Originally Posted by Princess Peach
A husand must feel as if he is obeyed. You are making him look unmanned in front of his grandmother. If he does not like beans then do not feed them to him, it is simple. Do not cross him. Use your femininity and charms to bring him around - it is by these means that women really rule the roost while letting the man think they dominated. If he reviles your food, cry. If he compliments it, be extra loving. Soon he will be enjoying the food you want him to eat while thinking all the while it is his idea.
While I disagree with any attempt at manipulation in a relationship on principle, and I disagree with this (and any statement) as a general statement about ALL men or ALL women...
I would say that I have found the MOST harmonious relationship comes from a place of deep respect.
And a lot of women, as far as I've seen, have taken the (wonderful!) idea of feminism as an excuse to be rude, demeaning, sarcastic, and downright disrespectful to their man.
And it's just disgusting.
I have seen countless couples (and, as a woman, I hate to bash my fellow girls, but....) and mostly the women, treat their man as garbage and think NOTHING of it. They think it's NORMAL and FUNNY and... Jeez, I'm getting ill thinking about it... At work, they sit with their friends and ***** and moan. I can't count the number of times I've hear phrases like "Ugh, my idiot of a husband..." or "And I'm just looking at him like, oh my God, what the hell is wrong with you?" Etc. etc. etc.
It makes me want to puke. I would never, ever EVER disrespect my boyfriend that way. And he would never ever do it to me. If there is ONE person on this planet who has absolutely NO business cutting a man down or emasculating him or making fun of him in public - it's his PARTNER. And for some strange reason, it's the partners I see doing it MOST! It's just disgusting, to me. If you have a problem with your man, bring it home, talk to him
The way I think about it is this. Let's say I bump into someone on the street - a stranger. I'm going to stop, see if they're okay, smile, and show genuine care, and (EVEN if they bumped into me, or I thought it was "their fault") I would apologize
. In fact, how many times have you guys bumped into someone and you've basically FOUGHT for responsibility!?!? "Oh, that was my fault, I'm so sorry!" ... "No, no, it was MY fault, I'M so sorry!"
Now think about it. When was the last time you saw someone treat their partner with that much respect, kindness, and compassion? When was the last time you saw someone say "My fault!" over something small, instead of fighting to the death about who was responsible, nitpicking each other, being snarky and cold, AS IF figuring out blame is going to make the situations SO much better that it's worth the emotional baggage of an argument...
It's just... I see so many couples who are kinder, more respectful, and more prone to understand the concept that "give and take" is WAY more important than "right and wrong" when it comes to strangers on the street... And all their nastiness, disrespect, and desire to be "right" is saved up for the person they are supposed to love. If the desire to "win" or "be right" is bigger than your desire to form a cohesive unit with your partner, there is a bigger underlying problem, there.
(Now, most of this was triggered by thinking about Princess Peach's comment, not your post. And I don't think it's wrong at ALL to ask people for advice about an issue. It's really just the outright man-bashing that burns me up. And you clearly came with a question in mind, not a ranting session, and I respect that. Anyway, this strangers-and-partners thing IS something that I've always found helpful to think about in my head when I go to my boyfriend with a problem. It helps me drain myself of useless anger that will do nothing but inflame a situation. It helps me focus and not be overly emotional. It helps me come from a place where I seek to understand, not seek to be right or make changes. And that's often when the most change happens, in my world. I would recommend a discussion with him, away from food and family, in an atmosphere that is relaxed and inviting for him to tell the truth. If a man thinks a woman is on the defensive, he might not open up, he will get defensive. Best of luck!)