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#1 Old 08-10-2004, 07:33 AM
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I've been reading about women who say they have no sex with their husbands, or very little. What's up with that? Luckily I've been tangled up with nymphos all my life but damn, what man will hang around if he's not getting laid? It's like as basic as food, water and shelter. Any woman who denies sex to her husband must not care about keeping him around.



I'd hear no about twice myself before I'd just find another woman, either full time or on the side. I learned a long time ago that the world is full of them.
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#2 Old 08-10-2004, 07:44 AM
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I think it's cause lots of men just don't get it. They don't communicate with their females well, and given time they stop wanting to be as sexual. So this creates the vicious circle of men sleeping around, getting caught, and confirming in their minds that all men are that way, and they knew it all along.. Self fulfilled prophesy I call it...T.
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#3 Old 08-10-2004, 07:52 AM
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That might be true, T. But for whatever reason, I view a sexual relationship as vital to a successful marriage and, if one or both partners don't want sex with each other anymore, that relationship is on its deathbed.



It's time for a shrink or a therapist if two people in this fix want to stay together.
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#4 Old 08-10-2004, 08:23 AM
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I think I'm in the minority here, but I don't see sex as vital to anything. Just a fringe benefit. If I were with someone who didn't want to have sex with me, big deal. Wouldn't be that far off from all my years of complete singleness.
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#5 Old 08-10-2004, 09:27 AM
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Two kids and married for 14 years. Does the all-consuming lust that exists in the early years of a relationship change - certainly. This occurs for many reasons but what transpires should be a natural evolution reflecting the maturation of the relationship. Maintaining passion for one's spouse is vital because without that you are simply going through the motions. As you get into your middle-years intimacy in a long term relationship may be a bit less frequent but it can still be fantastic. If your partner still turns you on, and your relationship is healthy then the sex will probably be good. My spouse and I are very comfortable with each other but we're still hot for one another too. Women, mainly because of society have more issues with getting older and dealing with their changing physical appearances. It’s important that you continue to express to your partner that they are beautiful and desirable.
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#6 Old 08-10-2004, 09:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bankruptor View Post

It's like as basic as food, water and shelter. Any woman who denies sex to her husband must not care about keeping him around.

[...]

I'd hear no about twice myself before I'd just find another woman, either full time or on the side.

Hrmmm... You may not be in the majority if men were actually honest about such things. Would you really walk away or "just" find another woman if you were turned down twice by a broad who you took to be a life-partner?



I doubt it's healthy to have this sort of pov beyond the "recovering from college" years. How was college for you? Lots of broads? I have watched friends who did not "sew their oats" at an early age, and came up through marraige wanting to recapture what they did not have, bouncing around looking for the ephemeral pleasures that would have appeased their immature needs but do not work in a mature adult-world. They have relationships, even marriages, but cheat, swing, and divorce because they cannot mature without understanding what is holding them for maturation.



Me, personally? I know I won't be happy without regular (and some freaky - wakka wakka) sex. However, I have been in relationships where I got plenty from a broad I was lukewarm about. It never lasted. Sex, alone, will not sustain a healthy mature relationship.
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#7 Old 08-10-2004, 10:01 AM
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In many cases, it's because the man loses interest too. I know this is true for me when my love life becomes too one-sided (as in, it's all about her, all the time). It seems like many women are either too nervous about asking their man what he wants, he doesn't really know anyway, or she doesn't care because she figures she's doing him a favor by spreading in the first place.



I really doubt that most sexless relationships are that way solely by the choices of the female partner.







The Rev
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#8 Old 08-10-2004, 10:08 AM
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TS, maybe that didn't come out like I had hoped. Listen, often my woman will say something like "Look, I'm tired and not feeling well, let's do this tomorrow". That's a different story. Sometimes I feel the same way, and we're both comfortable enough with each other to say so.



It's the outright denial I'm talking about. I went through a phase with this woman years ago where she started thinking that she was going to deny and thereby control the sexual relationship. That lasted about a week for me before I started not coming home. Amazingly enough that sure turned it around. As for my present wife, she wouldn't attempt such a thing. She knows me better than that and wants to keep me around.



That's what I'm saying. And I mean it. If you're letting your woman control the sex and manipulate you with it you're in for a world of suffering. Hey, live however you want, but that sort of lifestyle won't be in my future.



Oh, how was college? It was the best 10 years of my life.
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#9 Old 08-10-2004, 10:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Trent Steele View Post

Sex, alone, will not sustain a healthy mature relationship.



I agree 100%, and I never said otherwise. But sex IS a critical element of a relationship, that's my whole point.



Personally, I think passion is the element that waxes and wanes throughout a relationship, and one that women long for the most. It probably even surpasses financial security as a basic female need. Keep passion alive if you want to keep a happy woman.
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#10 Old 08-10-2004, 11:35 AM
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Well, now that you've clarified Bank, it seems more reasonable. Really it's a bit of a tough call. I've had more than enough bad relationships that I'm not willing to court a big ugly mess for something I can do myself. (Why else would nature have given us opposable thumbs?) Yeah, there are some control freaks out there, but I think that more people just loose their sex drive due to illness, injury, or depression. And there are lots of ways to be intimate that does not necessarily involve traditional "sexual intercourse."



Sex is a critical element of YOUR relationships perhaps. Don't generalize.
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#11 Old 08-10-2004, 12:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bankruptor View Post

TS, maybe that didn't come out like I had hoped. Listen, often my woman will say something like "Look, I'm tired and not feeling well, let's do this tomorrow".

[...]

It's the outright denial I'm talking about.

Gotchya - I absolutely 100% agree with that.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Bankruptor View Post

Oh, how was college? It was the best 10 years of my life.

Bwahahaha... I'm jealous and in awe, having only served a seven year sentence - although I don't have a masters yet!
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#12 Old 08-10-2004, 12:28 PM
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My wife and I wish we could have more sex, but we're so damn busy with work and school, respectively, that we're always wiped out. Kinda fun when time and circumstance collide in such a way that we end up spontaneously getting down, though. In a way, that's almost more fun. Still, I wouldn't complain about more of it. Who'd have thought having sex with your wife would be so great?
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#13 Old 08-10-2004, 01:49 PM
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Bank....It's fair for the goose and fair for the gander.. I can shut those doors as easily, and have. Try 2 months-?.. I hate games in the bedroom...ummm unless they're the fun kinds... Oooooooo another thread perhaps-? T.
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#14 Old 08-10-2004, 02:23 PM
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I have mixed feelings about all of this.



Why someone would marry someone else and then not have sex with them is kind of beyond me. I guess it might have to do with falling out of love with them or never having loved them in the first place. Or it might have to do with a cynical power play.



But then "cheating" on your spouse as a response? That seems dubious as well.



But if you are saying just do it for a short time to "bring your spouse back into line," I dunno. Maybe. If the "withholding" is done as a power play, then it would seem that "withholding" from your spouse in return whatever goodie she is requesting might just do the trick.



If you are going to cheat on your spouse, why not just agree to have an "open marriage" rather than a traditional one?



One final thought: One of the "wise men" of ancient Greece was Solon. He passed a law that every married couple had to have sex at least once every three weeks, or the "withholding" spouse was subject to punishment. The rationale behind this law was that "cranky"/horny spouses would soon breach the peace or otherwise cause some sort of trouble, so it was better to prevent this by requiring couples to have regular sex.
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#15 Old 08-10-2004, 02:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LudwigB View Post

I think I'm in the minority here, but I don't see sex as vital to anything. Just a fringe benefit. If I were with someone who didn't want to have sex with me, big deal. Wouldn't be that far off from all my years of complete singleness.





I can relate, Ludwig. I don't think it's vital, but it is important. I am currently living in complete singleness, and it's not too bad. Sure, there are those times sometimes, but it's nothing I can't survive.

I think the emotional/mental/psychological/spiritual connection between two people is every bit as important as the physical/sexual one.

Lots of levels to the whole relationship thing, eh?

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#16 Old 08-10-2004, 05:08 PM
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Getting married = Stupid
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#17 Old 08-10-2004, 08:36 PM
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In all but the most extreme cases, I don't think a relationship can survive without some sort of sexual intimacy.



As for women who decide that sex is a game, well, they are seriously screwed up, IMHO. When sex becomes a method of control, for either partner, the relationship is probably doomed.



Just my $.02
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#18 Old 08-10-2004, 10:03 PM
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Getting married = Stupid

Can't fight that logic
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#19 Old 08-11-2004, 11:32 AM
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Getting married = Stupid



Your equation is stupid.
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#20 Old 08-11-2004, 05:10 PM
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I was merely expressing an opinion. Perhaps it was a little blunt, but married couples are exactly the most hard done by section of society, so I didn't think anyone would be seriously offended.



Pardon me if I don't subscribe to the same values you do.
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#21 Old 08-11-2004, 05:40 PM
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I was merely expressing an opinion. Perhaps it was a little blunt... Pardon me if I don't subscribe to the same values you do.



Ditto.
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#22 Old 08-12-2004, 12:50 AM
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Peebs, I really like your postings for the most part (you totally remind me of my uncle), but I'm gonna have to side with Epski here. I want to get married someday. I do admire the guys that are making it work, currently. I have been in a serious relationship up until this past February, and I did think that I would be married by now. But, (looks about) I am not.



Epski, I have to give it up to you. You are married (and it seems happily so) and that is just exactly what I want for myself someday. Big ups to Epski, and the other married guys here. You all are my inspiration. Or something.
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#23 Old 08-12-2004, 01:15 AM
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bah. marriage is for, like, straght people.
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#24 Old 08-12-2004, 02:13 AM
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yeah, what he said...



some day, I hope to be able to contribute to this conversation. But, as I am unlikely to be given the opportunity to marry the person of my choice anytime soon, I will have to watch from the sidelines...

Nec Aspera Terrent
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#25 Old 08-12-2004, 09:33 AM
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Originally Posted by kpickell View Post

bah. marriage is for, like, straght people.



Only for now.



Looking forward to the day my brother has the same rights I do.
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#26 Old 08-12-2004, 09:38 AM
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Originally Posted by ~Brandon View Post

Peebs, I really like your postings for the most part (you totally remind me of my uncle), but I'm gonna have to side with Epski here. I want to get married someday. I do admire the guys that are making it work, currently. I have been in a serious relationship up until this past February, and I did think that I would be married by now. But, (looks about) I am not.



Epski, I have to give it up to you. You are married (and it seems happily so) and that is just exactly what I want for myself someday. Big ups to Epski, and the other married guys here. You all are my inspiration. Or something.



I've seen my sister go through two divorces. The stories they tell share a lot more about her than they do the institution of marriage.



The quality of my marriage speaks about my wife and I more than the institution as well.



Frankly, I could live without being married. Getting married only changed things for us legally and financially, so that's fine. But if marriage was something purely religious, we wouldn't be married. That said, I don't think it's stupid. Peebs is entitled to his (admittedly blunt) opinion, and I can see where he's coming from, but I think calling things stupid is the kind of umbrella remark that I don't expect from smart individuals.



To presume for a moment, Peebs doesn't write a lot of posts, and they're always short (a lack of time to spend here), so it doesn't surprise me that some of his posts may be a bit more pointed, over-simplified, or blunt. I don't hold it against him. Calling marriage stupid isn't the same as calling me stupid. And, even if it was, I know that I'm not stupid, so it doesn't bother me.



My point in calling his equation stupid was to reflect the bluntness and oversimplification of his post in order to create that awareness, and I appear to have succeeded in that (for better or worse).



Thanks for your support!
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