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-   -   Argument with my Omnivore Friend (https://www.veggieboards.com/forum/11-vegetarian-support-forum/48546-argument-my-omnivore-friend.html)

butterfly_acid 04-15-2006 10:21 AM

So, I've been worried about this Easter Dinner I'm going to tomorrow.



Several things:

1) it's an omnivore dinner

2) I don't know these people

3) I don't want to sit there with an empty plate with people mad at me for not eating steak/manicotti/whatever else they have available that I'm choosing to not consume.

4) if I sit there with an empty plate, they'll think I'm anorexic, when, in fact, I'm pretty big on eating (it's a number one thing to do for me ^_^)



anywho, to the point of this post....



I put in my myspace blog how I'm concerned about sunday (the only time at that point that I'd mentioned this dinner at all):





Quote:

I got larger fish to try not to fry....like...finding recipes for sunday as I'm going to someone's house to celebrate easter and their house will be for the hearty omnivore *rolls eyes nervously*



that was all I wrote in regards to the dinner! The entire rest of the blog was regarding many many many off-vegan topic things (ie-busted tire on my car yesterday morning, packing to move, etc etc)



so my friend responds with this



Quote:

I thought you didnt eat meat. And what the hell is wrong with omnivores. Being vegan doesnt make you any better than anyone else steph. Its a life choice, not a martyrdom. I really hate that attitude that I get from a lot of vegans that they are better because they dont eat animals or animal products. Sorry you're not get over it thats your choice to do or not to do doesnt make you better than me. The bible says animals are here for us to eat, and it also says to not judge others we are all essentially equal. So just respect they eat meat, dont think that makes them bad people because it doesnt, and if it does only god has the right to judge them for it YOU DONT!





I'm really upset about this cuz she's a really good friend of mine, but apparently she really doesn't like my choice in food, which is pretty lame.

I responded, but I'm not quite sure I responded well....



She's been my friend for years now (since high school) for her to be considerably pissed at me without good reason.



BTW-she's not christian, last time I checked, which does insult the situation/her response quite a bit. She's disrespecting spirituality, among other things. and btw, I'm also not christian, although I believe in a lot of catholic stuff as well as saints, but my issue is that I believe other things as well...pagan in nature, and would not quote/paraphrase the bible since it's not my main source of belief/spirituality.





what to do??

Tesseract 04-15-2006 10:44 AM

I'm not sure there's anything to do except to realize that it's not anything you SAID that prompted this response-- it's your act of being vegetarian that has her uncomfortable and defensive. When people react like that and accuse you of judging them, it's generally because they're judging themselves, finding that they come up short, and not liking the feeling. It's not that YOU think you're better than she is... it's that SHE thinks you're better than she is, and she doesn't like the way that feels. So she gets angry, and tries to find an external source for that anger-- you.



Ever read Living Among Meat Eaters by Carol Adams? You might find it very helpful.



My best response? Nothing. Just keep being your veg self, and try to let her defensive anger roll off you. Either she'll get over it in time and become more comfortable with your choices and her own, or she won't. I don't think that more dialog at this point is going to help that happen faster.

DeflatorMouse 04-15-2006 11:02 AM

Hey butterfly, anyone who opens a discussion with an argumentative attitude is just looking for a fight, nothing more. Like Tess said, such people suffer from insecurities which make them want to assert themselves by being vocally abusive.



You can either

(1) Laugh and move on; or

(2) Yank them around for a bit, just to see the vein pop out in their neck. That's sorta fun. Shoot back something like "Jesus was a vegetarian", sit back and enjoy the fireworks!



Usually an argumentative nature is just an indication that they have a teeny tiny weenie. (Yes, girls too).

GhostUser 04-15-2006 11:03 AM

Wonderful suggestion. I read that book when I first went veg and it helped me beyond words.



I think your friend may be projecting her concerns about what she does or doesn't choose to do onto you. She's defensive for no apparant reason.

butterfly_acid 04-15-2006 11:03 AM

thank you!! ^_^ this was helpful. It hurts me most that she's been my friend for so long and she likes to be pissy every once in a while but this is a bit personal and a touchy subject for me, that even I don't like discussing with people who aren't truly interested in my reasoning, are historically argumentative, etc.



Furthermore, I've never attacked her on her blog, which I find kinda demoralizing and crass. It shows little respect of the friendship, which I find very sad

Fyvel 04-15-2006 11:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tesseract View Post

I'm not sure there's anything to do except to realize that it's not anything you SAID that prompted this response-- it's your act of being vegetarian that has her uncomfortable and defensive. When people react like that and accuse you of judging them, it's generally because they're judging themselves, finding that they come up short, and not liking the feeling. It's not that YOU think you're better than she is... it's that SHE thinks you're better than she is, and she doesn't like the way that feels. So she gets angry, and tries to find an external source for that anger-- you.



Ever read Living Among Meat Eaters by Carol Adams? You might find it very helpful.



My best response? Nothing. Just keep being your veg self, and try to let her defensive anger roll off you. Either she'll get over it in time and become more comfortable with your choices and her own, or she won't. I don't think that more dialog at this point is going to help that happen faster.





Exactly.

butterfly_acid 04-15-2006 11:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DeflatorMouse View Post

Shoot back something like "Jesus was a vegetarian", sit back and enjoy the fireworks!



Usually an argumentative nature is just an indication that they have a teeny tiny weenie. (Yes, girls too).





LOL

GhostUser 04-15-2006 11:06 AM

Since she's a good friend, I really don't think you'd want to respond to her aggressiveness with more agressiveness. It will just fuel the fire.



On a side note, when someone says "the bible told me so" I find it odd. What if the person they are speaking to doesn't believe in the same god or any god at all? Anyhow, I wouldn't get into that with her, just saying. Pick your battles. This isn't a good one in my opinion.

Medesha 04-15-2006 11:06 AM

She may have interpreted your "rolleyes" as a sign of exasperation/impatience with slow-witted omnis (I know, you didn't mean it that way, but people can be so defensive).



I was in a similar situation once, and decided that the friendship was more important than me being right. So I called her and said, "I'm really sorry I hurt your feelings, I feel terrible. I hope I can make it up to you so we can be friends again." We didn't go back to being perfect, but it helped a lot.

Tesseract 04-15-2006 11:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DeflatorMouse View Post

You can either

(1) Laugh and move on; or

(2) Yank them around for a bit, just to see the vein pop out in their neck. That's sorta fun. Shoot back something like "Jesus was a vegetarian", sit back and enjoy the fireworks!



Usually an argumentative nature is just an indication that they have a teeny tiny weenie. (Yes, girls too).

Oh, DeflatorMouse, you're SO not nice!

butterfly_acid 04-15-2006 11:19 AM

I had written a comment to the blog as well as an attack me here blog....and then deleted them with everyone's advice here as reasoning...



I don't want to delete her post, but it is in my blog, which, above and beyond my reasons for being vegan, is also very personal.

Fyvel 04-15-2006 11:27 AM

For me, my blog is a personal place. It is my home base. It's not a place where I feel like I need to feel obligated to leave up nasty comments. Any rude comments get deleted. Period. If someone doesn't agree with me and can make a civil argument against it, comment stays.

butterfly_acid 04-15-2006 12:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by fyvel View Post

For me, my blog is a personal place. It is my home base.



agreed



But she's a fiery character at times..i don't want to inflate the argument

bigdufstuff 04-15-2006 12:19 PM

Her response sounds extremely ignorant to me. From her tone I think she doesn't actually want to discuss the topic with you but just rationlize eating meat for herself. Talk about acting defensive.

butterfly_acid 04-15-2006 01:04 PM

i had another friend of mine who's a comedian of sorts said he didn't see anything mean in her comment (but while they are both real life friends, neither have met one another, so he doesn't realize she's not really a joking person). He thought her comment was meant to be funny?...

Loki 04-15-2006 06:44 PM

All you need to do is say what you meant.obviously, this person who has responded has misunderstood what you meant. You weren't slagging omnis off. All you weresaying was that there was a contrast between the food that wil be available and the food that you eat, which may lead to difficulty.



You aren't preaching, you aren't putting yourself or your beliefs on a pedestal, and you aren't omni-bashing. Why your friend chooses to believe that you are is anyone's guess. Perhaps you should make the intention of your original post clear.


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