Depression - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 08-12-2004, 06:33 PM
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Has anyone else here experienced a lot of depression? I really don't want pity/sympathy, I just want to know if there is anyone like me who experiences all this weird stuff b/c it makes me feel loony.



Mine is off and on, but I've noticed that sometimes I get really really frustrated with situations and just develop a hopeless outlook. Then there's the days that everything is fine, but I just am intensely depressed and can't seem to motivate myself to even get out of bed and shower.



Also, I am a very goal-oriented and motivated person, but sometimes I just feel so lazy and I don't get anything done. I cannot get myself motivated to do hardly anything, especially if it is something that I have to self-motivate for. If something does get done, it is really really late/delayed. Then as a reaction to lack of motivation and laziness I feel really ashamed, b/c I know I would kind of look down on someone who was that lazy.



I also can't remember ANYthing. I'll look at something and know it and the details, and then it's right out of my mind. I feel really ditzy and stupid sometimes because I just can't remember anything, however simple. I wonder if this is at all related?



My doctor had put me on Paxil and at first I thought it was working, but I'm not sure. It was also really really expensive (I have no prescription coverage) so I had to break down my prescription into smaller amounts so that I could pay for it. Then I kept running out. And I'd get more frustrated b/c my body was withdrawing from the medicine and frustrated that I couldn't afford it. So I just stopped taking it. Example of me being late on important things? It's now been like a month since I stopped taking it. I know that I should have said something to my doctor, but I just haven't.
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#2 Old 08-12-2004, 07:19 PM
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i have had major depression on and off most of my life...

used to take zoloft...for about 6 months or so..and it made me alot worse..

..the withdrawl from it was awful...but i think im better off without it..

when i get depressed..i get into this thing where i just dont care at all what happens to me..or if i will wake up the next day or not..

..

ill also go on a huge guilt trip..feel bad for everything thats ever gone wrong with anyones life...apoligize for just breathing...

...

i never really told anyone when i stopped takin my meds...and i was just fine till like..6 months later..and by that time..i kind of had to tell them...

..

im not really sure what else to say..

but i hope your finding something that helps with the depression....
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#3 Old 08-12-2004, 07:37 PM
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Meds are working for me. I'm on Zoloft and Wellbutrin. I started on Zoloft first, then my doc suggested adding Wellbutrin because I didn't think the Zoloft was working as well as it should.



I don't have any insurance either. My doc was really nice about giving me samples. He just retired, and I don't know if my new doc (whoever it will be) will do the same. But anyway, I just deal with the cost. It sucks, but I get by most of the time.



When I was at my most depressed I felt like my mind was literally crumbling and falling apart. I'd start doing something and my thoughts would just turn to dust. I was easily frustrated, like you describe, and there were days when it was hard to get out of bed. I wasn't keeping up very well in my classes. I cried very easily... even at something as stupid as not being able to open a jar. I've had depression most of my life, but when I got to that point I knew I had to see someone about it.



Usually people with depression have to try a few different medications to find the one that works for them. If Paxil isn't doing it for you, maybe something else will.



It's pretty common for people with depression to put off talking to their doctors, too. Don't give yourself a hard time about it. But do go back to your doctor. Explain your financial situation. Maybe they can help you out with samples... or prescribing a higher dose and tell you to cut the pills in half (that's what I do with my Zoloft, as the 100 mg is only a little bit more expensive than the 50 mg -- my dose is 50 so I take a half pill each day).



I've gotten a lot of good information from this site: http://www.crazymeds.org/



Good luck to you. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk to someone.
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#4 Old 08-12-2004, 08:05 PM
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Wow I'm the same way you described. I feel so lazy all the time, but I think some of it is just being apathetic from depression. It's like, why bother to do anything at all? I'm not always like that but it happens a lot. It's really hard with school, especially if I'm doing well, then suddenly it hits and I don't bother doing important projects/papers and do bad, even though I KNOW I could have done it well. Do you take flaxseed at all? Cause Omega-3 fatty acids are supposed to be helpful for depression. I've been on tons of psych. meds and none of them helped me. But they do work for lots of people. I'd say don't give up, you should try other meds and find one that works. Why don't you have health insurence by the way?
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#5 Old 08-12-2004, 08:12 PM
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I am extreamly depressed all the time. I am going to a therapist, but its not helping at all. I was on Lexapro for awhile, but that was for my ED. I have found out that bingeing makes me feel 100 times better, but my ED stops that because I have such a fear of gaining weight. I'm really in a bind right now...I just feel like giving up. Any advice?



P.S. I hope this is a support thread because I don't want to be interuppting your thread DanceNSpin...sorry if I am. Please tell me so I can delete my post or not.



Cheers.
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#6 Old 08-12-2004, 08:21 PM
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wow. all of this sounds so much like me.

maybe I should listen to my boyfriend. maybe I do need help.
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#7 Old 08-12-2004, 08:58 PM
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I have been depressed on and off since I was a teenager. I've tried medications twice, both times I had bad results. First time was Zoloft, it didn't seem to do a whole lot for my moods but it made me jittery, I felt like my heart was racing and I couldn't sleep. I stopped taking it after 6 months. Second time I took Effexor. I took it for a month, until the samples ran out. It made me nauseous and dizzy, but I would told these effects would subside. After a the samples ran out I found out that the medication was $300 a month (and one of the reasons I was depressed was I was graduating from college with no job, I certainly didn't have $300 a month to spare). So that was the end of that.



It seems like when I get depressed, I get depressed about real problems. And the problems don't just go away because I take some medication.



I think the root of all my problems is social anxiety/ineptness. The one thing I procrastinate about most is calling or writing to people. There are people from college that I've had every intention of contacting for...months now. I haven't done it. I don't know why. I don't know how to act in social situations and people end up getting totally false perceptions of me (I'm snobby, I don't like them, I'm angry etc). It leads to isolation and further problems (like not being able to find a decent job because the ONLY way to get one these days is "knowing someone"). Anyway, I know what my problem is but I don't know any way around it. And this makes me feel really depressed and hopeless. Whenever I try to get help I just get put on some crappy medication that makes me feel terrible.
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#8 Old 08-12-2004, 09:22 PM
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Yeah, I struggled with depression for a really long time. I was basically suicidal so, yeah, not a lot of fun. I was very lethargic too because I saw no point in doing anything, and then I felt like crap for doing nothing and that was a nasty little cycle I had to break out of. Also had weird eating habits. Sometimes I hated eating and other times did nothing but eat.



I never went on meds and it makes me a little..well, unnerved to hear of so many people using them. I guess they can work, I dunno if I would have been better off using them or not but it would be best to see a counsillor first to get to the root of your depression. Always best to see if it's a psychological/emotional thing rather than just chemical imbalances that you fix with pills. I wish I could give more advice, but I guess there's not much I can tell you that you don't already know.

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#9 Old 08-12-2004, 09:54 PM
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I suffer from depression (these past 6 months have the worst i've ever had "it"), and generalized anxiety (and since i'm not a social person, it often comes out looking a lot like social anxiety). I've been told I need to go on meds for years now, but I just can't bring myself to do it. A couple years ago when I went vegan, the change really seemed to help my depression. I'm sure the food itself may have been a part of it, but more than likely it was the control over my own life. W/ depression and anxiety problems, you often feel completely lost and w/o any control over your life, and by taking something as important to me as food and mixing it up like i did, I think it helped some. What i'm going through right now is so bad though because, not only am I dealing w/ "normal" depression, i'm having some stuff go on in my life that has extrapolated the problem.



I am not a "drugs" kind of guy, but i've noticed myself relying on alcohol, which of course isn't a good thing. I'm actually in the process of cutting it out of my life atm. My question though is, does anyone know any good "natural" help for depression/anxiety? I know, eat right, exercise, etc. My problem is the complete lack of motivation (and the hangovers ).



Oh, and to the original poster, I've always been a little spacey when it comes to life, but I've noticed in the past year or so it's gotten a lot worse. I also have an ex-gfriend who dealt w/ a lot of depression problems, and she had problems remembering/keeping track of whats going on, so I doubt its a coincidence.



EDIT: oh, and carblover, i understand your situation w/ the social anxiety. as i said above my anxiety often comes out looking like social anxiety. the worst instance i've ever had was a couple yrs ago i walked into a mall for some xmas shopping or something, and i got so nausiated i had to run out of there. I ended up not being able to leave my room for a full week. now, i rarely have problems to that extent, but often when I'm going somewhere I'm not comfortable w/ (even my job, since its been so stressful lately) i feel a bit sick, but i've not gone through anything like that since. I know it seems even more anti-social, but i'm often seen walking around stores, etc w/ my headphones on. music seems to break the edge a bit.
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#10 Old 08-12-2004, 10:00 PM
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Severe depression. Lack of motivation to do anything, see anyone, meet people, eat anything.. Breathe even. Some days I just get so close to carrying out my little 'plan' of popping the vicodin that I did shameful things to obtain, getting drunk, and just walking off my roof. I just feel so useless and so worthless that I don't even feel i'd be worth the money that would be spent on a funeral.



I used to go to therapy and was on a plethora of antidepressants. That's no longer an option and I'm glad it isn't, it didn't work and it was a waste of my insurance company's money. I haven't showed in a few days. I have no idea what to do with myself.
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#11 Old 08-12-2004, 10:12 PM
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Depression is one of the issues I deal with. I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It tends to manifest in multiple ways. Serious depression, paralyzing anxiety, mild OCD, mild BiPolar, dissociation, binge eating... all are connected and all are frustrating.



I was on Prozac for a while, but I don't have Insurance right now, and have no access to the meds. I am applying for state assistance even as I type.



The important thing (IMHO) is to recognize that a mental illness is a real medical issue. You can't just "snap out of it", and the road to recovery can be long and paiful. I have friends who have gotten thru their depressions quickly and smoothly, and they don't understand why I still struggle. They don't understand what's going on in my brain, and I cant explain it to them. Everyone is different, and I resent being compared to other people. I like the analogy Borealis used, "I felt like my mind was literally crumbling and falling apart". exactly what I go thru. How do you explain to someone that you just couldn't get out of bed? I get accused of laziness all the time, and I promise that's not it. I just can't seem to bring myself to deal with the real world. Not that laying in bed or staring at the computer screen is any better, but sometimes that's all I can cope with.



sigh....

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#12 Old 08-12-2004, 10:17 PM
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*Nods* I know what you mean wonderrandy.. I had PTSD... Got through it, but I know how frustrating it is to hear comments like "Just get over it" and "X has dealt with their problems, so why can't you?"



I get accused of laziness all the time, and I promise that's not it. I just can't seem to bring myself to deal with the real world. Not that laying in bed or staring at the computer screen is any better, but sometimes that's all I can cope with.



Exactly. Same here.
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#13 Old 08-12-2004, 11:02 PM
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Dancnspin,

one thing you can do if you don't feel comfortable talking to your doctor about this stuff, is to talk to a psychologist. Often times medical doctors aren't very helpful or even very well informed about mental illnesses, even really common ones like deppression. And you might not even really need meds. They aren't the only way to deal with deppresion. Just the only way most doctors know how to deal with it. Many cities have counseling centres where you can talk to a professional a few times without having to pay. When you are back in school there would be the counseling services there, but please don't put off talking to someone for too long. You're too full of life to be sidelined by something like this!!!

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#14 Old 08-12-2004, 11:27 PM
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I have suffered depression since I was 9 years old. When I was 21 an incident occurred which induced PTSD, and I have also since experienced very negative manic episodes. The manic episodes are not severe enough to require medication except for when they occur, which is not often. But I've been on Prozac, Zoloft, Wellbutrin for the depression. None of them worked and they just made me feel drugged - I never cried while taking them, but I never laughed either. The ironed everything flat. So when I finally found a psychologist I could talk to (after trying 6 others with whom I absolutely could not connect) I told him I didn't want to do meds. He was great about it and totally listened, so we tried simple talking therapy. He does cognitive therapy - it's a kind of therapy that teaches you how to examine your own thoughts which are connected to your depression. In my case, for instance, there were a lot of thought connected to my traumatic incident and also to my self esteem, and these thoughts could send me into paralyzing depression. I actually dropped out of school for a term because for over a week I could not get out of bed. I would get up thinking "I should not be in bed at 11 am", go and try to eat (try being the key word) and fall asleep on the couch for another six hours or so. It was so debilitating I could hardly talk to anyone. I wanted to die and have attempted suicide 3 times. Have you ever sat back and wondered if it was possible to be so tired that your heart would just stop inside your chest, too worn out to beat any more? That's where I was when I decided therapy couldn't possibly be worse and I was going to die if it didn't work anyway. (If you ever have suicidal thoughts, this is the only thing that got me through mine: "I can always do it later." There's plenty of time to die. It's the one case where procrastination is a positive thing.) Anyway, back to what finally worked: this cognitive therapy. If you can't afford a shrink, there's a book that mine had me read: it's called "Feeling Good", by David Burns. It's really cheezily written but I am telling you, it works. He addresses all the things you mentioned: tiredness, lack of motivation, feeling sad, frustration, anger, etc. Oh yeah - by the way - that lack of memory is totally normal with depression. In my worst episodes I felt almost amnesiac, or like I was drunk. I couldn't remember the simplest things. Check out this book - I think the techniques in it saved my life. I know it sounds simplistic when depression is such an evil illness to deal with, but it sure can't hurt, right? I was ready to try any da** thing at my worst moment. It's not that I don't still get sad sometimes now, but it never paralyzes me anymore - I don't think I really experience true depression ever now. It's been about 4 months since my last depressive episode, which took place before I started using the techniques. Ok, long post. Hope it helps. And you can always PM me, by the way.
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#15 Old 08-13-2004, 12:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WonderRandy View Post

Depression is one of the issues I deal with. I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It tends to manifest in multiple ways. Serious depression, paralyzing anxiety, mild OCD, mild BiPolar, dissociation, binge eating... all are connected and all are frustrating.



I was on Prozac for a while, but I don't have Insurance right now, and have no access to the meds. I am applying for state assistance even as I type.

....



I have the same stuff. Prozac is now generic. It costs $45. a month full price. at 60 mg a day.
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#16 Old 08-13-2004, 05:44 AM
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DancNSpin, you are definitely not alone in this.



St. Johns Wort is an herb that can help depression. It usually doesn't work for severly depressed people, however.



I have been taking Lexapro for about 4 months to treat my depression and social anxiety that I have had since early childhood. Difficult events last year exacerbated the underlying conditions and made them so bad I needed to get help. The Lexapro has done wonders for me. I've also been extremely lucky because the only side effect I have noticed is that I am more inclined to lose things, lol. My mood is so much better. All the little things that used to send me down a spiraling path of despair don't send me off anymore. I may feel sad for a little bit, but it doesn't snowball and affect my life. My eating is significantly better as well. Lexapro will not let me starve myself at all! The Lexapro wasn't helping much with anxiety, so I recently increased the dosage to see if that would help. We'll see what happens.



I saw a psychologist for a couple months, but I don't think I accomplished anything so I ditched him. I should probably start looking for a new one.
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#17 Old 08-13-2004, 08:01 AM
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Ditto on the "not alone" thing.



There have been times when I was unable to rise from bed, eat, bathe, or talk. Even when I was on medication. But it's always been an on-and-off kind of thing for me. Even when I'm in a "good" mood people would describe me as pretty gloomy, but I think that's more pessimism (personality) than mood per se. Cognitive-behavior therapists could go to town on me.



Anyway, there is no one "remedy" that will work for everyone. Some have had good luck with antidepressants...I haven't. The only one that really did anything for me was Wellbutrin, which I had to stop taking because it severely hurt my stomach. Some have benefitted from homeopathy. Others from herbal remedies. Others from therapy. I think the best suggestion would be to have a network of caring people you can talk to and will keep an eye on you to identify when you're going down (because it's often difficult to tell when it's you that is doing the slipping). If VB can serve that purpose for you, myself and others are here to help!
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#18 Old 08-13-2004, 11:38 AM
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One of the things about depression is that it can make you feel lonely. I've been there, often. I refuse to take drugs for my condition, though I believe my mother does take Zoloft or one of those. I'm usually all right, but -- and some of you will probably recognize this -- it's when I let my mind dwell on that frayed end of a depressing notion or obsess over something depressing that I become depressed, then it all just cycles downward. I hate people, I think everything is stupid and pointless, and like may here, I don't want to deal with the world. I just want to sleep and bury myself in anti-social activities like reading, watching movies, etc. Even hiding out on the Web and chatting with you fine people is preferable to actually setting small goals (like even going to a party) and achieving them.



However, much like the start of depression, I've found that one way to get out of it, is to force myself to overcome that one first goal. It usually spirals upward. I have fun, meet some people, feel like I've accomplished something, etc., and suddenly things don't look so hopeless. Now, occasionally it does backfire, and it only reinforces the depression (say everyone at the party is a superficial ******* that makes me wonder why I went), but you have to keep trying or give up. And giving up isn't a valid option for me anymore.



FWIW, genetics play a big part in this. There's no shame in using prescription drugs to help balance out chemical issues or whatever the deal is, it's just not for me. I believe my sister may have (and may continue) to medicate with alcohol and illicit drugs, but that's her. I do remember that an uncle of mine that I never knew killed himself out of depression. I sometimes fear for my future children.
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#19 Old 08-13-2004, 12:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DancNSpin View Post

Has anyone else here experienced a lot of depression? I really don't want pity/sympathy, I just want to know if there is anyone like me who experiences all this weird stuff b/c it makes me feel loony.



Mine is off and on, but I've noticed that sometimes I get really really frustrated with situations and just develop a hopeless outlook. Then there's the days that everything is fine, but I just am intensely depressed and can't seem to motivate myself to even get out of bed and shower.



Also, I am a very goal-oriented and motivated person, but sometimes I just feel so lazy and I don't get anything done. I cannot get myself motivated to do hardly anything, especially if it is something that I have to self-motivate for. If something does get done, it is really really late/delayed. Then as a reaction to lack of motivation and laziness I feel really ashamed, b/c I know I would kind of look down on someone who was that lazy.



I also can't remember ANYthing. I'll look at something and know it and the details, and then it's right out of my mind. I feel really ditzy and stupid sometimes because I just can't remember anything, however simple. I wonder if this is at all related?



My doctor had put me on Paxil and at first I thought it was working, but I'm not sure. It was also really really expensive (I have no prescription coverage) so I had to break down my prescription into smaller amounts so that I could pay for it. Then I kept running out. And I'd get more frustrated b/c my body was withdrawing from the medicine and frustrated that I couldn't afford it. So I just stopped taking it. Example of me being late on important things? It's now been like a month since I stopped taking it. I know that I should have said something to my doctor, but I just haven't.



This is exactly the type of experiences I have had for the past 20 years. The best way I have found to keep my depression under control is to exercise and to force myself to get out and do stuff. The more I sit around, the worse it gets. I don't really have any advice, just know you are not alone.
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#20 Old 08-13-2004, 03:51 PM
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Originally Posted by DoshKel View Post

I am extreamly depressed all the time. I am going to a therapist, but its not helping at all.



How long have you been seeing the therapist? It took me a pretty long time to actually open up to mine and start to see any 'results' from my sessions.



Quote:
Originally Posted by DoshKel View Post


I have found out that bingeing makes me feel 100 times better, but my ED stops that because I have such a fear of gaining weight. I'm really in a bind right now...I just feel like giving up. Any advice?



Are you sure that you're not confusing 'binging' with 'eating healthy'? From personal experience (once again) I know that restriction tend to bring on depression. Which kinda stinks, cuz once you're in that frame of mind, the last thing you want to do is eat. In fact, I'd tell myself that I was depressed becuase I did eat. But next time, try to eat a little bit (even though you prolly won't feel like doing it at all)...it might bring you out of that state for the time being. Worked for me.



Good Luck! If you need to talk to someone feel free to PM me any time!!

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#21 Old 08-13-2004, 03:55 PM
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I'm currently on 40mg/day of Paxil for depression...have been on the stuff for prolly 3 years now, and I can't imagine how I'd be if I couldn't have access to it every day. My moods seem to be similar to DancNSpin's....much worse before then they are now though. I'd swing quickly from one pole to another and get into these fits where all I wanted to do was end my life. Not so good times.



And I think that the Paxil's starting to give me ADD too.....anyone ever hear of that ever happening to someone??

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