Sometimes you just have to hold your tongue - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 06-01-2008, 10:04 PM
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My mom isn't vegetarian, will probably never be vegetarian (she says she'd starve to death if she was vegetarian. I doubt that....I SERIOUSLY doubt that. If it came down to life or death, I bet she'd figure out something to eat that didn't come from something that breathed and had eyes.)



She lives in another state and I go up once a year to visit her. Which rather sucks for me...she lives in a rural area without a lot of options for somebody like me. She thinks Perkins is an acceptable place for me to eat and insists I will find something to eat wherever we go (which I am partly to blame...I compromised once when I went up there, but I found quick they really have nothing to offer me.) It's like...we have to go to places she likes and I can figure it out on my own when I get there. But if I want to go some place I would like she can't bring herself to compromise and eat something there...she just refuses to eat.



So I try to research places to go before I go up. I asked what she thought of Indian food. She said she doesn't like curry, to which I responded these places serve more than curry. She looks up Indian food online and sees people serving lamb and goat.



She writes back,
Quote:
I'm not eating a goat or a lamb!! I do have some standards which also include no veal no duckies no geese no frogs, no lobster and on and on I guess.



I just had to delete the email and forget trying to reply. I doubt anything I could have said would have resulted in anything less than pissing her off. Seriously, how can you say NO you won't eat a goat or a lamb but you would eat a PIG or a COW. She can say NO she won't eat a duck but chows down on chickens that are tortured to death, literally. She won't eat a sheep but has no problems eating a cow that suffered all their short life and dropped from a truck on hard concrete, shoved around with a fork lift, beaten, abused....I could go on I GUESS.



I feel like I am in a double whammy. If I say something, I piss her off. If I say nothing, I bottle up me being pissed off and I fear one day it will just come out...one day when she comments on a story on the news about somebody who mistreated a dog or a horse.



I have a hard time taking her seriously on her positive thoughts on animal issues because they are overshadowed by her choices of what she puts in her mouth.



I have a real hard time just over looking it. Obviously I hope she comes around some day, but until then I think I would actually respect her more if she ate meat and didn't make comments like that.

"I used to hate dogs 'til I saw one kill a kid." W.C. Fields
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#2 Old 06-02-2008, 04:02 AM
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As a person you have the right to feel comfortable where you eat and what you eat. Since you're old enough to be on your own, you are old enough to go out to eat by yourself if your mother refuses to try new things. Basically it's time to tell her straight up that some places do not work for you, and you have been trying but if she refuses to mature about it, you will go eat where you want to, and she can go someplace else. It may piss her off, but your emotional health is important, and you want to go visit her, but feel she is not making your stay comfortable.



Last time I visited my mother, she accidently choose a resturant at the last minute to go eat at (with my sister and her friend, the veggie resturant we were going to try was closed) and there was nothing there I could eat.



Going to visit her and going out to eat are options for you, you don't have to do either. If you still want to visit, maybe you'll need to make meals at home instead of going out. Or going out by yourself (which isn't very much fun) but at some point you need to stand up for yourself. If she does manage to drag you someplace, show her how you learned maturity from her, and refuse to eat (If you like that passive-aggressive style).
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#3 Old 06-02-2008, 07:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Calhoun07 View Post

Seriously, how can you say NO you won't eat a goat or a lamb but you would eat a PIG or a COW.



Are you new at this?
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#4 Old 06-02-2008, 09:16 AM
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It seems to me that when she gives you that big an opening, there's nothing wrong with replying honestly. I wouldn't bring it up at random, but in response to something like that...



--Fromper

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#5 Old 06-02-2008, 11:01 AM
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Reminds me of when people say they're animal lovers whilst conveniently forgetting that roast lamb they had last night, or bacon and eggs for breakfast.



They love EATING animals more like. Hypocrites.
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#6 Old 06-02-2008, 11:44 AM
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If you hold your tongue, she's always going to say stupid stuff like that.



Send her an email back asking her what she thinks the difference is between eating goat and eating a cow.....see what dumb**** answer you get back.
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#7 Old 06-02-2008, 11:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sybaritik View Post

If you hold your tongue, she's always going to say stupid stuff like that.



Send her an email back asking her what she thinks the difference is between eating goat and eating a cow.....see what dumb**** answer you get back.



Cows aren't cute! Duh!



Except for this one:

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#8 Old 06-02-2008, 12:36 PM
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Actually, it sounds like your mom is half way there. She already loves animals, and she has already embraced the notion of refusing to eat the ones that she knows are treated cruelly (veal.) Maybe it would be helpful if she saw a video like Meet Your Meat video, or something like that (Fast Food Nation?) in order to open a discussion.



In my roles as both someone's parent and someone's child, I have found that "arguments" rarely change a person's beliefs, but gently persuasive discussions, the sincere sharing of experiences and knowledge, and respectful example-setting can go a long way in getting another person to change their OWN mind about an issue.



Also, consider taking baby-steps. If you can first get her to respect YOUR choices and beliefs, then maybe she will be ready to experiment with YOUR way of eating/living.



Just a thought. My own mother is so thrilled that I have lost weight, she doesn't care what I eat, so I feel blessed not to have to add that particular issue to our usual emotional arsonal.



Good luck!
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