Do you know any people who have decided to stay single their entire life? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 02-06-2015, 09:55 AM
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Do you know any people who have decided to stay single their entire life?

I always have this debate with people I know. The vast majority of people think NOBODY can be happy being single their entire life. We are social creatures they say.

But then you look at the divorce rate and it seems that marriage doesn't necessarily lead to happiness.

Of course, the ideal situation is to find a great partner but that's rare.

IF a person has close friends and family and decides to stay single, will they be just as happy as a person who's married?

What about the single people you know? Are they genuinely happy or do they seem to be faking it and miserable and lonely on the inside?
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#2 Old 02-06-2015, 10:03 AM
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I know several single by choice co-workers who live extremely full and satisfying (as best I can tell) lives. Fun fact: they are all psychologists.

They have good social networks of friends and families that they interact with regularly and they tend to be very involved in their individual communities.

I'm married, but I know I would rather be single by choice than married to a partner that my relationship was just "meh."
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#3 Old 02-06-2015, 11:42 AM
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I've been single for most of my life (had one longterm relationship and then a few very short ones) and I've never been unhappy about it. I simply dont feel any desire to have a significant other and in order for me to consider being with someone in that way I really need to like them a lot.
Relationships have a tendency of making me feel trapped and I kinda dislike the idea of being so depended on another person. I don't think I'm a very intimate person in general, because I feel like I get everything I need from purely platonic friendships.

The only "problem" I have with this is that it seems to bother other people. I can't even recall how many times my friends have tried to set me up on dates or told me about some guy they think I should meet. My father asks me atleast once a week if I'm seeing anyone new yet and some people even insinuated that they think I'm having some sort of secret relationship. It's really weird and a bit annoying, because it feels like they're pitying me for something that I don't even think about on a day to day basis.
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#4 Old 02-06-2015, 11:50 AM
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I've been single for most of my life (had one longterm relationship and then a few very short ones) and I've never been unhappy about it. I simply dont feel any desire to have a significant other and in order for me to consider being with someone in that way I really need to like them a lot.
Relationships have a tendency of making me feel trapped and I kinda dislike the idea of being so depended on another person. I don't think I'm a very intimate person in general, because I feel like I get everything I need from purely platonic friendships.

The only "problem" I have with this is that it seems to bother other people. I can't even recall how many times my friends have tried to set me up on dates or told me about some guy they think I should meet. My father asks me atleast once a week if I'm seeing anyone new yet and some people even insinuated that they think I'm having some sort of secret relationship. It's really weird and a bit annoying, because it feels like they're pitying me for something that I don't even think about on a day to day basis.
Reminds me of the grief my happily married and child-free by choice friend gets about them not having children. It's like good grief, why would you not stand and applaud for a couple (or person) who CHOOSES not to have kids "just because."
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#5 Old 02-06-2015, 11:58 AM
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It is a matter of personal choice. The Prime Minister of my country (Mr. Narendra Modi) is single, so is Mr. Atal Bihari Vajpayee (Ex. PM) & Mr. Abdul Kalam (Ex. President). These people seem to be very happy & contributing a lot to the society.
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#6 Old 02-06-2015, 07:53 PM
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They have good social networks of friends and families that they interact with regularly and they tend to be very involved in their individual communities.
Yes I think that some people are quite happy doing this...I know someone like this and I think they lead a happy life

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#7 Old 02-06-2015, 08:17 PM
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My great aunt is 95 years old and has never been married or in a long term relationship. She went into a nursing home a few years ago but she lived on her own most of her life. i think she was quite happy that way and very independent. As a side note she also never owned or drove a car in her life.
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#8 Old 02-06-2015, 08:40 PM
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I'm not sure if this answer counts.


My whole adult life, I was completely convinced that I never wanted to be married.


Then, when I was 42, I met a wonderful vegan woman. I decided to ask her to marry me less than a year later. We have been married for almost 3 years now. It's like what they say, "When you know, you know."
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#9 Old 03-07-2015, 08:24 PM
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I was married for a long time (more than two decades) and am so much happier being single.
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#10 Old 03-08-2015, 06:16 PM
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A fee people in my life are single and are unhappy. I think everyone wants that person who understands them, like an extension of them but don't know it until they left meet that person. But I could be wrong. But no one I know personally is happy and single. They always get depressed about being alone... :\

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#11 Old 03-08-2015, 07:36 PM
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Some people can. But, humans ARE social creatures.

As for the rate of divorce: my brother and his (now ex) wife lasted 6 months.
It tooks us longer to plan the wedding.

But, she was crazy sooooo.... Understandable.

And my eldest brother divorced his wife. Gah.
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#12 Old 03-08-2015, 07:39 PM
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I've known a number of people who were single by choice their entire lives. They all seemed to be content that way.
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#13 Old 03-08-2015, 11:09 PM
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I've been single myself for the past five years, and I am pretty content to be. I also intend to stay that way unless I meet someone who truly wants to be with me dispite my disabilities. So far that has been hard to find.

I don't really mind, the first two years of being single were hard but now I am used to it and I am actually enjoying the freedom I've got for it. All my extra money goes to me and what I like, and I don't have to think about sharing anything. I can just do whatever I want whenever I want.

A lot needs to happen for me to be willing to give that up

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#14 Old 03-09-2015, 07:31 AM
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I'm 42 and have never been married. I'm content this way but if someone really wonderful and compatible with me came along I wouldn't rule out marriage. I'm just not actively seeking it. I like my life as is.

My goal is to make the life I have as full as possible, regardless of marital status. Is the single life perfect? No, but neither is marriage. I think some single people do have this idea that someone else is going to come along and make them happy, not realizing that it isn't another person's job or ability to do that. I am a complete person by myself and I don't look to others to fix what is broken in me. If another complete person came along who was compatible with me and good to me, then I would enjoy the companionship and consider changing my situation. But that is a rare thing that doesn't come around every day. Many of my friends got married in their 20s to people who are not good spouses because they were afraid to be alone, and it turned out badly. Either painful divorce or miserable marriage, after the honeymoon phase was over. I'm not against marriage...my parents have their 50th anniversary coming up and they are happy together and much in love still. It can work, when the circumstances are right.
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#15 Old 03-09-2015, 01:40 PM
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I think you make your own happiness. Don't let anyone's beliefs about how you should life your life affect such big decisions. If you are happy by yourself that is fine. If you think you are more happy with a partner, that's fine too. Studies suggest that individuals tend to maintain approximately the same level of happiness without regard to their decisions or circumstances because one's happiness seems to come from one's own mindset more so than most other factors.


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#16 Old 03-19-2015, 05:36 PM
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....... I think some single people do have this idea that someone else is going to come along and make them happy, not realizing that it isn't another person's job or ability to do that. I am a complete person by myself and I don't look to others to fix what is broken in me.
*prints this part of Docbanana's post and tapes it to his bathroom mirror so it's the first thing he sees when he washes up in the morning*
*considers also printing it in teeny-weeny font and taping it inside his eyeglasses, just for good measure*

Much of the time, I don't like being single, and I've been that way my whole life. But most of the time, I realize that it's better to be single than to wish you were.
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#17 Old 03-28-2015, 05:50 PM
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My response might not count since I just celebrated 41 years of marriage with the hubby. I believe it's absolutely possible to choose to remain single their entire life and be happy. I know a few people who are living life as a single person. My adult daughter is one of them. While I don't think it is the life she initially chose for herself when she was in her twenties...she was almost engaged twice...it is her choice, now, that she is approaching 40. She has an incredible job, more money than both her parents put together, ha, and lives a full, independent life. She feels that she is so accustomed to not having to answer to or give consideration to anyone else that she does not think she would want to give that up at this point in her life.

I'm not sure you can compare the two...both single and married people can be very happy, just in different ways. There are benefits and drawbacks to each situation.

My sister in law is single, as is a man that I work with. He is 50+ years old and never married. He has had a few serious relationships but has no desire to wed.

So, it really depends on the person and their circumstances. If you are honest and really know who you are as a person you can be happy with whatever choice you make and not worry about what other people think.


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#18 Old 03-28-2015, 06:25 PM
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My response might not count since I just celebrated 41 years of marriage with the hubby. I believe it's absolutely possible to choose to remain single their entire life and be happy. I know a few people who are living life as a single person. My adult daughter is one of them. While I don't think it is the life she initially chose for herself when she was in her twenties...she was almost engaged twice...it is her choice, now, that she is approaching 40. She has an incredible job, more money than both her parents put together, ha, and lives a full, independent life. She feels that she is so accustomed to not having to answer to or give consideration to anyone else that she does not think she would want to give that up at this point in her life.

I'm not sure you can compare the two...both single and married people can be very happy, just in different ways. There are benefits and drawbacks to each situation.

My sister in law is single, as is a man that I work with. He is 50+ years old and never married. He has had a few serious relationships but has no desire to wed.

So, it really depends on the person and their circumstances. If you are honest and really know who you are as a person you can be happy with whatever choice you make and not worry about what other people think.


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Off topic--Hi Karenlovessnow!! It's good to see you again.
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#19 Old 03-28-2015, 07:14 PM
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#20 Old 04-03-2015, 03:00 PM
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I've been single for most of my life (had one longterm relationship and then a few very short ones) and I've never been unhappy about it. I simply dont feel any desire to have a significant other and in order for me to consider being with someone in that way I really need to like them a lot.
Relationships have a tendency of making me feel trapped and I kinda dislike the idea of being so depended on another person. I don't think I'm a very intimate person in general, because I feel like I get everything I need from purely platonic friendships.

The only "problem" I have with this is that it seems to bother other people. I can't even recall how many times my friends have tried to set me up on dates or told me about some guy they think I should meet. My father asks me at least once a week if I'm seeing anyone new yet and some people even insinuated that they think I'm having some sort of secret relationship. It's really weird and a bit annoying, because it feels like they're pitying me for something that I don't even think about on a day to day basis.
Much the same for me.

I Choose to be single and childless. I have never been a "herd beast" but have always stood apart from the general "crowd" so to speak. For some reason this bothers other people and I just don't understand why or how. Or what makes them think it is any of their business whether or not I am with someone or have any children. I am very happy being alone and do not need to have a significant other or children to make me feel complete.
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#21 Old 04-06-2015, 01:58 AM
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Well hopefully they can be just as happy with their life! I don't see why not.
I've never had any interest in marriage, barely any in relationships. I love being single, have been my whole life, but I'm only 21 so that's not saying much yet I suppose. I expect I'll find some relationships over my lifetime, but I truly and distinctly do not want to ever get or be married or in a longtime relationship. I don't know how to explain it to someone who doesn't feel the same way, but you know how you KNOW someday you want to be married? How you KNOW you have an interest in relationships in general? Maybe since you were a kid already imagining your future partner?
Just the same I know I don't.
Love weddings, they're adorable. Marriages? So cute and I love the whole idea. Longtime relationships? AWESOME. Good and healthy and fun and just.. great. But not for me.
Buuut, that's all not as interesting considering my orientation lies on the asexual spectrum. Growing up I thought I was just different, I like being different. Now that I know I'm just gray-A, it makes total sense lol.

Oh, I also don't want children either, personally. Kind of sad since that's one less loving parental option because I would adopt if I did want to become a mother, but it's who I am and I can't change that nor would I want to. Still hope to put good into the world before I leave though.

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