Advice for women during football season. - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 08-02-2003, 01:42 PM
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http://espn.go.com/page2/s/simmons/021003.html



But if you still insist on watching with us, follow these 10 ground rules and everything should be OK:



1. No PDA. If you're allowed to watch with your boyfriend and his buddies, don't rub his head, don't kiss his neck, don't scratch his back, don't cuddle ... don't do any of that stuff. By the way, the only thing that makes guys more uncomfortable than public affection is fighting, so if you feel the need to re-enact the limo scene from "What's Love Got to Do With It," do it on your own time.



2. There isn't a single acceptable situation for the question "Is this game almost over yet?" Not one.





3. When your boyfriend's buddy calls to discuss a game in progress, don't shake your head and definitely don't mutter spine-crumbling comments like "God, I hate your voice when you're talking to your friends." Needless phone calls are a crucial part of the viewing experience. They remind us we aren't the only ones wasting our Sundays. So leave us alone.



4. Don't complain about incessant remote-control flipping on Sunday. We know when to flip and we know where we're going. It's an innate gift. And we do it for a reason: We're trying to catch as much football as possible. Consider yourself lucky to be along for the ride.



5. Laugh at our jokes. Just pretend you're the bandleader on "The Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Guys are easy. If someone's laughing with us, we like having them around.



6. Don't belittle our gambling or fantasy football. Comments like "You have a bookie?," or "I can't believe you guys pick players and pretend you're the coach," or, my personal favorite, "You guys need to get a life" are all guaranteed to make us hate you.



7. We're easily bribable, so bring something ... even if it's a bag of chips. If you cook something, even better (Rice Krispies Treats are always a winner).



8. Corollary: Whenever you get up, ask, "Can I get anyone anything?" Makes us feel like manly men. Plus, we don't have to get up.





9. Know your stuff. The moment you say something like, "Wait, I thought Drew Bledsoe was on the Patriots," you might as well pull a bag over your head. If you're clueless, keep it to rudimentary observations like "That was an unbelievable catch" or "This announcer is annoying." Never say, "Jon Gruden's so cute. He looks just like my old high school boyfriend!" Save that for the next "American Idol."



10. Along those same lines, an understated approach may just win our eternal respect. A few years ago, I was in Vermont with some friends. On a Sunday afternoon, while the boys were watching the Steelers, the girls returned from the slopes with their adorable ski bunny friend (the one who caused us to jostle in our seats to sneak peeks when she wasn't looking). The ski bunny notices the game, sits down and asks, "What's the score?" Typical girl question (right up there with "Who's playing?"), but since she was cute, we threw her a bone and gave her the score. Then, she drops this one on us: "How come Tomczak's in the game? Did O'Donnell get hurt?"



Nobody said anything. We did a collective quadruple take, eyes bulging out of our heads like Marty Mornhinweg. We were floored.



Finally, I answered: "Yeah, he's hurt. By the way, my name's Bill. Will you marry me?"



Turned out, she had a boyfriend. The great ones always do.



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#2 Old 08-02-2003, 01:50 PM
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I am more of a sports nerd than my boyfriend Tame....so do these rules apply to him then??? cuz you just described my winter sunday afternoons, monday nights, and sometimes saturdays....
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#3 Old 08-02-2003, 01:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by SystmDwnGrl

I am more of a sports nerd than my boyfriend Tame....so do these rules apply to him then??? cuz you just described my winter sunday afternoons, monday nights, and sometimes saturdays....



Yes, these rules can be applied to males.
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#4 Old 08-02-2003, 01:53 PM
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Sweet! I got a beer b!tch this year
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#5 Old 08-02-2003, 02:32 PM
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Ouu, I'm gonna cut and paste this one, Tame; I know just the spot . . .
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#6 Old 08-02-2003, 02:51 PM
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HA!!! BRILLIANT!!!



ESPN = Every Sport Passion Needs ESPN I woke up at 4.30am to watch the "tokyo bowl" this morning. Ahhhhhh football.



One of my best mates got married last year and we're trying to start a tradition in his basement for the 'skins-cowboys game (the one in dallas - home games are for tailgating, duh). His new wife is amazing - she has so little interest in football that she leaves the house when it's on but she spends a good week before the big game preparing an intricate schedule of snacks and food deliveries for us. See, there are still good ones left, and my buddy got one...



I'm gonna start a football thread
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#7 Old 08-02-2003, 02:56 PM
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Yeah and Im not married yet... so technically..... Im still available...I wont leave the house when the game is on, but I will trash talk....
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#8 Old 08-02-2003, 03:06 PM
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Yeah yeah, that'd be MUCH better! Respect for them girls that get into football. Nothing sexier than the girl all dolled up at the sports bar yelling at the coach on the tele about going for it on fourth down and downing herself another Bud



I can't wait to hear what team you support... this oughta be interesting....
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#9 Old 08-02-2003, 03:15 PM
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I am a Saints fan.....for 12 years... gotta love a team that can self destruct after 7 games..... I have also for some odd reason taken a liking to the Steelers over the past few years, although I am not entirely sure why... perhaps it is my brother in law(who is the biggest Steelers fan Ive ever met) rubbing off on me....



I will watch whatever game is on tho... my brother is a huge Redskins fan and a Vikings fan... ack.. I hate the Vikings with a passion, just because they are the Vikings...or ViQueens as I like to call them....My daughter is a HUGE Packers fan...
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#10 Old 08-02-2003, 03:17 PM
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well that's not so bad... could be worse - could be an eagles fan or a niner's bandwagoner...
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#11 Old 08-02-2003, 03:18 PM
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Ugh I hate the niners!
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#12 Old 08-02-2003, 03:28 PM
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TAME......your da man!!!!!.......sensitive and priceless insight.



Ladies,this is a must read post by brother Tame. I recomend that you make a copy and run down to the local tattoo parlor and have it inked on in a convienant location for a quick reference tool. It will serve you for life. Well done my friend!......RAMS!!!
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#13 Old 08-02-2003, 03:35 PM
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So what do YOU think about your quarterback situation in St Louie, budda?
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#14 Old 08-02-2003, 03:36 PM
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I've been a Packer's fan since I was old enough to even remember football. Let's face it, ya gotta field a mean ass team to justify wearing uniforms that fugly.



I, admittedly, became an Elway fan when the AFL merged. I kept losing a bunch of money on the big games though. When the Broncos played the Packers in the 'Bowl a few years ago... I couldn't lose. I gotta give it up for an aging Elway to make that 3rd down... aka, "the run". It was nice to finally see him win.



Max, I still remember all the doubters about Doug Williams going to Washington. Man, did he ever prove critics wrong. Talk about a botched decision by the Bucs in letting him go.
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#15 Old 08-02-2003, 03:40 PM
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I'm a Steelers fan.



Here we go Steelers! Here we go! < clap, clap>

Here we go Steelers! Here we go! < clap, clap>

Here we go Steelers! Here we go! < clap, clap>

Here we go Steelers! Here we go! < clap, clap>

Here we go Steelers! Here we go! < clap, clap>



Now that we got that sissy Kordell out of town, it's on!
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#16 Old 08-02-2003, 03:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tame

Now that we got that sissy Kordell out of town, it's on! [/B]





took long enough!
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#17 Old 08-02-2003, 03:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Robert

Max, I still remember all the doubters about Doug Williams going to Washington. Man, did he ever prove critics wrong. Talk about a botched decision by the Bucs in letting him go.

The Bucs! Talk about "you've come a long way, baby..." The Doug Williams Superbowl was the best!!! FORTY TWO STRAIGHT POINTS!!!! WPGC played "Hail to the Redskins" for HOURS after that! So annoying...
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#18 Old 08-02-2003, 03:59 PM
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Originally posted by SystmDwnGrl

took long enough!



Yeah, but now I gotta figure out what to do with my Stewart jersey!
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#19 Old 08-02-2003, 06:20 PM
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HAHA you have a Kordell Jersey!!!!
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#20 Old 08-02-2003, 08:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by SystmDwnGrl

HAHA you have a Kordell Jersey!!!!



In my defense, it was after his 1996 season , and I got it really, really cheap.
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#21 Old 08-02-2003, 10:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by buddadragon

TAME......your da man!!!!!.......sensitive and priceless insight.



Ladies,this is a must read post by brother Tame. I recomend that you make a copy and run down to the local tattoo parlor and have it inked on in a convienant location for a quick reference tool. It will serve you for life. Well done my friend!......RAMS!!!

Ladies?!?! LADIES?!?!?! .... No! This should apply to ANYONE that doesn't watch football. Man. Woman. Don't matter. If you don't know/understand/appreciate the game, then sit down, shut up, and hand me another beer cause mine's getting hot.



...And while you're at it, fill up the snack bowl cause it's getting pretty low, too...



...and if I hear your eyes rolling during my Aussie Rules Football games (Yea, you heard right, I said Aussie Rules Football), there's gonna be REAL problems..



'cause I like to hear bones crunch a whole bunch.
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#22 Old 08-02-2003, 11:50 PM
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B R O W N S fan in da house!



Maybe this year Tame, hey?
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#23 Old 08-03-2003, 06:34 AM
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PEWTER POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This year we'll prove last year was NOT a fluke!!!!
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#24 Old 08-03-2003, 07:50 AM
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Ah yes, I love it, just clipped and slapped on the fridge. And the CHIEFS, beware, beware, of the CHIEFS...This is indeed our year!!
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#25 Old 08-03-2003, 11:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by DeeYahMK

Ladies?!?! LADIES?!?!?! .... No!



Fine,have it your way,your not a lady. It's hard being an old guy in a pc world.
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#26 Old 08-03-2003, 03:05 PM
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Originally posted by buddadragon

Fine,have it your way,your not a lady. It's hard being an old guy in a pc world.

Oh, I'm a lady all right. A lady that loves to watch large guys gang up and beat the [email protected] out of each other, but a lady nevertheless.



I'm also a lady that's going to keep my eye on Arizona and Seattle this season. Sure, they have sucked eggs in the past but this year they actually have some decent players so this should be good.



I'm not holding hope for playoffs, but I am ready for some good ball.
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#27 Old 08-04-2003, 02:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by DeeYahMK

Oh, I'm a lady all right. A lady that loves to watch large guys gang up and beat the [email protected] out of each other, but a lady nevertheless.



LL
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#28 Old 08-05-2003, 12:07 AM
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You know, this is why I'm SOOOOOOOOO incredibly happy to be divorced!!!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! It's been nearly two years now since i set eyes on a sporting event (well, I did go to a baseball game not long ago). But now that football, basketball, baseball, golf and the back of my X's head are no longer part of my life, I really feel the world is just a better place.



Oh, I also don't have to watch bad action movies or science fiction shows...or OMG..REALITY TV!



I may never marry again..or if I do, I will have to get one of the five, straight non-sports watching guys around.



Or, become lesbian.



Still haven't decided what to do, but for now, being single and thus NOT watching sports at all, is making me VERY happy. Thank you for reminding me of all i have to be thankful for...this end of summer, as the various pro and college teams gear up for yet another mindnumblingly boring season of machismo and fanny wacking.



B
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#29 Old 08-05-2003, 01:43 AM
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hey! Lesbians love sports...
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#30 Old 08-05-2003, 03:25 AM
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I'll single, dont like sports(in fact, I don't even know what I'm going in this thread!), and am 'straight' + I'm a Vegetarian!

Am I one of those five?
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