The Young Man from Rutgers Incident [gay teen suicides] - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 10-01-2010, 04:15 PM
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To the family of the young man from Rutgers who took his own life, may you know that many many people are sending condolences and sympathy your way.

To the young and not so young of today's Internet, remember that your actions can have massive repercussions. What seems like a harmless prank to you, can be someone's insurmountable event.

To anyone on the receiving end of such a prank or something similar, remember that suicide is forever. You will never get to shine your light fully into the world. No matter what someone is hanging over your head, it seems that in today's internet age things can pass on pretty quickly. (Who was that man who worked for the airline and on his last day slid down the escape hatch? name? airline he worked for? Who was the senator from Florida who had to resign after asking his male assistants to measure their penises and tell him how big they were? We forget, and these people keep on going). I realize this may seem like oversimplification, but the point I am trying to make is you can overcome these events. I am sure it would not have been easy for him to overcome this, but his parents have got to be suffering unimaginably.

May we all gain more tolerance and apply it liberally in our lives.
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#2 Old 10-01-2010, 04:55 PM
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I'm really saddened by this event. Thank you for your post.
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#3 Old 10-01-2010, 05:51 PM
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Very devasting, horrible, awful, sad and depressing story. My heart goes out to his family, friends and anyone who has ever been bullied or victimized in their lives.
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#4 Old 10-01-2010, 06:09 PM
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This is just the latest in a string of tragic suicides by teens who have been bullied and harassed for being perceived as Gay. This must stop.

Please go to http://youtube.com/itgetsbetter to view the hundreds of videos being submitted by LGBT adults in support of teens who are struggling with their sexuality.

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#5 Old 10-01-2010, 07:14 PM
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I became sick to my stomach when I read about this incident. Regardless of your feelings on homosexuality, no one should have his/her privacy invaded like this and then posted on the internet for all to see and judge. My prayers go out to the family and friends of the young man and I wish he had been able to perform with the orchestra.
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#6 Old 10-01-2010, 07:16 PM
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It's awful. There was terrible bullying when I was in junior high and high school, and things certainly don't seem to have gotten better since then. If anything, with the advent of online social networking, it's easier to decimate someone's life.
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#7 Old 10-01-2010, 08:29 PM
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Heartbreaking.
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#8 Old 10-01-2010, 09:11 PM
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My SO and I were talking about this this evening. I think that everyone who contributes to/tolerates anti gay bias has a degree of responsibility when something like this happens.
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#9 Old 10-01-2010, 09:14 PM
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um... what young man is this from whatever a rutgers is? did someone post a link that i missed?
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#10 Old 10-01-2010, 09:22 PM
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http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoo...ry?id=11766816

Perhaps the thread title could be changed to reflect the nature of the story.

A freshman at Rutgers University committed suicide, after his roommate secretly video recorded him having sex with another man, and broadcast it online. This is the latest in a string of gay teen suicides.

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#11 Old 10-01-2010, 09:24 PM
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#12 Old 10-01-2010, 09:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mlp View Post

My SO and I were talking about this this evening. I think that everyone who contributes to/tolerates anti gay bias has a degree of responsibility when something like this happens.

Totally agree.

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#13 Old 10-02-2010, 12:44 AM
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I heard about this a few days ago. It is absolutely horrible, despicable, and just appalling that this happened. It makes me so angry that this happens at all. The two kids involved are going to have this follow them for the rest of their lives. Hopefully this turns as a lesson and stop at least a few kids from being complete idiots like them.

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#14 Old 10-02-2010, 02:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mlp View Post

I think that everyone who contributes to/tolerates anti gay bias has a degree of responsibility when something like this happens.

+1

"and I stand

upon a mountain

made of weak and useless men"

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#15 Old 10-02-2010, 03:33 AM
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I occasionally volunteer at a middle school. The kids call each other gay, constantly. Or say, "That's so gay". These same kids will not put up with even a hint of a racial slur. On the bus coming back from an outing, one boy called another gay, and he responded with, "You know, I don't have anything against gay people, but you seem to, which probably means you are gay." He was essentially laughed at. And the gay bashing continues...
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#16 Old 10-02-2010, 10:42 AM
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I feel somewhat personally connected to this tragedy because it took place at a University where I once attended and in my state. A talented young guy takes his own life apparently due to the harassment by fellow students...even a roommate that knew him but apparently cared little. How horrible. There is a legal debate swirling around it now, but I hope that the final outcome might be to make people aware of what such actions can do to people.

Here's a link to a story in the New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/02/ny....html?_r=1&hpw
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#17 Old 10-02-2010, 02:42 PM
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#18 Old 10-02-2010, 02:59 PM
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"In their senior yearbook, in which Mr. Ravi was named best dancer, his parents took out an advertisement with three of his baby pictures. It read, in part, Dear Dharun ... It has been a pleasure watching you grow into a caring and responsible person.

http://topics.nytimes.com/top/refere...inline=nyt-per
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#19 Old 04-10-2012, 10:23 PM
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I was thinking about this story lately because there was a great article in the new yorker recently. Dharun got a harsh sentence. a lot of inaccuracies in the initial reporting.

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2...fa_fact_parker
Quote:
Originally Posted by The New Yorker View Post

it became widely understood that a closeted student at Rutgers had committed suicide after video of him having sex with a man was secretly shot and posted online. In fact, there was no posting, no observed sex, and no closet.


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Originally Posted by grasshopper View Post

I feel somewhat personally connected to this tragedy because it took place at a University where I once attended and in my state.

i had a gay roommate freshman year until he had a terrible breakup with his boyfriend and combined with his religious upbringing he was suddenly straight, very awkward running into him later on.

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#20 Old 04-11-2012, 08:56 PM
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I can't imagine how completely horrible one's feelings about their life must be to even consider this. These stories always make me sad because I can't even understand them, and yet I do to some degree I guess because I'm gay. Even so, I've never faced harassment for it (mainly because nobody knows).

Reading the above article, I can't believe they are actually defending this Ravi kid. Which brings me to another big thing - I can't imagine how completely horrible one's feelings about their life must be to consider doing this to someone else.

My heart goes out to anyone involved in these terrible examples of society's prejudice being applied.

Enjoying the view over at http://forum.veggieviews.com/

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#21 Old 04-11-2012, 10:35 PM
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Suicide is often not a particularly rational thing, although it can seem that way at the time due to the emotions involved. I've been suicidal several times for no other reason than my brain not having the correct balance of chemicals in it - there wasn't even anything particularly bad in my life - and even now while I know from memory how it works, I can't really imagine it either.

Jesus saved me, but the file was corrupted.
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#22 Old 04-11-2012, 11:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otomik View Post

I was thinking about this story lately because there was a great article in the new yorker recently. Dharun got a harsh sentence. a lot of inaccuracies in the initial reporting.

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2...fa_fact_parker

If this is accurate then it makes me question how much the roommate's actions had to do with the suicide, beyond just being the tipping point for larger issues.

I think the problem was in part due to:
- having young people with very different personalities live together in a tiny room
- availability of powerful electronic media to young people without the maturity to use it wisely. Twenty years ago this wouldn't have been done. From the story it seemed to me that the perpetrator isn't necessarily a deeply malevolent person, or even a bully the way that we often think of them, more a very brash and unthoughtful one - in a community of other brash and unthoughtful people - who didn't consider how his actions might affect others. He's a real jerk but I don't think he's a sociopath, from the story.

The intersection of oppressions is interesting in that with different personalities it could have been the Indian being harassed by the white guy because of his ethnicity.

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#23 Old 04-12-2012, 12:38 AM
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The intersection of oppressions is interesting in that with different personalities it could have been the Indian being harassed by the white guy because of his ethnicity.

the gay wop Clementi did joke about his Tamil roommates ethnicity “I wonder if Dharun’s parents own a Dunkin Donuts?”

tamils do make some good coffee though

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#24 Old 04-12-2012, 01:15 AM
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I feel bad for Tyler Clementi and his parents. I also feel bad for Dharun Ravi though. The media witchhunt seemed to have everyone believing that he recorded Tyler Clementi having sex and posted it online, after which it became a viral video and outed Clementi as a homosexual. People also seemed to assume that because one thing happened before the other, the incident must have been the primary reason Clementi committed suicide.

Ravi made a completely a-hole move by attempting to spy on his roommate and I think it deserved some sort of punishment, but was also blown out of proportion and twisted with all sorts of misinformation. He didn't kill this kid.

It's worth noting that:

-Clementi's suicide note did not indicate that Ravi had anything to do with it
-Clementi had recently come out to his mother and felt rejected by her
-Clementi had problems with depression before attending the school and had taken photographs of the GW bridge
-Clementi had described Ravi as being "a pretty good guy" or "a pretty good roommate" (I can't remember the exact wording) aside from the specific incident
-Clementi was known for rarely talking to people, which is a huge risk factor in depression
-Ravi made some attempt at apology. It wasn't an honest apology in the sense that he denied that he had actually tried to what he tried to do, but he at least made it clear that he was okay with the fact that Clementi was gay and didn't want him to feel intimidated or feel like he had to change rooms.
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#25 Old 04-12-2012, 02:53 AM
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The media should be very ashamed about the way this story was reported. So many inaccuracies and fabrications.
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#26 Old 04-12-2012, 04:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cornsail View Post

Ravi made a completely a-hole move by attempting to spy on his roommate and I think it deserved some sort of punishment, but was also blown out of proportion and twisted with all sorts of misinformation.

If the NYer story is accurate then I don't think the spying was a simple matter of "because he was gay" - I think that given the personality of the roommate, that Ravi was pissed off at being asked to vacate the room again, and the older, unattractive, non student partner had something to do with it. I can imagine if the partner was an older, unattractive, non student female that he would have wanted to check it out too, because he seems like someone who is into creating that kind of drama. He deserved punishment for spying and changing evidence, but I'm not a fan of hate crime legislation, which seems to me to be a model for AR and environmental enhanced terrorism charges, and essentially punish for thought crimes.

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