Write an Open Letter to a Subject of Your Choice - Page 18 - VeggieBoards
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#511 Old 04-19-2012, 10:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vegkid View Post

Dear life,

What the hell?

Sincerely,

Vegkid


There is no such thing as truth. People who really know what happened aren't talking. And the people who don't have a clue, you can't shut them up. - Tom Waits
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#512 Old 04-19-2012, 10:25 AM
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Dear neighbor who drives the black silverado by my house doing 60 in a 25mph zone:

I understand you need to make up for your small penis and other multiple insecurities, but seriously dude - slow down.

PS when you crash - and you will crash somewhere because of your idiotic driving, I certainly hope you don't hurt anybody but yourself. As for you - eh, I hope the airbag doesn't deploy.

D

There is no such thing as truth. People who really know what happened aren't talking. And the people who don't have a clue, you can't shut them up. - Tom Waits
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#513 Old 04-19-2012, 12:30 PM
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Dear Timothy,

Okay, so you're a guinea pig who has bladder issues, heart disease and has some really funky liver values. I don't know what's wrong with you. The vet doesn't know what's wrong. We're pretty sure it's cancer simply by ruling out all the other things we could come up with. I understand that you're getting up there but I love you and up until three days ago you definitely loved life. So, we're going to manage this if we can.

This means you need to take the food I'm syringe feeding you. Even better would be if you would EAT ON YOUR OWN! You'll just have to accept the SQ fluids that are keeping you hydrated. Seriously, mommy warms the fluids to body temp and is really experienced in administering them I'm making this as easy as I can. I just need you to stay still because it's just the two of us and I need to give you fluids while making sure that you don't jerk around and shove something important against that very ouchy part of the needle.

I love you and I really think we can get you feeling a bit better and buy us some more time together. I just need you to help me. Although, snuggling with me and licking up my tears at 4 am when I had a breakdown midway through another force feeding session (every 4-6 hours a day) was helpful. I didn't even mind the goopy CC bits that you left all over my face.

Love,
Your mom - aka the mean person with the needle
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#514 Old 04-19-2012, 03:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alibabble View Post

Dear Timothy,

Okay, so you're a guinea pig who has bladder issues, heart disease and has some really funky liver values. I don't know what's wrong with you. The vet doesn't know what's wrong. We're pretty sure it's cancer simply by ruling out all the other things we could come up with. I understand that you're getting up there but I love you and up until three days ago you definitely loved life. So, we're going to manage this if we can.

This means you need to take the food I'm syringe feeding you. Even better would be if you would EAT ON YOUR OWN! You'll just have to accept the SQ fluids that are keeping you hydrated. Seriously, mommy warms the fluids to body temp and is really experienced in administering them I'm making this as easy as I can. I just need you to stay still because it's just the two of us and I need to give you fluids while making sure that you don't jerk around and shove something important against that very ouchy part of the needle.

I love you and I really think we can get you feeling a bit better and buy us some more time together. I just need you to help me. Although, snuggling with me and licking up my tears at 4 am when I had a breakdown midway through another force feeding session (every 4-6 hours a day) was helpful. I didn't even mind the goopy CC bits that you left all over my face.

Love,
Your mom - aka the mean person with the needle

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#515 Old 04-19-2012, 04:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dedalus View Post

Dear neighbor who drives the black silverado by my house doing 60 in a 25mph zone:

I understand you need to make up for your small penis and other multiple insecurities, but seriously dude - slow down.

PS when you crash - and you will crash somewhere because of your idiotic driving, I certainly hope you don't hurt anybody but yourself. As for you - eh, I hope the airbag doesn't deploy.

D



Quote:
Originally Posted by Alibabble View Post

Dear Timothy,

Okay, so you're a guinea pig who has bladder issues, heart disease and has some really funky liver values. I don't know what's wrong with you. The vet doesn't know what's wrong. We're pretty sure it's cancer simply by ruling out all the other things we could come up with. I understand that you're getting up there but I love you and up until three days ago you definitely loved life. So, we're going to manage this if we can.

This means you need to take the food I'm syringe feeding you. Even better would be if you would EAT ON YOUR OWN! You'll just have to accept the SQ fluids that are keeping you hydrated. Seriously, mommy warms the fluids to body temp and is really experienced in administering them I'm making this as easy as I can. I just need you to stay still because it's just the two of us and I need to give you fluids while making sure that you don't jerk around and shove something important against that very ouchy part of the needle.

I love you and I really think we can get you feeling a bit better and buy us some more time together. I just need you to help me. Although, snuggling with me and licking up my tears at 4 am when I had a breakdown midway through another force feeding session (every 4-6 hours a day) was helpful. I didn't even mind the goopy CC bits that you left all over my face.

Love,
Your mom - aka the mean person with the needle

You're a good mom.
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#516 Old 04-22-2012, 08:41 PM
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Dear Earth,

Hippe Day TODAY and EVERYDAY

Peace, LOve and Bliss

Jenn

LOud & PRoud Veggie-Tari-Jenn~~(KNOT)~~ Vegan and NEVER Will Be.
Be Cents-able...Use Coupons!!~~PEace, LOVe & Beautiful COLORFUL RAinbows!!
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#517 Old 04-23-2012, 08:22 PM
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Dear VB Pals,

bigg HELLO....hope you are having a hippie day!!

Peace, LOve and Nirvana

LOud & PRoud Veggie-Tari-Jenn~~(KNOT)~~ Vegan and NEVER Will Be.
Be Cents-able...Use Coupons!!~~PEace, LOVe & Beautiful COLORFUL RAinbows!!
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#518 Old 10-16-2012, 08:49 PM
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Dear Former Friend's Shrinks,

 

This letter is to every single shrink Megan Levitt has ever had and there have been many:

 

She's NOT "battered". YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. This woman has a history of violent and abusive behaviors and of stalking and harrassing other people. You are NOT helping her by relentlessly encouraging her to view herself as a victim. Yes, her "partner" did pull a knife on her but that was only after Megan HIT her first, which is the reason the police wouldn't arrest her lesbian lover. And no, her mother doesn't abuse her. Her mother could call the elder abuse hotline and have her arrested. Yes, her mother has called her names, has refused her demands for money and has hung up on her after years of having been HIT, cursed and hounded for unrelenting amounts of money by her psycho daughter. Yes, one of the shrinks who told her that anything she does to her biker chick lesbian lover is just "fighting back" DID write to her. She was an intern and the letters were just chat (I read them) and I could tell she didn't really want to. She was just being nice. She had no idea what she was getting into. It WAS against the rules and she did apologize but this was NOT the big you're-the-victim-of-the-century deal you've all made it out to be. And as for encouraging her to focus more on her own feelings rather than putting others first; she's a friggin' SOCIOPATH. She fits the DSM definition for borderline personality disorder! I completely get it that if you don't say what the "clients" want you to say, you won't get their money but most of this was, like, the low-income, almost-free kind of shrink stuff anyhow so I'm not buying that as an excuse. Oh, and Megan admitted to me years later that the reason she went off and left me alone in her apartment while she went out and partied at a lesbian bar after I spent 500 dollars on plane tickets to visit her was because the-shrink-of-the-month told her she isn't responsible for other people's feelings.

 

I HATE ALL OF YOU,

 

from, Megan Levitt's ex-bestfriend

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#519 Old 10-16-2012, 09:12 PM
 
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Dear older woman at the bar,

Just because I am goofy when I do karaoke and sing personally to all the women in the crowd for laughs does not make it ok to grab my bean bag in front of my friends. I'm not a gigolo, you're not paying me, so hands off!! On a further note, the friend I was with hadn't been laid in years, you would have had a 100% chance with him.

Sincerely,

Kyle the "don't grab my junk" guy
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#520 Old 10-17-2012, 02:04 AM
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Dear Pope Benedict

 

You're a good guy right? So please be nice to animals and do not eat them or use them in any other way.

 

 

Good wishes

 

 

Leedsveg

 

 

ps. please pass this message on to your friends and followers

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#521 Old 10-17-2012, 03:59 AM
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Dear cold & flu symptoms,

Please go away. You're making me feel awful.

Regards,
Me.
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#522 Old 10-17-2012, 08:42 AM
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Dear Overall Good Hearted People Reacting To Burger King,

Please stop outcrying at the abuses of Burger King's cheese suppliers saying "oh, how cruel." "OMG I WILL NEVER EAT THERE AGAIN AND TELL OTHERS NOT TO." as you don't even realize it, but you continually support the cruelty elsewhere so long as it's not "burger king." Why say you are against such horrible injustices and cruelty when you will go eat string cheese from your fridge later on? Stop trying to feel morally elevated because you refuse to support just "1" company that you saw abuses from yet won't bother to learn more and look elsewhere for truth about where your food comes from. Why can't you guys make the connection that Big business in animal products means ALL animals from those big business are treated like Sh*t. It's not just burger king. Get your head out of the clouds. Go vegan.

<3 ,
Me

"Why should man expect his prayer for mercy to be heard by What is above him when he shows no mercy to what is under him?" ~Pierre Troubetzkoy
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#523 Old 10-18-2012, 02:01 AM
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Dear Uni,

 

Please stop screwing up timetables and then reducing my overall grade because of absenteeism. 

 

It would be appreciated, and I would vow to never ever complain to the student office again.

 

Thanks a bunch, buckos.

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Charlie.

 

You are my doggie, and I get it. You NEED to sleep either on my pillow or curled up on top of someone. You also NEED to snore. But can you please, please, please stop barking at The Simpsons whenever it is on tv? Thanks!

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#524 Old 11-26-2012, 09:37 AM
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Dear Gym Teachers,

 

There are easier ways to divide kids up for sports teams, like, say, you could give everyone a number and then have a team for all of the "ones" and a team for the "twos" ect. It is completely unecessary to handle the team-dividing-up-thing by picking your favorites for team captain and then letting those kids take turns picking each other until only two or three kids are left standing. I know you guys get off on the power trip and getting the chance to humiliate a bunch of captives makes you feel better about the fact that you think you don't get paid enuff but it sucks for almost everyone else. Also, you might not feel the need to orchestrate this sort of group humiliation if you'd try going on a diet and exercising to get yourselves in shape. Most of you were a bunch of fat cows who probably couldn't have jogged a mile without dropping dead of overexertion which is what I used to wish would happen to you anyhow.

 

Love,

 

Former Gym Class Student

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