Bad over the US Holiday - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 07-05-2003, 07:20 AM
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I was at a BBQ at a friends house, and needless to say the only vegetarian. I ate vegetarian hot dogs that I brought, only had baked beans, salad and corn.



I was asked to have a dessert, which I decided to have a little... I am not feeling real bad, cause it was a cream type cake and I am sure had milk products.



I did not want to be rude to my host, so I ate it....



The holidays are coming in a few months, and I am sure I will be going to the family function. there are only two vegetarians in our family, and my sister kind of bends from time to time, but I want to stay true to my diet change.



I am not sure what I should do at my family function, I dont want to be rude and not eat some items, just cause they may have some milk products... yes I will refuse turkey on Thanksgiving, but I dont want to sweat the little things, and seem ungrateful.



What does everyone else do in these situations?
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#2 Old 07-05-2003, 07:37 AM
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I stand my ground and don't eat what won't fit into my vegan diet. I'm accustomed to bringing my own food to events.
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#3 Old 07-05-2003, 08:37 AM
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Just be true to yourself.

Say beforehand that you don't eat certain things now. Say you will bring your own like Carnelian if you like. I am vegetarian and not vegan at the moment but hardly ever eat dairy. Even at dinner parties when there are just say 6 of us, when the dessert comes out (creamy) I never eat it. They normally do a fruit salad too so I would go for that.
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#4 Old 07-05-2003, 09:17 AM
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My stepmother makes fabulous dressing at Thanksgiving. Last year I told her ahead of time I wouldn't be eating it, so she wouldn't make an extra pan for me to take home as usual. (I didn't do that with my mother-in-law the previous christmas, and she made a lot of extra. I felt like such a jerk. She's of the "a little won't hurt you" camp, but I didn't relent.) She eliminated the "turkey juice" and substituted spices. Salt must have been the main one, because it was dry and too salty to eat. I didn't say anything at the time because I appreciated the effort nonetheless. I'm visiting them this coming weekend, and will bring her a carton of the vegetable broth I've used in my own soup to use in the dressing. I'll tell her about the saltiness, and I hope she doesn't get offended (as she easily does).



It's funny, because they already watch everyone (especially me) like a hawk to make sure we've "gotten enough to eat." I just don't eat a lot at one time, and I'm thin. Not sickly thin, though. They've been helpful, and willing to divulge ingredients. Sometimes I wonder if people lie about that just so you'll eat something, though. But, why would they do that?



I think bringing a dish you made (or bought) to a family gathering or party is a good thing. That way others can try it and hopefully like it, and you know there'll be at least one thing you can eat.
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#5 Old 07-05-2003, 11:29 AM
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I don't at school so its not a problem and at home I don't trust my parents so I make my own meals. I'm an independant person
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#6 Old 07-05-2003, 11:44 AM
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I'm pretty close w/ my mother...And although she thinks "everything in moderation", I don't think she'd be offended if I didn't eat her turkey. I'll eat salad and veggies, but I won't expect her to make anything special for me--she has enough to do!!! My family knows that I'm pretty stubborn, and independent. Last month, my mother tried to get me to eat some of her wonderful chicken caesar salad, that I used to love, but I simply told her that I would have plain salad(she didn't have any other veggies besides lettuce, so it was pretty much lettuce and vinegar! ), but I ate it nonetheless. After that incident, she has given up trying to "change" me. To each their own is her motto, and she knows it makes me happy. So, regardless, I will probably eat or bring food of my own over the holidays. Don't think of it as an insult, it is your beliefs!
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#7 Old 07-05-2003, 11:52 AM
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I always let people know ahead of time and then eat what I can eat. I might bring something with me, but I don't expect people to cater to me. There's always side dishes I can eat and since most functions don't last very long, I figure I won't starve. No big deal. I do get people who seem overly concerned about if I've had enough to eat, but I just keep telling them I'm fine. I'd never bend, either - the last thing I'd want is for people to think I'm weak in my beliefs
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#8 Old 07-05-2003, 12:51 PM
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people know my stance on what i eat and wha ti do not. if they have any trouble understanding i make it crystal clear. if they are offended that you wont eat what they are serving, they should understand why you wont eat it and that it greatly goes against your belifs and values. if they still dont accept it, f'em i say no one should make you Cave in just to be polite.
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#9 Old 07-05-2003, 01:19 PM
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I stand firm, and always bring my own stuff. In fact, it was kinda funny, 'cause there were a lot of vegetarians at the barbecue I went to yesterday, though they were ovo-lacto so, dunderhead that I am for forgetting to buy vegan buns, I had to eat our vegan burgers with a knife and a fork. It was a trip being at a July 4th BBQ that was half veg, half omni. We went through 14 vegan burgers between us!
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#10 Old 07-05-2003, 01:30 PM
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The barbecue I went to yesterday was almost entirely vegetarian. There were a few omnis, so the hosts cooked up some meat burgers on one little section of the grill (I loved how it was the opposite of most barbecues, where you have a whole bunch of meat and a little section for veggie stuff ), but then everyone ended up eating the veggie stuff anyway. I think only one guy there ate meat. Not bad.



Of course, I'm working on my vegan stint (I'm on day 13), so I couldn't have a lot of the sides (all of which were veggie, but most of which had some kind of dairy or egg -- macaroni salad type things). They all know, though, and they offered up ingredients for the things they brought (it was something of a pot-luck) to let me decide if I could have it or not. I brought lots of vegan things, so I was fine, and some of the others got to try them.
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#11 Old 07-05-2003, 02:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by V3gan

if they are offended that you wont eat what they are serving, they should understand why you wont eat it and that it greatly goes against your belifs and values. if they still dont accept it, f'em i say no one should make you Cave in just to be polite.

I agree completely.

I let people know ahead of time that I'm vegan and tell them not to worry about it. I bring my own food and depending on the occassion, I might bring enough to share.

I will not go against my beliefs just to humor people. If they have a problem with me politely declining food, then they are the rude one. If I'm not making an issue out of it, why should they?
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#12 Old 07-05-2003, 02:02 PM
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I always ask ahead what will be served, and bring my own stuff accordingly. Most everywhere I go, family and friends will make sure at least one dish is meat-free for me. And if they didn't, that would be fine too. Have boca burger, will travel!
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#13 Old 07-05-2003, 08:26 PM
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I've also become accostumed to bringing my own food or waiting to eat until later. Yesterday all there was was meet. I was with a bunch of people on the atkins diet. Needless to say, I spent most of the day throwing water balloons around with all the kids while trying hard to not listen to all the meat eaters talk about how great the atkins diet is. I ended up walking over to Carls Jr. to get one of their salads. Yummy!
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#14 Old 07-05-2003, 09:46 PM
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I can pretty much handle the "smaller" holidays, but I was curious how everyone handled the big family gathering type, such as Thanksgiving and Christmas. I will probably make something, and bring it.



I just dont want to feel guilty if I have a roll that is not vegan. I am not personally vegan, but I try to stay away from dairy ect.
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#15 Old 07-05-2003, 10:09 PM
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On the "big" holidays I always bring at least one main dish, and usually a side dish. I'm lucky enough to have family members who understand my dietary restrictions and make an effort to have at least a couple vegan side dishes. Of course there is always the turkey or ham or whatever, but I don't go hungry.
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#16 Old 07-05-2003, 10:13 PM
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That is a good idea... thanks Jess
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#17 Old 07-05-2003, 11:48 PM
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I agree with Jess. Bring a dish that everyone can eat. I believe it is extremely rude to show up with one dish, only for you.
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#18 Old 07-05-2003, 11:58 PM
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Not just rude, but also it isolates people. Veg*ns complain (and often justifiably) that we are sidelined when it comes to food, but it doesn't help if we don't try and include other people in what we do.

So def. bring some scrummy stuff with you that you can eat, and that other people can try. No hard feelings then!
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#19 Old 07-06-2003, 01:43 AM
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Thanks, Schoska. I edited my message to remove almost exactly what you said. Didn't want to start a war



But, I see that you're on the same page as me hehe
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#20 Old 07-06-2003, 01:55 AM
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I don't see the point of me being vegan if I dismiss my feelings on eating animal products because im at someones place. I am me everywhere I go and that includes how I eat..
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#21 Old 07-06-2003, 10:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by kristadb

I believe it is extremely rude to show up with one dish, only for you.

I think that just depends. My relatives absolutely refuse to eat anything I make. They're afraid that I might put something "gross" like tofu in it. Even if I tell them the ingredients, they don't believe me.

Also, if I go to someones house and they insist that no one bring anything (me being the exception), showing up with food for everyone to share would be rude of me. Suddenly the talk would be about the vegan food and not the food the host had worked to prepare.
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#22 Old 07-06-2003, 11:57 AM
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My wife and I cooked our own main entree and one side dish for Christmas dinner with my whole family last year. It was kinda cool, 'cause everyone asked about them, and some even tried what we made. We were also able to eat some of the other veggie side dishes.
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#23 Old 07-06-2003, 12:10 PM
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Christmas before last we spent my husband and I spent the whole period with our american friends in the US including New Year and they ate vegetarian the whole time! I know that doesn't help but just wanted to share how cool they were to us!
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#24 Old 07-06-2003, 12:57 PM
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i think it's more rude for someone who knows you're vegan to offer you nonvegan items than it would be if you refused to eat those items.



but that's just me maybe. i get pretty offended when people offer me something they know i won't eat, especially if they say something like "come on, it's a holiday, i won't tell anyone" etc



sometimes i do bend on desserts but it's my choice and i don't like having it pushed at me, if i want to have a small taste of something i normally don't eat, i'll sometimes go ahead, no sense torturing myself over it.

but the safest bet is to bring a vegan dessert to share with everyone, so you're not feeling left out and the others don't feel bad eating something in front of you that you can't have

I'm singin' here to get rid of fear
Hope it disappears right here with the rain
But I know life is pain, not like a fairytale
Meaningless to pray, so just goin' on my way
~Miyavi "Torture"
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#25 Old 07-06-2003, 06:01 PM
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I'm so used to this sort of thing now, I always bring a side dish and a meat analogue to family bbqs and holiday dinners. I'm not a vegan, so I don't have so many problems, but I strongly dislike eating a meal that's protein comes almost entirely from dairy. It took my family (extended and in-laws) a while to understand this, but they're used to it now.



If they're willing to make something veg*n for you, let them, I say. They're the host/hostess and they just want to be as hospitable as possible. Just make sure to explain what is veg*n and what isn't. No sense in showing up to dinner to a plate of fish with your name on it.



Erin--my family is like that to a certain degree, so I understand (thankfully my husband and his family aren't--it's been so nice). Maybe you could bring something that clearly doesn't have tofu and the other "gross" stuff in it, something like a pasta salad, soup, roasted veggies, or dessert. I don't know what their full list of "gross" food is though.
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