This is a very sensitive topic for some people and if somebody is offended I am terribly sorry but I need an opinion. Something happened, and I want to know if you would consider it rape or not. I think no, but others tell me yes.
Alright so this is what happened (PS I'm 19). There was this VERY attractive and charming 30 year old that I worked with. We would talk occasionally but I would always get girly-nervous and giddy when he came around. Now, I ended up leaving that job (was working in a store and that job). He showed up at the store and heavily flirted. How could I resist? We exchanged phone numbers.
We talked on the phone for a few days, and I noticed something was a little bit odd (he was very conceited and very controlling) but then he'd say something else in his manipulative ways and I'd be hooked again. One day I didn't have any plans so I called him up and went over to his house. Stupid on my part. Before I know it, things have happened. I realize I don't want this and I have to get home anyway so I tell him to stop and get off me. His reply was to smile at me, say no, and keep going. I tried to push him off of me but he was to strong and held me down, and fed off my nervousness and timid nature. He finally stopped and I was able to call a cab, but then he grabbed my arm and wouldn't let go of me until I promised him I would see him again. So, what could I do? At the point of him saying no to me telling him to get off me, I did whatever he wanted just to get out of there. As I was leaving he told me he loved me in a joking tone, and now those words are ruined for me.
I see how some people would consider this a rape, but my way of viewing it is that it was my stupid fault to begin with, and I consented to it until the last while. I know I am at fault for it. However it still really bothers me to this day (this was about a month or so ago) and he goes to bars to pick up drunk teenagers. Last time my friends were at the bar he had a conversation with them (and he knows they are my friends). This alone sickens me.
What to do? I don't know why I'm even telling all of you this, I guess I'm just looking for somebody who understand or some kind of support. Which is stupid, because it was my own fault.