Hum, if I get up in time, I think I'm going to go to the doctor's tomorrow. I'm exhausted all the time and this past week I've been sleeping nearly 18 hours a day. I can't get anything done because once I've been up and moving for more than a couple of hours, I need to go back to sleep again. I couldn't give blood a few months ago because my iron levels were too low, so it could very well be that I'm just a bit anaemic, but my brain is just so full of crap all the time. Mostly because I have nothing to do, but even when I was working last year, I put on a better show but my brain was still angry at me.
I don't know, I don't think I'm depressed, I need a job and some friends. I think a lot of the thoughts I have are just force of habit. Right now, it's been just over since I've had a job and I'm turning 24 next week. Not old at all, I know, but I really haven't achieved anything since I was 18, never been in a relationship, never had a job, just moved from place to place and spent most of my time in bed. I FEEL old. I never expected to live past 23, the thought that this might be the end of my life upsets me because I've got nothing to show for it but I'm terrified of having to live the rest of my life like this. I just can't deal with anything, even the tiniest of things and I'm getting so bitter and twisted while everyone around me is studying to reach, or are already in, their dream careers.
Urgh, I'm just feeling melancholy and self-pitying, I'm not sure what I hope to achieve from this post. I just don't really have anyone to talk to in real life right now.