In love with an omni? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 04-10-2008, 05:45 PM
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I've been with my boyfriend over a year--almost as long as I've been a vegetarian. He eats meat, and that's never bothered me, until recently.



I've always been a "casual" vegetarian, I guess--I wasn't comfortable eating meat myself, but I didn't think it was wrong. A few weeks ago, though, I had an epiphany of sorts, and changed my mind.



Now it bothers me that that the one I love eats dead animals... I wouldn't leave him over it, but I wish I could convince him to become vegetarian. I've never tried, and I don't even think it would be appropriate. It feels like accosting someone to change their religion.



So, what do you think? Is it wrong to ask someone you love to consider giving up meat?
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#2 Old 04-10-2008, 05:55 PM
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Yes it is. It is his choice and asking him to give up something he wouldn't do on his own will likely only end in resentment. My fiance eats meat and has no intentions of giving it up. I hate that but it is his choice. We have agreed that our children will be vegetarian. Discuss with him why you became veg and leave it at that. The best way to convince him is to show him how much better off you are without meat.
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#3 Old 04-10-2008, 05:58 PM
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there are lots of couples where was one was omni and continued to be or they were inspired and ate veg*n at home or even switched over completely.



i'd just try to include lots of yummy veg*n dishes and maybe he'll more and more like the idea once he's exposed to all the good food, etc.
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#4 Old 04-10-2008, 06:10 PM
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When I had the aforementioned epiphany, I discussed my new beliefs with him, and he said "Yeah, you're right. That's true." So he's actually said to me he thinks it wrong to eat meat... so I have high hopes.



Until he gets away from home I know he couldn't become vegetarian. (His mom hates me enough without thinking I'm trying to convert him!) But I'm hoping that later, when we live together, he might consider it... Especially since I'll be doing most of the cooking, and I can show him how awesome vegetarian food is!



But you're right gillibean, it just wouldn't be right if it wasn't completely his choice.
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#5 Old 04-10-2008, 06:16 PM
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I hope that after he sees you he'll be inspired to try it himself!
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#6 Old 04-10-2008, 06:20 PM
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When I had the aforementioned epiphany, I discussed my new beliefs with him, and he said "Yeah, you're right. That's true." So he's actually said to me he thinks it wrong to eat meat... so I have high hopes.



Until he gets away from home I know he couldn't become vegetarian. (His mom hates me enough without thinking I'm trying to convert him!) But I'm hoping that later, when we live together, he might consider it... Especially since I'll be doing most of the cooking, and I can show him how awesome vegetarian food is!



But you're right gillibean, it just wouldn't be right if it wasn't completely his choice.



I was in a very similar situation with my ex. I was vegetarian when we met and became vegan about six months into the relationship, and so it became more of an issue as our relationship went on. He never ate meat in front of me, which I really appreciated, but despite always saying that he agreed with and that he knew intellectually that it was wrong to eat meat, he never made the jump to giving it up entirely. Near the end of the relationship (we broke up for reasons unrelated to my veganism) he told me that he had stopped eating meat but didn't like to label himself and so wouldn't call himself a vegetarian. I was happy with that, but I found out after we broke up that he kept meat in his roommate's freezer and asked our mutual friends not to tell me, which really bothered me, not necessarily because he ate meat but because he lied about it.



Not to make this about my problems or anything...heh. Anyway, my advice would be to share with him why you've become so passionate about vegetarianism, but don't press the point. Maybe sit down and watch Earthlings with him (if you can stomach it, I never could!), but generally I would say try not to be talking about it constantly. You don't want to make him feel like he has to become vegetarian for the wrong reasons, otherwise you risk him sneaking meat behind your back, and sneaking anything behind your partner's back isn't really good for the relationship. Let him come to terms with it in his own time. And of course, share lots of delicious meat-free food with him!



He may come around to vegetarianism, but you should be prepared for the possibility that he won't, and you may want to think about what you'll do in that case. Best of luck!
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#7 Old 04-10-2008, 07:37 PM
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It's good that he has said it is wrong to eat meat. Just continue to share your beliefs with him, in a non-abrasive manner, and maybe he'll come around. Make him yummy veg*n food and communicate with him. It is wrong to force it on him, though, as he was an omni when your relationship started. You could try to get him to watch one of those videos, but make sure he is well aware of what it is beforehand and willing to watch it...
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#8 Old 04-10-2008, 07:50 PM
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I personally could not be with someone not convinced by rational arguments. If all the person could come up with is, "I like it." I say hit the road. This isn't about changing someone or forcing someone, I expect a rational human being to be convinced by rational arguments and use their mind to come to a conclusion based on good reason.
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#9 Old 04-10-2008, 08:23 PM
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Thanks everyone, I really appreciate all of your input. <3
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#10 Old 04-10-2008, 10:19 PM
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Originally Posted by ripvanfish View Post

I've been with my boyfriend over a year--almost as long as I've been a vegetarian. He eats meat, and that's never bothered me, until recently.



I've always been a "casual" vegetarian, I guess--I wasn't comfortable eating meat myself, but I didn't think it was wrong. A few weeks ago, though, I had an epiphany of sorts, and changed my mind.



Now it bothers me that that the one I love eats dead animals... I wouldn't leave him over it, but I wish I could convince him to become vegetarian. I've never tried, and I don't even think it would be appropriate. It feels like accosting someone to change their religion.



So, what do you think? Is it wrong to ask someone you love to consider giving up meat?



Yes I think its wrong...My Fiancee is a meat eater...but he is the one who cooks in our relationship and he cooks and eats veggie 2-4 times a week and he likes it..I know that he will never be a Veggie and thats okay with me...we both Love and Support each other for who and what we are and believe and it works for us...Hope That whatever you guys choose works for you.
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#11 Old 04-10-2008, 10:23 PM
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I don't think it's wrong to ask. It's not right to keep pushing though. My bf and I were together for 3 years before he went vegetarian. Up to that point, it drove me nuts that he ate meat. It grossed me out and it got to a point that I didn't want any intimate contact with him at all if he ate meat that day (veg*nsexual, I guess ). I highly recommend talking to your boyfriend and see if he'll just cut back his meat intake, especially when you're around. A lot of people here have loved ones who eat meat only when they go out (meat-free homes). I never thought my bf would change and then out of nowhere, he made the decision on his own. I'm so proud of him!
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#12 Old 04-11-2008, 03:36 PM
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My story is kinda funny. My hubby and my best friend's hubby are meat eaters. The two of us (my best friend and I) are vegan. One day, we were at her house having a BBQ, and she was handing food off to her hubby to cook. She said, "here's the corn on the cob, veggie burgers, and dead cow (burgers). It's the first time I've heard that and laughed my butt off. Now I tease my husband about eating dead cow (pig, fish, ect). But he's a good sport about it.



I don't try to change him. He supports me for my veganism, so that's what matters. He also likes my vegan cooking. Yes, he eats it. But he said that he just can't make a regular diet out of it. I wish he would, but I respect him and love him so much that I don't force it on him. He's a grown man. He can make his own choices (right or wrong). As long as he doesn't make me prep the meat for cooking, I'm ok with it (somewhat, but I live with it).
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#13 Old 04-12-2008, 09:49 PM
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I couldn't agree more. Becoming a veggie is a huge life-style change, which one should do only if really convinced in his/her heart. Forcing someone to change against their will can only bring resentment in the long run. Small compromises are more likely to succeed. For example, my omni partner has agreed to give up veal and lamb because I find the them particularly repulsive, and won't touch anything made with fur anymore. I know he will never became a vegetarian, and though I wish we were, I have accepted it. Once in a while, especially when in TV they show footage of grossly mistreated animals - like the sick cows ready for slaughter which were shown on TV a few weeks ago - I have an outburst of anger and frustration and say something like "you see, those poor creatures are what you are eating", and he gets quite mad because he (like almost anyone else) doesn't like to be preached at.
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#14 Old 04-12-2008, 11:20 PM
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I couldn't agree more. Becoming a veggie is a huge life-style change, which one should do only if really convinced in his/her heart. Forcing someone to change against their will can only bring resentment in the long run. Small compromises are more likely to succeed. For example, my omni partner has agreed to give up veal and lamb because I find the them particularly repulsive, and won't touch anything made with fur anymore. I know he will never became a vegetarian, and though I wish we were, I have accepted it. Once in a while, especially when in TV they show footage of grossly mistreated animals - like the sick cows ready for slaughter which were shown on TV a few weeks ago - I have an outburst of anger and frustration and say something like "you see, those poor creatures are what you are eating", and he gets quite mad because he (like almost anyone else) doesn't like to be preached at.



Reminding someone their food was once alive is preaching??? I couldn't take that. I mention things like that every once in a while. He knows that I'm not trying to preach at him and wouldn't force him to go veg. It does help that my fiance feels no guilt over eating meat as he feels it's his right.
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#15 Old 04-13-2008, 03:39 AM
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Small compromises are more likely to succeed. For example, my omni partner has agreed to give up veal and lamb because I find the them particularly repulsive, and won't touch anything made with fur anymore.



My husband is like this, too. He WILL NOT eat veal or lamb. I did not ask him to do this. He does it on his own. Even when I was an omni, I didn't touch it either. Because I knew where they came from (poor baby animals ).
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#16 Old 04-13-2008, 06:54 AM
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See how it goes when you are living together. It will probably be easier and more pleasant to influence him by cooking tasty vegetarian food for him (or cooking together) than by confronting him with ethical arguments.



My boyfriend (now husband) was omni and I was vegetarian when we moved in together and he didn't eat meat at home because it was easier to eat the same food than cook separate food just for two of us. When I went vegan I did a lot of reading about it and he had a look at the books and websites I was reading and he decided to be vegetarian.



It would be a lot easier for your boyfriend to be vegetarian if you're cooking vegetarian food at home anyway and has got used to the idea of eating mainly vegetarian food, that way it's not such a big change for him.
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#17 Old 04-13-2008, 11:38 AM
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My fiancee eats meat. But I was a veggie when I met him and he was definitely a meat eater so I knew what I was getting into. Some days it DOES bother me (like coming home to a house smelling of greasy meat cooking), but for the most part it's fine. He is fairly respectful of it, like I have "my" side of the bbq where no meat goes, he has his "meat only" frying pan, etc.
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#18 Old 04-13-2008, 11:49 AM
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I think it should be his choice, and of course, the two of you discussing things is a good idea. I think it's great that he did seem to agree eating meat, or at least what happens to the animals before and during the process, is wrong.



I recently met the husband of an old friend of mine. This man does eat meat, but during our discussion, he commended me for not eating meat, and he said, "I eat meat, but I do not agree with the inhumane way animals are raised, treated, and killed for the food I eat. I wish I could do more about that - I absolutely disagree and hate it." I was so taken aback by his opinion and realized that he did care, even if he can't or won't stop eating meat. It's enough for me that he has some guilt or rather a conscience about it.



Just be honest in your relationship and things will be fine. I don't think it's wrong to ask him to consider some form of vegetarianism, just to think about it. But, if he honestly thinks about and says no, it'll be your choice after that to decide what steps to take. I don't think it's ethical to end a relationship over this issue, especially if there really is love and true friendship there. As long as he accepts your choices and accepts you as you are, so should you accept him. Now if he starts belittling you, badgering or making fun of you, that'd be different, as it should be for him if you started nagging him to quit eating meat.



Good luck.
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#19 Old 04-13-2008, 02:09 PM
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I would never ask or expect my husband to go vegetarian. Just because it works for me doesn't mean I feel the need to force it on everyone.



I'd certainly be very upset if he asked me to even consider going back to eating meat. So I show him the same respect by not asking him to go veg.
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#20 Old 04-13-2008, 07:02 PM
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I live with two men. One is the love of my life and the other is our best friend. I'm a vegan and our friend is allergic to wheat. We're a special needs household



I've always been allergic to milk, but only recently this winter decided to go full vegan. The boys have been supportive. They still eat meat, but are happy to eat my vegan meals and my boyfriend tells me he feels guilty eating meat, so I think he's on his way to joining my team All the same, I've talked to them about what I believe but never seriously asked them to adopt my beliefs. They're mine, and I respect theirs. They give me their respect and go out of their way regularly to get me vegan treats and have something vegan with dinner. I also make sure I have gluten free somethings available for the other guy. My boyfriend is Hungarian, so I try to make him Hungarian dishes still, somehow without the meat (they're heavy in lard and paprika).



Long story short, we all try to do things for eachother and it works out fine. The house in general consumes less meat and uses less chemicals which is all that matters to me. I love my boys I'm sure if you and your significant other talked about your beliefs in a non hostile way, you could develop a similar relationship.
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#21 Old 04-15-2008, 09:23 AM
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Just a quick reply from me.



I agree with those that are replying by telling you to accept and move on, so to speak. I understand that, as a vegetarian, the subject of eating meat is disgusting. However, I would hope that you don't expect the world to run on your views, and not eating meat is your choice, just as much as it is your personal view that meat should not be eaten. Trying to push your individuality upon others should not be one of your goals in life.



I do encourage speaking about your beliefs in a calm, peaceful manner, without criticism and accusation. However, asking those around you to walk as you walk is not detrimental to life, nor will it accomplish much.



Let others eat what they wish to consume. Let others bow to whom they will worship. When the sun rises tomorrow, count your blessings if you live to speak again about your beliefs, and cherish what life has given you, don't criticize what isn't.
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#22 Old 04-15-2008, 05:20 PM
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Honestly....as long as you mutually respect each other that's what counts.

and if it bothers you enough then your differences will get the best of you.

As long as he's not shoving it down your throat, focus on the fact that he is supporting your choice........and many don't.
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#23 Old 04-15-2008, 05:43 PM
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welp, the way it is for me: my ex went vegetarian a few weeks after we started dating, not because i "made" him or even asked him, he made the decision on his own after seeing some "meet your meat" type material. we went vegan together about a year after that.



my current is omni and i have never asked him to go vegetarian and he's already made it abundantly clear that he never would, despite the fact he is now aware (thanks to me) of the reality of the meat and dairy industry. he does love and care about animals, it's just not something in his life that he chooses to be passionate about enough to stop using animal products. although i don't necessarily agree with it, i respect his decision becuase he respects mine and is open-minded and willing to learn when it comes to my veganism. i cook dinner for us just about every night so i know he's eating at least ONE vegan meal a day and that's better than none at all.



the hard-learned moral of my story: although veg*anism may be an integral value in your life and you may believe it's an important or even necessary thing for you and a partner to share, it's better to be in a relationship with loving, honest, caring omni who respects and treats you the way you deserve, than to be shackled up with a deadbeat, uncaring, lying, cheating, drug addicted vegan... grrrr....
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#24 Old 04-15-2008, 11:04 PM
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Aaargh, my problem is just getting worse, and beyond just my romantic relationship.



Since my "epiphany," my aversion to meat is getting stronger every day. I can hardly stomach eating with friends anymore. The sight of people shoveling dead flesh into their mouths... oh god. How could I stand it before?



What's worse--I work at McDonald's. I don't work with the food, I just hand it out, but I smell it all day. Today when I picked up a cheeseburger to hand out, there was grease on the wrapper... A moment later I realized it was the grease from the meat. I had to wash my hands immediately, and it made me so sick. I don't want to be "that vegetarian," but it feels out of my control. I don't know what to do about it. Might it just pass?
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#25 Old 04-16-2008, 04:54 AM
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What's worse--I work at McDonald's. I don't work with the food, I just hand it out, but I smell it all day. Today when I picked up a cheeseburger to hand out, there was grease on the wrapper... A moment later I realized it was the grease from the meat. I had to wash my hands immediately, and it made me so sick. I don't want to be "that vegetarian," but it feels out of my control. I don't know what to do about it. Might it just pass?



Is there any chance you can get a new job? Have you tried looking for one? I imagine as long as you are working at McDonalds you'll feel awful about handling the meat. I know I would.
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#26 Old 04-16-2008, 05:23 PM
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Not really, no. I live in the middle of the woods, McDonald's is basically the only place close enough for me to plausibly commute to. Any other fast food restaurants I'd probably have to work with the meat directly. There's a Pizza Hut that's close, but that's still with meat, and not even wrapped or covered. As well, it is a really good job--I get paid over minimum wage, and the managers and owners are extremely nice and treat the employees very well... which is extremely hard to find.
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#27 Old 04-17-2008, 05:31 AM
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Aaargh, my problem is just getting worse, and beyond just my romantic relationship.



Since my "epiphany," my aversion to meat is getting stronger every day. I can hardly stomach eating with friends anymore. The sight of people shoveling dead flesh into their mouths... oh god. How could I stand it before?



What's worse--I work at McDonald's. I don't work with the food, I just hand it out, but I smell it all day. Today when I picked up a cheeseburger to hand out, there was grease on the wrapper... A moment later I realized it was the grease from the meat. I had to wash my hands immediately, and it made me so sick. I don't want to be "that vegetarian," but it feels out of my control. I don't know what to do about it. Might it just pass?



I know exactly how you feel, I used to always work at cafe's and had to touch the meat there, it was so gross and smelt bad too. That pizza hut job dosen't seem as worse? since you mention staff were friendly, thats a bonus for sure. I also have a sister who im trying to convience to become a vege! she watched the video's and she agrees it's wrong however she still eat's meat. I also have to face the fact she does, untill she has her own choice.
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#28 Old 04-17-2008, 07:22 AM
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My husband is an omni, and I'm vegan. I respect him for who he is, and he respects me. As long as I am not forced to eat meat, I'm alright. I don't think it's right for others to, but I can't force anything on him, and if I tried, I'd just strain our marriage. He's my sweetheart, and he eats vegan round the house at least 99.9 percent of the time. I can't really complain.
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#29 Old 04-17-2008, 09:24 AM
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welp, the way it is for me: my ex went vegetarian a few weeks after we started dating, not because i "made" him or even asked him, he made the decision on his own after seeing some "meet your meat" type material. we went vegan together about a year after that.



my current is omni and i have never asked him to go vegetarian and he's already made it abundantly clear that he never would, despite the fact he is now aware (thanks to me) of the reality of the meat and dairy industry. he does love and care about animals, it's just not something in his life that he chooses to be passionate about enough to stop using animal products. although i don't necessarily agree with it, i respect his decision becuase he respects mine and is open-minded and willing to learn when it comes to my veganism. i cook dinner for us just about every night so i know he's eating at least ONE vegan meal a day and that's better than none at all.



the hard-learned moral of my story: although veg*anism may be an integral value in your life and you may believe it's an important or even necessary thing for you and a partner to share, it's better to be in a relationship with loving, honest, caring omni who respects and treats you the way you deserve, than to be shackled up with a deadbeat, uncaring, lying, cheating, drug addicted vegan... grrrr....



Wow! I'd write out my story but you just did it for me! I was and am in the exact same situation. I agree that I'd rather be with a supportive, caring, wonderful man who doesn't share my vegetarianism, than the "deadbeat, uncaring, lying, cheating, drug addicted vegan" I was with before him. It may have made my veganism easy but it made my life hell. Now my vegetarianism isn't as easy but my life is beautiful; a trade I'm very happy with.
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#30 Old 04-17-2008, 09:28 AM
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Wow! I'd write out my story but you just did it for me! I was and am in the exact same situation. I agree that I'd rather be with a supportive, caring, wonderful man who doesn't share my vegetarianism, than the "deadbeat, uncaring, lying, cheating, drug addicted vegan" I was with before him. It may have made my veganism easy but it made my life hell. Now my vegetarianism isn't as easy but my life is beautiful; a trade I'm very happy with.



I'm glad you found someone that cares for you and that you care for, but you seem to be painting a false dichotomy of men.



But anyway congrats that you found someone .
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