I was at a bar several years ago. I saw a pirate sitting at the bar so I sat next to him and struck up a conversation. We had a very stimulating conversation, but I noticed that he had a peg leg for a right leg, so I asked him how he got it.
He replied, and I'm paraphrasing, "Aaargh, me ship got attacked by enemy pirates and during the battle they cut off me leg! So, now I have this peg for a leg."
We continued the conversation, and I noticed he had a hook for a left hand, so I asked him about that.
Again, paraphrasing, "Aaargh, me ship got attacked again by enemy pirates and during the battle they cut off me hand! So, now I have this hook for a hand."
Then I noticed he had a patch over his left eye, and I asked him about that.
"Aaargh, I was walking along the beach on a clear, balmy day when I looked up and a bird **** in me eye!"
"You lost your eye to bird ****?" I asked.
"No! First day with me hook!"