Important questions and their answers - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 03-09-2005, 01:37 PM
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1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

Unique Up On It.



2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?

Tame Way, Unique Up On It.



3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?

They Take The Psycho Path



4. How Do You Get Holy Water?

You Boil The Hell Out Of It.



5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

Dam!



6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

Polaroid's



7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

A Stick



8.. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho Cheese.



9.. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.



10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

Quattro Sinko..



11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

Spoiled Milk.



12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?

Frostbite.



13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?

A Nervous Wreck.



14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

Anyone Can Roast Beef.



15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?

Right Where You Left Him.



16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?

Because They Have Big Fingers.



17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?

Because It Scares The Dog.



18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.



19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?

The Location Of The Dirt Bag.



20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?

Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.



21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?

A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!

A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
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#2 Old 03-09-2005, 01:51 PM
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Bwahahahah!



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#3 Old 03-09-2005, 01:55 PM
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What's brown and sticky?



a stick.





Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?



because it was dead.
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#4 Old 03-09-2005, 01:56 PM
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that was very informative.
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#5 Old 03-09-2005, 02:15 PM
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I think my 9 year old niece will like them.

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#6 Old 03-09-2005, 02:38 PM
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Q: Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?

A: He's all right now.



Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?

A: Cell phones.



Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?

A: A pachydermatologist



Q: What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

A: A pool table.



Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?

A: They're trying to get away from the noise.



Q: What do you call a fly with no wings?

A: A walk.



Q: What do John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

A: Their middle name.



Q: Why won't canniblas eat clowns?

A: They taste funny.



Q: Why do they put bells on cows?

A: Their horns don't work!



Q: What did the apple say to the orange?

A: Nothing, stupid! apples can't talk!



Q: What do you call a missing parrot?

A: A polygon



Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

A: If they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.



Q: what do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A: Roamin' Catholic
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#7 Old 03-09-2005, 02:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelOfDance View Post


Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?

A: They're trying to get away from the noise.



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#8 Old 03-09-2005, 03:00 PM
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Hehehe, Angel. I especially like the pool table one.
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#9 Old 03-09-2005, 03:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelOfDance View Post




Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?



because it was dead.





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#10 Old 03-09-2005, 03:15 PM
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This is my 2nd grade joke, but I think it will fit nicely here in this thread.



What's green and goes 200 mph backwards?



*sniff*



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#11 Old 03-09-2005, 03:15 PM
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What has four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening...?
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#12 Old 03-09-2005, 03:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Brandon View Post

This is my 2nd grade joke, but I think it will fit nicely here in this thread.



What's green and goes 200 mph backwards?



*sniff*






This is gonna be gross ain't it-?...
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#13 Old 03-09-2005, 03:18 PM
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Tash, it already is. Just think about it.
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#14 Old 03-09-2005, 04:18 PM
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I told my 10yo daughter some of these and she got a big kick out of them
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#15 Old 03-09-2005, 04:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tash View Post

What has four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening...?



That's more in the nature of a riddle, not a joke, and it's really old. I mean really old...

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#16 Old 03-09-2005, 04:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amy SF View Post

That's more in the nature of a riddle, not a joke, and it's really old. I mean really old...



Well, it's kind of a classic. Isn't it in the Hobbit, or am I thinking of another riddle with multiple legs?
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#17 Old 03-09-2005, 04:44 PM
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(Im going to get some people mad at me for these im sure)



How do you kill a blonde?

Put spikes on her shoulder pads.



whats the difference between a blonde and a 747.

Not everyone has ridden on a 747.



What does a blonde and a pirate have in common

A black patch.



How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?

She opens the car door.



Why does the blonde have TGIF written on her shoes?

It means Toes Go In First.
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#18 Old 03-09-2005, 04:44 PM
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It's actually out of Greek mythology. I forget which monster asked it, and which hero answered it.
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#19 Old 03-09-2005, 04:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tash View Post

What has four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening...?



So whats the dang answer?
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#20 Old 03-09-2005, 04:47 PM
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OK, briefly: Oedipus (he of the Complex) was asked this riddle by the Sphinx. Now, the Sphinx was a terrible monster who threw men to their deaths because they couldn't come up with the answer. But Oedipus did. His answer: Man. Man crawls on his hands and knees in the morning of his life (four legs), walks with two legs in the afternoon of his life, and walks with the aid of a cane (or walking stick, as they had back in B.C.) in the evening of his life (three legs). The Sphinx was so angry that Oedipus answered his riddle correctly that he threw himself to his own death.



At least that's the story as I remember it.

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#21 Old 03-09-2005, 04:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mouse View Post

It's actually out of Greek mythology. I forget which monster asked it, and which hero answered it.



Oh yeah! Man, I'm letting down my high school Classics team. Years of reading Edith Hamilton totally wasted...I can't remember either. Interesting that Tolkien has been sent to the same cabinet in my brain as actual mythology.
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#22 Old 03-09-2005, 04:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brahmacharya View Post

Oh yeah! Man, I'm letting down my high school Classics team. Years of reading Edith Hamilton totally wasted...I can't remember either. Interesting that Tolkien has been sent to the same cabinet in my brain as actual mythology.



Probably intentional on Tolkien's part. He drew heavily on Norse mythology for inspiration.

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#23 Old 03-09-2005, 04:51 PM
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My 10yo is feeling icky, and I've gotten her to at least smile with a couple of these. Thank you so much guys!
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#24 Old 03-09-2005, 04:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amy SF View Post

Probably intentional on Tolkien's part. He drew heavily on Norse mythology for inspiration.



Thanks for making me feel A LOT better about my spotty memory for mythology, Amy. Now I'm not forgetful, I'm eclectic.



Everybody loves the stupid musicians jokes: like:



Q. What did the drummer get on his IQ test?

A. Drool



4 years of jazz school....I've got oceans of those bad boys.
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#25 Old 03-09-2005, 11:04 PM
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I love these! My dad used to tell me jokes like this all the time.
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#26 Old 03-09-2005, 11:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amy SF View Post

OK, briefly: Oedipus (he of the Complex) was asked this riddle by the Sphinx. Now, the Sphinx was a terrible monster who threw men to their deaths because they couldn't come up with the answer. But Oedipus did. His answer: Man. Man crawls on his hands and knees in the morning of his life (four legs), walks with two legs in the afternoon of his life, and walks with the aid of a cane (or walking stick, as they had back in B.C.) in the evening of his life (three legs). The Sphinx was so angry that Oedipus answered his riddle correctly that he threw himself to his own death.



At least that's the story as I remember it.



I think that's it, Amy. I knew Tash's was the riddle of the sphinx, but I couldn't recall who answered it correctly. The sphinx wasn't accustomed to people getting the riddle wrong- and didn't he eat the people if they answered incorrectly?



Is my joke that bad, or has nobody seriously gotten it? (I know Rain2Lightening gets it, because I told it to her a while ago). It's one of those "probably better in person" jokes.
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#27 Old 03-09-2005, 11:37 PM
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i got it. i thought it was great
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#28 Old 03-09-2005, 11:40 PM
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Yea Mayuko!!!!
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#29 Old 03-09-2005, 11:42 PM
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I'm gonna tell Brandon's joke to everyone on my floor and be the coolest kid in school.

"you know, nowhere in the bible does it say that jesus was not a raptor"


www.animal-adoptions.org

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#30 Old 03-09-2005, 11:42 PM
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I got it too, B, but mostly because I seem to kind of read out loud when I read. A mouth-breather habit. So I did the *snort* fa real.



You snotty boy....
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