Oh nuts, my neigbors are waking me up with their fights. I'm sound asleep and I hear projectiles flying against the wall between our apartments. Then loud yelling -- I don't have to strain to hear what they are saying. She throws things at him; then he smacks her around. Then they scream for about 20 minutes. They are both usually very nice and friendly to me, but if i even hint that something might be wrong in their relationship -- he pretends he doesn't have any idea what I am talking about, and she tries to be threatening "why are you being so mean and making up lies about me" type of stuff.



Should I just call the police? I don't know how to bring the subject up with them, without becoming the object of their violence.



I'm sure if they found out I called the police, they would both get mad at me and accuse me of all kinds of nonsense.

Criminey! Does it seem like he's really hurting her? I mean it does. I would call the cops regardless simply because...well...he's hurting her. And she could be hurting him. And throwing things just isn't nice. I would definitely call the cops. As far as I know you don't have to say it was you who called the cops.

I called the police in a domestic violence situation at my building recently, and I'm glad I did. They actually arrested the woman, who was sounding pretty crazy when they took her away.



Turns out an infant was also living with the couple, and who knows where that could have led? A few other neighbors had noticed the noise, too, and were sort of casting long looks in the halls. One of them told me she was glad someone called the cops.



No one ever connected it to me, and I'm happy to be an anonymous "Samaritan" insofar as that whole incident is concerned. It seems I did the right thing.

They'll figure out its me if I call the police. I'm right in the next apartment in a 2-family house. The next nearest neigbor is across the street, in another house, past a backyard and a front yard. That neigbor may have called the police when they had one of their battles outdoors, near his house (I think they were trying to be considerate of me, and also I'm related to the landlord, so they wouldn't want to get thown out of the house for breaking things in it when throwing things). But after that they moved their battles indoors.

I have the same problem... my upstairs neighbors fight constantly. They both yell and scream and I am pretty sure there is abuse...(seen the female out and about and she is often bruised) Sometimes they let their child cry for hours and hours on end and I wonder if either of them is even home at the time (as I will sometimes hear door slam and voices later) I have called the cops and it doesnt seem to make any difference. They never arrest anyone and nothing has happened. I have also called my landlords because in general they are NOISY people.. Seriously always NOISY at all hours of the day....So I dunno...I think if it was bad enough I would call the cops anyways...especially if there is violence involved... sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesnt.

Maybe it's just a matter of timing...

Call the cops.



If not because you are concerned someone will get hurt, then because they are bothering you. If they threaten you, call the police again.



Don't take any crap.

I would defenitly call the police.

if nothing else, you can register noise complaints, both with the police and your landlord, soilman.



the police will not do anything unless they walk in on a beating-in-progress or the victim says that s/he wants to press charges or they believe there is a child at risk. the most you can do is ask your neighbours to keep it down, and if you think one or both of them needs help and is too afraid to ask for it, offer to assist them. (if you mean it).

In the US, even if the spouse doesn't want to press charges and the enforcement officers see the abuse, the State had the option to pick up the charges.

I was just about to say that!

yes. it's the same here. hence why i said, "unless they walk in on a beating-in-progress..."

Oh, sorry. I'll go back to my hole now.

whaaa?



no, i was just pointing out that it's the same thing here. i don't agree with it, though. i grew up in a household where my mother was physically abused regularly and the cops wouldn't do anything, so she stopped even calling them. it was terrible.

Don't mind me. I've been bummed out the last few days. I should probably stay offline right now. Nothing meant by my post..sorry.



Sorry about your family. That's terrible.

Same thing happened to me at my old apartment AND they had a kid and they would DAILY have screaming battles and regularly throw things and attack each other. I called the police one night and it got better after that. So did other neighbors. They got to the door and the woman LIED and said her husband wasn't there. THey went in anyway and found him. They were disgusting people for many reasons, but nothing ever happened to me for calling the police and I'm glad I did.

Sounds like my first marriage.. My ex was related to all the cops where we lived, so they never did anything.

i hope you feel better, ruthie.



sdg, yeah. it doesn't even seem to matter if the abuser is related to the cops, really. cops are so reluctant to get involved in domestic abuse situations. i know so many women who've lived in fear of their lives under their own roofs. it's just plain wrong. men should just stop battering.

That's terrible for the both of you. It's a shame that there are so many "bad" cops in that regard. I was lucky enough to have a family man cop when I had an ex arrested. He said if I didn't want to press charges, he would (of course I did press charges). The cop came to my work a few weeks later to see how things were going for me- very good guy!

I would definitely call the police. Especially if there are children living there. Nobody should have to put up with being abused and calling the police about it will definitely help the battered woman out. She could be too afraid to do anything to help herself to get out of the situation she's in.



If nothing else, you have the right to make a complaint about the noise to both your landlord and the police.

Kreeli writes

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men should just stop battering.

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tearsong2 writes

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Nobody should have to put up with being abused and calling the police about it will definitely help the battered woman out. She could be too afraid to do anything to help herself to get out of the situation she's in.

============



She could easily simply ask him to leave. He would not be able to return if she did, and she knows it. The apartment is rented by her, not by him. He is simply a guest. The police will enforce trespassing complaints. So will I, as the super of the building. She is being struck, because she allows it. It sounds like she throws things at him, and strikes him with them. This is battering him, just as much as he batters her. Makes no difference if you use your hands, or you throw a plate, vcr, etcetera, at someone. Sounds to me like she does this first, then he fights back by hitting her directly with his hands. They are 2 batterers, not one. Really, all she has to do is not let him in next time he comes over. I am sure he will not force his way in. If he did, I would tell him the consequences, and he knows it.



She is being struck because she wants to be struck. He is being hit on the head with vcr's because he wants to be hit on the head with vcrs.



What I'm concerned about is they wake me up at night. The landlord doesn't seem to be concered about the small holes they make in the wall. Social service organization pays her rent on time, every month.



I could have him thrown out if I called the soc serv org. She is being assisted out of one battering relationship (she lived in a women's shelter before here, for battered women), by soc serv, into another battering relationship. If social service were to find out about the situatin and throw out this guy, make sure he doesn't come back, I wouldn't be at all surprised if she would immediately go out and find a third guy to throw vcr's at, and be smacked and punched by.



He pays nothing toward the rent. There is no reason for her to have him around. He doesn't do much around the house either. He sits around and watches TV. I don't understand why she lets him in.



They are both very nice if you talk to them either one at a time, or together when they aren't fighting. They are intelligent converationalists and generally respectul of others. They respect other people sort of, relative strangers, but not each other. I don't want to become friendly with them because I see they respect strangers, but hurt friends.



He is an amateur boxer, and when he isn't here he is sometimes training at the gym, or away at amateur matches for a week every few months, in various parts of the world. The newspaper said he might possibly go to the Olympics. She is not so athletic as he is. Obviously, he doesn't hit her as hard as he could, rather, he hits her as hard as he wants to. (If he hit her as hard as he could, she would be dead in a short time). He is very talented; I can see that training for boxing and boxing is hard work; but he apparently has zero money. Hard work is not always rewarded. I can see why she likes him, and why he likes her, but their relationship is stupid. No amount of good qualities make up for the bad quality of hitting someone. But again, she seems to start the battering.



I can sometime hear her goading him on. I really sounds to me like she wants to be struck. I agree that this is no excuse, on his part, for striking her. I think she has a death wish. I am fairly certain that if he went away, or I did something to get rid of him -- she would find someone else to hit her.

By "goading him on" I mean she will say something like "you're a stupid ass." If he replies "stop calling me a stupid ass." She will say, "why should I, you're a stupid ass." He'll say something like "ok, I'm a stupid ass." She'll say "stupid ass, stupid ass, stupid ass." No reply. "Stupid ass, stupid ass, stupid ass, stupid ass, stupid ass." Eventually he will say something like "if you don't stop calling me a stupid ass I'll come over there and make you stop." She'll reply "stupid ass, stupid ass, stupid ass," and get get sing-songy about it. On and on. For like 10 minutes. Then I'll hear something being thrown, and I'll hear him say "ouch, you hit me right in the face with that and got sauce all over my clothes." So she'll throw something else, and sing "stupid ass, stupid ass" some more. Then I'll hear her say something like, "damn, you cut my lip. You're always hitting on me for no reason; you're a pig; I hate you."