others into the depth of knowledge and intimacy I have developed with my wife.

"It is far better to be happy than to have your bodies act as graveyards for animals. Accordingly, the apostle Matthew partook of seeds, nuts and vegetables, without flesh"- Clement of Alexandria
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#5 Old 03-20-2011, 02:26 PM
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I wish I had 6746527346572643 poll options for you, truly, however, if you don't think it's workable, you have feelings about it personally.

"Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" Auntie Mame
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#6 Old 03-20-2011, 02:27 PM
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I've met a few poly people.

I think it is admirable that they can separate sex and love, or love multiple people and be fine with it. I could never do it. I don't think I could get beyond the jealousy. From the few poly's I met it seems like not all of them do, no matter what they say. It seems like someone is always biting their tongue. Relationships are a lot of work, even with just one other person and no extracurricular activities involved. I can't imagine having my career, doing life stuff and then finding time,energy, to manage my emotions as well as that of several other people.

You might enjoy the book "Sex at Dawn" that came out this summer. Two researchers look at a lot of different kinds of evidence that human beings are not naturally monogamous ( duh ). What is interesting is that there are still a few tribal societies left that don't practice monogamy. It was very interesting to see how they handle things.
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#7 Old 03-20-2011, 02:27 PM
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Unless a young girl has been forced into the situation, I don't really care what others do.
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#8 Old 03-20-2011, 02:28 PM
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I think the categories "morally wrong", "okay" and "workable" are too limiting, in that I don't certainly see it as morally wrong, and people are free to be polyamorous if they want to, and I think it probably works for some people too, but to me it doesn't represent the ideal forms of relationship, love, companionship etc.

But "I am okay with it but it's not for me" was the closest, so I voted that.

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#9 Old 03-20-2011, 02:28 PM
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I don't THINK it would ever work for me but if everyone involved thinks it works for them then who am I to say otherwise.
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#10 Old 03-20-2011, 02:29 PM
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I don't like to share my toys with others.

Its not for me.

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#11 Old 03-20-2011, 02:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *AHIMSA* View Post



I wish I had 6746527346572643 poll options for you, truly, however, if you don't think it's workable, you have feelings about it personally.

.

O.K. Let me clarify. I don't care whether other people engage in it, but (a) I don't see the point, and (b) I don't think it's workable in the long term.

ETA: To clarify, I think that, in the long term, it requires one or more of the participants to *bite their tongues*, as another poster has described it. Apart from the multiple wife scenario, the only longstanding polyamorous relationships I've seen are ones with a central couple involved with a series of additional participants - the additional participants are short term relationships, generally lasting no more than a few years, at most. Neither of those scenarios, to me, seems to be a situation in which all of the participants have equal shares/investments in the relationship.
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#12 Old 03-20-2011, 02:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mlp View Post

.

O.K. Let me clarify. I don't care whether other people engage in it, but (a) I don't see the point, and (b) I don't think it's workable in the long term.

Thank you. I appreciate that fleshing out of your position.

"Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" Auntie Mame
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#13 Old 03-20-2011, 02:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sevenseas View Post

I think the categories "morally wrong", "okay" and "workable" are too limiting, in that I don't certainly see it as morally wrong, and people are free to be polyamorous if they want to, and I think it probably works for some people too, but to me it doesn't represent the ideal forms of relationship, love, companionship etc.

But "I am okay with it but it's not for me" was the closest, so I voted that.

Well, polls are almost always flawed, aren't they? I just wanted to get a feel for the stance people in general take. It's an effort. I'm glad you found one you don;t find repugnant.

"Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" Auntie Mame
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#14 Old 03-20-2011, 02:34 PM
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http://www.newsweek.com/2009/07/28/o...-and-you.html#

Here's an article on ethical non-monogamy (polyamory).

"Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" Auntie Mame
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#15 Old 03-20-2011, 02:36 PM
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I voted both 'ok with it, but not for me' and 'would like to, but partner wouldn't be down with it'. I know those are kinda contradictory, so lemme 'splain. I love BF with all my heart, soul, body, and mind. He truly is the one for me. I could never develop such deep, intimate feelings with anybody else. This relationship is for life.

That being said, it's pretty natural imo to develop crushes on others every once in a while. I don't see any harm in developing little short term flirtations with others. These wouldn't even have to get physical. I, however, know BF wouldn't like that, and I respect him and his feelings, so refrain.

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#16 Old 03-20-2011, 02:36 PM
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Did you get to see the show Caprica while it ran. It had a poly family prominently in the story.
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#17 Old 03-20-2011, 02:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *AHIMSA* View Post

Well, polls are almost always flawed, aren't they?

Almost. Mine are never flawed. Every poll option has been designed with care, typed carefully and with consideration. My polls are provocative, poignant, extensive and beautiful.

Quote:
I'm glad you found one you don;t find repugnant.



In general, in poly discussions I'm more interested in how people feel about the emotional "dimensions" of sharing yourself with more than one people, rather than in whether people can successfully maintain those relationships.

"and I stand

upon a mountain

made of weak and useless men"

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#18 Old 03-20-2011, 02:36 PM
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I know a long-term polyamorous family. (Three people, V-shape.)

It works for them, they are happier and more fulfilled people for it and they wouldn't be satisfied with any other kind of relationship.

But I'd never be able to engage in that kind of relationship personally.

*shrug*
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#19 Old 03-20-2011, 02:37 PM
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I know someone who has been polyamorous and happy for over 13 years. She has a husband and a boyfriend. Her husband has a girlfriend, and her husband's girlfriend has a girlfriend. They sometimes go on vacation together, or have dinner together. They have shared their bumps in the road but I'd say 13 years of mostly happiness is a successful relationship, IMO.
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#20 Old 03-20-2011, 02:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sevenseas View Post

I think the categories "morally wrong", "okay" and "workable" are too limiting, in that I don't certainly see it as morally wrong, and people are free to be polyamorous if they want to, and I think it probably works for some people too, but to me it doesn't represent the ideal forms of relationship, love, companionship etc.

But "I am okay with it but it's not for me" was the closest, so I voted that.

This. I don't think it is immoral but would definitely question whether it is ideal.

"It is far better to be happy than to have your bodies act as graveyards for animals. Accordingly, the apostle Matthew partook of seeds, nuts and vegetables, without flesh"- Clement of Alexandria
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#21 Old 03-20-2011, 02:51 PM
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Basically, I mostly don't care what anyone does as long as all parties are consenting adults. I do think it's theoretically possible to have a workable poly relationship if the people involved had the right personalities, but from my limited experiences with the subject, I've never seen a one work in the long-term. Either way, it's not really my cup of tea.

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#22 Old 03-20-2011, 03:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sevenseas View Post

I don't certainly see it as morally wrong, and people are free to be polyamorous if they want to, and I think it probably works for some people too, but to me it doesn't represent the ideal forms of relationship, love, companionship etc.

I agree with this, I have been trying to put into words my feelings but you did it better!

I just realised I said I'd never seem polyamory in action (in the poll)... and I've met a man with eight wives! They said they were all happy and good friends, but I only met them for a day so who knows.

Anyway, it is certainly not for me - I cannot think of anything worse!
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#23 Old 03-20-2011, 03:03 PM
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http://www.newsweek.com/2009/07/28/o...-and-you.html#

Here's an article that showcases a 'slice of life', poly style.

I'm finding these posts here provocative and will respond more in a bit. Thanks for the discussion!

"Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" Auntie Mame
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#24 Old 03-20-2011, 03:06 PM
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Whatever floats your boat.
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#25 Old 03-20-2011, 03:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sevenseas View Post

I think the categories "morally wrong", "okay" and "workable" are too limiting, in that I don't certainly see it as morally wrong, and people are free to be polyamorous if they want to, and I think it probably works for some people too, but to me it doesn't represent the ideal forms of relationship, love, companionship etc.

But "I am okay with it but it's not for me" was the closest, so I voted that.

Same here. Not only do I not think polyamory would be right for me, I do not understand how it is in any way desirable. But, hey, I also don't find sports cars in any way desirable, but I don't think it's horrible to have one.
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#26 Old 03-20-2011, 03:38 PM
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Whatever floats your boat.

boats - plural
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#27 Old 03-20-2011, 03:41 PM
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There is an old thread on this, and I will repeat here what I said there. I have a hard enough time finding one person to have a relationship with. I don't know where in hell I'd find half a dozen more!

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#28 Old 03-20-2011, 03:49 PM
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I've been involved in just one polyamorous relationship, which unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond our control, we did not get to explore fully. Based on my limited experience I'll just say, I question my ability to commit long term, even life-long, to more than one partner. Extra partners may come and go, but I believe I would need a reciprical commitment from at least one "special" woman.

"There is more wisdom in the song of a bird, than in the speech of a philosopher...." -Oahspe
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#29 Old 03-20-2011, 03:52 PM
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I've been involved in just one polyamorous relationship, which unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond our control, we did not get to explore fully.

I still remember it with fond memories, however.

"and I stand

upon a mountain

made of weak and useless men"

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#30 Old 03-20-2011, 03:59 PM
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Quote:
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The poll needs another option: I have no feelings about polyamory personally, but I don't think it's workable.

I would agree with this option as well.

The Big Bad.
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