Nursery teacher nursed my baby!? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 08-10-2008, 03:16 PM
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Hi,



I hope this is the right place to post this. Where do I even begin?



After 9 months of watching my baby during church service, I decided to, after much thought, place her in the nursery this past month because she is at the near walking stage and disruptive.



I like the people who work in the nursery ( a husband and wife) who watch their kids and others kids during service.



However, today, when I went to pick my daughter up, I was stunned by a very odd reply. the nursery lady told me, " well, she didn't want her bottle. I changed her, she's been nursed and is doing fine."



I found it stikingly odd to hear this and at first, thought I must have misunderstood and she couldn't have possibly meant what she just said.



I tried to brush the feeling of uneasiness as I left and decided that I would first check her bottle to see if she finished it and maybe the lady had meant bottle fed instead of nursed. I come to find the bottle is completely full, not a sip taken out of it.



As I made my way back to the nursery, I found out that everyone was gone. so now I am left with a feeling of illness in my stomach. I am kicking myself now because I wish I would have been more assertive and stopped her right when she said "nursed" but I was giving her the benefit of the doubt.



What to do? Is this even allowed in nurseries? I have never heard of it being morally or legally right to nurse someone else's kid without permission. I have already made up my mind that I will not have her in their care again. But as far as confrontation, what should I do? if she has breastfeed my child, what can I do? thoughts?

thanks
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#2 Old 08-10-2008, 03:28 PM
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Ask her what she meant. It's not too late to ask.
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#3 Old 08-10-2008, 03:39 PM
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Definetly ask her exactly what she meant. If you don't have her phone number call others from the church that might have it.
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#4 Old 08-10-2008, 06:06 PM
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um, excuse me but what in the F!!!!!? HIV be can be passed through breastmilk. Wow, um. I don't even know what to say. I'd feel completely violated, I am just trying to imagine how livid you must be.



Makes me never want to use child care even though I know I will have to..

ARGH



If she did, take it up with the church.. How can that be legal, let alone moral, without parental consent (and who f... would)? Whew..
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#5 Old 08-10-2008, 06:20 PM
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Yes, clarify what she meant. In this day and age, not just anyone can be a "wet nurse". TOTALLY inappropriate. I wouldn't even allow my BEST friend to do this for my child! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Dangerous, tacky, scary and foul!!!

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#6 Old 08-10-2008, 06:29 PM
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Originally Posted by *AHIMSA* View Post

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Dangerous, tacky, scary and foul!!!

nod.
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#7 Old 08-10-2008, 06:39 PM
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wow.



that is really crazy and gross if that is what she did. I mean, who does that???? I'd clarify, and if she says she did...honestly, i don't even know???



wow.
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#8 Old 08-10-2008, 07:56 PM
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I would call the church/church people and find her number if you dont have it. Call her and tell her its been bothering you and you would like to ask her what she meant.

Thats digusting, and rude. I would feel totally violated. You have a right to be upset and to never put your child in her care again. Also, I dont think it would be wrong to let someone in the church know she did this. Other parents have a right to know.
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#9 Old 08-10-2008, 08:57 PM
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Talk to her to clarify what she meant and then call a meeting with the church staff to discuss it. That was totally inappropriate and you have every right to be upset. If you think she might have done it with other babies, make it public. Be loud and don't let anyone shh you into a corner.
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#10 Old 08-10-2008, 09:36 PM
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yeah that's just wrong. i'd totally confront her. just ask her upfront if that's what she meant and let her know that it's not ok

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#11 Old 08-10-2008, 09:43 PM
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EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Dangerous, tacky, scary and foul!!!

THIS.



You have every right to be upset and I'm sorry this happened.
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#12 Old 08-10-2008, 09:45 PM
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i think you need to calmly ask her what she meant by 'nursed'. it might be a miscommunication and she might mean 'swaddled, cuddled, held, sang too, soothed, etc' and not 'breastfed'.



if she did mean 'breastfed', then i'd make it very clear that thats not ok with you, and why. and then i'd talk to someone higher up about ensuring that its made very clear to her that its not appropriate, and doesn't continue to happen.



i can see how if she did do it, she may well have done so with her heart in the right place- it might be something thats totally ok in her family or close social group, and she might have done it without thinking. but that doesn't make it ok. its exceedingly dodgy healthwise, as others have said, and its way too close for comfort otherwise- especially without your consent. nothing should be administered to your child without your explicit consent- be it food, medicine, someone elses breastmilk, anything.



is this 'nursery' even on the level? if she's in a caregiving role, are her and her husband properly qualified, trained, insured, police cleared, etc? has a risk assessment/safety check been done on the area where small people are looked after? if not, it could have potentially been a lot worse. i'm not trying to be alarmist, but i know its its easy to assume, and hindsight is 20:20.
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#13 Old 08-10-2008, 10:25 PM
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Originally Posted by hoodedclawjen View Post

is this 'nursery' even on the level? if she's in a caregiving role, are her and her husband properly qualified, trained, insured, police cleared, etc? has a risk assessment/safety check been done on the area where small people are looked after? if not, it could have potentially been a lot worse. i'm not trying to be alarmist, but i know its its easy to assume, and hindsight is 20:20.

Are many church nurseries 'on the level'? I've volunteered in several in the past, and all that was required of me was a desire to help. I'm pretty sure the nurserys at the smaller older churches I've attended were based on the same method ...ie: everyone knows old miss jones so she must be safe, kind of mentality. I had never even really thought of this aspect until you mentioned it. Some good questions to bring up at your next general meetings, I'd think
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#14 Old 08-10-2008, 10:26 PM
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Wow... You should really contact the woman ASAP to find out what exactly she meant.



If she DID breastfeed your child, If I were you (which I am not) I would make sure that person is not allowed to take care of other people's children. That may sound a little extreme, but at least where I live breastfeeding someone else's child is so extreme and unheard of that I cannot understand how anyone would think that it would be ok to do at all - let alone without permission. A person who could think that was ok probably thinks a lot of other NOT okay things are ok. I would never trust her with kids of mine and would make sure that everyone knew about her.
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#15 Old 08-10-2008, 10:40 PM
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Oh holy hell..



I would be LIVID if my daughter was breastfed by someone. O_o



Good luck and good vibes! I agree with the "ask her what she meant," sayers.
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#16 Old 08-10-2008, 10:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Eek View Post

Are many church nurseries 'on the level'? I've volunteered in several in the past, and all that was required of me was a desire to help. I'm pretty sure the nurserys at the smaller older churches were based on the same method. I had never even really thought of this aspect until you mentioned it. Some good questions to bring up at your next general meetings, I'd think



i really don't know... i haven't been into a church in probably 15 years, and it wasn't an american one then. i bet a lot aren't. but they really really should be. its one thing for a parent to babysit a friends kid (though even that is kinda risky legally), but if you start offering a service to the general public, you need to be really really careful about it.



i've worked with an english volunteer support agency (teens doing stuff in the community- helping with all sorts of things), and we never let any of our volunteers loose on the public without a solid grounding in health and safety (first aid, handling fires, etc) and a police check, and these were mainly minors.



part of my last job was helping groups of parents to set up youthclubs in the uk. there are so many legal issues and health and safety things to factor in (liability insurance, numbers of qualified first aiders, emergency proceedures, etc), and ways that something can go wrong, that lay-people caring for someone elses kids just don't think of/know about/have the skills to handle. then when a problem happens, its got more potential to be a really big one, cos things weren't set up right, and these well-meaning people just don't know what to do, or how to react to sort it out.



/hysteria.



but yeah, agreed, the OP should definately check out that stuff- even though she's not leaving her kid there again- something worse could happen to someone elses if its an inpromtu setup. being a nice lady or a good parent doesn't make you a qualified, insured nursery nurse.
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#17 Old 08-11-2008, 12:36 AM
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Ask her what she meant and if she breastfed your baby, punch her in the eye. I find it hard to imagine someone doing that, but you never know with some people. She might be one of those freaks who thinks bottle feeding equals child abuse.



I've heard of organizations where women donate breast milk for others who can't breast feed, but I assume the donators are checked for communicable diseases, and the women who receive it are willing to use donated breast milk. Totally different than someone doing it w/o your consent.
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#18 Old 08-11-2008, 01:25 AM
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I hope whatever you find out you tell us.... I'm still trying to get over her potentially meaning breast-feeding!





Although I didn't know any church even did checks on the daycare in them -- many many years ago the only requirement to work was you knew someone at the church, or attended the church; apparently thinking that religious wouldn't do anything to the kids I guess.
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#19 Old 08-11-2008, 02:39 AM
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How strange!



I am guessing she probably meant 'nursed' as in 'held and settled'.



If someone else breastfed my daughter I would be ropable.
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#20 Old 08-11-2008, 10:45 AM
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Ask as soon as you can. I bet this is a misunderstanding though.
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#21 Old 08-11-2008, 02:16 PM
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Update! I am sitting here, still mad and it wasnt even my small human! I'm about ready to call the woman. X_x
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#22 Old 08-11-2008, 02:20 PM
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I'm dying for an update!
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#23 Old 08-11-2008, 02:35 PM
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me too
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#24 Old 08-11-2008, 03:17 PM
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Yeah, me too. I'm wondering if by "nursed" she meant held, comforted etc or breastfed. The first meaning is used on a daily basis, too. I've nursed a lot of babies I've never fed in any way.

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#25 Old 08-11-2008, 05:36 PM
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Hi,



Thanks for all of the supportive comments and feedback. As it stands right now, I have no clue what transpired the other day in the nursery.



I called the church for her number and they do not have it as she is not technically "staff". I am going to try a friend to see if I can get her number.



I woke up, on and off, last night, just feeling very angry and scared that this happened. I have learned my lesson (whether or not this happened) that I cannot and will not trust anyone besides my family and close friend to watch her. I just can't.





I will update as soon possible. thanks again.
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#26 Old 08-11-2008, 05:40 PM
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When I worked for a church nursery (briefly!) we had to have a background check, pass fingerprint check and have solid references in addition to child development certifications.



I think that should be the case for ANYONE who cares for children!!!







DO let us know.



I would go to the person in charge (pastor, whatever) as they have to have a way to reach this person. SOMEONE knows how to reach her!

"Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" Auntie Mame
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#27 Old 08-11-2008, 05:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *AHIMSA* View Post

When I worked for a church nursery (briefly!) we had to have a background check, pass fingerprint check and have solid references in addition to child development certifications.



I think that should be the case for ANYONE who cares for children!!!





Thats really cool that they did all that. I agree that it should be a requirement. I've worked in church nurseries before both big and small. They usually just pick whoever volunteers and is willing to do it. Whats scary is that I was only a preteen at the time, had no experience whatsoever, didn't really "know" most of the parents and just mainly did it because I'd rather hang out with babies/kids for 2 hours than sit through a boring sermon.
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#28 Old 08-11-2008, 06:59 PM
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At my grandmother's church, you just have to want to help to be able to work in the daycare. There's different people there everyweek.

I hope you find out what she meant soon.
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#29 Old 08-11-2008, 09:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *AHIMSA* View Post

When I worked for a church nursery (briefly!) we had to have a background check, pass fingerprint check and have solid references in addition to child development certifications.



I think that should be the case for ANYONE who cares for children!!!



thats cool. I hope more churches do this or will adopt the practice. I believe, in BC at least, it is mandatory by law if children are connected in some way to the workplace to have a background check so I am kind of surprised that this kind of anyone can volunteer stuff is still okay, and thait it never even occured to me until now though so I guess that no one else thinks of it either.



I'm sorry that you have so little trust now in others watching your baby. I lost trust too after two bad babysitter experiences when 'Chickapea' was little. It is scary.
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#30 Old 08-11-2008, 09:03 PM
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I really hope you find out, you shouldn't be losing sleep.

...and I REALLY hope it was a misunderstanding...
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