To cook or not to cook... - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 01-03-2009, 09:05 PM
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I have a question for you all...

I am a vegetarian as of a month ago. {Yay ME!} Now my b/f wants to become one which is also great, but he finds it hard to go a day without any meat - he says he feels tired and such. Now in his defence he is a big boy - 6'6 & 100kg - who goes to the gym daily and is pretty built muscle wise. He does sit down with me and have vege meals but as he works night shift he feels he needs a meat meal for dinner to get through the night. He'll take one of my vege meals maybe once a week.

I pre-cook all our work meals. Pasta, lasagne, stuff like that. I cook these meals. I do all the grocery shopping. This has been the story for 5yrs (he pays all the bills and rent - it's just a deal we have).

So yes.... I buy his meat and I cook his meat. Now this isn't too hard of a task right now... I have only been off meat for a month now... but say he hasn't fully converted in 6mths or so I may start finding it hard. I have been cooking less and less meat options and moving in my vege "meat" to substitute. I tell him it has more protein and iron than any meat he'll ever have and it seems to help?

Also I feel in the future if we have visitors over for tea I may need to prepare non-vege meals.

Where would/do you stand if you need to cook meat? Do you understand that this is our choice and we can't push it on other people, or do you just say "too bad so sad"?

I know in time he will convert, but I can't force it.

Opinions please?
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#2 Old 01-03-2009, 09:10 PM
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I wouldn't do it, personally.

Lots of others do though, here and elsewhere! I say do what *you* are okay with, knowing (as it seems you do) that your feelings and views may change with time.

As an aside, his nutritional needs can likely be met on a completely vegan diet, by the way. Feeling "tired" after going for part of a day without eating animals would be psychological and not physiological in nature.

"Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" Auntie Mame
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#3 Old 01-03-2009, 09:32 PM
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Originally Posted by *AHIMSA* View Post

As an aside, his nutritional needs can likely be met on a completely vegan diet, by the way. Feeling "tired" after going for part of a day without eating animals would be psychological and not physiological in nature.

I was thinking the same thing when I read the post.

Aside from that, I wouldn't do it. In my opinion, if someone wants it, they can make it themselves. Maybe he won't feel as though he needs it so much if he realizes that he has to make it himself.
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#4 Old 01-04-2009, 05:17 AM
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It can sometimes be very hard, especially for athletic people, to go veg. The tiredness, from what I was told by a friend who is vegan and a dietitian, can be from him either not getting enough protein (he needs more than a veg who isn't as active) or it could be his body actually almost going through a detoxification. But most likely it is all in his head lol. Before I was pregnant with my daughter, my husband always said my vegan meals left him weak and tired. But this month he's doing a Daniel fast (similar to veganism) and suddenly since he WANTS to not eat meat my meals full him up and he's fine. Obviously all of the prior problems were psychological.

With that said, my stance on cooking meat. My husband works 12+ hour days. And honestly after he works that hard for me to have the luxury to stay at home with our kids...I'm not going to make him come home and do MORE work by cooking his own meat for dinner. Its not hard for me to make something and then add beans/lentils/etc for me and then throw him a piece of chicken on the George foreman for a few minutes. I don't have problems with people who do choose to not cook meat, but in my situation I have no problem with it. Do I morally agree with his choice to eat meat? Heck no! But its his choice and I respect it as he should respect mine.
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#5 Old 01-04-2009, 05:49 AM
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If he's tired after a meal, it seems like one of two things to me: either his body's working super hard to digest and diverting all his energy to that, or the meal didn't have enough calories. If you just take the meat out, it could certainly be the calories thing if you aren't replacing it with higher calorie options to make sure he's getting enough energy to meet his needs.

As for whether to cook meat or not, that's your call. My mom and grandma are coming to stay with me for a week and a half in a couple months, and while they can go buy corner store sushi (I live in Japan) or precooked meat to eat here if they want, there won't be any cooking of meat in my house. It's my house, so I get to choose. For me, my choice is no. For you though, it might not be. It's a personal decision, not one any of us can tell you is ethically right or wrong.
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#6 Old 01-04-2009, 05:54 AM
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I couldn't do it personally but I'm very lucky to have a fellow vegan for a partner. My veggie daughter and son both have none veggie partners and don't cook meat meals for them although both do the majority of the cooking! I think it's a personal thing though and if a person is comfortable with it then that's up to them. As for visitors I wouldn't cook meat for them either and therefore I don't expect special treatment if I visit, I will just have anything they have which is vegan, sometimes that's not a lot but it's manageable.
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#7 Old 01-04-2009, 06:17 AM
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For me the husband and guests are two different things. I still cook meat for my husband for several reasons. One is that it's more healthy for him than if I didn't and he called for take-out most night. Plus he gets the nutritional benefit of my vegetarian meal, which he always eats some of. I've also noticed that he's more and more willing to eat only my meal, which never would happen 8 months ago. So I see progress. I think we both know that there will come a time when I don't want to cook his meat anymore (I already make him do most of the things that require touching it), and we will deal with that day when it comes.

Guests are a different issue entirely. If you come in my house, you're going to be served vegetarian food. Period. That being said, when we have guests I do my best to serve the most tasty vegetarian meals I can so no one feels unsatisfied. I've surprised several omnis at dinner parties with the type of foods I make.
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#8 Old 01-04-2009, 08:43 PM
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I Think its a personal Issue...I wouldnt do it it grosses me out...but thats just its up to you...if its okay with you cool...but wouldnt be for me.

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#9 Old 01-04-2009, 09:40 PM
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Originally Posted by RaV3n View Post

Also I feel in the future if we have visitors over for tea I may need to prepare non-vege meals.

Where would/do you stand if you need to cook meat? Do you understand that this is our choice and we can't push it on other people, or do you just say "too bad so sad"?

Why would you need to prepare flesh-filled meals just because you have visitors? It's not going to hurt them to go one meal without eating dead animals. That's just ridiculous.

And I don't see how not cooking something you're ethically opposed to has anything to do with "pushing it on other people." Would you cook cat meat for someone who wanted it? Because by this line of thought, not cooking it would be pushing your beliefs on them.
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#10 Old 01-05-2009, 03:22 AM
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i can understand what everyone is saying and i truly appreciate your comments.

since i am still new to all this my head is still everywhere. like today someone had kfc for lunch and the chicken smell just automatically triggered that thing in the back of my head to say "yum". i guess after eating meat for 23yrs u are hardwired and it takes a lil bit of work. then i looked back to my vege lasagne and continued knowing my fake meat wasnt hurting anyone! this was a turning point for me

i know that this is my house, and if they want chops at my next get together well they can bring their own and cook it themselves.

but on the positive side i was going thru a vege book i bought my b/f for xmas (a subtle hint hint for him hehe) and found some really great meals that you wouldnt even know it was all but vege.

so i now have a very positive feeling that when i prepare vege meals ppl are going to fulfilled with my meals. i had doubts about everything yesterday... but now i feel better about it all yay!
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#11 Old 01-05-2009, 05:59 AM
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I'm the only veg. in a family of ominivores, so I know where your coming from.

Since I am the cook for my family about 90% of the time, what I do is to try and make meals that I know will be easy to omit the meat without them missing it.

I also cook x number of nights per week with some type of meat dish.

I think it's a balance thing. I want my family to eat healthier overall, so the meatless dishes go along with that, but I also can't really force my diet change on them all the time.

So maybe you can make a compromise with him?

He cooks his own meat once a week and you make the rest of the meal. Then maybe 3 times a week he eats veg. with you, and then you offer to (cook meat a couple times for him?

Whatever you both feel that is fair in your arrangement.

There are a couple things that my husband knows that I don't want to handle, steaks and chicken are a couple that come to mind.

So on those nights, he tries to step in and "clean" it and then I'll cook it. So maybe that would work for you too?

As for when you have dinner guests over, just have a couple of meals, with ingredients on hand, to prepare, that you know any omni would like:

veggie soup

veggie lasagna

veg. shephard's pie

a nice pasta dish

some type of casserole, etc.

Most people have a couple of dishes that they are known for, that people always request that they cook.

These are the dishes that I would make veg., or work on finding a suituable veg. substitute for and these would be the ones that I would use for my "guest dinners".
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