For immediate release:
October 6, 2003
Encouraged by the momentum the gubernatorial recall campaign in California has gathered during the last few weeks, several members of the well known online vegetarian and vegan community "VeggieBoards" started a similar effort to recall the proprietor of VB
, citing insufficient leadership as the reason. The embattled leader, who calls himself "Michael", started VB
"Michael has failed as 'benevolent dictator', and we the members are not going to take this any more". stated Oatmeal, one of the initiators of the campaign. "He is benevolent I'll give him that, but he is not dictating anywhere nearly enough. And I know what I am talking about, since I have lived in dictatorship."
If the recall is successful Michael will have to hand over the master password to the VB
server, as well as his little black book with the email addresses of VB
's female members.
"It's not about hate or love for Michael" said Epinephrine, "because there is no such thing as love and hate. They are all merely chemicals manufactured by our brains and flowing in our bloodstreams. Rationally, the recall is the only logical step as I'm sure everyone will agree".
The statement of SystemDwnGrl was short but effectful: "David Beckham is HOT!". SDG also campaigns for "Proposition 420", that would mandate marijuana use on VB
, requiring that the proprietor of VB
grows and distributes recreational pot to the members who sign up for it.
mushroom tried to interpret the recall as an effort to end organized religion. "We atheists must stand united against all forms of orthodoxy and sanctification. Michael clearly has a cult status on VB
and this always is the first sign of a budding religion. We can't wait until people start to build altars and sacrifice hummus to him. We have to act, and the time to act is now."
kristadb was not available for comment, although she was "still around".
Kurmudgeon, who wore a wedding dress at the recall campaign's kick off event, noted, "In 1987, Michael donated money to research aimed at developing a fish tree. This is inacceptable. I urge anyone who is sympathetic to the vegan movement, to sign the petition and vote YES on the recall."
As of now, Tame appears to be unmoved by the recall ("Hot damn, pass the bottle!"), though this might be a clever tactical move on his part. As several members pointed out, the supporters of the campaign know how important it would be to have Tame on their side, instead of an enemy ("Yeah, he can be vicious" said Oatmeal). It is rumored that the leaders of the recall effort are already in secret negotiations with Tame, trying to ensure his support for their campaign. As part of the bargain, it is said that Tame would retain his status as moderator, and receive a ten year supply of authentic Havana cigars and a subscription to a not further specified adult magazine.
Funkified expressed support for the recall, but wondered about the protein content of the voting ballots. "My Shift-key is broken", she added.
Max Power stated, "much like Karl Popper, on this issue I am an implacable opponent of authoritarianism. I repudiate the classical observationalist-inductivist account of science, and I espouse falsifiability as a criterion of demarcation between science and non-science. We need an Open Society, and this recall is the first step to achieve it. Do you know any hot, available and looking, vegetarian chicks?"
Oneness tried to remind everyone that while the recall would cause turmoil in the lives of the members, on the cosmic scale of things. "It's all about the movement and distribution of the cosmic energy. As the feeling of oneness increases, we get in better touch with our surroundings. I think while it can get ugly, the recall will ultimately be a good thing".
soilman decided to hand in a written statement. At the time this press release was published, he was still furiously editing and extending his letter, which appears to be at least 120 pages strong (not counting the references, which stretched over 17 pages).
Robert was not visible, though his voice was omnipresent all the time, prompting some speculation about him not being human, but a computer program. "I don't like this, but we will ensure that it all goes according to the rules. Anybody who doesn't play by them, will be prosecuted and punished to the fullest extent of the law. And f*** PeTA.", said Robert.
stonecrest expressed concern about the fallibility of the voting machines. "There is simply no foolproof method of voting. There will always be people whose votes are not counted or counted twice or counted the wrong way. I don't know if the vote is a good idea."
Marie, dressed in a tight latex suit, was concerned about Michael's future, should the recall be successful. "I just faxed him a job offer. I want him to be my personal boot licker."
That Alpaca Guy decided to run as replacement candidate once Michael is recalled. His campaign is popular on VB
, because he promised to outlaw hunting. "I hate hunting" he noted.
Miss Meg said "Oatmeal told me not to be here, because I distract him too much and he is unable to work when I'm around him. But he cannot tell me what to do and he knows that. I snuck in here in no time", she added proudly and stuck out her tongue.
Michael was not available for comment.