I was mean to a meat-eater - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 01-27-2008, 11:49 AM
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I really don't know what happened and I feel terrible. Here's the deal:



Lately I've just kinda been in a rut with my vegetarianism. Not a rut, really, but something I can't explain is going on. The last few months I've gotten kinda.... militant. I'm less tolerant of people questioning me and seem to be loosing my patience with it all. I read posts sometimes about people feeling a little hopeless and needing support and this is one of those posts.



I'm just feeling like I need a break from the meat-eating world but I know I can't get it. I'm really sick of everyone around me eating meat. I'm tired of the slaughter and cruelty that surrounds me everyday. I know to get active so I feel better about things and I am pretty active. But it's getting worse. After 6 years, I would have thought I'd be used to this. Sometimes I have loads of patience and sometimes I just want to respond with venom.



So we're camping with this very nice, awesome couple we've just met and I got a little abrasive with the guy. He's super nice and just had a few questions and I don't know why I let it out on him. I can't even tell you what I said cause I'm so embarrassed. He took it in stride and we all moved on and had a great time. But I know what I said wasn't right.



I just felt like, "The Vegetarian" and everything that had anything to do with anything animal related he'd stop and apologize to me. The guys were talking about hunting, he'd apologize. He'd say something about eating some juicy steak, and apologize. I told him I'm not that sensitive and it's ok to talk about whatever you want.



Then later, as we're eating, he asked me why I was vegetarian. I have a very nice little prepared thing I always say whenever I'm asked this. Don't we all? Except I didn't say that. I got kinda mean and shoved it in his face. Like I said though we had a lot of fun and it didn't make a big difference but I feel awful and will have to apologize next time we see them- which will be soon.



I don't want to do this but I have been feeling like I'm gonna burst lately. I'm getting bitter and pissed off at all meat-eaters- including my Husband. This is the first time it's come out but I'm afraid it's gonna happen again. I'm just really over it and it's making me depressed. I'm such an upbeat, happy person and I'm in a good place with my life and where I am. I feel blessed and I want to radiate that happiness and be good to the people around me... yet lately I want to call them all murderers and walk away every time I see a piece of meat. What's wrong with me?



Any advice? Any one know of a good vegetarian retreat where I can go... live? lol
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#2 Old 01-27-2008, 12:55 PM
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The only vegan retreat I could find is in Australia. Are you willing to relocate?



I find myself snapping at people when I've had a bad week, or I've been asked the same stupid questions about my lifestyle choices over and over. Sometimes you just need a break. Maybe you should treat yourself to a vacation? Find a nice hotel near a vegetarian restaraunt that you could go spend a few days at and relax. A trip to the spa is also nice if you don't have the time to go on a vacation. Most of the products at the spa I went to were actually cruelty free.
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#3 Old 01-27-2008, 12:58 PM
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When I'm feeling low about my vegetarianism, I've noticed it often accompanies other times of stress and fatigue. Is there something else bothering you in your life, or wearing you out? Can you change that? It might help you deal better with being in the diet/lifestyle minority.

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb? A: 1001...one to change the bulb, 1000 to say it's already been done.
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#4 Old 01-27-2008, 12:59 PM
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It's hard.

Most of America are meat eaters. so coming across a vegetarian is like a big deal so anyone who finds out is going to be curious because it could be strange to them.

just dont worry, theyre not trying to break your balls.



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#5 Old 01-27-2008, 02:27 PM
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So I was actually happy to hear that veggie ruts happen to people other than me... Sorry to hear you're having a hard time, maybe its a phase of the moon or something, because lately I've had no patience with people either.



I think for me, I was getting impatient with people, because I wasn't as confident that I was right. I was starting to think that maybe the way I'm eating isn't healthy, that I miss meat and no matter how delicious my cooking is, meat is still delicious too. When I started I lost weight, but now i gained it back plus. Plus no one I know understands why I even care. For me, it helped to talk here and let everyone remind me, that eating this way does make a difference, and that I'm doing the right thing. And people have lived and been healthy without meat for way longer than me. Of course that's just me... could be completely different for you.



There are definitely veg hotels. The only ones I know about are in Vermont, but there's probably something a little more local.
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#6 Old 01-27-2008, 02:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachbnny View Post


Any advice? Any one know of a good vegetarian retreat where I can go... live? lol



You're in Virginia right?



Just been googling and found this: http://www.thewhitepig.com/



Quote:
We welcome you to The White Pig Bed & Breakfast and Animal Sanctuary at Briar Creek Farm, a vegan/vegetarian retreat located 23 miles south of Charlottesville, Virginia in the scenic town of Schuyler.

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#7 Old 01-27-2008, 02:41 PM
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Ooooo...I wanna go!! I get dibs on the Norman Room!
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#8 Old 01-28-2008, 02:20 PM
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Thanks for all the responses I appreciate it so much!



I'm not having a bad week, everything in my world is pretty peachy keen. Honestly, my life couldn't get much better right now and I feel very lucky to be able to say that. Sure there are things to work on but I'm very satisfied with my life, my goals, and where I am with them.



It's something else entirely. I'd enjoy a vacation, and we are planning one where I will likely be very well taken care of in the food department. I have heard of the white pig and have been told it's a lovely place to stay. But that's not the permanent solution- unless they want to adopt me. I'm seriously fed up with having to be surrounded by this, knowing not one other vegetarian (save one 10 year old kid who I adore), getting messed with all the time, and generally feeling like I have to tolerate this awful terrible thing non-stop. I'm just... over it. I have very little energy for it and I'm afraid the next person who says something to me (who will likely be my brother, step-father, or this particular different friend of mine) is just gonna get the full wrath of my frustration. I do not want to be an "angry vegetarian". But... uh... I'm feeling a little angry. lol



What's worse is I'm not perfect. Not even close so I have no idea where this self-righteous attitute I've got lately is coming from. I guess I'm just pissed that no one seems to do anything these days. Like everyone around me is blind, wasteful, a self-absorbed.



Anyway, thanks for lettin me rant about it. I wish I could see the hope, not get stuck in the frustration, and knew other like-minded people.
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#9 Old 01-28-2008, 02:42 PM
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Beachbnny, I think all of us long term veg*ns have been through this type of period at one time or another. Not knowing any other vegetarians gets really old. Are there any vegetarian meetups in your area? www.meetup.com is a place to start looking.



I found that once I found more vegetarians and vegetarian friendly/respectful people to surround myself with, it became much easier. (I was lucky in that my "almost vegan" bf has a vegetarian sister, pescatarian brother, and ex-vegan-semi-vegetarian mother - so they all "get it"). I know replacing your husband with a veg*n isn't an option but maybe if you could find some friends who are vegetarian or very understanding/respectful of the vegetarian lifestyle, it may help.
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#10 Old 01-28-2008, 02:47 PM
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Can you start a vegetarian society/group/club/whatever in your area? You live in Virginia, and while I don't know what part of the state you're in, there have to be other vegetarians craving company near you. That would probably help take the edge off, though you certainly won't be able to escape all omnis.



For what it's worth, I also know very very few vegetarians IRL. If you count my sister and cousin, both junkfoodatarians, and my boyfriend who went veg*n so I would give up alcohol, I know three lacto-ovos. But I've never known what it's like to have good veg*n friends I can sit down with every week and vent my veggie frustrations to. I get that here on VB. Why do you think I go to as many VeBoCons and gatherings as I can?



You will survive. Guarantee you that.

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#11 Old 01-28-2008, 02:58 PM
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This was to fyvel:



I couldn't agree more! So yeah last week I went to the only meetup in my area. I posted about it here:



https://www.veggieboards.com/boards/s...ad.php?t=82976



It was fun and there were 2 other vegetarians and one other vegan there... plus 4 meat-eaters. It was actually a huge relief to just actually see another vegetarian. As if I was proving to myself that more exists and VB isn't some figment of my imagination- lol. Meetings are once a month and I'll be going religiously.



I also just applied at PETA for a job. They're in my city so I might as well and at the very least I'd meet other vegetarians. I really need the influence right now. If I didn't think I'd be seen as a freak, I'd sit in front of the Boca section in my grocery store with a sign that said, "Are you vegetarian? Will you be my friend? " Just seems weird though, right? I have loads of friends and I love them but I just wish one would wake the hey up and quit eating meat. Just so I could have one person in my life who didn't always say, "Here's a vegetarian apple." "Well I don't eat That much meat" "I had the best steak today... oh sorry Beachbnny" "I got this cute dog from this breeder" I feel like if I hear this again I'm gonna spit in someone's face.... that doesn't sound like a super nice happy thing to do. I swear I'm a good person, and I'm good to the people around me. It's just.... getting harder. Why doesn't it get easier with time? I better pull through this phase soon...
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#12 Old 01-28-2008, 03:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skylark View Post

Can you start a vegetarian society/group/club/whatever in your area? You live in Virginia, and while I don't know what part of the state you're in, there have to be other vegetarians craving company near you. That would probably help take the edge off, though you certainly won't be able to escape all omnis.



For what it's worth, I also know very very few vegetarians IRL. If you count my sister and cousin, both junkfoodatarians, and my boyfriend who went veg*n so I would give up alcohol, I know three lacto-ovos. But I've never known what it's like to have good veg*n friends I can sit down with every week and vent my veggie frustrations to. I get that here on VB. Why do you think I go to as many VeBoCons and gatherings as I can?



You will survive. Guarantee you that.



I read about your BF going veg and you giving up alcohol. I think that's amazing and am pretty jealous I get a great sense of community here too and would love to go to VeBoCons. Seattle sounds like a blast and we have family there.



I guess I'm just whining and I gotta get over it, suck it up. lol. I know I'll survive I'm just worried about those around me. I'm not trying to escape all omni's... though that would be nice for awhile. I just gotta not snap and become "The Angry Vegetarian". I'll get outta this... I think
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#13 Old 01-28-2008, 03:15 PM
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I can definitely relate. I go through those periods where I just get fed up with and overwhelmed by all of the animal-eating going on around me. The things that I've done to combat this are:



1. Visit the veggieboards regularly

2. I belong to a vegan meetup group (it actually started as a meetup group, but is now a yahoo group), and a vegetarian meetup group. When I can, I go to an event to be around other veggies, even if I have nothing else in common with them.

3. Go to a vegan (or at least vegan-friendly) restaurant. I hope you have one or two of these in your area. It's so nice to go to a restaurant and be able to order anything on the menu without grilling the waiter.

4. Read vegan recipes and cook delicious things.



It's always going to be hard being in the minority, especially when what the majority is doing strikes you as so unethical and disgusting, but I've found some of these things can help me pretend for a moment that we live in a vegan world.
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#14 Old 01-28-2008, 03:30 PM
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It's always going to be hard being in the minority, especially when what the majority is doing strikes you as so unethical and disgusting



That describes how I'm feeling perfectly. I'm here all the freakin time. I notice I'm here more when things get tough. I went to my first meet-up last week cause I'm trying to be pro-active about this "rut" I'm in. I Love cookbooks and if amazon would hurry up and send me veganomicon, I'd be a happier little veg girl. I ordered it back on 1/3.



As for the veg restaurants, we don't have any. Just the thought of going into an all-vegetarian restaurant makes me get a little teary. I went to one once in Cali and almost cried looking at all the glorious vegan food. There was one I got to go to in Seattle and it was like being in paradise just for an hour. That feeling is what I want right now. The Seattle experience was a little jaded cause I was eating with a couple of meat-eaters who had to poke fun at everthing on the menu but still... for once I could eat anything, not be outnumbered, and I didn't have to feel weird. I have a few places here, probably 3, that know what "vegan" means and I love those places. They each have 2 or 3 vegan options and it makes me so happy to go there.



So I'm trying! I'm not one to just whine and not take care of myself but it's not helping. I don't feel any better. I'm a little lost. Right now, if I could, I'd join a vegetarian commune and not be heard from for a few years. lol.



Edited to say thank you! I do appreciate it! It's nice to know I'm not completely crazy for feeling this way right now
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#15 Old 01-28-2008, 05:00 PM
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I hear you sister. I have had problems like that in the past. It goes in waves... I have had discussion that become heated, or that end with me in tears, with co-workers before. Since everyone I work with is really nice (nice heartless murders, you know the type) they just avoid talking about it after that, and I do too. I guess I am just a lousy activist, cause I can't talk about that much, or I start to feel like a crazy person.



I'm a cryer, too, and sometimes anything will set me off. One time my husbands mom was dumping out a gallon of expired milk and I just about snapped. I had to go into the bathroom to recover my composure. It's just awful that no one seems to see!! Can't they see!?!?!



Good luck Beachbnny!
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#16 Old 01-28-2008, 08:06 PM
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Lol @ "nice heartless murderers". And yes, I do know the type.



Thank you for telling me you go through this too. It really does help. I don't cry at all, ever, but I'm crying right now. I just hung out with a good friend of mine and she tells me I've been lashing out at her too. She used to be vegan so she kinda gets it, but still... I can't keep doing this.



I'm just exhausted by it right now and I can't take it. I have no idea what to do either. I just feel so alienated and depressed about it. I think it really just hit me when I blew up at that guy this weekend. I feel awful for it and it just made me realize that this is kinda serious. I actually have a problem here. I'm at a complete loss as to what to do about it.



I just talked to my Husband and he thinks I need a little break. We can't really afford a trip right now since we've been traveling all month. In 3 weeks we've been to 3 different cities- none of which were veg friendly but we did have fun. He's been great about not having meat in the house and everything. Eating vegan with me all the time and being nice about it. Why is that not enough?



I think, sometimes, I get really depressed when I'm around all these people that I love, respect, admire and think are very intelligent people... and then they do this awful thing that I just can't understand. It's tiring. And I'm sick of the jabs people take. I don't even hang out with my brother cause it's all he talks about with me. I miss being normal. How weird is that?
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#17 Old 01-28-2008, 09:31 PM
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What is really awful is that I often have to stop caring to stay sane. The very same thing I did when I was an omni to excuse my meat eating, I just can't think about it. I feel bad that I put it out of my mind, but I stay vegan, I tell people I am vegan, etc. I just try to pretend the bad things don't happen...



Actually I get pretty depressed in general. One thing that I have found helps me when I am thinking about things I don't want to think about is to sings songs to myself. I memorize the lyrics for whole songs I like (iron and wine - they rock) and sing them in my head or quietly. Obviously this wouldn't do a bit of good when someone is talking to me, but it helps to just stay calm when I am doing something that doesn't require a lot of thought (which is when my mean, horrible brain kicks in). It is kind of like meditation. I have a love-hate relationship with my head.



BTW, I don't know your friend, but I am automatically suspicious of people who say I talk to much about veganism or I get worked up about it or I lecture or anything at all along those lines. So often they read into my actions and words things that just aren't there. If you really do think you have been unreasonable it is one thing, but I wouldn't want you to let people make you feel bad about being veg*n around them! Just my thoughts...



I totally understand that it is not enough that someone is really nice about your veganism. I often feel that way with people. When I am in one of those moods I start to look at people and just see killers. The nicer they are the more it upsets me, because they could be just a little nicer to the animals they eat!! I don't need it, I'm fine, they should show some concern to the folks they are consuming! It helps if there is just someone there to understand what you feel, not just sympathize but really get it. That is how I feel at least...



I get it!! We get it!! If I were anywhere near Virginia I would drop by with a nice vegan pie (that you didn't have to worry about being vegan) and we could chat.



Sorry for the long ramble.



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#18 Old 01-29-2008, 09:08 AM
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I think, sometimes, I get really depressed when I'm around all these people that I love, respect, admire and think are very intelligent people... and then they do this awful thing that I just can't understand.



When I get bitter moments like these (and I assume most of us do), it helps to remind myself that I had been an omnivore for most of my lifetime (so far) and did not make the connection myself for (too) many years. I realise this strategy might not work for everybody though, it might even depress some people more (as in guilt-feelings, asking onesself Why did I not become veg*n much sooner? etc.), but for me it usually helps to earth me again. Reminding myself that I used to think much like them, but that it did click eventually, gives me hope again. I tend to view every omnivore as a potential vegan.
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#19 Old 01-29-2008, 09:54 AM
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OMG! That's so vicious! This guy must be awesome person to not fire back. Anyway i never had a burst like since i said this to myself "Don't ever question on someones else's lifestyle, everyone is always different". Might not sound much, but it keeps me mouth shut on.
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#20 Old 01-29-2008, 02:25 PM
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Oh, another way I deal with my omni loved ones is thinking about things that they do, often that I don't do, that make them a good person. For instance, if someone does volunteer work (which I don't do) I concentrate on that. Most people aren't in a place in their lives where they feel going vegan is a feasible choice. I feel lucky that it's easy for me. But they may be doing plenty of wonderful things in the world. If I couldn't think of one good thing that someone I am close to does to make the world a better place, I would probably start wondering why this person is a part of my life.
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#21 Old 01-29-2008, 02:40 PM
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I don't have any particular comments on this thread, I just want to say that every time I've seen it on the board I've read it as 'I was meant to be a meat-eater'. Always. And I always go o.O...



And then my brain works and I read it correctly.
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#22 Old 01-29-2008, 02:50 PM
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I don't have any particular comments on this thread, I just want to say that every time I've seen it on the board I've read it as 'I was meant to be a meat-eater'. Always. And I always go o.O...



And then my brain works and I read it correctly.







I have actually read it like that every single time I've seen it. I didn't realise what it really said until I just read your post.

Even then I was like "but it does say that! Doesn't it?"

I think it may be my dyslexia....
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#23 Old 01-29-2008, 04:55 PM
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As for the veg restaurants, we don't have any. Just the thought of going into an all-vegetarian restaurant makes me get a little teary. I went to one once in Cali and almost cried looking at all the glorious vegan food. There was one I got to go to in Seattle and it was like being in paradise just for an hour. That feeling is what I want right now. The Seattle experience was a little jaded cause I was eating with a couple of meat-eaters who had to poke fun at everthing on the menu but still... for once I could eat anything, not be outnumbered, and I didn't have to feel weird. I have a few places here, probably 3, that know what "vegan" means and I love those places. They each have 2 or 3 vegan options and it makes me so happy to go there.





I can totally 100% sympathize with this. I lived in Cali for 6-7 months and it was wonderful to have veg*n options and be able to order anything on the menu. And to just sit in the company of so many people who (at least for that meal) are not eating any meat at all was so wonderful and I miss it tremendously. I live in northwest PA now and it's not veg*n friendly at all. The only veg*n place at all is a little, tiny co-op that has a veg*n deli.



It would be so wonderful to not be questioned, thought of as odd, outnumbered etc. I wish I had wisdom to impart, but really, I don't. Just wanted to add that I can sympathize.
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#24 Old 01-29-2008, 09:43 PM
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I don't think he should apologize for the things he said unless he actually thought they were wrong. He was very polite since he wanted to make sure your feelings were not hurt because of your beliefs.



Personally i don't think we can or even should expect the whole World to change just for us. You seem to be having a hard time with the beliefs of others. If someone reacted the way you did, but was a meat eater (reverse the role), how would that make you feel?



I've read a lot of posts about how an omnivore insulted him or her and it's upsetting. I think we need to remember how upsetting the experience is before we react the same way by bursting out and/or insulting someone for being an omnivore. Anger usually doesn't fuel change.
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#25 Old 01-30-2008, 07:33 AM
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Some of you have made very valid points like, I need to understand and respect other people's views and beliefs, the whole world isn't going to go veg overnight but are potential candidates for change, other people do have wonderful qualities that I love them for, and that I don't like it when I get harassed for my diet and omni's don't like it either... and you're all completely correct. I *usually* understand all this and don't act this way. Sometimes, it's just tough to keep it in perspective.



It's weird how completely overwhelmed by it all I feel right now. We went to my parents for make-your-own-pizza last night and, no joke, my brother walks in and within maybe 3 minutes he took a jab at the food my mother had set out so I could have vegan pizza. (Which BTW rocked his socks when he ate some later). I just grabbed my Husband's hand and squeezed it, and he squeezed it back so I wouldn't say anything cause he knew I was on the verge of explosion.



The guy from the camping trip is coming over today to hang out. I'm glad because it will give me a chance to apologize. (Spirittap, I said *I* wanted to apologize- not that I thought he should. He was fine, I was terrible). "Anger doesn't usually fuel change." I get this and that's why it's a problem right now.



I've spent years developing articulate, polite responses to everything well-intentioned (or not) meat-eaters say or ask with regards to my vegetarianism. Lately, I've just been spitting out whatever I feel like and forgoing these socially acceptable auto-responses.



One last thing, Kazyeeqan, thank you. As for my friend, she totally right, I've been an "angry vegetarian" lately. She's terrific and would never make me feel bad about just talking about vegetarianism but will call me out when I'm being vicious. And oh, I was vicious in target last week. She bought this ginormous leather couch, that I will not sit on, and I kinda let her have it. I then went on to explain what she could do instead of "eating a steak to make herself feel better". It was totally uncalled for the way I did it. It really is good to know that I'm not alone feeling like this.



Thanks to all of you for understanding and talking me down. If I can get through the super bowl party we're having, then I'm staying home and avoiding eating situations for awhile.
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#26 Old 01-30-2008, 08:08 AM
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Beachbnny, you seem like a sweet woman . I do understand where you are coming from.
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#27 Old 01-30-2008, 08:15 AM
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Thanks
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