Friend's place (friend didn't make vegetarian dinner) - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 03-29-2006, 03:04 PM
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The other day I went to my friend's place for supper. Normally at home my parents make supper that I can eat - i'm so lucky. But when I went to my friend's place she had chicken and rice with mushrooms and salad with non vegetarian salad dressing.

I totally hate situations like this. I didn't want to just be totally annoying and only eat the salad. She knows I'm a vegetarian and I can tell she doesn't like me for that reason. So I had salad and the rice. When I was halfway done she said the rice was made with chicken broth. It totally bothered me but I finished off my supper. I'm kinda too polite. Then I felt totally bad and grose. What should I have done?
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#2 Old 03-29-2006, 03:08 PM
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You can't worry too much about something that happened in the past.

In the future though, try to let them know ahead of time what you cannot eat. If not, just politely tell them your situation. Maybe they will provide you with something else to eat or they will understand if you just eat the salad.

I've only been to three friend's places since going vegan...the first time, I let my friend know ahead of time that I had just gone vegan and couldn't eat mac and cheese. the second place was my grandfathers...I brought over a few food items to tide me over. the next time I went to a friend's house, the whole family pretty much knew (parents and 4 siblings, but they're like a second family to me - so I told their oldest daughter I was vegan and the word spread pretty quick) they just asked what I wanted and the only sad thing was that the mother was "afraid to cook something", incase I couldn't eat it.

Good luck!
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#3 Old 03-29-2006, 03:29 PM
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doesn't seem like a very considerate friend to me...

where is sabotage on the list of friendly attributes?

but , what is done is done- take the high road.
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#4 Old 03-29-2006, 03:43 PM
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Unfortunately, getting into situations where there is little to eat is pretty common once you go veg*an (most especially vegan however).

"Get used to it" is the best advice I can give, but also:

1.) Always have a snack on hand.

2.) Accept the fact that sometimes you'll have to settle for a salad.

3.) Accept the fact that sometimes there won't even be an acceptable salad and you'll be skipping lunch that day.

4.) Get used to speaking up for yourself while trying to avoid offending. Practice, practice, practice what you'll say if these situations come up with your friend, your friend's mother, your sweet Aunt Ida...

5.) Get used to "calling ahead" whether it be to a friends home for dinner, or the restaurant that everyone's agreed to meet at. Sometimes there will be more options than you expected.

6.) Get used to being politely assertive and questioning the waitstaff kindly but thoroughally. Know the right questions to ask so your order doesn't take half an hour to get through.

7.) Don't be a 'picky veg*an"! If someone says "but I wouldn't know what to make" tell them you'll eat anything that wasn't once part of an animal (and you may have to be specific there) but make it as easy on them as possible.

8.) ALWAYS, ALWAYS eat something greatfully if someone has gone to the trouble to make something especially veg*an for you!!!

Even if you hate Brussel Sprouts and Bananas, choke them down graciously and with many, many thanks!

Oh, and if someone "hates the fact that you're vegetarian"? I wouldn't trust the food they were feeding me, sorry.
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#5 Old 03-29-2006, 03:49 PM
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It sounds like you did the right thing. Vegetarianism is such an alien thing to some people, just be patient and make it clear what you will or won't eat. Next time, if you're in a situation where the meal just isn't right for you at all, you could ask if they have fruit that you can eat, or if they mind if you cook an egg for yourself or something.
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#6 Old 03-29-2006, 03:55 PM
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Same thing happened to me this last weekend. It was either eat the fruit salad I brought (thank GOD I thought to make it!!!!), and only that, or have a little stir fry and pick around the chicken. I hated having to make the call, but it was the only way to not be starving all day. Thankfully for dinner they had more variety and I was able to eat without chicken juices being in anything~

But I feel your pain... and I'm glad they at least had the salad for you! (though no dressing does stink)
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#7 Old 03-29-2006, 04:01 PM
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I'm curious - how old are you? Are you talking being over your friend's house whose parent cooked for you or the friend actually cooked for you?

Either way, it is easy. When you get invited over, talk to the person who will be preparing the food. If it is the mother, talk to her. If it's the friend or relative, talk to them.

First, tell them that you are on a special diet like it's not a big deal. Ask what they think they'll be serving. Whatever it is, if you are a vegan chances are slim you'll be able to eat anything they serve.

Ask them if you can bring a huge salad or dish to share, and then eat that at the dinner.

Or, see if they don't mind if you bring your own food while you share their company. Their company is the main point, not the food.
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#8 Old 03-29-2006, 04:03 PM
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im sure you deserve a better friend than that.
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#9 Old 03-29-2006, 04:26 PM
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I think you deserve a better friends than that too. If you were unable to eat pork because of religious reasons would she slip bacon into your food and then tell you after you had consumed it?

Friends need to respect your choices and beliefs. I would have a talk with her (I have had to do the same with one of my friends recently) and tell her how she made you feel. If she cares about you and your friendship, she will treat you with more respect next time.
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#10 Old 03-29-2006, 04:36 PM
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Wait, so she knew you were a vegetarian, and she "doesn't like" you "because of it"? And she deliberately served you a non-vegetarian meal?

I wouldn't have dinner with that friend again, ever. Unless I cooked everything.
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#11 Old 03-29-2006, 05:00 PM
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I agree that this sounds like a strange friendship. I would never feel uncomfortable telling a friend about my diet and all of my friends respect my choices even if they don't share them. I wouldn't be friends with them if they didn't.

As for eating at other people's houses in general, I've gotten used to politely explaining what I eat and not expecting anything in return. If they have something to offer me, great. If they don't, I always make sure I bring snacks wherever I go so I don't go hungry.
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#12 Old 03-29-2006, 05:08 PM
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Originally Posted by onlyhereonce View Post

What should I have done?

you should have punched her in the nose while screaming "you're not my friend anymore!" then ran around her house knocking all her pictures off the walls, then told her her boyfriend was a crummy lay, then left giving her the finger and scowling as you walked through the door.
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#13 Old 03-29-2006, 05:42 PM
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What's done is done, but frankly, veg or not, I'd never have lunch with a "friend" who didn't like me, no matter what the reason. As they say, with friends like that who needs enemies?

Love the post? Why not buy the T-shirt!
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#14 Old 03-29-2006, 05:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Romac View Post

you should have punched her in the nose while screaming "you're not my friend anymore!" then ran around her house knocking all her pictures off the walls, then told her her boyfriend was a crummy lay, then left giving her the finger and scowling as you walked through the door.

Now there's a suggestion I can relate too!
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#15 Old 03-29-2006, 09:17 PM
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Why on earth are you 'friends' with somebody who doesn't like you?!

Grow a backbone, dear. You're much more valuable than that.
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#16 Old 03-30-2006, 04:34 AM
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This is your friend, your friends parents or your parents friend who did the cooking? If one of my friends sabatoged me that way, I agree, s/he wouldn't be my friend anymore (I would doubt they ever were honestly), but if it's one of the other two it might be trickier.

My suggestion would definitely be not to eat there anymore. If that's unavoidable (because this is a family "friend" and you have to go) eat first. This person will definitely never make a veggie meal. She went out of her way to insure there was nothing vegetarian there. Who HONESTLY doesn't have ranch salad dressing or Italian or Olive oil?? At this point you shouldn't give one wit about this persons feelings being hurt as she is not giving the same consideration to you.

In the future if your friend is the one cooking, you can offer to bring a dish. I don't feel comfortable asking someone to prepare me a special dish but I do usually say "Do you mind potluck?" in an excited voice. It's a nice non confrontational way to insure you have something you can eat. It also shows people there is a veggie life beyond salad.

If it's your friends parents who will do the cooking, you can ask your friend to talk to them ahead of time and mention your vegetarianism.

If it's a friend of your parents either eat ahead of time or ask your parents to ask them about bringing a dish along.

I'm sorry but I would've been a heck of a lot less polite in that situation. I probably would've passed on the whole dinner and, if possible, left early so I could eat at a decent time. I agree you should be gracious to those who try to make you something and you should have more respect for yourself. That person is not your friend by a long shot. She relished "tricking" you into eating something against your ethics and friends simply do not do that. You deserve better friends than that.

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#17 Old 03-30-2006, 05:11 AM
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What that person did was cruel. Quite simply, they knew you wouldn't knowingly eat the chicken, yet allowed you to eat something that contained it - and even waited for you to eat part of it before annoucing they had fooled you!! That, my dear, is called deceit, and furthermore, its cruel. This is no friend. I would cut off contact with such a caustic person at once. Next time, you should stand up for yourself - I know its hard, but you are worth it!! You sound young so you are still probably building self-esteem - hang in there, things will get easier!

I have never had a problem with meals at friends' homes - they all respect our diet and make special meals when my husband and I come over. They often like their vegetarian dishes so much that they become part of their normal dinner repertoire! And of course, I treat them to gourmet vegetarian feasts when they come over for dinner.

I agree complete with Tofu-N-Sprouts - never be a picky veg*n at someone's house - eat everything veg*n they give you, with a smile, and tell them how great it is and how gracious they are to make it for you. Best of luck to you!!!
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#18 Old 03-30-2006, 05:51 AM
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I'll say what everyone else has, whoever that person is, they certainly aren't your friend. No friend would hate someone because they're vegetarian and on top of that, purposely wait to tell you about the chicken broth after you ate it. A real friend would respect you, please don't waste your time on this person.
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#19 Old 03-30-2006, 06:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Romac View Post

you should have punched her in the nose while screaming "you're not my friend anymore!" then ran around her house knocking all her pictures off the walls, then told her her boyfriend was a crummy lay, then left giving her the finger and scowling as you walked through the door.

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#20 Old 03-30-2006, 06:38 AM
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she doesnt sound like too much of a good friend if she doesnt like you for being vegetarian, and deliberately feeding you non-veggie food.

if she really was a good friend, she would have taken your feelings/beliefs into consideration, and made you something separate. it sounds kinda spiteful of her!

you're better off spending time with people who understand/respect you and your choices, rather than people who clearly dont! i'd say ditch her and make some better friends.
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#21 Old 03-30-2006, 08:13 AM
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Did the friend do this intentionally or out of ignorance? Reading your post, this sounds so much like a passive-aggressive act. All I can think of to say is "I am sorry. I feel like I am intruding. Enjoy your dinner. I am sorry that I stayed too long. Please let me know when you have other plans next time so I can be more polite."
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#22 Old 03-30-2006, 02:24 PM
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I think you need to dump her. Not only because it was inconsiderate of her to do that to you, knowing you're a vegetarian...but because she doesn't like you for your food choices!!! Furthermore, she allowed you to eat your rice before telling you there was chicken broth in it? What a b*tch.

But yeah, you need to be assertive AND you need to know that you should always have a snack on hand or plan meals with friends ahead.

Good luck, and sorry about your sh*tty friend.
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#23 Old 03-30-2006, 03:11 PM
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In the middle of the meal she lets you know the rice isn't vegetarian? You should have vomitted on the floor and took off. DTMFA!
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