Eat to Live III - support thread for eating disorders - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 03-26-2004, 08:37 PM
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There was a boo-boo with the other one...both of the threads got closed



Sorry for those that PM'ed me, scared that I was mad at them. Not at all!!! Happy feelings...happy feelings



-------



Anyone is welcome to join in, but you have to following the rules:



1. You get hugged, regardless if you want it or not.

2. You have to be willing to learn to love yourself, even if you do not right now.

3. You have to listen to me, as Mama Bear knows best.

4. Numbers concerning weight, calories, etc are not allowed.

5. Naming-calling yourself will only be tolerated to a point. 1 positive comment is required in every post.

6. You have to be actively working on getting better.



May the day come quickly when we do not need this thread. Until then, this will always been a safe place to land.



Krista



Why actively getting better? This is meant as a recovery thread, a place to support people who recognize they have a problem and are working to fix it OUTSIDE of the internet. This is a peer group; we are not doctors or therapists. We cannot help you conquer your eating disorder all by ourselves.
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#2 Old 03-26-2004, 08:56 PM
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Ah, ok. The rapid shutdown of the second ETL left me a little bewildered.



I don't have anything to say at the moment, actually (pretty rare, huh? ).... just that I had a pretty good eating day, and that I am not feeling bad about having eaten a lot



A peaceful weekend to all of you.
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#3 Old 03-26-2004, 09:18 PM
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I was so scared that it was my fault!



Okay... I told my mom I'd been chewing and spitting. So you can stop whacking me And I have a doctor appointment about being bloated and involuntarily vomiting on... err... Thursday, I believe.



Positivity - I took a two and a half hour nap... it was sooo nice.
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#4 Old 03-26-2004, 09:33 PM
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/hides her jealously over Cissy's nap.



I am **sooooooo** proud of you, Cissy. I know that it was hard for you to do, but it was a great step for you.



As for me...supposed to be moving, but uber sick
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#5 Old 03-26-2004, 10:29 PM
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hi!



sheesh, a third one?



anyway. um. i'm at the weight i feared i'd binged myself up to, and find it's not so bad. i don't want to give myself a heart attack, so i'm done with diet pills; i'm sick of all the yuckiness that comes with laxatives, so i'm done with those; fasting and restricting leads to binging, and it's all a big headache. i used to be pretty cool, you know? before all this took over my life. and it's a bunch of crap. i'd rather just live, even if i'm living carrying a little bit extra around the middle *shrug*



funny, i never thought binging would be the problem i'd have to contend with. all this time people have spent trying to get me to just f*ing eat something, and now i can't stop eating everything. go figure. i just wish getting used to food again wasn't so painful x_x;
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#6 Old 03-26-2004, 10:53 PM
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Krista - I hope you feel better soon



Mayu - Yay, I'm so proud of you! Your LJ was worrying me a bit sometimes.
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#7 Old 03-26-2004, 11:10 PM
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you read my lj? oh my. that's certainly enough to worry the pants off anyone, regardless of what the topic du jour is!
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#8 Old 03-26-2004, 11:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mayuko View Post

you read my lj? oh my. that's certainly enough to worry the pants off anyone, regardless of what the topic du jour is!



Eh, it's okay. It's very cute ^^
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#9 Old 03-26-2004, 11:19 PM
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thanks! ^^



ooh, how exciting -- do you have one too?
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#10 Old 03-26-2004, 11:23 PM
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Quote:
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thanks! ^^



ooh, how exciting -- do you have one too?



Yeah, but I haven't updated it in... uh... months



We should probably get back on topic eventually
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#11 Old 03-26-2004, 11:29 PM
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yeah... may as well not get whacked for something so trivial



hi everyone!



and we now return to our regularly scheduled programming *nod*
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#12 Old 03-26-2004, 11:49 PM
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Glad to see this thread is up and running again!



Cissy- I'm really, really glad you told your Mom was going on. A huge, awesome step!!



Mayuko- I know its hard. You're probably going to want a lot of food for awhile, I mean, a normal response to restriction is wanting...please just take care of yourself and your body and start treating it right! I want that so much for both of you.



Lovenlight,

Linz
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#13 Old 03-27-2004, 05:14 AM
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Oh, man, what a bad day. Everything went wrong, it seemed. I've had nearly no appetite, but I make myself eat a few small meals a day because I guess that's what I'm supposed to do. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do anymore, really. I figure my ED is something that resulted from something else, and isn't really the original problem. It's like, in my mind, the ED is something I'm working against, but my body isn't doing what I want it to do, ie. being hungry. I also have bad insomnia. I've only slept for 45 minutes tonight, and it's already 5 AM here!



I guess I was expecting it all to get better overnight. Baby steps. I have to ease myself into this.



I had a really good, long, refreshingly vent-y talk with a good friend of mine. She transferred to the art college I'm hoping to transfer to, and I visited her over Spring Break. She's quickly becoming one of my best friends, and it's great because she's such a good listener, and I can tell her anything at all. So I told her all about my ED, as well as some other things in the same vein, and it felt so good to get it off my chest and have her just really understand. She has never had any experience with eating disorders, yet she just seems to understand me and I'm glad I could talk to her about it. It's possible that if I transfer, she would be my roommate, and that would be really great for me, mentally. She's such a positive person that her mood rubs off on me.



Anyway, I'm kind of just rambling. I really need to get to sleep, sometime...
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#14 Old 03-27-2004, 06:50 AM
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oh I am SO glad this thread didn't get closed too..I was in SHOCK...I thought..how could this get taken away?? and I was POSITIVE it was because of me...the depression feelings take over...



I think we all need to be more positive (talking to myself the strongest...loudest...) so we don't accidently get this taken away.



I need you guys...and I got so freaked...okay..enough...I am moving on..smiling



I wrote in my journal last night, was positive -- sometimes it is nice to actually write stuff down.



The day has only just started for me, so, hopefully it will be a good one. Weekends are usually pretty good eating times -- people are around, they watch me like a hawk.



-S
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#15 Old 03-27-2004, 04:54 PM
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Hey guys. I don't know if any of you ever feel like this, but I feel like I"m a bad vegetarian cause of my eating habits. Not that I eat meat or anything! But just the fact that if I didn't care about what I ate, I know I'd make/eat all kinds of really tasty foods and then my family/other people would see that being veg. isn't bad or tasteless. But it's like....I try to avoid wheat, anything high calorie, have low fat, won't use oil in cooking, etc. So I dunno. I'm afraid I perpetuate the stereotype of the lettuce eating vegetarian lol.



Anyway, how are you all doing?? I'm trying to stop purging cause I'm going on an interview to work at a mental hospital....bad idea to be crazy yet working with crazy people (kidding by the way, not saying you guys that purge are crazy). I don't usually post in these threads cause I'm not always actively trying to recover
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#16 Old 03-27-2004, 05:08 PM
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Nah I only perpetuate the stereotype of the peanut butter eating vegetarian

stereotype



I hear what you are saying, when I plan meals there's always problem that it is hard to buy full package of many stuff because if hubby doesn't like the novelty I wouldn't be responsible to finish either. Once hubby was kind of annoyed after being fed WHITE pita SIX lunch times in a roll *sorry freemouse doesn't eat white anything * the smallest package is six, what can I do? Hmm....
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#17 Old 03-27-2004, 08:31 PM
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Hey guys.



I think there is something seriously wrong with my intestinal system. I always wondered how I could manage to not eat for a year and then drown myself in fiber for another year and not face any consequences for it. And then I realized that I'm horribly bloated much of the time, I get nasty gas after eating just about anything, and every few weeks my intestines just poop out and I get painful diarrhea for a few days. And even though I love how my hipbones stick out after all that , I just cannot take it anymore. I need to talk to a nutritionist or a doctor or both, and I don't think my mother called the nutritionist like she was supposed to. Poop.



Yeah, I'm really sick right now, so I feel crappy in general. But I ate okay for the past two days, so that's good. I guess.



Good night everyone!
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#18 Old 03-27-2004, 09:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OConfusedOne View Post

Hey guys.



I think there is something seriously wrong with my intestinal system. I always wondered how I could manage to not eat for a year and then drown myself in fiber for another year and not face any consequences for it. And then I realized that I'm horribly bloated much of the time, I get nasty gas after eating just about anything, and every few weeks my intestines just poop out and I get painful diarrhea for a few days. And even though I love how my hipbones stick out after all that , I just cannot take it anymore. I need to talk to a nutritionist or a doctor or both, and I don't think my mother called the nutritionist like she was supposed to. Poop.



Yeah, I'm really sick right now, so I feel crappy in general. But I ate okay for the past two days, so that's good. I guess.



Good night everyone!



Eek! I know how you feel. My digestive system is shot after what I've put it through. I suggest trying to eat milder foods, try not eating so much fiber. Especially wheat fiber, that can be harsh on a sensitive digestive system. If it continues you really should see someone. I don't even know the amount of digestive problems I have now
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#19 Old 03-27-2004, 11:49 PM
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Hey Molly~



You might also want to consider seeing a gastroenterologist. meh...
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#20 Old 03-28-2004, 05:15 AM
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"funny, i never thought binging would be the problem i'd have to contend with. all this time people have spent trying to get me to just f*ing eat something, and now i can't stop eating everything. go figure. i just wish getting used to food again wasn't so painful "

Hey mayuko, same here!!!
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#21 Old 03-28-2004, 05:19 AM
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See, I have a problem with eating meals. I tend to eat something, feel bloated, and then in my mind think, "well, I'm still hungry, so a bit more is okay", but then I never get full adn then I am bloated tooo much. So that is lame. I have to figure out how to eat just ordinary meals. I guess the main problem is knowing the calorie content of everything. tHat is also lame. Sometimes life is lame.
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#22 Old 03-28-2004, 10:19 AM
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exactly :/ i'm like, CONSTANTLY hungry now.. like, i can eat so much i think i'm going to burst and then not even a half hour later be like MRRRRRRAAAAAH GIVE ME FOOOOD >:E (yes, there is a monster in my tummy ) it's.. kind of hard to take, psychologically. my body's revolting against me!



ah, good mood. those are good. happen a lot more often lately. i think i never realized not eating made me cranky, because it was happening all the time. but now it's like, yum apple! zoom! fruit gets me high, yo.



blaaaaaah but i have a problem! see, i know i have three laxatives under my mattress. the fact that they are still there shows that i'm intent on not taking them; i was going to a few days ago. i don't want to take them but um... i seem to be having.. err, problems... yeah. and i don't know what to do about it! it's kind of uncomfortable, but i don't want to go about my former way of alleviating it..



this is getting gross XD



to all, for i am in an überfriendly mood!
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#23 Old 03-28-2004, 10:24 AM
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mayuko- toss the laxatives under your mattress, because I think they are a symbol of your ED. Go buy some more gentle laxatives like some Seneca or just eat a ton of grapes or some grape juice. Seriously, grapes always make me crap, or FiberOne cereal.

Also, I just wanted to tell you to please hang in there. I know this is a hard time after starving yourself so bad; your body is yelping for food! It will even out eventually. I love ya, girl!

lovenlight,

Linz
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#24 Old 03-28-2004, 10:35 AM
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it better even out -- i'm too poor to keep eating like this!



i love you too!



(i love this thread, it makes me so happy!)
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#25 Old 03-28-2004, 02:17 PM
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Ok... here's my yesterday.



I was stage managing my college's musical, and it just closed after a REALLY stressfull 2 week run last night, much to my relief. The show went really well... and I was calming down about everything involved with the production except for one tiny detail. My ex boyfriend, whom I haven't spoken to since Christmas night (when he told me that he'd been seeing someone else for a month and wanted nothing more to do with me) would be coming to the closing show. I had so much anxiety about seeing him. I didn't want to cry and be pathetic about it.. and I didn't really have the energy to be a total *****... but, seeing him really just made me sad because I miss being with someone.. and I do miss loving him (because I certainly don't love him now.... )



Anyway, the official cast party was at this Italian place down the street. He went... and I talked to him briefly... and then moved on. I had a lot of support from all my friends (most of whom were willing to "beat him up" for me.. which is always a pretty non-convincing threat when it comes from a delicate theater major ). I felt good though... I didn't feel devestated or anything... I looked at some of the greasy pizza that was there.. and I decided I wanted some, just because. Understand, I've been eating incredibly well since New Years Day.. and last night's pizza (four fatty slices total: one veggie combo, 2 cheese, and a green onion) was the first junk food I've had this year. I ate more than I should have... but I didn't feel bad about it.



To a "normal" person, eating 4 slices of pizza and feeling no guilt wouldn't be a big deal at all, but it is for me. My ex is a major trigger for me to restrict and then binge... always has been. When we started to dissolve as a couple, that was when I was at my lowest point, weight wise and spirit wise. So.. I feel kind of bad that I ate junk in his prescence because it still proves that he's a trigger... but.. on the other hand, I celebrated and then stopped... there was no marathon binge, no sick feelings... no crying.



I'm crazy still... so, I'm cutting back on food today.. but.. not horrendously... mostly eating cheerios and soy milk... but.. I feel good. I ate junk. I'm still alive.



I also still really dislike my ex..... but, he lives 3 hours away, so hopefully seeing him this time might be the last time.
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#26 Old 03-28-2004, 03:45 PM
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bluegrrl - I did cut back on fiber, at least as much as I can while still eating. It's pretty hard to get away from fiber when all you eat is fruits, vegetables, nuts, beans, and bread, though I'm trying to cut back on that. We'll see.



April - I talked to my mother this morning, and she said she'd call the doctor, who is supposed to reccomend us to a nutritionist and maybe a GI person.



peanutbutta - congratulations on a successful show! A lot of my friends are in drama, and I've done a few pit orchestras, so I know how stressful it can be. I'm glad that you made it through without letting the stress affect your eating too badly. And congratulations, too, for not beating yourself up over the pizza. Postive steps!



I'm having an okay day today. Whoo, my dad has a friend over, I just looked out the window and there he was. I'm in my pajamas still, but I'm sick so that's my right. I have to go do chemistry homework. I wish I could work out today, but I really am trying to conserve energy for my orchestra concert tomorrow night. I got this beautiful floor length, slightly trained satin black skirt, and it's just wonderful. I'm going to look amazing. Woo.



Yeah...chemistry, here I come.



~Mollie~
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#27 Old 03-28-2004, 03:52 PM
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Mayuko if I've learned anything if you use laxatives too mcuh, one they wont work and two they don't really do anything to begin with.



Hope you all have agood day.
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#28 Old 03-28-2004, 04:56 PM
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Keegan - Glad to see you around again



Mayu - Toss the laxatives missy They're probably expensive, and if you keep taking them or something, you're going to end up having to take them to get any bowel movement at all, which is not good. Good for you for not taking them though.



Kat - I don't have much advice... but lots of hugs. I'm glad you have such a good friend though.



PB - Oh, boy, Drama cast parties, I feel you there...



Mollie - That's so much how I feel lately... I had to go home from a Drama fundraiser last night because I was doubled over in pain. Same thing happened earlier today. But I did a bit of research online... I'm on perma-bloat or something, and it's either I can't go potty or I have to go NOWNOWNOW! And it's always weird. Anyway, I think I may have IBS, or something along those lines. I have an appointment with my doctor this week.



Anyway, in my response to Mollie, you can basically understand how things are going. I think if I can try to get rid of my bloat, I may not feel so enormous. The only thing that sucks is I'm having trouble finding vegan foods I can eat without tummy pain



Positives - Just bought Cheerios and soymilk... I hope it sits well. And I bought a new kind of soymilk, I hope it tastes okay.
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#29 Old 03-28-2004, 05:45 PM
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positives: I don't know, can I say what I did as far as exercise yesterday here?



negatives: ate way too much pb... heh peanut butta...
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#30 Old 03-28-2004, 05:47 PM
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Mayu- Have you thrown the laxatives out yet? If you haven't go uipstairs right now and do it. Don't hurt yourself honey



Cissy- good luck at the doctors. I hope they find out what's wrong so you can start to eat noramally again



PB- It definately shows something that you were able to stop yourself. It's okay to backslide a little every now and then, don't beat yourself up. You've ben eating well for three months, that is great!



Okay, I thought I was recovered, and this week has proved most definately am not. My weight has gone up so much since last monday. It definately is not healthy to put on that much weight in 7 daays. It's definately not going to have the same effect as if I could put numbers, but think of how much weight its healthy to lose a week and then multiply it by how many weeks are in a month, you'll get the idea. And its not water weight, since I weighed myself this morning before I had really eaten anything.

The thing is, I don't care about the weight. I care about the fact that yesterday I ate as much as a normal person eats in two or three days, and I not only felt like I was going to die from stomach pains, but also like, why can't I control myself? What right do I have to be eating all this food when little kids twelve miles away in the city won't be having dinner tonight? It just makes you feel even worse.

I'm so tired of this eating disorder business. I was talking with a friend on friday, and we were reminiscing about when I could eat cheese, and all of these memories just came flooding back about how when I was younger my parents would buy handisnacks or bags of doritos from the bulk stores (like CUb foods or Sams clubs, you know the type) and I remember I would eat them incessantly and I could go through a box of like, 48 bags in a 5 days. SO now not only am I feeling down, but I'm soooo incredibly confused, because I really don't know the cause behind my ED. What could possibly cause an ED when you're 8 years old?! Ack, sorry for writing a novel everyone, I'm just a bit of a mess mentally right now (although today is going pretty well, haven't binged on bread yet, which seems to be my new thing) and it is so great of you all to listen, so thank you thank you thank from the bottom of my heart
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