How to tell someone that they aren't vegan - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 05-24-2003, 03:30 AM
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Yes it did say how to tell someone they arent vegan, wasnt a misprint.



Theres someone my parents know whos so radical they make PETA people seem like carnivores. If someones depressed shell only talk to them if they protest daily and are vegan, otherwise she has to educate them on their evil ways. Ask her the time and her response would be You are vegan right? You know all the bad things that happen to animals, heres some literature and if theyre lucky she might remember to tell them the time. Mention that you went to a fast food restaurant (not even saying what you got) and she says that its rotting in your colon. Ask her (or dont) and shell tell you that shes vegan.



Anyway, this gives you a general idea of what shes like, some of you may even know someone similar (or be that way no big deal really). But heres the interesting part: she eats eggs, dairy, honey; and her favorite restaurant is Outback Steakhouse (she loves eating all the vegetable plates, potatoes and the like without any special order -> which means theres some meat byproducts [bacon, beef fat] in it); she has leather belts and shoes (current purchases).



So how do you go about telling a person thats so radical that shes barely vegetarian (like a newbie), let alone no where near vegan? Any suggestions?



Shes driving my mother crazy with all her contradictory claims. Im vegetarian mainly due to allergies (although if I had to kill my own food, Id have been vegetarian a day after I learned to cook), but shes even annoying me.



Any input would be useful.
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#2 Old 05-24-2003, 04:02 AM
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LOL - 'interesting' person....



I don't know the answer. Maybe an anomymous letter?
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#3 Old 05-24-2003, 04:03 AM
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Maybe if you have some brochures on leather products or something similar(or actually anything to do with veganism/vegetarianism)..

You could give them to her and tell her you saw them and thought she might like to pass them on to others...

and hopefully she reads them and gets the idea...



Or maybe if you had a conversation with her (which by the sounds of it would end up discussing veganism anyway) bring up something to do with leather.. then look shocked and say "Are your shoes/belt leather?" (and hopefully they are)



If it was me.. id just make smart arsed comments.. but i suppose you might want to use a little more tact! (I cant stand hypocrites!! Although i wear leather, i dont tell others not too, and i wouldnt purchase any new leather shoes... )

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#4 Old 05-24-2003, 04:18 AM
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Sounds like a tough situation. Everyone has their unique set of morals and how they feel is the idea way to live this life. Conflict often occurs when one makes an attempt to pursuade someone else to see things their way. I believe it's fine to offer information on veganism to someone who shows interest, but don't push. Doing so is a form of control. She seems pretty set in her ways, but someone needs to bluntly tell her to "live and let live".
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#5 Old 05-24-2003, 06:02 AM
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"Ask her (or dont) and shell tell you that shes vegan."



If she really eats eggs and dairy, rather than the occasional microscopic trace, then she isn't vegan and is wrong to stand there with a cheese omlette in her hand and say she is.



'Vegan' is a word that covers as many shades of veganity as Christian does to Christianity. But it doesn't include cheese omlettes. It does include occasionally eating bread that might have traces of milk in it and such like. It does include nutcases that ram their ideas down other people's throats unfortunately.



If she talks and never listens she is a sad woman and writing her a polite letter is probably the only chance of getting through to her that her ego is doing damage even if most of her intentions are well meant. Vegan Outreach has lots of articles that could be cut and pasted.



Argggh. Good luck.
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#6 Old 05-24-2003, 06:07 AM
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Just ask her if she knows what a vegan is. If she tells you the correct definition ask her why she does the things that she does. If she tells you the incorrect definition then you can educate her.

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#7 Old 05-24-2003, 06:15 AM
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I would try the sneaky approach:



"I'm so happy your vegan to, I can't believe people eat egss with all the cruel things they do to battery hens and not to mention all the male baby-chickens going in the grinder and all that"



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#8 Old 05-24-2003, 08:08 AM
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hmm. tough situation. i've been in similar places, and the I Ching generally tells me that it is not my place to correct that person at this time. and perhaps the same may be true for you as well. i really couldn't say.



i like michael's process or 1vegan's. i think they are the most clear and the most accessable. since she brings it up, i think you should go ahead and engage her ina challenging conversation (i would, but i do enjoy the conflict and the debate.)



So, for instance, the next time you're around her and she brings up vegan info, you can say "yes! i read that info! i learned that vegans don't eat eggs. But i've seen you eat eggs/wear leather/eat cheese/eat at fast food restaurants! What's up with that? I thought that vegans didn't do those things--at least, not according to the literature that you've given me/us!"



let her defend herself, then you don't have to defend yourself. You're already vegetarian, perhaps vegan, so you know what you're doing.



as for the way she handles things so rudely, i would eventually just cut her out of my life. You know, when she looses enough friends and is lonely enough--she'll find another way to behave. Some people just have to be in the beds that they make.
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#9 Old 05-24-2003, 10:19 AM
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You know what? I don't believe in beating around the bush. When you do that, it can be unclear what you are saying. Personally, I would sit her down and say, "Look, you go around irritating everyone about Veganism, and it is obvious that you don't even know what the term is. VEGANS DON'T EAT EGGS OR DAIRY. Most Vegans avoid leather. If your going to be all "holier than thou", you think that you would find out as much as you can about that which you are preaching. If you don't trust me, just go to veganoutreach.com, and read about egg laying hens and dairy cows."



Then I would cease to be around her. She probably will not change, and all that you can do is change yourself. If she's truly thickheaded, or just plain dumb, she won't change until she figures it out.



Additionally, if you ARE around her, and see her doing the same thing, I would go up to the person to whom she is talking and say, "Sorry, some people don't get their facts straight. Vegans don't eat meat or egss, and, mostly Vegans DON'T try to make everyone they meet feel guilty and defensive. If you are at all interested in helping to alleviate animal suffering, go to vegan outreach.com and check it out."



You won't be popular, but she'll get the point.



Good Luck.



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#10 Old 05-24-2003, 10:36 AM
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Oh, I know a person like this, and they drive me nuts. She wears a leather coat and walks around eating custard donuts, then starts yelling at people who use products that were tested on animals. Its ok to stand up for what you believe in even if you aren't perfect; but she says she is a vegan....

I'm not close enough to this person to sit her down and tell her what's up, and since everyone I know is aware that vegans don't eat ANY animal products, its 100% evident that she is full of it. I would say how you approach this has everything to do with how you feel about this individual...at any rate, I would simply sit her down and say, VERY POLITELY, ' you know, vegans don't eat milk, eggs, or honey, and you do eat those things. That means you're not vegan, and while its very noble that you care about animal rights, you need to walk your talk, because you're putting up a big front and not even standing behind it."

Yeah, I would just be honest and nice.

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#11 Old 05-24-2003, 10:57 AM
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I know how I would handle it. I would let her engage me, and I would act all innocent and interested in what she was saying and innocuously ask questions like, "You eat eggs and dairy, So does that mean vegans eat eggs and dairy? Wow, I didn't know that, I thought vegans eschewed all animal products." Not sarcastic at all, I would just kind of ask like she is the one who is right and I am the one who is wrong. This allows her a chance to save face while pointing out her innacuracies.



I find this tactic very effective for pointing out flaws in people's ideas without getting them angry. Very useful, especially with bosses and other authority figures.
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#12 Old 05-24-2003, 02:11 PM
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Thank you all so far, hopefully there be some time soon where it can be brought up when I'm around. Many times I hear about things afterwards (or read some of the rantings) but I can pass some of the stuff along to my mother that even she can use.
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#13 Old 05-24-2003, 04:47 PM
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I think you should convince her to fly an airplane into a very large building.
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#14 Old 05-24-2003, 06:54 PM
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I can't beleive she acts like this. She really calls herself vegan and eats all that stuff? Sheesh.



I like 1vegan's idea about starting up a conversation and saying how you can't beleive people eat eggs, etc. Just see what her reaction is. It has to be a good one.



Maybe email her some websites or something? Say, oh I like this website, it has some great vegan receipies on it and see if she notices that there aren't any eggs or cheese or things like that on the ingredeant list.



I'm curious to know what you end up doing though.
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#15 Old 05-24-2003, 08:05 PM
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I also find the tactic of letting people hang themselves much more effective than being direct. Look how much her direct approach turns people off.
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#16 Old 05-24-2003, 08:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by epski

I also find the tactic of letting people hang themselves much more effective than being direct. Look how much her direct approach turns people off.



She does have very few friends. People that've talked to her for under 1hr can't stand her (it's that bad). Unfortunetely, she's in an organization with my mother, so it's not as easy to avoid her.
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#17 Old 05-24-2003, 10:06 PM
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Why would you want to tell her she's not a vegan. Worry about yourself and let her label herself as she wants.
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#18 Old 05-24-2003, 10:09 PM
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Also, I would like to hear from her. Can you tell her to visit veggieboards.com and check out this thread so that she can share her side of the story?
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#19 Old 05-24-2003, 10:56 PM
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Actually, kpickell, I think that is a GREAT idea!
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#20 Old 05-24-2003, 11:00 PM
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Since she's more of my mother's friend/problem, I'll have to ask her (I don't have contact info). And we don't live in the same state so all contact is phone/e-mail so I can't just call and find out.
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#21 Old 05-24-2003, 11:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by kpickell

Also, I would like to hear from her. Can you tell her to visit veggieboards.com and check out this thread so that she can share her side of the story?



Yes LOL! We're ready!



*heads to Compost Heap*

*polishes keyboard*

*waits...*
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#22 Old 05-25-2003, 02:15 AM
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*shakes head*



Part of me thinks that would be interesting. The other part is already groaning. Reminds me that I get tired having to deal with all this craziness sometimes.
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