I feel like I'm going crazy! - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 08-19-2004, 02:17 PM
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Someone please shoot me!

Lately I feel so on edge, so angry and just completely stressed out!! I haven't been able to sleep, I am constantly dwelling on every little thing, and I feel like I want to kill someone.

I haven't had a holiday from work since I started there over a year, the most time off I've had is 4 days back in the spring. They are constantly overbooking me at work, I'm basically doing the job of three people! Last week I was responsible for 50 animals!! 50!! This week, it's "only" 30. Today I got yelled at for nothing. The doctor was in a pissy mood and decided that the way I've been doing something for over a year is suddenly the wrong way to do it.

My mom is having a breakdown or something over her divorce from my dad, so I have to deal with psychotic, hysterical, incoherant phone calls from her every second day. She tries to make me feel guilty for everything wrong in her life. And she has started making up stories about my dad, and the scary thing is, I think she actually believes them.

I just can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm going to explode!! I can't relax no matter how hard I try. I don't know whether I want to scream or cry or laugh. I'm having really weird thoughts about hurting people or myself. I feel like I'm so invisible and no one gives a damn about me, except when if they want someone to yell at.

I've tried asking for time off work to recharge, but they can't give me any right now, because we are understaffed. And I can't really afford to take time off, because I have to pay the bills.

I don't even know why I'm posting this, I just had to vent.
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#2 Old 08-19-2004, 02:25 PM
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Breathe....we've all had times like this at some point or another. When I feel like this, which is often, I make a point of taking time out for me. Take a walk, or a bath complete with lavendar oil and candles, lose yourself in some fluffy romantic fiction (or whatever you like to read), make a fantastic veg*n feast. Get the point, do something just for you. Focus on your breathing. I find when I'm stressed to the max I hold my breath and it accentuates the tension in my body which adds to the overall stresse feeling.

Take care of yourself, and do others no harm.....even though you may be tempted
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#3 Old 08-19-2004, 02:29 PM
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Ok, I know this is only a temporary fix, but find a good movie to watch and get lost for a couple of hours. Sometimes when I feel like I'm going to crack, I really just need to get out of my head.
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#4 Old 08-19-2004, 02:43 PM
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Venting helps. Just take care of yourself, make sure you get enough sleep. These things, too, shall pass.
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#5 Old 08-19-2004, 03:47 PM
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I hate that feeling!! I know it's easy to sit here and give you suggestions for relaxing, but one of the things that helps me most is doing a long, hard workout! It makes you feel so much better when you're done and gives you a chance to either think it all through or forget about it completely. Then, go home and take a long shower or bath and completely pamper yourself!! Feel better!!
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#6 Old 08-19-2004, 03:54 PM
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Sounds like your man needs to step up. I think you need to be pampered for a day, or even an afternoon.

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#7 Old 08-19-2004, 05:13 PM
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Yes indeed Michael. Yes indeed.
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#8 Old 08-19-2004, 05:22 PM
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The Power of Now. By Eckhart Tolle.
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#9 Old 08-19-2004, 05:43 PM
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While all the above are good suggestions, maybe you need to tackle some of the problems head on.

For example, is it at all possible for your mother to call someone else to vent about her divorce? It must be difficult to be in the middle of all this and trying not to take sides. Do you have any siblings that you can ask for support? If your mother is truly having a breakdown, perhaps you can talk to her family doctor about it. That's what I had to do with my mom when she had a breakdown after my dad's death last year. As much as you want to help your mom, you have to help yourself first.

If you feel you need some time off from work, maybe you could get a stress note from your doctor, even if it's just for a couple of days. You could probably skimp a bit to make up for two days lost pay and if it coincides with your regular days off, you could get maybe three or four days off in a row. THEN, you could unplug the phone, take that soothing bath, have a glass of wine and delve into a good book or movie.

I've been exactly where you are so I know the anger and frustration that you feel. Not only was I angry and frustrated but I was crying all the time over the stupidest things. Your body is only able to deal with severe stress for a short period of time and after that, it starts to break down emotionally and physically.

I wish you luck and feel free to email me 'cause I know exactly what you're going through.

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#10 Old 08-19-2004, 05:46 PM
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If you have 5 minutes during the day a few times, take a quick recharge break then. Go outside for a breath of fresh air, drink a cup of tea, hide in the bathroom , whatever it takes.

The ones I pity are the ones who never stick out their neck for something they believe, never know the taste of moral struggle, and never have the thrill of victory. - Jonathan Kozol
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#11 Old 08-19-2004, 07:34 PM
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its awful feeling like that..

i wish i knew what to say...

..try to have some time to yourself..just lay there and relax...


i know you can get through this...

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#12 Old 08-20-2004, 02:25 PM
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Thanks everyone.

I cried for about an hour last night, and was weepy most of the day. Fun. I still feel like killing everyone though. I think the people at work noticed, because they avoided me today. Which I don't mind at all.

I put in a request for a week off in September. Hopefully by then, they'll have more staff available to cover for me. And hopefully I won't snap before then. The long weekend has me really worried though. Did I mention I never get holidays off ever? So I'll be stuck at work taking care of everyone else's animals, while mine sit alone all day.

I just ate an entire bag of chocolate candies. That was nice. Maybe I'll just go to the store and buy craploads of junkfood.

It appears as though I'm my own worst enemy. I got a call from a dog rescue group, they want me to foster one of my client's dogs. She's moving to another country, and doesn't want the dog anymore. The dog is 12, and is on 6 different medications. Plus she was abused, so she's afraid of everyone. She likes me though, which is why the rescue group called me and gave me the hugest guilt trip. I must have sucker written on my forehead. Getting a dog right now, even just for a couple weeks, is not a good idea. Why do I do this to myself?
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#13 Old 08-20-2004, 03:58 PM
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Great. So I told the rescue that I'd take the dog only to find out that the owner, the rescue and the vet have decided that it's better to just put the dog to sleep. I can't believe this!! I love that dog. I understand their reasons, but still....this is going to haunt me.

Life just f*cking sucks and then you die. So what the hell is the point?
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#14 Old 08-20-2004, 07:01 PM
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Well, speaking as a person who feels the way you do often, I believe the point is to make it mean something, otherwise, what is the point? We create our lives. Our lives don't create us. Yeah, stuff happens, but if we can't do anything about it, then we have to let go. I guess this is where the serenity prayer comes in (not that I'm religious):

____ grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.
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