URGENT! Help/advice with depression/weird thoughts - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 03-22-2006, 08:16 PM
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Hello everyone, I'm posting this because I dont know what else to do! Please, noone judge me by this! I've spent the last 2 years or so being an extremely compassionate person: i'm a vegan who supports fair trade, anti-racism, anti-homophobia, anti-war, and all that good stuff. Anyways, I'm writing this because, for the last good month or so, I've been having strange thoughts that have sent me deep into a depression that I can't get out of. Alot like the crazy voices Jan Brady had in her head in the Brady Bunch movie, I've been having strange thoughts that are absolutely NOTHING like my own! It began with a re-thinking of my anti-war policy, but thankfully I'm snapping out of that because this war is garbage. However, I still--on an almost constant basis--get violent thoughts, often about things like hurting people for no reason. I've even had terrible thoughts about, believe it or not, racism! It's a very weird situation: i know my own morals, and i know that i couldnt and wouldnt hurt a fly, but for some reason, theres somethin in my head thats the complete opposite of me! I spend every day fighting with myself over these thoughts, and no matter how much i try to get rid of them (because i KNOW they're wrong) they wont go away! Has anyone experienced anything like this? I hope I'm not alone! Any advice at all would be absolutely wonderful! And please, avoid responses like "get counciling, you're crazy." THanks everyone
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#2 Old 03-22-2006, 08:37 PM
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I am not going to tell you that you are crazy!! But I do think that you need to speak with a counselor type person as soon as possible. They could help you sort out whats going on and make you feel better. Fighting over the thoughts all day every day is definitely no fun!!
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#3 Old 03-22-2006, 09:05 PM
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I second the counselling advice.



Could you be (or could you have been) denying who you are in order to fit some sort of lable? Someone else's interpretation of what is "right" maybe?
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#4 Old 03-22-2006, 09:32 PM
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Sorry to have to say this, but it sounds like what you are describing is fairly serious and not a normal part of depression. So I think you need some sort of professional evaluation and treatment. I really don't know what sort of diagnostic category your symptoms would fit into. I don't see the point in name-calling, but if you can see a psychiatrist or psychologist or a similar professional counsellor, I think you should do so.
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#5 Old 03-22-2006, 10:12 PM
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As weird as it may be to you to have a counselor, it might be the best thing you ever do. I know that working up enough guts to see a counselor took me a long time, but when all is said and done, i'm happy with my decision to go. I feel more in tune with myself (on most days)... anyways, you are NOT alone. don't ever think you are.



I suggest doing some journal writing, getting what's in your head down on paper.



This website helped me out a lot with my depression: http://www.depression-cure.co.uk

I don't know if it'll help you, but you might want to consider taking a look at it.





Good luck.
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#6 Old 03-23-2006, 04:40 PM
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there is nothing weird or crazy about having to see a counsellor or therapist. if you are sick, you see a doctor. this is no different! you are suffering from an illness, and you need treatment. and that's fine! no different from a broken bone.



societal stigmas toward psychiatric illness is declining, i think, but is still prety prevelant - which i think is awful for those who suffer from it, because they are discouraged from going to therapy.
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#7 Old 03-23-2006, 06:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VeganTofu*ker View Post

you are suffering from an illness, and you need treatment.

Hey ho wait just whoa. I wouldn't jump to that conclusion. It could just be some sort of frustration or something else that can be cleared up with a little talk time.



To the OP: Most people have violent thoughts at some point, I'm pretty sure it's normal. I've asked alot of people, just as a "hey, do you ever..." kind of thing. I've always got yesses from asking things like:



"When you're driving on the highway, do you ever think of just yanking the wheel really hard into oncomming traffic?"



"When you're waiting for the subway and the train comes in, do you ever think about pushing one of the people who are standing really close to the track?"



"If you're holding a knife do you ever think of stabbing yourself with it?"



And I was just asking perfectly normal people. I think that if it becomes a frequent thing that bothers you then you need to talk to someone with the knowledge to help you find out why. I don't think that you are ill, and I don't think that you are in danger of acting on your impulses, but I think you would feel better if you talked to a professional therapist.
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#8 Old 03-23-2006, 08:32 PM
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First off: thanks to anyone who replied to this--it's good to know that people will listen to me somewhere. I'm gonna try to explain my feelings better. Like some people have suggested, I'm pretty much just second guessing the things I know to be true, and it's making me very uncomfortable. It's making me uncomfortable because the things I believe in are anti-war, anti-racism, and for the most part anti-anything that represents some form of inequality on any level. I'm havent actually CHANGED my views on anything, but my mind is wondering off into places i dont want it to go. My mind is telling me things like "well, you believe in this, this, and this; but some people DON'T, and if other people are thinking differently, maybe it's valid. BUT, I completely understand and know in my heart that these AREN'T valid thoughts, and I will never accept them. I just want to get back to the me that thinks only of peace and equality for all, and not of ignorance and hate. I'm glad that I can still call things like that "ignorance", but that doesnt stop my find from wondering there. Has anyone experienced these thoughts for more than a brief period, and do they have any tips to help me get back to the me who didn't second-guess everything he knows and cares about? This is my dilemma. Thank you all very much
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#9 Old 03-23-2006, 09:08 PM
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I think we all experience this to some extent. It's our way of telling ourselves we are unsure of our decisions. I know i have my own wonderful set of beliefs, a lot of the time i'm wondering what it would be like if i held different beliefs. like for instance, i'm gay. some of the time i think, wow this is great, i'm gay and i'm okay with it. some of the time i think, ew, why am i gay? shouldn't i just like guys and be okay with it? and some of the time i just am.



i think that's what we all need to strive to do, just be.



anyways, if you're asking about second guessing yourself, we all do it. we all (huge generalization, but a lot of us) have that voice in our head that says "push him," or "i wonder what it would be like if i drove my car into oncoming traffic." just know who you are deep down. you know you're an excellent soul... hell, i know it from your original post. don't let your inner voice take over. be your beautiful self.



rock.



-Serafina
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#10 Old 03-23-2006, 09:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TravisAREspicy View Post

My mind is telling me things like "well, you believe in this, this, and this; but some people DON'T, and if other people are thinking differently, maybe it's valid.

Well that's just what it's like to be thoughtful. Truth is not black and white, everything is grey. If you and someone else hold opposite views on something, it's more than likely that you are both right on some points. That's not to say that racist gay-bashing hate mongers may be on to something, it's just that they probably did start with some actual experiences and misinterpreted them for whatever reason. You might be wrong in spots too, unless you're perfect.



Also it is possible and often desirable to disagree with someone without discounting what they have to say.



Good luck!
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#11 Old 03-24-2006, 08:07 AM
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You know Qwerks I like your style! Yes I'm sure we all have those evil thoughts, riving into traffic etc.Travis just keep talking it'll help just to get some of it out!

And now you see it isn't just you.
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#12 Old 03-24-2006, 09:33 AM
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Starting this thread has really helped me feel alot better. I'm not all the way back to normal yet, but I definately feel much better than i did. Thanks everyone. I'd like to talk more about my problems, but right now I can't stop thinking about the double veggie burger i'm going to eat when my mom gets back from the store. Ahhhhhh
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#13 Old 03-24-2006, 02:55 PM
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How old are you? If you're young, these kind of things may be quite normal. You're adjusting your beliefs, working things through to find your own path.
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#14 Old 03-24-2006, 06:07 PM
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I'm 17, but the thing is, I've had my set of beliefs and have been studying for my own personal growth for almost 2 years. I know that I could still be getting used to it all, but i feel like i should already be there! ha. Things are getting a little better, but i'm still kinda bummin. hopefully i'll snap out of it. At least i make killer bean burritos.
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#15 Old 03-25-2006, 06:12 AM
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17 is young. Your beliefs will continue evolving and changing until you die!



The term you use "set of beliefs" is probably what is causing the trouble. Stop thinking that beliefs are set in stone! Be more flexible and non-judgemental of yourself. Don't try and be perfect!!!



Every human being has weird ideas that cross their minds sometimes. It's normal. And sometimes we reason with our emotions and not our heads and that can make us think we're going a bit crazy. It's called "emotional reasoning" in psychiatric terms. It can make people even have panic attacks. But they're not crazy... just "over" emotional!!!



I think you're okay!!!!
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#16 Old 03-25-2006, 07:54 AM
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Travis. I am very torn. The first post makes your situation sound serious, but the later ones make it sound like you are just trying to work things through. You mention that you feel depressed and the whole thinking thing sounds like a big struggle for you. The thinking thing sounds more the just trying to figure out your beliefs. I would suggest talking with a counselor at least once to get a handle on what is going one, though since you are feeling depressed it would be good to talk to one more then once to work things out. Talking to a counselor is really no big deal. I do that for a living, I often tell people who have never done it before that at its most basic level a counselor is someone you can tell your problems to without having to hear there own.
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#17 Old 03-26-2006, 03:20 AM
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Sickofitall:



Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnus View Post

I do that for a living, I often tell people who have never done it before that at its most basic level a counselor is someone you can tell your problems to without having to hear there own.

Sign me up, doc!
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#18 Old 03-26-2006, 04:47 AM
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Travis, if what you say in post #1 is true, I am thinking there may be psychosis involved. I highly recommend talking to a professional who can ascertain or disprove that.
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#19 Old 03-26-2006, 04:59 AM
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My overall impression is that you ought to see a therapist at least once or twice and talk with them about how you feel. I have similiar thoughts and I have been diagnosed with OCD, but I manage to live medication free and to control my thoughts using techniques I learned with my therapist. Its going extremely well; going to see someone- I'd recommend a psychologist first- and finding out something is "wrong" can help you figure out how to make it right.
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#20 Old 03-26-2006, 05:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by organica View Post

Travis, if what you say in post #1 is true, I am thinking there may be psychosis involved. I highly recommend talking to a professional who can ascertain or disprove that.

That was my first impression.



My second was you are just a confused teen second guessing him/herself.



Regardless, you have issues that you feel strongly about. I am not going to say "you're crazy, get counciling" but I will say this:



Hun, you sound like you need someone to talk to, someone who will listen. Is there someone you can go to to talk? A best friend? Trusted adult? Guidance councler?



There is nothing wrong with going to counciling. I go, my two best friends go. I see people walk in and they are people from all walks of life. I am in a group and I find out people's problems aren't different than my own, I'm not some kind of freak, only human. If you want to go, it is a personal choice (maybe you may want your parents invloved, maybe you don't/won't have to) that nobody needs to know about. When I first started going, I didn't tell anyone, but after a few sessions I felt empowered and told anyone who would listen. All I can tell you is it has helped me more than I can ever imagine and I would do it all over again and recommend it to just about everyone.
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#21 Old 03-26-2006, 06:18 AM
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I wanted to add that all the counselling in the world won't cure psychosis.

Meds are needed for this biochemical condition.
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