Letter to Hostess ; ) - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 09-26-2003, 11:51 PM
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As many of you know Hostess is infamous for using beef fat (shudder) in their products. I'm outraged that they have taken a perfectly good junk food, and tainted it with beef. So wrong.



Anyway, I was in a silly mood, so I came up with this blatantly sarcastic letter; I haven't decided on whether I should send it or not... But I'm really curious as to what sort of reply I would get, lol. ; )



Just thought I'd share it with you guys and get some feedback.





Well, the attachments don't appear to be working - : p



Here's the letter:



Dear Sir or Madam:



Hello, I just wanted to send you a little note to let you know how much I enjoy your WONDERFUL products! I have had Twinkies every day for breakfast for the last 12 years of my life, even though the doctor adivsed against it. He said if I keep it up, I won't reach my 35th birthday, but I'm not concerned! Your products are just too WONDERFUL not to eat for breakfast every morning! And I happen to believe that they are indeed part of a well-balanced breakfast. The cream is obviously a dairy product, which is chock full of wonderful CALCUIM, and we all know the actual cake itself is a grain, which is just jammed-packed with NUTRIENTS! Not too mention, the BEEF FAT! We all know that BEEF FAT is a wonderful source of protein, which you need, to LIVE.



As a matter of fact, my initial reason for writing you involves BEEF FAT. You guys really think outside the box, and I want to let you know how much I appreciate that! No vegetable oils in your products! Why use vegetable oils when you can use BEEF FAT? There's nothing like a snack cake that tastes like a piece of charred steak, that's what I always say! I love pouring A1 steak sauce on your products; it just brings out that WONDERFUL flavor; the flavor of the BEFF... and the FAT.



Though, I do have a suggestion for you fine folks at Hostess - I think you should more heavily promote the use of BEEF FAT in your products! I'll bet that most Americans are unaware that it's even included in your heavenly cakes. If people knew, I'm sure your sells would just SKY ROCKET. Concerned parents want to know that they're feeding their children the right foods. If mom finds out about the BEEF FAT in your products, of course this will encourage her to buy them, since everyone knows that children need the essential proteins that are only found in BEEF FAT. You may even want to introduce a little cow mascot to help promote the products - You could call her Mrs. BEEF FAT. She could tell the children all about the wonderful health benefits of BEEF FAT, and explain how HAPPY she is to give them her fat for their sweet little snack cakes.



So, what do you think? Good idea? I sure hope you'll take it into consideration! If not, no big deal. My life will continue to revolve around your products, until it's time to eat that big Twinkie in that sky.



Truly and utterly yours,

Diane Early
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#2 Old 09-26-2003, 11:55 PM
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Are you implying that somehow Twinkies are unhealthy? Or that I shouldn't feed them to the kids every morning? Poop. You sound just like my mom and Mrs. Tame.



You do have a point though. I didn't even know people still ate Twinkies and Hostess products. I learned years ago that Little Debbie is where it's at!
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#3 Old 09-26-2003, 11:57 PM
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Oh, so did the attachment work for you Tame?



Yes, Little Debbie rocks my world too.
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#4 Old 09-27-2003, 12:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by grain_girl View Post


Yes, Little Debbie rocks my world too.



Yeah, she looks so innocent on the box. But you know she is just a dirty, dirty girl. You know she was all like:

"Oooh! You like my fudge rounds, don't ya Tame? Oooh! Lick that jelly roll, baby, lick it. Lick it! Who's your nutty buddy momma? Who's your momma?"



Yeah, the vixen.
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#5 Old 09-27-2003, 12:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tame View Post

Yeah, she looks so innocent on the box. But you know she is just a dirty, dirty girl. You know she was all like:

"Oooh! You like my fudge rounds, don't ya Tame? Oooh! Lick that jelly roll, baby, lick it. Lick it! Who's your nutty buddy momma? Who's your momma?"



Yeah, the vixen.



ROFLMAO



:

http://megatarian.blogspot.com
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#6 Old 09-27-2003, 03:37 AM
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Whooo Tame, gettin' racy.



I think it's amusing to read, but I don't think I'd send it (unless you're guaranteed it's going to be read by someone high up.) Most likely though it'll be read by someone like you or I who gets to read emails and open letters all day and can't change a thing and doesn't give a f***.
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#7 Old 09-27-2003, 03:40 AM
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And there's always the problem of "sarcasm being wasted" thing... They'd probably think it's being serious.
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#8 Old 09-27-2003, 07:05 AM
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Ha! I thought that was so funny!

I think I've had a twinkey.. once..

But maybe not because I would have no idea where I would have got it from...



Whatever I had was so good!
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#9 Old 09-27-2003, 07:26 AM
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Whats a twinkey?
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#10 Old 09-27-2003, 07:38 AM
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It's like this little spounge finger sort of thing,

With cream stuff in the middle!!!!



(Right?!)
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#11 Old 09-27-2003, 07:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DannyKass View Post

It's like this little spounge finger sort of thing,

With cream stuff in the middle!!!!



(Right?!)

I think there called Lamingtons here
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#12 Old 09-27-2003, 07:52 AM
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No!! NO!! NO!! Nothing like lammingtons!!



They are like oblong... without coconut or flavouring on the outside...

Then in the middle they have hard cream stuff.. and you can't see it unless you bite into it...



http://www.loonnews.com/twinkie.jpg



I'm such a wannabe american
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#13 Old 09-27-2003, 08:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DannyKass View Post

No!! NO!! NO!! Nothing like lammingtons!!



They are like oblong... without coconut or flavouring on the outside...

Then in the middle they have hard cream stuff.. and you can't see it unless you bite into it...



http://www.loonnews.com/twinkie.jpg



I'm such a wannabe american

Oh them umm I might of seen them
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#14 Old 09-27-2003, 10:52 AM
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Eew...Twinkies are just gross. Your mouth always gets so dry after you eat one.



Anyways, that's funny. But I'm pretty sure no one who read it would really care, as mikie said.
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#15 Old 09-27-2003, 04:06 PM
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hehe that's funny
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#16 Old 09-27-2003, 06:57 PM
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Aren't policemen famous for eating these?

In all the American movies, policemen go into a store and buy these.

Like on Die Hard.
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#17 Old 09-27-2003, 08:03 PM
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Thanks for the comments guys! I wrote it for a goof, basically. I knew it wouldn't change anything, but I just wondered if whoever reads it would get the joke, and how they would reply. ; )



I'm not worried about Hostess anyway! Not when I have a freak like Little Debbie to satisfy my needs.
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#18 Old 09-27-2003, 11:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gnarly View Post

Aren't policemen famous for eating these?

In all the American movies, policemen go into a store and buy these.

Like on Die Hard.



No. You are thinking of donuts. The only movie I can think of offhand where the cops eat Twinkies is Die Hard.
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#19 Old 09-28-2003, 01:42 AM
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Yeah, I've never heard of cops and Twinkies, but I know that in the media cops like donuts....actually, once my brother and his friend Mindy saw a couple cops at a Dunkin' Donuts chowing down
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#20 Old 09-28-2003, 07:39 AM
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Donuts AND Twinkies!!

Please let it be so!



(goes away to find more examples)
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