Witty Responses to "Stupid things omnivores say"? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 01-20-2005, 01:20 AM
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As a follow-up to the thread "Stupid things omnivores say..."



Being a lifelong vegetarian, I have heard SOOO many of those stupid comments and ignorant people... I can SOOO relate...



And I never can think of anything snappy to reply with. Sure, I can correct their misconseptions, quote the health statistics and benefits 'till their eyes roll back in their head...



But I'd like ideas for quick, witty, smart, 'lighten-up' sort of come-backs that people have used successfully WITHOUT being too obnoxiously 'preachy', bratty or confrontational.



I'd rather not offend people I may be trying to "convert" if you know what I mean.



One line come-backs and snappy replies...What works for you?
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#2 Old 01-20-2005, 01:29 AM
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I usually don't say much at all. I just tell people to kiss my ass.
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#3 Old 01-20-2005, 01:30 AM
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"Humans are meant to eat animals."

Me: "How about you and a few friends go and try to kill a cow with your bare hands and eat it without any tools, and if you manage to kill it, cut through it's hide with your teeth, and consume it without illness, then human beings may possibly be true carnivores."



"Tofu...ewwwww gross!"

Me: "Hormonally injected dead animals...EWWWWWW gross!"



"So what exactly is your lunch made of?"

Me "Take the food guide, and cut out the meat and dairy sections, and there's your answer for every lunch hour."



"So what do you do with Tofu?"

Me: "I make crafts with it...interested in a tofu necklace?...seriously, I eat it."
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#4 Old 01-20-2005, 02:43 AM
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I got this off the STOS thread..





What do you eat then??



A. Food



B. Anything that dosen't sh*t
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#5 Old 01-20-2005, 04:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Formerbaboon View Post

I usually don't say much at all. I just tell people to kiss my ass.



Sometimes I will take a derivative of this approach. I will respond (instead of kiss my ass) with "Hey, if you wanna put that sort of thing in your mouth- hey, who am I to try and stop you?
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#6 Old 01-20-2005, 06:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bunny Hugger View Post

I got this off the STOS thread..





What do you eat then??



A. Food



B. Anything that dosen't sh*t



C. I don't eat anything that used to be alive.



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#7 Old 01-20-2005, 11:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Ilikequorn View Post

C. I don't eat anything that used to be alive.








erm...plants fall squarely into that category, no?
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#8 Old 01-20-2005, 11:29 AM
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Ooh, I like this idea! Since I usually ignore comments or attempt to discuss health issues (no one will listen and accuse me of preaching), I need something snappy to say back! Send suggestions my way.
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#9 Old 01-20-2005, 11:30 AM
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Quote:
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erm...plants fall squarely into that category, no?



Raw plants are even alive as you are eating them. Scary sh*t, no?
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#10 Old 01-20-2005, 12:15 PM
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I just tell people they'r enuts if I get nayone give me any crap.
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#11 Old 01-20-2005, 12:30 PM
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Loki, why does your title say banned?
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#12 Old 01-20-2005, 12:32 PM
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Lately I have been really honest and have asked why it is they care what I eat? It's not that interesting in the end. What I eat.



Not witty but it stops 'em cold, baby. Brrrr.



d
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#13 Old 01-20-2005, 12:33 PM
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Same here.
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#14 Old 01-20-2005, 01:01 PM
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Also not witty but it seems to do the job:



Omnis: So you don't eat meat, poultry OR fish? What DO you eat?

Me: Everything else.

*this space not for sale*
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#15 Old 01-20-2005, 01:25 PM
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Omni: "I could never be a vegetarian!"

Me: "True, you aren't cool enough."



Omni: "I have to have my meat, I could never give it up!"

Me: "I hope your wife doesn't feel that way" (subtle impotence comment)



Omni: "Veggie food is boring!"

Me: "You must be right. After all, you ARE the expert on boring."



Omni: "God meant for us to eat animals."

Me: "That's not what He told me."







The Rev
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#16 Old 01-20-2005, 01:36 PM
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Rev, I like the last one. You pschycopath.
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#17 Old 01-20-2005, 01:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Rev View Post

Omni: "I could never be a vegetarian!"

Me: "True, you aren't cool enough."



Omni: "I have to have my meat, I could never give it up!"

Me: "I hope your wife doesn't feel that way" (subtle impotence comment)



Omni: "Veggie food is boring!"

Me: "You must be right. After all, you ARE the expert on boring."



Omni: "God meant for us to eat animals."

Me: "That's not what He told me."







The Rev



^^



YOU RULE!!



Cheers!
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#18 Old 01-20-2005, 02:26 PM
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Rev, those are so awesome that I may have to use them.
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#19 Old 01-20-2005, 02:30 PM
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Someone the other day said

"Vegetarian diets are really dangerous and stupid. You have to get a LOT of iron."

reply: "all you have to do is eat your greens"

"yeah, but you have to eat a lot of them"

reply: "Yeah, I eat a lot of greens."

"I could never be a vegetarian. I hate greens."



So basically, The Vegetarian Diet (as vastly widespread as it is), is bad and dangerous because this jack ass is a picky eater.



I mostly tell people they're misinformed if they say "you need to eat at least a little meat"
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#20 Old 01-20-2005, 02:34 PM
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Sometimes omnis really piss me off...especially if they are supposed to be my friends/family/SOs. Grrrr.
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#21 Old 01-20-2005, 02:34 PM
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Thank you, thank you.







The Rev
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#22 Old 01-20-2005, 03:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Formerbaboon View Post

I usually don't say much at all. I just tell people to kiss my ass.



Ditto. Which is why I have as many enemies as friends.
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#23 Old 01-20-2005, 03:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Rev View Post

Omni: "I could never be a vegetarian!"

Me: "True, you aren't cool enough."



Omni: "God meant for us to eat animals."

Me: "That's not what He told me."







The Rev



Oh you are my hero!

Just what I was looking for! LOVE THOSE!!! All of the ones you posted, but especially these.

I've heard enough of the nasty and sarcastic comments from THEM (the omni's out there..) I don't want to be TOO nasty or sarcastic back...



I have to live with, talk to, eat with, cook for, associate with these comment-making people on a daily basis. Why not interject a little humor.

Thanks
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#24 Old 01-20-2005, 04:40 PM
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REV - You are total coolness!



Even cool enough to hang with us teenies!







Hmm....



I also got this off the STOS thread incase some of you didn't read it here it is even though I'm not religious:





Omnis:God Put animals on this earth so we must eat them





You :then, lemme ask you: did God also intend for us to eat steriods, growth hormones, dyes, preservatives, bulk enhancers, anti-biotics, trans-fatty acids and human coagulants, too? Because that's what's also in meat.
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#25 Old 01-20-2005, 04:58 PM
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Only problem with this is when someone actually comes up with some stupid comment you wont' remember the witty comeback, hmm maybe i should make some little flash cards or write them all on my hand every morning. Of course that would be assuming i get stupid comments which i never do. It's not fair i feel so left out.
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#26 Old 01-20-2005, 05:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Rev View Post

Omni: "I could never be a vegetarian!"

Me: "True, you aren't cool enough."



Omni: "I have to have my meat, I could never give it up!"

Me: "I hope your wife doesn't feel that way" (subtle impotence comment)



Omni: "Veggie food is boring!"

Me: "You must be right. After all, you ARE the expert on boring."



Omni: "God meant for us to eat animals."

Me: "That's not what He told me."







The Rev



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#27 Old 01-20-2005, 07:20 PM
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haha nice. here's the ones that have worked for me:



omni: ...stupid vegetarian... (this is usually at the point in the conversation where they have nothing left to defend themselves with)

me: no no...sexy vegan. god damn, you'll never get it right.



and in response to my patch that says "meat = murder"

omni: (writes note, drops at my feet)meat = good.

me: (on back) meat = heart disease (and ED and high blood pressure, and breast cancer, and osteoperosis, and colon cancer, and prostate cancer, and anemia...) enjoy your stay at the hospital.



omni: watching animals get slaughtered gives me an erection. (dont ask how this one came up)

me: if i had a penis, watching a vegan ask "could you hold the cheese please..." would give me an erection.





haha not that these instances will come up too often, but hey...theyre funny anyways. usually its just...ignore them until you cant.

rant on

*>kitty<*
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#28 Old 01-20-2005, 07:52 PM
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omni:It won't kill you to have just a LITTLE piece of meat

me: It won't kill you to eat a roach either, but you don't see me asking you to.
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#29 Old 01-20-2005, 08:22 PM
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I just thought of one.



Them: Meat is good for you.

Us: You sound like an ad for the Beef Council. But shouldn't they pay you for saying that?

*this space not for sale*
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#30 Old 01-20-2005, 08:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vheogl View Post

Only problem with this is when someone actually comes up with some stupid comment you wont' remember the witty comeback, hmm maybe i should make some little flash cards or write them all on my hand every morning. Of course that would be assuming i get stupid comments which i never do. It's not fair i feel so left out.



I hear ya. Last night, a bulk meat salesman comes to my door. A BULK MEAT SALESMAN!!! How often does that happen?? I told him we were vegans and he ran away. But right after I shut the door, I realized how much fun I could have had with that guy.



Why do I react so slowly to things like that?
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