Let's talk about fat... - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 06-10-2003, 09:20 AM
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This is a continuation of Kreeli's thread really, and I am giving Kreeli the credit (and thanks) for starting a discussion about fat, even though she doesn't want to discuss certain issues surrounding fat.



So, this will be an open thread. No discussions or opinions will be deleted. I don't intend the 'mood' of the thread to be a debate, but a real discussion about the issues surrounding fat in our society. Whether it be fat prejudice, your own fears of becoming fat, or the current epidemic of obesity in our country. However if it becomes a debate, it can certainly be moved to the compost heap.



I will give you background on myself as it applies to the discussion, but this isn't meant to be about me. I'm 5'7", and weight 165. I'm a size 10-12. I jog occasionally, do yoga, am a single parent, work full time, and eat well and often. I come from a family of compulsive overeaters. We like to eat a lot of junk until we're really really full...and then not eat again until the next big meal. I've had lots of therapy and help with getting myself to a state of mostly mental health. And having that therapy also had the side effect of improving my physical health. But, for most of the seven years of my marriage, I was fat.



Soilman mentioned something in another thread about fat folks being invisible. And to be honest, that's what I felt I was...invisible. I rather liked being invisible because it took the pressure off of me to 'perform' in a certain way. When you're fat, people don't expect very much from you. And though I didn't think about it at the time, it was very comforting not having anyone expect anything from me.



I'm concerned about the fatness of our society...as it applies to my own family, because of the health problems that accompany fatness--in some, not all people (esp in my aging parents...but also in my sister and her husband--both obese). It's crazy when I visit them. There will be only two, perhaps occasionally three meals per day...all of them HUGE and overblown with desserts. Then nothing for hours. Then another huge meal. They eat out often (four to five times a week minimum). So there's something hugely wrong. I've accepted I can love them and not try to 'fix' them. And I do accept them for who they are. This the way I was taught to eat. It's still difficult when I'm around my family to practice the moderation I've learned (but I've been successful).



when I think about the messages that we get out of the media...the conflicting messages of eat lots of food particularly meat and dairy...but by all means, be as thin as you can for god's sake...it frankly gives me a headache.



I try to teach my own daughter good sense when it comes to food. To listen to her stomach and body and to let enough be enough. To treat ourselves well...in all kinds of ways (not just with food), and to be healthy. I think whatever size you are, treating yourself well and being healthy and happy is just about the most important thing you can do.



I'd like a meaningful discussion of many fat issues to come out of this. I mean isn't something really wrong? I've seen so many people so afraid of getting fat they starve themselves....and others who become obese by eating way too much food. I've seen women who struggle with their weight (many unsuccessfully) their entire lives, but are never happy. I've seen people who believe (and I've believed myself) that happiness=a magical number on a scale. I had one best friend in the Army who really did believe she would be happy if she could just loose five pounds (she looked perfect just as she was). so why all the obsession when we are so obviously so much more than what we look like? Why do we continue to believe we are what we look like?



Okay, discuss if you're interested.



B
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#2 Old 06-10-2003, 09:32 AM
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B:



i think it's a good idea. one of the things that is important to remember is the difference between body types (some of which we culturally identify as "fat" considering the current notions of beauty and what "thin" or "fit" looks like) and then the difference between being overweight (fat) or obese (fat with medical problems).



here's one of the ways that i tell my yoga students, particularly the heavier ones (whether that's from being overweight, obese, or just of larger body types), is that every body is different. So, some 5-7 gals will be thin and lanky like me (124.5 lbs--where did those other 4 extra lbs go? i dunno. just lost them in two weeks. i'm confused.) and othes will be like my sister 5-7 and 145 lbs.



my sister and i are both fit, we just have different body types. The way that i can tell is in the bones.



Fit people, regardless of height and weight ratio, have visable joints. As a yoga instructor, i need to be able to see joints--but i often can't when people are overweight or obese. When they are fit--regardless of body type--i can see their major joints: knees, wrists, elbows. And other large bones: hip bones (generally, i can feel them in a "fit" person) and rib cage (particularly the collar bones and the lower rib cage.



And what i mean by "see" is not the skeleton like afreaky starved person, but rather the shape of the bone structure. Some bones can be seen when the person is fit (collar bones for instance), but the shape of the rib cage is there--not the individual ribs. Heck, you can't see my ribs, and i'm 'skinny'--it is the fact that you can't see my individual ribs that indicates that i am not starving myself!



Anyway, with fit people, i can feel their bones. With unfit (or "fat") i can not feel their bones. So, we go on the "i can see my knee caps!" standard for weight loss in the class (it is a weight loss, body loving, supportive yoga class for larger women who would be/are intimidated in other classes)> we often don't talk about diet, or exercise. WE talk about living and being happy, and learning about what we like to do and what we don't like to do. What we like to eat and what we don't like to eat.



And ultimately, they become "fit" on their own. Since it is everyone's path.



And, i think you're right. Like the disabled, fat people are either invisible or ostracised! it's hideous. that's why i have that special class, all members of course are welcome in any other classes!



ramble ramble. i'll think on this more when i have more time!
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#3 Old 06-10-2003, 09:37 AM
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That's a very interesting perspective on 'fit' as opposed to oveweight/obese. Perhaps for purposes of clarity, we can refer to healthy large people as fat (and use it as a good word instead of a negative), and unhealthy large people as obese.



It seems like you are doing great work!
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#4 Old 06-10-2003, 10:14 AM
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i have a problem myself with being compared to my best friend...we are both of small build, but since she is short, she is thought of by everyone as cute and tiny. plus the fact that she is great at everything else too..but anyways, i am 16 yrs. old and 5'6'', and at the beginning of the school year i was 130 lbs. ive slowly lost weight, and i was 120, and recently, ive sortof having an obsession with weighing myself...im 113..



ive never had a problem with body image before, because i was raised in a loving, supportive family who taught me to stay fit and love myself for who i am. I guess i'm just still working on it.
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#5 Old 06-10-2003, 11:11 AM
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I went to the salon weeks ago and happened across the best magazine I've ever read. All the women in it are normal sized beautiful women. I subscibed immediately. Their site is www.gracestyle.com. It's mission is to help women live life to the fullest no matter what their size. And you can still be sexy at a size 16 damnit! I encourage folks to check it out.



I've gone from starvation at age 13 to being 250+ lbs, back down to 150, up to 170 and in the past 6 years back up to 220. I'm 5'6". Funny thing is I don't feel like a fat woman most of the time. I feel unfit. It's when other people (that don't even know me) mention something about my size that I get all aware of the fact that I'm a 'big girl' and start to feel bad. Growing up though I always felt like I didn't fit and yes, somewhat invisible, so I always tried extra hard to fit in with my peers. The only group that seemed like they accepted me was the other outcasts..you know, the "troublemakers" (well, we called them 'burnouts'). So, I ended up hanging out with the wrong crowd and ended up in a heap of trouble. If I was thinner would I have ended up in the same crowd? Probably not; but who knows for sure. But I do know that I carried around a ton of mental baggage due to my weight growing up when I was a kid and how the other kids treated me. I walked around most of the time like a powder keg ready to explode before I made my peace with it. Kids can be so heartless sometimes.
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#6 Old 06-10-2003, 11:48 AM
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Thank you Bethanie. I was going to start this same thread in response to some of the things you said in Kreeli's thread. I can totally relate to what you said about fat people being invisible. When I got pregnant with my second daughter, I weighed 190 (I'm 5'5") Before that, the smallest I had ever been in my adult life was a size 12/14. After highschool, my weight just went up slowly until I was 190 and wearing an 18/20. My second daughter is now 15 months old and I weigh 123. I wear a 6/8. I never even intended to lose this much weight. I have been vegetarian for years but finally cut out most dairy. I started eating healthy and, yes, low-fat. I found I had so much energy so I started working out regulary. Now I work out every day. I do yoga, I run, and I do aerobics.



The thing is, I never realized I was invisible until I lost weight. No one ever said mean things to me (maybe I wasn't "fat enough" to warrant overt harrassment?) but the way people treat me now is so much different. People make eye contact with me more often. Men hold the door for me. People smile more. It's really bizarre. I've even noticed some negative attention. From other women! Of course women who don't know me probably assume I'm one of those horrible skinny women who can eat anything and stay skinny. I have honestly felt some hostility from other women. That makes me sad. I wonder if I was hostile to other women before I lost weight?



The other thing about me...I'm married to a fat man. My husband is 5' 11" and he weighs over 300lbs. He is also the most caring, considerate, amazing person on the planet. He is not as physically active as he ought to be and he doesn't eat the healthiest diet, but he doesn't eat more/worse than most "average weight" people. This is something he has struggled with his entire life. I do worry about his health. I want to have a long happy life with my husband. The other thing that makes me sad is that, even though he is outwardly supportive of anything I do, I honestly think he liked my body better when I was fat.



I also have two beautiful daughters who are average sized for their ages (3.5 and 15 months.) I worry about them. I don't want them to be fat because of the way our society views fat people and I don't want them to have health problems. Most of all I want them to love themselves, be strong and active, and have a positive relationship with food. My husband and I have talked about it and agree that fat women are treated much worse in this society than fat men. Women are judged so much on appearance and with two daughters, I so want them to know that they are much more than that. It's very hard.



Anyway, that's my story!
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#7 Old 06-10-2003, 12:17 PM
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Thanks for the link ms ruthie b! I'll have to go and take a look at that. You know, there was nothing more wonderful than finding the place my body was supposed to be (set weight), and finally being able to shop at 'regular sized' people stores. One problem when I was big (240 at my largest) was finding clothes that fit, or even wanting to go shopping (at the specialty women's shops, or large sized women's section). Do they realy NEED to divide large sized women's clothes out? I always wondered this. Why couldn't large sized women just shop with all the other women? Will the fat rub off? One store in Seattle where I shopped for a wedding outfit actually had large sized women located in the basement with the maternity and preteen girls clothes. While the 'regular sized' women's clothes were on the first floor and took up the ENTIRE floor. This was an upscale department store (nordstroms). I felt that entire shopping trip as if I'd been exiled



pickletatertot...I had the same experience as you. Even now (I've been at the same regular sized weight for a year and a half now), people make eye contact or look in my direction and I think I must have something on my face (a booger, spinach in my teeth )...because for so long, people purposely looked AWAY.



You know, though, I DON'T worry about my daughter's weight and I don't worry about it on purpose. My dad spent my childhood as an obese man worried about MY weight. When I was six he made the comment "You will always struggle with your weight." What a pronouncement. YIKES. I've never forgotten he said that, though I'm sure he has. I was a regular sized, and very ACTIVE outdoorsy tomboyish sort of kid. But his comments and worry triggered a late teens early twenties weight obsession that I am glad to be on the other end of. With my own daughter I just teach her to eat healthy foods and trust her to stop when she's done/full. We make a big deal out of the outdoors and going to parks. She's so strong and fit for her age it blows me away. We have a no tv/computer during the week rule. And we spend most of our evenings 'doing' rather than watching.



I think that's really the best you can do...teach them healthy habits and then hope/pray they're strong enough to withstand all the crap they'll get out there.



Okay, gotta dash.



B
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#8 Old 06-10-2003, 12:23 PM
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Quote:
Do they realy NEED to divide large sized women's clothes out? I always wondered this. Why couldn't large sized women just shop with all the other women? Will the fat rub off?



I thought it was just me who wondered this.
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#9 Old 06-10-2003, 12:26 PM
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#10 Old 06-10-2003, 12:44 PM
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zoebird writes:

=========================

...difference between body types...



Fit people, regardless of height and weight ratio, have visable joints. ... i need to be able to see joints--but i often can't when people are [too fat]. When they are [well-fatted, as opposed to mal-fatted] -- regardless of body type -- i can see their major joints: knees, wrists, elbows. And other large bones: hip bones (generally, i can feel them in a "fit" person) and rib cage (particularly the collar bones and the lower rib cage.

===================



Yup.
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#11 Old 06-10-2003, 12:45 PM
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I totally agree about them dividing the Women's sizes from the regular Misses sizes. It is so nice to go in to any store now and know they will have my size. I don't know why they can't have all the sizes together. In fact, when I started losing weight, I remember thinking my goal would be to get to a size 14 since that's the biggest size most "regular" stores carry. I so wanted to be able to walk in to any store and know I could find my size on the rack in the regular section.



Some more observations, now that I have lost weight, people act like it's my responsibility to make my husband lose weight too. I have had several people ask about this. I want no part of it, he's a grown up and we have a relationship on equal footing. I am not his mom! His real mom, however, made me the maddest. She actually said, "Now that you've lost weight, we need to work on getting him to." Like she and I should conspire to make him eat healthier and exercise more. I was so insulted (for me and him!) This is coming from a woman who probably weighs 110 herself, but lives on diet sodas, cookies, and smokes 2 packs of cigarettes a day! She has the nerve to tell him all the time that she is worried about his health. I better stop on this rant because I have many other complaints about this woman that don't exactly fit in with this thread!



Like I said, most of the attention I get now is positive. But I have also had people ask me if I have been sick and make comments that I must not ever eat (I eat a lot!!!) It's so strange to have gone through this process and see the stereotypes on both sides.



Bethanie, thank you for the words of wisdom about raising your daughter. You know how it is to love someone so much and only want the best for them. I grew up with a mom who was very small but was always dieting and commenting on how fat she was. I was bigger than my mom at age 11 so I thought, "Wow, if she's fat, I must be huge!" My girls are young enough now that they haven't been overly affected by the messages our society sends women about their bodies. My 3 year old wants to be big and strong and she's very confident and active. I hope she can stay that way!
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#12 Old 06-10-2003, 04:55 PM
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Well I fear ebcoming fat, but you already probably know that. I get mad becasue my brother eats snything (not much, though) and weighs about 160 for a 6'1" guy, he's fine. I am 5'6 1/2" and about 135-140 don't know for sure, and I feel I look fat. I know why, though. IT is because of genetics. My entire family has this "belly" and it is prominent in me a lot more because I was fat, so my spine developed all "outward" so I look like I'm sticking my stomach out. IT sucks becasue all I want to look like is my brother. Or neo from the matrix. Then my mom always complains about wishing she was skinnier, even though people say they are jealous of her. She tells me when people say this, she thinks "well, I have to WORK at it". Well, "working" at it means barelty eating, which depresses me. Yesterday at dinner she said "all I ate was a bagel today" to my dad to convince him that she needs to cook a good meal, instead of salad (my dad does not really eat much either, except one meal, or two, and he had already eaten a big lunch, so he though salad was ok). So then I say "why didn't you eat more?" "I did not have the time" "You could have packed a lunch" "I'm too busy to stop and eat" "Sigh... O.K.".... Whatever, I'm still upset abuot it. Whoa, this is probably better for the eat to live page, but whatever.



I was fat when I was about 7-14 (when I started drastically losing) and now I'm a sortof normal weight. But when I was fat, I was so embarassed. I was teased, called "fat ass" by all the "good" looking 7th and 8th graders. In four square, they would be extra mean to me, because of my weight. One guy shoved my face down, becasue I tried to take the ball from him,as he cheated so I was getting him back I guess. I'll always remember how much it sucked. One time I could not hang around with my friend and borther because they wanted me to leave because I was farting. Everyone yelled at me for that. I never could get proper pants, I always wore sweat pants or something. I tried the "husky" pants, that depressed me even more. People are so mean.
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#13 Old 06-10-2003, 04:58 PM
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I would like to add that when my mom does eat, it is a lot. Just she eats like barely nothing during the day, but dinner is huge and afterward she snacks until sleep...
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#14 Old 06-10-2003, 05:16 PM
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well, there is a problem between saying "larger people" are "fat" and "unfit" are "obese" because "unfit" people could just be 'overweight' which is differnt from obese. it's a difference in degree, and to some extent, a great, big degree.



SO, i think som eother words would work:



fit, yet large or curvy: Round? curvy? large?

unfit, yet not obese: overweight?

unfit and obese: obese?



maybe those would work better.



And veggie girlie, i'm a bit concerned that you may be underweight. at your age, you are still growing and should still be gaining weight. You may want to check out a dietician to make sure that you're getting enough nutrients and make sure that you're getting the right amount of exercise.



OK, back to reading.
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#15 Old 06-10-2003, 05:29 PM
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i don't see a problem with the word "fat", if that is what a person is. fat is fat. if a person has voluptuous hips, big boobs or a rolly stomach or both, even if they are fit, they are still fat. there is no such thing as "big boned", but there is such a thing as a larger frame.



someone could be 6'1 and large-framed and weight a lot and not be fat. that person could be accurately described as large. they could also be fit, or unfit, depending on their lifestyle. this is my aunt-in-law, who is over six feet tall and wide, but there isn't a spare inch of fat to be pinched on her at all, though she does have to shop at the "big and tall" shops and wears only a size or two smaller than i do.



someone could be very full-formed, and not be fat. they could be accurately described as voluptuous or curvy. they could also be fit, or unfit, depending on their lifestyle. this describes my bellydancing teacher, who is extremely fit but very curvy and short and full-bosomed. she has a "jiggle" when she dances, but it isn't because she's actually fat, she's just got more "oomph" than most women her size.



obese and overweight are offensive terms to me. even people that you would typically call "obese" can still be fit. they are just more fat than maybe you'd like. the people that you call "obese" may or may not have health problems. "overweight" implies that there is some correct weight that we should all be, which is not true. we are all meant to be different sizes, body shapes, and types, and it is a fact that some of us are born with more, or larger, fat cells than others.



if we are going to talk about health problems in the fat, can we please simply refer to them as "fat and unfit" or "fat and unhealthy", and vice versa for the thin people we know who are unfit and unhealthy? it is certainly a more accurate, less offensive way to describe people of different levels of health and body size.



i am thinking very hard about what parts of my story as a fat person i want to share with you all. to tell all of it (because i've been self-identifying as fat since i was a young girl) would take a long time. but it's hard to leave things out since they are all integral to where i am now, as a grown woman with years of fat experience (mostly bad, some good) under her belt.



i do appreciate that this conversation is being had.
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#16 Old 06-10-2003, 09:32 PM
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Zoebird...when I refer to obese, I guess what I really mean is those of us who have compusively eaten ourselves up to an obese size.



When I think of obese, that is what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about simply slightly large and unfit. I'm talking about obesity which is the direct result of compulsive overreating. I will continue using that term when referring to myself (as I was) and my family (as they are). I hope everyone can accept that. I think to try and make this condition sound like other than it is (to paint it a prettier color) is a form of denial...and I choose not to live there.



So to clarify, that is what I'm talking about. I would not use that term on anyone here, as I don't know anyone here well enough to make that judgement. But I will use it where it fits in my own experience.



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#17 Old 06-10-2003, 09:35 PM
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But good lord, I hope we don't get stuck on terminology and for that reason, not go any further.
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#18 Old 06-10-2003, 09:40 PM
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I hope so too Bethanie. I believe I have some issues this may help me with..issues I didn't even know I had. You know how when something is wrong and you feel it but you don't quite know what it is that's making you feel that way? A few things I've read I can relate to. And to think, even though I knew there was other plump people around, somehow I always felt so alone; like I was the only one. I believed for years growing up that there was something dreadfully wrong with me and how I was made.
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#19 Old 06-10-2003, 09:45 PM
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What a great topic! There is so much self-righteousness in the "progressive" *cough* community when it comes to weight issues. A lot of veg*ns make the false assumption that all fat people eat at McDonald's and drive SUVs, and that veg*ns are in perfect shape and are therefore superior. Bah!



Quote:
Originally posted by bethanie



You know, though, I DON'T worry about my daughter's weight and I don't worry about it on purpose. My dad spent my childhood as an obese man worried about MY weight. When I was six he made the comment "You will always struggle with your weight." What a pronouncement. YIKES. I've never forgotten he said that, though I'm sure he has. I was a regular sized, and very ACTIVE outdoorsy tomboyish sort of kid. But his comments and worry triggered a late teens early twenties weight obsession that I am glad to be on the other end of. With my own daughter I just teach her to eat healthy foods and trust her to stop when she's done/full. We make a big deal out of the outdoors and going to parks. She's so strong and fit for her age it blows me away. We have a no tv/computer during the week rule. And we spend most of our evenings 'doing' rather than watching.




Ooh, this triggers so many emotions. You are doing the right thing by encouraging your daughter to listen to her body. I love my mother dearly but I inherited her food issues. I wish I could've "seen the light" earlier in my life but I've learned a lot from my experiences. I'll post more when I have time to be coherent.
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#20 Old 06-10-2003, 09:48 PM
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From this interview with Kimberley Locke:

Quote:

TVGO: What do fans say to you most often?

Locke: I do get a lot of young girls saying to me, "You really don't know what you've done and how you've made us feel." From my outside appearance, I'm not what you normally see on the front cover of a magazine. I'm very real. I'm not the perfect size eight. There's a lot of young girls out there who just needed that role model, like, "She's a lot like me. I can do it too."



TVGO: AI fans have written us, praising your weight loss. But do you feel there's been any dramatic change?

Locke: (Exasperated) Please tell them that I have not lost any weight at all. Maybe I have lost some inches, but I haven't lost any weight. Being on TV makes you look so different. I've had people come up and tell me, "You look much prettier in person than you are on TV." And then, people think I've lost weight. I haven't. It's about different camera angles, and the clothes you wear. You have to wear the right cuts, the right fit and all of that, so it makes a big difference.



TVGO: Indeed. It's hard for viewers at home to tell...

Locke: But I've never been a fat girl! People make it sound like I weighed 300 lbs. and I never have. I'm just not what they're used to seeing. So, whatever.



TVGO: Do you follow any sort of diet regimen?

Locke: I don't diet. I exercise when I have time, but right now I don't have too much time for anything!



I'll admit, I honestly thought she'd lost weight, too. But her stylists were just dressing her in more flattering outfits. Now, I know next to nothing about fashion, but when I started wearing clothes that fit me properly, I looked a lot better. My point is, so many people think good-looking = weight loss, but the truth us, you don't have to lose weight to look good. It's about the whole package.
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#21 Old 06-10-2003, 09:56 PM
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You are so right Verbivore. My boss almost fell out of her chair when I told her how much I weighed the other day. She figured me at about 40 lbs less than what I weigh. I wear longer suit jackets with longer skirts or pants. And my clothes are never tight. I like a free flowing fabric to. Nothing conforming. And monochrome works too (you know, dressing all in the exact color). It makes you appear taller.



It make me feel good to dress spiffy and not sloppy. And, when it comes down to it, isn't that what it's all about? How I feel? I mean, if it doesn't feel good why bother.



PS - I was cheering for Kimberly and was so happy for her to get that far and not fit into the current mold.
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#22 Old 06-10-2003, 10:08 PM
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Thanks, Bethanie, for starting this thread. Let's see...my background...



I come from a family of women who are not fat, but they do have certain "traits"- large square butts and big guts. Oh, my. My mom (mother of 6) is small, but starting to show these traits, which has her mortified, "Sara, tell the truth- I'm starting to look like Granda, aren't I?!"- "Uh....(again, I can't lie)...Mom, you've had six kids- you are beautiful!"- How are you supposed to respond??? Recently, she (mom) went to visit my grandmother and pointed out Grandma's gut and butt (comparing it to her own)- I can't believe she did it- my grandmother is ornery as hell and man does she have a mouth! She said my grandma was like "What the hell are you talking about!?- My stomach is flat and has always been!" (sooo not true)- Mom said it was as though she really didn't see it! It is amazing what our minds can do. At 110 lbs, 5 foot 4, I can still look into the mirror and see fatness. I cringe. Then I don't want to do anything. The very next day, I'll look in the mirror and look fine! WEIRD!!!



Several things happened when I was younger (remember, I had that puberty stage when I got up to like 140)- people did say mean things to me. Girls at school called me fat ass. My father, who totally abandoned me at age 12- said to me, on a visit, "Wow, you've gotten porky!"- (he would always take me shopping for clothes, but this time, he made fun of me), "Guess I'll save some money this time- sweat pants are cheap". Another time, I overheard my great-grandmother say to my mother (at this time, my baby sister and I were sharing a bed), "You need to get little Jessica her own bed", "last night I checked on them and she (me) was squashing her with her big, fat leg". My little sister made remarks about my fat thighs and butt ("Free Willy, etc.) I only got good remarks from black boys (and, yes, this is another stereotype- black boys seem to have an appreciation for big booties). Even my mother would make remarks...when we were shopping for jeans one time, we had to keep getting bigger sizes- at one point, while giving me yet another size up, she said, "Geez...one more size and you'll be wearing the same size as your grandmother". Also, my sister and mom didn't let me borrow any of their clothes for fear I would stretch them out. ANother time, my college age babysitter took me around some of her college friends and one guy said, "wow- you'll have a cute ass when you get rid of all that baby-fat"



Geeez- I am just now remembering all this stuff. Guess I was traumatized.

By 16, I had a great body and got loads of male attention. By the time I went to college, I weighed 96 pounds. WHile everyone would remark on how I was too skinny- I got more attention from men than I ever had. Girls were jealous.



I went through a phase where my weight would fluctuate 10-15 lbs. After losing 10 lbs and clothes fitting nicer, I swear I got more attention- more looks, more dates, etc. Perhaps it was just that I *felt* I looked better and therefore put out that vibe- and that was what men were attracted to.....



Hmmm.... I think this is a great (and important) conversation. I'll stop now....hehehe
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#23 Old 06-11-2003, 01:59 AM
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When I was a child, I was thin. If people said anything, they said that I was too skinny. I had a mild complex about being too thin...then, in a single day that all changed and it reversed, so that I suddenly thought I was a little too fat. I never had one day of feeling just right.

My brother's girl friend was over at our house (she was beautiful)

and she and my mother were discussing how my brother could eat anything he wanted and still stay so thin and I said, "I can eat anything that I want, too..." and she said, "Well, when you get a little older, you might want to be a little thinner...when you care more what boys think."

Then it hit me...I wear a size 9! Reni (the gf) wears a 5 and she looks perfect. I'm am FAT!!!

In reality, I was 14, 5' 7" and 125 lbs.

Yet, I wanted to be thin...so I lost 5 lbs., thought I looked better, but food wasn't my friend after that. Never had an eating disorder, but I had some negative feelings toward food...if I ate a lot one day, I would eat very little the next. I always felt that I had to be in control...

Meanwhile, everyone said admiring things about my weight, but I always thought that I could slip to the other side and be FAT...

After each pregnancy, I was in a hurry to lose the weight...and I did. In fact, I weighed 112 lbs. after having my first child (thank you breastfeeding!) I WAS a size 5. I liked the way my body looked, but I felt hungry a lot. I would eat half a sandwich for lunch

Then, I hit my 30s and the pounds started coming on slowly but surely. I am 40, still 5' 7" and weigh 145. Do I want to weigh this much?

No. Yet, I love food and hate exercise. For me, I don't think it is more complicated than that.
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#24 Old 06-11-2003, 02:16 AM
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Oh man- I am approaching my 30's. BAM- all my scarfing is bound to catch up with me.



(at 35...)



breakfast: half a carrot and half a glass of water (I'm so hungry I could eat that tiny yoga teacher of mine)



snack: 1/3 (ok HALF) slim fast bar (i punched that yoga teacher in the face when she told me *some people* will never reach their toes, so I shouldn't feel bad)



lunch: I brought a couple slices of apple and a grape for lunch....and then broke down and stole my co-workers lunch from the frig.... she'll never know it was me...)



snack: the rest of that slim fast bar, cup of water (I now feel guilty about lunch- not for stealing, but for scarfing down that pot of spaghetti and loaf of garlic bread my co-worker brought to share with the entire office...I'm such a pig...barf barf)



Dinner: F*** IT! I scarf two orders of garlic tofu, a double order of spring rolls (fried), a couple cokes, a carton of steamed rice, 4 fortune cookies, a bag of Organica double fudge chocolate chip cookies dipped in a carton of vanilla silk..... I'll start my diet tomorrow....



Yep. That is what I have to look forward to...hehehe
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#25 Old 06-11-2003, 02:53 AM
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aksfg,



if you didn't frecking starve yourself, you wouldn't have to gorge yourself. I've read your daily meals and, honestly, if that's what everyone has to do to stay thin, well no wonder no ones wants to be. I ate more when I was anoxeric then you do on some days.
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#26 Old 06-11-2003, 03:04 AM
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I don't starve myself! Do you really think that or are you kidding?

I don't work at staying thin, actually. Wow...

My diet lately is not what it usually is (since i am living with my mom and siblings).



The thing above was a joke, by the way- ya know a funny prediction of the future (I am 26...)



Ah well....
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#27 Old 06-11-2003, 03:08 AM
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I'm just refering to all your "what did you eat today" menus. You barely list anything.



Or perhaps you're leaving out some food?
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#28 Old 06-11-2003, 03:11 AM
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yeah...I usually get to early afternoon and then forget to go back and post the rest. I do eat alot, though- I assure you. I get about 5 meals a day. I have little snacks that I forget about, too. Wow....I guess I should make more an effort to post everything there.... This will be my motivation ;0)
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#29 Old 06-11-2003, 11:21 AM
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OK - I had a thought on weight issues - Is society as whole becoming fatter - or are there certain parts of society that WANT us to think this. I went home for lunch yesterday around 1:00ish and was flipping channels on the tv. I loss count of how many infommericials advertising some sort of weight loss solution - Windsor Pilates, The Firm, Beach Body, Walk away the pounds with Leslie Sanson etc, etc. Also you can hardly pick up a magazine without some sort of article or headline about "how to drop the pounds quickly and effortlessly" or "what to eat for a perfect body." The diet industry has a huge stake in how our society views weight. If everyone was happy with their size than there would be no need for the gimmicks or fad diets. I am in no means discounting fitness and eating well, but the majority of these things are promoted as a weight loss solution rather than a fitness thing.



I just had to vent a bit. Kreeli actually got me thinking about this - we do have a ton of information on obseity, but who is churning out this information?? It sort of opened my eyes a bit.
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#30 Old 06-11-2003, 03:35 PM
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Great topic,.



I have a slender/petite/athletic build due to genetics. I can gain a few lbs. here and there, but my weight has been pretty consistent for 4 years.



Anyway, I have been married 2 x, both times to men in the 5'10" range that were in the 220-250 lb. range. They were big guys - but fit - so by the definitions established here they were fat. Both attractive and wonderful people.



Recently I dated someone that according to the definition established here was obese. A wonderful man and also attractive.



Unfortunately, most people know the difference between fat and obese and it pi**es me off. WE can be so shallow sometimes.



My co-workers have met one of my ex-spouses and they say - wow, he's a big guy and he's handsome. The same co-workers have met the "obese" person and all they can say is, he's nice and sweet, but is he "do-able."



Some people have commented about me liking "fat" guys. I don't know, I dated someone that was 5'8" and 135-140 lbs. and he just felt a little girlie to me. He also turned out to be not that wonderful.



I understand some people can't get over outward appearances, but they're cheating themselves out of some awesome people. I think there are a lot of fat people out there that are not invisible and indeed they GLOW. That is very attractive to me in anybody. A healthy self image - fat, skinny, bald, short, tall, black, white, green, it doesn't matter....as long as what's inside is shiny and brite. I know, it's a little pollyanna for some.



Let's dig a little deeper into the book before we throw in on a shelf to get dusty because the cover is a little different.
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